https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 31 May 2026 11:00:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834178 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 10:55:19 +0000 MrsLonghorn 2834178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A few thoughts. I WOH, and DH now travels for 3-4 days about once a month.</p> <p>* it may be a bit more challenging logistically to get pregnant with regular travel. DH was a management consultant who traveled 4-5 days/week when we were trying to get pregnant, and he was gone about 50% of the months during my fertile window so we just had fewer opportunities. It sounds like your DH is traveling much less than mine was though!</p> <p>* having a support network/family/friends who can help you is HUGE</p> <p>* how flexible is your job? If DH is out of town, sick days etc... all fall to you. Also, it makes early meetings or late nights at work super challenging. I sometimes have evening events for work, and I have to put them on DH's work calendar as soon as I find out. If he's traveling, I have to use my parents for pickup and dinner.....</p> <p>* that said, my previous comment is mitigated if you can use some of that 50% pay increase to hire help. In my opinion, a reliable mother's helper/part-time nanny/trusted babysitter, etc... would be a worthwhile investment with part of that raise. It would relieve a bit of the pressure from you, especially if you sometimes have early mornings/late nights at work, and this person could be used to pick up from school or help with dinner on days when you have other commitments.</p> <p>edited: Great points above from @Mrs D!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834177 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 10:51:29 +0000 Mrs D 2834177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I WOH full time and travel "often" for work. So I'm on the other side here (DH only travels usually 1 night away maybe once every two months). I think for me what makes it doable and not TOO difficult on us is:</p> <p>1) My current job came with a significant pay increase, so I can afford things that make it easier<br /> 2) I outsource a lot (see no 1 above) - ordering delivery for dinner for DH once or twice while I am away, sending groceries, having the cleaning lady come an extra time<br /> 3) Having a large and helpful village. DH frequently takes the girls to either his or my moms house for dinner one night while I am away. It makes dinner easier (grandma cooks) and occupies the girls. I also have a few sitters on hand I can call and have take the girls for a few hours if DH is struggling.</p> <p>I think if you are both committed to making it work it can and will work. Its important to not keep score under this type of situation...bc you (the one home more) will always feel you do more...and the traveling DH will always have guilt for being gone. Keeping score will just amplify those frustrations... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834164 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 10:02:09 +0000 Ajsmommy 2834164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say with one kiddo that it's more than doable and for a 50% increase in pay I'd also vote yes. However, if you are planning on having LO2 I'd try to have him moved onto something different by then..... use this experience to get something with less travel.</p> <p>I WOH and DH works a very demanding job with occasional travel. I do bedtimes and baths solo most nights, even when DH is "home" bc he's still working at his desk. I will 100% say with one it was a cake walk I had no issues at all and Dh could have been gone 2 weeks at a time and it was fine. Add LO2 and it became way more stressful/hard for me. </p> <p>It's doable but harder. I would recommend planning out everything for the time that he is away, pre cook all dinners and try to set your expectations low. I mean if you feed em, maybe clean em and get them to bed and they are safe you done good.... :) kind of low expectations.</p> <p>So all that to say that I'd say go for it and maybe plan to have DH turn it into something else once LO2 is otw/here (so maybe not that long based on your TTC) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834154 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 09:28:18 +0000 kiddosc 2834154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH doesn't travel very often, but he's actually currently gone for 10 days. I think the key to it being doable for us is that I have a very flexible work schedule. I can leave early to pick up both kids and get to tball on time, and if I'm a little late into the office after dropping both off, it's not a big deal. I can make up some work in the evenings, or put it off until DH is home to give me some extra time, or if I can keep myself caught up then I'm good with the reduced time. If I had to clock in and clock out it would be a lot more difficult. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834118 Mon, 16 Jul 2018 07:49:18 +0000 Mama Bird 2834118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, solo parenting at night without DH is doable. It's a pain because I have to leave work early to pick everyone up, and bedtime is chaos, but I can handle it unless it goes on for weeks. Then the missed 15 minutes at work really start to add up, and DD doesn't let me catch up on work at night... her bedtime "routine" keeps getting longer.</p> <p>Mornings without DH are really bad though. I've gotten spoiled because we usually divide and conquer - he packs the stuff, I dress the kids - and if he's not there it's a mess. I haven't sent anyone off without lunch or swim stuff yet, but I'm lucky that he's been gone the most while school is out. It's no biggie to be late to camp, but if I had to get DS to school on time... that would be so stressful. And again, the missed half hour in the morning adds up at work.