https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 14:33:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2326564 Mon, 19 Oct 2015 22:56:34 +0000 irene 2326564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just saw this because I myself desperately need help with my 3 year old as well, haha!</p> <p>Regarding the getting dressed and other behaviors, have you tried getting one of those reward charts like this?</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Kenson-Kids-Reward-Responsibility-Chart/dp/B00ULVNT10/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1445313100&#038;sr=8-1&#038;keywords=kids+reward+boards" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Kenson-Kids-Reward-Responsibility-Chart/dp/B00ULVNT10/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1445313100&#038;sr=8-1&#038;keywords=kids+reward+boards</a></p> <p>We just got this a few days ago and started using it on Friday. There are quite a few behaviors, such as "no whining", "go to bed and stay in bed", "get dressed", "use the potty", "brush your teeth", "make bed" amongst many others. It has been quite nice and effective, and LO has been making a big effort in statying in bed for the past 2 nights and he look forward to getting the star the next morning! Maybe give this a try and she gets a star every day if she gets dressed that day without a fuss?</p> <p>I don't have a second LO so I probably don't know what I am talking about, your LO must be frustrated too. Maybe give her some one-on-one attention and talk to her about the new addition in the family. There are books you can buy about the topic too.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2324279 Sat, 17 Oct 2015 13:41:55 +0000 Applesandbananas 2324279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No real life experience with a second LO, but when my 2.5 year old gets into a defiant phase, I try to reduce the opportunities for battles if I can. Stuff like if we aren't leaving the house that day or morning, I dint make him change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2324207 Sat, 17 Oct 2015 10:33:21 +0000 808love 2324207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also it comes in waves. You can have a super bad week or two and then they just snap out of of it and back to sweet self for 3 weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2324153 Sat, 17 Oct 2015 08:16:37 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2324153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: yea there were several times we just had to get her dressed. If she still wasn't cooperating we would go ahead and put her in her car seat while we loaded the rest of the car up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2324132 Sat, 17 Oct 2015 07:10:50 +0000 PinkElephant 2324132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but just wanted to chime in that reading this has been helpful. Three is so, so difficult, and it's nice to know I'm not alone in that! </p> <p>As for our house, I'm hoping the 17 month old who loves copying her big sister is getting all this whining and tantruming out of her system early! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2324129 Sat, 17 Oct 2015 07:00:57 +0000 travelgirl1 2324129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyBoecksMom: That was all so helpful, thanks for sharing!</p> <p>@NovBaby1112: I can definitely commiserate. Our girls are the same age and mine is a mischievous little thing (she's lovely, but she definitely gets a thrill in pushing boundaries). I remember when she came to see me and baby brother in the hospital, I had to make DH take her for a walk so I could have a cry about how I couldn't even control my own toddler, lol.<br /> I lose my shit on her so much more than I used to, and so does DH. </p> <p>I agree with what has already been said in setting boundaries and trying to get out and doing fun things for LO#1. Once I had recovered from my c-section, we started with having people over for play dates. After that, we started play dates at museums and playgrounds and things again and baby was so young (4 weeks I think...) he didn't complain. Having both the stroller and a carrier was key for keeping him happy. If we wore A out in the morning, I didn't feel bad giving her TV in the afternoon. But I will say that days in, where TV is on, were lethal for her behaviour. She's not in preschool but I wish she was because it would be so much more fun for her at this point.<br /> One thing that helps her actually if we are really butting heads is to just pick her up and cuddle her, no matter how mad I am, because she instantly relaxes and melts into me. It helps me remember she's just a little girl and loves me really, she's not trying to piss me off on purpose, and she needs to be babied a little still.<br /> Sorry I'm not much help, we are in the thick of it too. But hopefully it will pass! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2324119 Sat, 17 Oct 2015 06:15:26 +0000 NovBaby1112 2324119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pregnantbee: oh interesting about the timer trick! I'll have to try that for sure...