https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 07:04:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-699175 Mon, 08 Apr 2013 12:31:03 +0000 buffalove 699175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>UGH this is such a topic in my family too, mostly on DH's side. Thankfully my MIL often comes to my rescue by reminding her daughter that this is my first baby (and only grandchild #3 on my side, whereas DS is #10 on hubby's side) and we are excited to buy new things. I was seriously annoyed when SIL made me feel stupid yesterday for turning down a 2006 car seat that her friend gave her. Besides the fact that the car seat is really old, I dont even know who it came from!! </p> <p>Anyways, for small things like clothing, I sometimes accept it and turn right around and drop it off at the Goodwill. Other things I politely refuse. There's nothing wrong with reminding them that you're really excited to buy new stuff for the baby, and try not to let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting that :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-698762 Mon, 08 Apr 2013 10:19:59 +0000 LazyLightning 698762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly? I lied a little and bought a lot. I bought our crib and such super early because a few people tried to offer us their handmedowns that were not my style. Then I was like 'oh we already have received one...' Same with the car seat. I simply did not feel comfortable with a used one so I bought ours right away and then just could say 'we already have one, thank you'. </p> <p>Same with other furnishings and large items. "oh, I already agreed to take that from so-and-so" (how is the other person going to know you actually bought it new, not received it from some other friend?). Or, "my mom really wanted to buy that for me, she has been researching it a lot, it would hurt her feelings not to let her do this..." </p> <p>Etc. Basically lie through your teeth. lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-698172 Mon, 08 Apr 2013 01:04:41 +0000 Raindrop 698172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom tried to give me my childhood crib! I had to figure out how to say no because of safety issues. It turned out not to be a problem since she wanted DS to be safe too and then ordered my brother to buy us a new crib for a present. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-698025 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 21:41:28 +0000 PurpleUnicorn 698025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i have no advice, but reading this thread has made me officially decide to get a new crib! we got a hand me down last summer and i have not been happy with it since day one. i took it because we had no money at the time (i got a job since then and DH got a better paying job), and because i felt i "had" to take it because it was free and offered by a family friend. It's ugly, paint is chipped, and i have no clue when it was bought or how safe it is......so time to get a new one!!! luckily we never started using it yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697966 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 21:19:25 +0000 littlebug 697966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL offered us a bunch of old stuff and I declined it. Hubs was mad at me initially but once I explained that it was for safety reasons (no, I don't think a 20-year-old pack and play is safe!), he understood. And he stood his ground with his pushy mother (and aunts and cousins). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697945 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 21:01:39 +0000 Maysprout 697945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For clothes I just started saying we'd already received so many as hand-me-downs and gifts that we were running out of room. No one seemed to have a problem with that and usually said they had someone else they knew that was also pregnant so would check with them.<br /> Our house has to go through some major decluttering before baby #2 comes. Between our families giving us furniture hand-me-downs and roommates from long ago leaving their crap behind we're not taking in anything more. We try to be polite but firm with our parents, both sides are generous and want to be helpful, but clutter stresses me out and we absolutely don't have room. Sometimes 'thanks, but we just don't have room' has to be repeated many times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697904 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 20:20:05 +0000 808love 697904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say something like this: "We have lots of stuff already. If you want I can take it off your hands because I know lots of people who could really use it if we don't." Then I give away and donate what I don't need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697664 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 17:03:34 +0000 Bao 697664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it were smaller items like clothing I would accept it and take it to be donated, but if it's a large item I would just say "thank you so much, but we want to go on the adventure of buying new things for our little one, it's part of the fun of having a baby" or something like that.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697657 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 16:47:42 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 697657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Someone at church brought me a garbage bag full of old crib bedding (her child is 18). On top of being pretty horrible looking (pastels, plaids, dots and these strange rocking horses, all sort of swirled together), the majority of the bag was these stuffed, padded bumpers. I accepted them graciously, and took them to Goodwill on my way home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697275 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 10:12:55 +0000 teamjse 697275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is why before anyone can offer us any old gear, we bought everything ourselves. We didn't want until after the baby shower to figure out what else we had to buy. Plus Dh and I are really particular with then items we chose. We didn't want anyone complaining how expensive they were so we just bought it. At the baby shower we asked for books.</p> <p>We donate everything we don't intend to use. My MIL's friends (people I don't know) have given LO super old toys and clothes before that were really dirty. I accepted all of it and dropped it off at a nearby church before going home :). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697162 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 08:27:28 +0000 mediagirl 697162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just say no and eventually they will get over it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697130 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 08:07:56 +0000 googly-eyes 697130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh!! I haven't had anything where I couldn't just take it and shove it in LO's closet.. But honestly I don't think there is a nicer way to say it to people like that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697124 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 08:04:25 +0000 anbanan15 697124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: haha mine said the same thing!