</p> <p>Being pregnant while he's barely home has been horrible, but I didn't see that coming. I had two very easy pregnancies and this one hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to call on my parents a couple of times to watch the kids - normally they don't unless it's arranged months in advance or it's a flaming emergency, but yeah, it was definitely an emergency.</p> <p>I've been dealing with weeks of him barely being here, though. It's probably doable if it's just a couple days a month. Especially if your job has some flexibility about lateness, and you have some family support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834095 Sun, 15 Jul 2018 21:17:12 +0000 Iced Tea 2834095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would try to confirm whether it would really be limited to that amount of travel. I hate it when the job ends up being different than advertised. </p> <p>For that pay increase, I’d likely accept it and earmark a chunk of he money toward compensating for his absence, as other posters have already specified. </p> <p>I will say that my husband traveled more during my second child’s first year of life than any other time, and that was damn hard. The kids get sick every time he leaves town, which just makes it miserable. But I don’t have as much ability to hire help, and no family support, so that could make a difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834094 Sun, 15 Jul 2018 21:05:11 +0000 lamariniere 2834094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH took a job last year that requires a fair amount of international travel. In April/May, he was gone for something like 20 days, followed by another week-long trip in June. My kids are 4 and 7 and in school, so it’s probably easier than having to manage babies or toddlers. We knew he would travel a lot when he took the job, but it has taken some getting used to. I have a lady who helps around the house with cleaning, shopping and babysitting, so I’m not completely on my own taking care of the household. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834092 Sun, 15 Jul 2018 19:21:55 +0000 Tanjowen 2834092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skinnycow: My DH travels internationally for work and is gone 6 day trips 3-4 times a month. I work 2 days a week outside the home. </p> <p>It's hard, but his schedule is all we've ever known so that helped in terms of what to expect when we had children. Organization, a shared calendar, and hiring out what I can't do has been key. </p> <p>Resentment does flare up but we recognize both parties are missing out. I'm envious of his nights without a screaming baby at 4 am and going out to dinner, and he is envious I get all the firsts with our kids and he feels like he's playing catch up on their lives. </p> <p>I don't know how old your children are, but it has become so much easier as our kids get older. And make sure that pay increase goes towards getting help for you - a babysitter, a meal delivery service...something that makes life a bit easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834052 Sun, 15 Jul 2018 09:19:23 +0000 looch 2834052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband has been traveling a ton the last year, also to Europe and is gone for longish clips at a time. I work full time, my son is in elementary school, and I have an active volunteering schedule. It all happens because of my strong village.</p> <p>Not sure really what I can offer other than the fact that it's largely attitude driven. If you want to make the best of it, you will. If you don't, you won't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834007 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 17:50:50 +0000 Pollywog 2834007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband travels and it is so tough. For us it means we can't stagger schedules, so my kids are in daycare longer. That makes me sad and makes them needy. Also, my kids really miss him. They are sad when he's gone. </p> <p>From my perspective, what helps is not cooking, hiring a dog walker, and getting a house cleaner. I physically cannot do it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2834000 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 15:03:52 +0000 Littlebit7 2834000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband, in the past three years, has travelled approximately 85% of each year, internationally. Right now, for the past year, he has been commuting to Europe weekly (11 flight each way, 7 hour time difference). So, I'm your gal for partners who travel. He leaves late sunday nights and returns late friday night. So that means he's home for about 22 awake hours each week. I basically do awake-bedtime by myself monday through friday and sometimes weekends too if he can't come home.<br /> I worked part time in the beginning, and when the second baby came along this past christmas, I put work on hold. I comment to myself often that I don't think I'd be able to sustain this if I WOH full time or even part time. It would just be too much. As it is, 99% of the parenting falls to me, and if I had to do that AND work, Id die. I mean, I guess Id figure it out if I HAD to but thankfully i don't.</p> <p>My husband started traveling again when my second child was about 3 weeks old. We don't have much family nearby. I hire my village. And to direct this towards the above poster, he qualified for paternity leave from the state of NY, but big LOL that anyone in finance actually takes that. You'd derail your career or bonus and when comp is tied so heavily to bonus, it wouldn't be smart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833999 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 14:47:01 +0000 skinnycow 2833999@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I'm hoping the family support will help! My in-laws and stepmom are retired and live close so I can always fall back on them if needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833998 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 14:44:38 +0000 skinnycow 2833998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: Yeah I considered this too. I can take up to 6 months (mostly unpaid) so a longer leave is definitely a possibility with his increased income.