</p> <p>@HLK208: thank you!! That might really work with M! She loves hearing stories lately<br /> @T.H.O.U.: going to try to do it like that...get dressed or I will have to dress you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323676 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 15:05:54 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2323676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: Yup, we had to do like what @BabyBoecksMom: said and really just lay down the law on a few battles. </p> <p>Getting dressed in the morning we tried everything with letting her pick the night before and giving her two options etc. It finally came down to get dressed or I will get you dressed. </p> <p>PS - I had baby #2 the week after DD1 turned 3. So I remember a lot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323657 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 14:56:49 +0000 HLK208 2323657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: oh man, hugs! DS turned 3 when DD was born and he was very, very difficult. We went on a lot of dates together. Just him and DH/me. That and time, consistency with discipline helped. I think I've talked about this before but Mrs. Jacks gave me the idea to make up a character and do some story telling. For example, we used "Harold the Dinosaur" and made up a scenario where Harold wasn't acting nicely (like DS) and what happens, how it affects others, etc. It helped calm him down and I could tell we was really absorbing the stories. I am forever grateful to Mrs. Jacks for that idea 😂 I told a few a day for an entire year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323573 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 14:02:06 +0000 pregnantbee 2323573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. We've had our moments over here, too, minus the newborn. What's worked for us is letting him pick between two pre-defined options (either of which works for me). Aka, pre-pick two shirts, and he gets to pick one or the other. He gets to have some control over the situation. We also started setting timers just like the recent blog post: <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2015/10/13/the-timer-trick/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2015/10/13/the-timer-trick/</a></p> <p>We also implemented a sticker chart -- luckily my kid is highly motivated by stickers. We would literally give him one for every tiny thing he did well. We also "caught" him being good and listening. It has generally helped.</p> <p>Not sure what else to say other than I feel ya. It's hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323565 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 13:56:00 +0000 rosegold 2323565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyBoecksMom: dealing with this right now with my 5yo. ds is four months now and i'm reaching my wits end. your example is feeling like a lifesaver! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323371 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 12:00:50 +0000 NovBaby1112 2323371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyBoecksMom: THANK YOU! That was really helpful. Going to try and do the same. The whole boundaries thing makes a lot of sense to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323338 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 11:45:31 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2323338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: haha - yes, DD1 is much the same. There's a lot to it, but try to think of something that you don't waver on. For me it was food. If she didn't eat, I never made her something else just to get her to eat. She either ate what we ate or was hungry. It didn't take her long to realize that her only food option was what we cooked for her. She knew that boundary was never going to change. </p> <p>When kids don't know their boundaries, they become anxious, which can come out as defiant or hyper active (or both, if you're really lucky ;-) ). They have to keep pushing and pushing to find out when you will tell them they hit their limit. It is absolutely exhausting! </p> <p>Our Dr. explains it like this: If you were little and your parents told you "we're going to the circus later", how would you react? Do you know when "later" is? No. So you'll keep asking "are we going now?", and they'll keep responding with "no, later". So you keep asking because, to you (the kid), it's later. But, if your parents showed you the clock and said "we're going to the circus when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 4" you could relax and stop asking because you had a definite answer. </p> <p>So, in your situation about getting dressed (we used to have the same battle every morning), we have stopped fighting her on it. Her choice is either 1. she goes and gets dressed right now, or 2. We dress her. That battle stopped after a few days, once she knew we meant what we said. If she threw a fit because she didn't want to get dressed. Guess what? I was in there stripping off her clothes and putting the new ones on. She didn't like it (neither did I), but she knew that throwing a tantrum did nothing for her, except to take away that independence. </p> <p>I could go on and on, but I feel like I've written a novel already. :-) Let me know if that makes sense or if you need more clarification. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323273 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 11:11:00 +0000 NovBaby1112 2323273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: mine is still in daycare too which definitely helps, but the mornings and evenings are the worst, especially since she's not napping and can just turn into a monster. Glad to hear it's a phase though and hopefully short lived...