</p> <p>@katiew92081: It was for their house only and only in case of an emergency situation but I still wasn't comfortable with it (it even had a chest bar!). We did our research and got a Britix for ourselves :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697107 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 07:51:00 +0000 rawrasaur 697107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: It is a dropside crib. I highly doubt that something would happen, but I prefer to follow every recommendation in the mindset of better safe than sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697087 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 07:36:56 +0000 sorrycharlie 697087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anbanan15: my parents are convinced carseats do not expire, either. they think it's a money making scheme - they said carseats never expired when we were little! &gt;&lt; </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697083 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 07:29:19 +0000 Dandelion 697083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anbanan15: a carseat? My parents tried to hand me down several things, but that wasn't one of them! My parents are of the mindset of why spend money on something, when you have one you can use right here? Except a carseat. And, luckily, DH wanted the best researched gear for our baby, so I got to use him as an excuse not to take anything I didn't want, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697082 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 07:26:16 +0000 anbanan15 697082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: There is a safety issue with drop side cribs. I'm assuming if it's wicker the sides are all one piece? </p> <p>We were offered my old drop side crib with DS and I wouldn't think if using it (it suffered through my brothers basement flood so it also is rusted and warped), but my other brother said he would take it, fix it up and make the side so it no longer dropped if they had any future children...sigh. </p> <p>We either take and toss/donate or decline. I know it is costly but I personally prefer new items for baby (will reuse for sibling) because of all the germs and bodily fluids that get on everything. There was an issue with my parents wanting to use a 10+ year old car seat with DS and I had a fit! It's expired (which they didn't believe happens), doesn't follow today's safety standards and was nasty. Similar issue with a stroller. Thankfully both were beyond disgusting and had so much damage they finally gave up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697079 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 07:12:42 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 697079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol, depreciation anyone? My mom does the same thing- holds on to things she bought YEARS ago because she spent thousands of dollars. I always tell her she got her money's worth now is time to replace. </p> <p>I haven't been in this situation yet (receiving hand me downs first on behalf of another person-my baby), but if something is offered to me that I know will not get used, I say "thank you for thinking of me, but I am going to pass on this item." Unless someone demands a reason I don't offer my critique or objection to the item. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697077 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 07:04:52 +0000 Dandelion 697077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: My family has a bassinet like this. My grandfather slept in it when he was born, along with all of his kids and grandchildren...and now all the great grandchildren are sleeping in it, including my son. We're all taking great care of it, though...doesn't ever seem unsafe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-697071 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 06:56:45 +0000 Cherrybee 697071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rawrasaur: O/T but what safety issues are you referring to? We have accepted the "family crib". It's the crib DH slept in along with his father, grandfather and 18 other relatives since 1929. We havce a new matress for it but now you've git me thinking - what else have I missed and not thought of?? It's a wicker crib. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696358 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 14:00:36 +0000 Ra 696358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you tell a little lie? Like, "thank you so much for the offer but so and so already planned on buying me one for a shower gift?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696350 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:54:55 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 696350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We take it and then either use it how we see fit or donate. Of course when we were offered an old mattress, we said no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696347 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:50:51 +0000 shopaholic 696347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol! I posted something similar months ago. Umm... I just took some stuff (never intending to use it) and tried as politely as possible to decline other stuff. A particular point of contention was my SIL's 8+ year old stroller that's been through 2 kids. I was like "I know what stroller I'm getting already based on xyz research, but I can use that one for traveling or leaving at g'mas house." Then she couldn't even get it to open or close or something and I said we'd take it when she figured it out. Later in front on some friends she brought it up again and I was just very quiet but have no poker face and everyone laughed because they just knew it wasn't my style. I think I jokingly said how old it was with the 2 boys and "our princess" should get a new pretty carriage or something like that.<br /> I think kind of joking about it and making myself look snobby but silly about that stuff diffused any offensiveness? I mean, we only get our firstborn once. They got their firstborn and new stuff they wanted, why shouldn't we if we can/want to? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696346 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:48:32 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 696346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree that I'd just really, really, really sweetly refuse. I'd be afraid to take it and then never use it -- that would probably cause more hurt feelings in the long run. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696343 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:46:39 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 696343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just be over the top nice. Say something like "thank you SO much! but we have been looking forward to buying new stuff for the baby and I've got my eye on a few things!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696342 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:45:42 +0000 prettylizy 696342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fine to politely decline used stuff, and it's stilly that they got all angry about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696341 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:44:23 +0000 illumina 696341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you just say you already have something in mind for the larger items and for the smaller ones, just take them and either hide them away in the attic when you get home or throw them out? (that sounds awful, but sometimes it seems kinder to take them and lie about what happens to them than refuse! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696340 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:43:55 +0000 rawrasaur 696340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no advice. We didn't want DH old baby crib (hello, safety issues!) and I think my MIL and FIL were offended. They will get over it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/denying-baby-handme-downs#post-696335 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:40:23 +0000 MrsTiz 696335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Today my SIL offered me her old rocker which is really old and not my style. I didn't take it and she got an attitude with me.</p> <p>Then at my MIL's she offered me DH's old bedroom set, which is child size, aka the dresser is not even as tall as my butt, and it's also not my style and has no way to make it more attractive. MIL got really offended and I didn't even bother trying to explain that it's ugly and I want my own stuff..at normal height. She even called DH to yell at him about how it was a "$1700 set!!!!" ...like 18 years ago. </p> <p>What is a nice way to tell these people I don't want their crap. I'm all for used stuff, but not something that old and outdated? </p>