</p> <p>@Shantuck: I brought that up to him last night... this is only our second month trying again after a MC and break. Hopefully this cycle did the trick and we won't have to worry about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833997 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 14:29:28 +0000 Shantuck 2833997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were trying to conceive when my husband was traveling and did end up missing a few months because he wasn’t around for my fertile days. We were ttc for 14 months so that was a bit frustrating at times. However, my husband only left for usually 3 days at a time so missing a month ttc wasn’t every month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833994 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 14:10:34 +0000 Becky 2833994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skinnycow: Depending on the state you are in or his employer, he may qualify for paternity leave. Some states and employers allow you to spread it out too—so he could take a few days a week over a longer period of time. Or You could take your leave first, then he could take his which would bring baby 2 closer to a manageable solo-parenting age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833992 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 13:17:52 +0000 Foodnerd81 2833992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skinnycow: even with a new baby, that extra bump in salary could go a long way towards easing the burden- mostly in the form of a babysitter so you get a break while he is away. But yeah, my DH traveled a decent amount when we had an infant and a 2.5 year old and it was really hard. I wish I had figured out some more help/ child care or something. Local family support will help so much too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833985 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 12:09:18 +0000 LemonJack 2833985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skinnycow: I think in your situation, we would choose to have DH take the job. If it’s something he’s excited about and it helps with advancement, it seems like a great promotion, even with the stress of an infant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833984 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 12:04:27 +0000 skinnycow 2833984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LemonJack: We're currently trying for a second. This is my biggest concern... I'm not sure how I'd handle an infant and my toddler by myself. We do have a ton of family support, though.</p> <p>I hadn't considered the sick time aspect. My daughter doesn't get sick much anymore after getting tubes but obviously another baby could throw a wrench in things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833983 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 12:02:16 +0000 skinnycow 2833983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all for the advice. He's really excited about the job. It's more in line with what he wants to do and there would be opportunity to lead a team in a couple years (and then travel would stop or slow down). Worse case scenario he could leverage this experience to get another job in the future.</p> <p>We're leaning toward him taking the job but are thinking on it for a few more days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833975 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 10:32:08 +0000 LemonJack 2833975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH doesn’t travel regularly for work, although he’s gone a few times a year, so I can’t give you advice on that front. Things I would consider would be:</p> <p>-Are you planning on having any more children? Long nights with an infant alone, then having to get up for work all day would be hard.</p> <p>-Sick days. If you already take most of the sick days, that won’t really affect you, but if you share them with DH that’s something to consider, both for your career in general, but also depending upon how much sick time you get.</p> <p>-Is this something DH is excited about? I think that’s the big one. My DH has been offered some great promotions he’s turned down because he wasn’t excited about them and the time it took him away. If it was the right job though, he definitely would take it! The money is great, but not if it puts added stress on your family and DH isn’t excited about the job. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833972 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 09:47:01 +0000 Madison43 2833972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The nature of my DH’s job is that he will always have to travel - when my kids were very small and still waking up at night, it was very stessful bc I was just flat out exhausted all of the time and slightly (maybe more than slightly) resentful that he was eating out and sleeping through the night and I was just trying to survive the night and get to work in one piece. Now my kids are almost 3 and 5 and it’s mostly fine. We joke that something always goes wrong when he travels (someone gets sick and is up all night, the basement floods, the house alarm goes off for no reason, etc....) and it is hard being the one responsible for everything at home but it’s much much more manageable now that it used to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833967 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 09:16:32 +0000 youboots 2833967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only work part time but DH is on the road 7+ nights a month. It’s hard in some ways but I do think some distance makes us appreciate each other. Plus he gets to sleep in a fluffy bed &amp; eat nice meals and miss us.