</p> <p>@mrsjyw: yes! Definitely getting outside or doing something fun helps...but it's still hard with a newborn....hopefully things get easier soon though! The mood swings are crazy</p> <p>@meredithNYC: OMG yes she is in daycare/preschool full time. I felt bad but there's no way I could handle her home all day like this. It's even worse bc I miss her all day long and so look forward to seeing her, but then she just pushes every button when we get home :( </p> <p>@misolee: thank goodness I'm not alone in this! I agree About choosing battles- I think I need to pick 2-3 things I won't budge on and stick with that and let the rest slide I guess. </p> <p>@BabyBoecksMom: interesting, tell me more! I've been losing my shit a lot lately and I hate it. I'll try to take the emotion out of it when she acts up, so hard to do in moment though. So like, how would you react if you had to leave the house and your LO refused to get dressed? I wonder if we should look into a child psychologist too...my LO is very stubborn, spirited, and strong willed and I think yours is the same? So maybe that would help</p> <p>@lemondrop: haha, I told DH today that I'm shipping her to my moms house for a month... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323240 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 10:53:20 +0000 lemondrop 2323240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us two was rough, we added little brother just after his second birthday. He acted out constantly for much of that year, it was rough, but we were able to ride it out without selling him. :silly: I still shudder when I think of it, but over time it started getting gradually better and better.</p> <p>I also picked my battles. If he was in a safe situation, I let him ride through the tantrum and just gave him a break from interactions until he got it out of his system. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323234 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 10:50:14 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2323234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh.... the three-nager.... it's fun!!</p> <p>Honestly, we've been seeing a child psychologist because I didn't know how to handle her without losing my shit on a daily basis. One thing that I have learned and that really does work is to take the emotion out of it. </p> <p>Easier said than done, I know, but once you mean what you say and your child knows what the boundaries are (and you enforce them every time), it makes a huge difference. It does take time and a lot of patience, but that's been the key for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323232 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 10:49:10 +0000 misolee 2323232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel ya too. LO turned 3 and I have to wonder how her behavior and tantrums just flipped her personality. </p> <p>One thing that is helping somewhat for me is choosing your battles. I try not to stress on certain things and it helps her feel that independence. I tell husband all the time to only fight battles that's worth it or the crying and tantrums are endless and the frustration and exasperation on parents part will just continue.<br /> So yes, it's 60 degrees and I want her to wear a jacket bc it's cold but if she pitches a fit then I don't fight it. It's only a short walk into school. She eventually forgets and let's me put a jacket on her anyway. It's just that if I insist on it during her tantrum moment, it will just make the situation worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323117 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 09:25:09 +0000 meredithNYC 2323117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: Is your oldest in daycare/preschool? I'm a SAHM and was home with the oldest until she started preschool in September. She is now at school five mornings a week and it's freaking glorious. It sounds terrible, but having that time away from each other has helped our relationship significantly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323115 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 09:22:49 +0000 mrsjyw 2323115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice just solidarity mama! Ds2 was born in July and A turns 3 in nov like your girl! The highs and lows of mood swings is seriously exhausting! Hopefully this phase will too soon pass for us both! </p> <p>I've definitely found that keeping him busy and getting out of the house and burning off steam outside or doing activities is our best bet of a "happy" almost 3 yo! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323109 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 09:20:06 +0000 Mama Bird 2323109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry! It's a phase, and it's totally normal, but is it ever rough...</p> <p>We went through a couple weeks of this with DS and it was awful. I'm not sure if we did the right thing, but we stuck to our routines like crazy and he gave up trying to test our limits, at least for now. He's in day care, which probably helps because he gets attention and time with his friends there. He's allll about having attention.... I used to talk things out with him when he acted up, but now sometimes I can't because baby needs me. Then I tell him that I love him, but we'll talk when he's ready to behave. And of course a big hug when he comes around.