</p> <p>With that much of a salary hike I’d get a 10 hour a week nanny, 2x a month housecleaner, and not cook on the days he is gone. Usually when he travels I get a sitter or have a family member come and work at home so that when he’s back I’m all caught up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833962 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 07:53:19 +0000 lioneyes 2833962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I SAH and DH has work travel like this probably every other month. I agreed to this setup, versus our previous situation where he had a 1.5-2hr commute both ways, 4x a week. It’s doable especially when it’s 3 nights away or less. More than that and having to do everything (from wakeup t bedtime) starts to wear on me. The weeks he is gone I do use babysitters for a break, my parents to drive DS etc., so a pay increase for this would, for me, make it worthwhile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833956 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 07:17:45 +0000 Dahlia 2833956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't do it! </p> <p>More calmly: it's totally manageable, but we did it for awhile and I hated it. I WOH at a fairly demanding job and it was just so stressful trying to balance everything. And DD really missed him.</p> <p>That said, we weren't getting 50% more salary for it, so that might have eased the pain some! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833953 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 07:04:06 +0000 Shantuck 2833953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was me for a couple years. I have two kids at home and it was really only a challenge when my second was first born (before she was on a regular schedule with an early bedtime and had a predictable wake time). I found that if I got ready before the kids got up, getting the three of us out of the house to daycare, school, and work was much more manageable. My employer also allowed me to work one day a week from home (while my kids were at daycare and school) which also helped. We tried to make sure my husband’s travel was always over my work from home day (without commuting, I basically got extra time in my work day so if I had a crazy deadline, the extra time helped). Anyway, my husband has since stopped traveling but it ended up being a great career move for him and I don’t think either of us regretted him doing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833948 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 06:50:21 +0000 Foodnerd81 2833948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH travels for a week almost once a month. It does kind of suck- a couple of days away aren’t a big deal but by the time we get to the 5 day mark I’m worn out. If it’s really 2-4 days at a time I think that’s totally doable, and the pay increase could allow you some extra cash to make it easier on you- whether it’s take out or some kind of convenience food, a babysitter so you can get out, a cleaner... for a while when DH was traveling I made a point to have a babysitter come for a few hours in the afternoon towards the end of the week so I could recharge and not be crazy by the time he got back. But as the kids have gotten older it’s gotten easier. </p> <p>I think the hardest part would be changing things depending on if he’s there or not- like if he usually did daycare drop off and you have to readjust and do it yourself when he’s away, that would be hard. If you are used to always doing both, it would be a little smoother. I stay at home so I’m already used to doing the majority of kid things (he helps! But I do all the driving around and basic things like remembering appts and stuff). And yeah I’m the kids do notice when he’s away and miss him but he tries to make up when he gets back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833945 Sat, 14 Jul 2018 05:54:56 +0000 Becky 2833945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I WOH FT and my DH works a ton (in my mind). He’s usually not home until 9-10pm Monday-Wednesday (sometimes much later; someone is on maternity leave so that will shift to 8-9pm when she returns), and works part of every Saturday (he’s home by 5:45-6 most Thursdays and Fridays but also leaves early). That means I do bath and bedtime alone most nights (even if he is home), and anything that has to do with the girls lives (cooking, laundry, appointments, activities, sorting and buying clothes, etc). He’s also connected even when he isn’t at work. He travels a few times of year for work and the only difference I find it makes is in my morning workout routine because the girls and I have our own schedule and routine. It sounds like your husband is conscious of the time he spends with you and your daughter, and that is the point of contention with me and my DH (he’s home very little and when he is home he’s always on his phone). I think a pay increase like that is a great opportunity, even if it is temporary if the position is also appealing (people switch jobs an average of every 3 years now!). Because he’s already conscious of time spent with you I think it would be fine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-considering-job-with-travel#post-2833932 Fri, 13 Jul 2018 22:46:15 +0000 skinnycow 2833932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anyone (specifically WOH moms) have a partner who travels fairly often for work? Can you share your experience?</p> <p>DH received a job offer today for a 50% pay increase but the job would require travel. He's been told it would be no more than 2-4 day trips, 2x per month. Obviously the extra money would be great but he's concerned about the stress it would place on me. He also feels guilty for wanting to take a job where he'd be away from our daughter more often. I think I'd be fine solo parenting but I'm not sure if it's something that would place stress on us long-term. </p>