</p> <p>A friend had a baby around the same time and pulled her son out of day care. They're really struggling, between the demands for attention and the (toddler's!) awful sleeping. I hope things look better for them soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323043 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:40:48 +0000 NovBaby1112 2323043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Worrywart: hugs...that's sort of what we have been doing as well- letting her scream and cry and just ignore, but they can go on forever!! </p> <p>@meredithNYC: oh man, I really really pray it gets better in a month- i don't know how much more I can take! </p> <p>@Rockies11: thanks for sharing! Going to try and have more empathy for her, and hope she adjusts soon...It seems like nothing I do is working either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323037 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:36:34 +0000 Rockies11 2323037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: No advice, just commisseration! Mine was 2 when we brought baby home and we had major major behaviour. I read everything and listened to lots of parenting podcasts and did everything we were supposed to, but it just took a long time before she came out of it. I can't say as anything we did had much success, but what I found most helpful to me were things that reminded me to have empathy for my LO for such a big change. It's such a tough time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323019 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:24:04 +0000 meredithNYC 2323019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, but I was right where you are a little while ago. LO #2 was born in April, then LO #1 turned 3 in May. It was a rough, rough ride for about a month and then the 3 year old finally calmed the f down somewhat. We still have our challenges, but I think a major turning point was her getting used to having little brother around.</p> <p>I just tell everyone that 3 year olds are the devil. God help me if 4 is worse! :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323014 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:19:16 +0000 Worrywart 2323014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this exact post. DD is 3 and has become an absolute terror. Everything is a fight. I am due with #2 in late December and I just know things are going to get even more difficult with all of the changes the new baby is going to bring. </p> <p>No real advice here. But we have let her throw her stupid tantrums and pretty much ignore them until they are over. It's been brutal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2323004 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:14:37 +0000 NovBaby1112 2323004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: ugh, it is so hard! What do you do when she flat out refuses to listen to you? Like this morning my LO would not get dressed and we had to leave. </p> <p>@Tidybee: I think I just read an article by her online, it definitely made me feel for LO, and I'm really trying my best to include her and give her lots of attention, it's so hard though :( I feel very guilty for rocking her world like this</p> <p>@LuLu Mom: my DH said the same thing. It's very very trying. We are at a total loss on how to react/punish/etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2322995 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:07:09 +0000 LuLu Mom 2322995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>following, my 3 year old is the same way! my DH asked me if her behavior was "normal" because she goes to such extremes so quickly. The only advice I can offer is one on one time, I know ti's hard with a new baby, but after we brought DD2 home, I made it special that she gets to go with me. Need diapers, she got to run with me to Target because she's a big girl and we would stop for ice cream. Any quick trip even if to the store for milk, she got to come along because she's the big sister. After I started doing this (and still do it 6 months later) she acted better afterwards. Short-lived sure but it helps for sanity! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2322981 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 08:00:04 +0000 Tidybee 2322981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Janet lansbury has some articles on navigating the new sibling and dealing with the change for the toddler. Maybe some tips in there would help. As with anything, this is a phase and it too shall pass.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2322965 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 07:51:50 +0000 regberadaisy 2322965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just commiseration. Turning 3 was *the* roughest patch for us. 3 has been very difficult. They're filled with the sweetest moments but also the toughest times. It does get better in spots though! Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/desperately-need-help-with-3-year-old#post-2322960 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 07:50:22 +0000 NovBaby1112 2322960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm struggling SO badly with my daughte who is almost 3. I Just had a baby 2 weeks ago and on top of that, DD is also not napping most days, and I think the combination is making her behavior awful and I'm at my wits end :crying: Every single thing is a fight and she doesn't listen at all anymore- getting dressed, brushing teeth, getting ready for bed, getting in car, eating, etc. No amount of bribing or distraction work once she has made up her mind about doing or not doing something. </p> <p>I have no idea what to do- does anyone have any tips on getting a 3 year old to listen and cooperate? I'm so tired from the constant battles with her. I know she has gone through a lot of change with her brother being born, but we really have been trying to give her lots of attention and one on one time when we are able to. I'm about to lose my mind :sad: </p>