https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 17:38:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-968063 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 20:15:56 +0000 shopaholic 968063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really sorry you are going through this. {{{Hugs}}} I can understand wanting a day off for yourself, but the fact that he's had a breech of trust in the past makes any sort of action like this questionable. There should be no reason to keep such a thing a secret. I hope it was really just a day for himself and that it was just a poor choice on his part for not telling you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-968021 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 19:53:47 +0000 betsyboop 968021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry, I would be upset too. If he's not happy at work and needed a mental health day, I would understand. Maybe he felt guilty skipping work and that guilt led him to keep it from you too. </p> <p>But the ring situation would make me uncomfortable because none of the things he did yesterday sound like activities that would lead someone to take their ring off. If he went to the driving range, etc. fine. Did you directly ask him why he left his ring in the car? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967954 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 19:16:35 +0000 petunia354 967954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry. Betrayal or perception of betrayal is such an awful thing to go through. I don't have any advice that hasn't already been said, except for the ring. I think I might go a little against the grain here.<br /> Unless your DH never takes off his ring, I wouldn't be too worried about that. My DH always wears his but my Dad and brother never wear theirs (for the same reason as @Mrs.Twine, amputation risk) so I can totally understand someone not wearing theirs or taking theirs off. I guess it just depends on your personal situation. I don't think he should be vilified for it if it is common behavior for him!<br /> I hope you can have a meaningful conversation with him and that he is receptive towards your feelings. I'll be thinking of you! Maybe you can schedule a day off when he isn't working (schedule spa services or lunch and shopping with a friend, something that can't be cancelled) and just leave him to fend for himself and the kids for a day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967885 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 18:34:40 +0000 MsLipGloss 967885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: I agree with both of your posts to the extent that the goal here should be communication and not punishment or escalating the situation before a conversation can be had. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967743 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 17:11:46 +0000 sorrycharlie 967743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope you are feeling better. I don't understand all the talk about the ring - unless that's been an issue before? Dh never ever wears his ring, i have gotten out of the habit too (scratching LO). When I am wearing it - and he does this too - we leave it somewhere safe if we are going swimming or like, theme park, etc. he's a ring twiddler so I'm afraid he will lose it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967571 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:49:57 +0000 sarac 967571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@belleoftheballe: Taking off his ring, in my mind, takes it from an unkind betrayal to something even more problematic. It is barely believable that he needed a day off and just took it. But taking off his wedding ring? I'd worry about a bigger problem than just needing to figure out how to get time off for both of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967443 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 14:57:01 +0000 MsLipGloss 967443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@belleoftheballe: I agree with what @MrsStormy was getting at . . . the departure from his normal routine strikes me as *distress* behavior . . . , i.e., stress from work/ parenting demands/ relationship stress etc. Instead of approaching it from a *where's my day off* standpoint, what about just talking to him about what made him feel the need to get away. I also wouldn't start in about how angry you feel, I would tell him that his behavior hurt your feelings because he didn't trust you enough to tell you and that that is both sad and disappointing.</p> <p>ETA: Not that your anger is not justified . . . it just may not be productive to approach the situation from that angle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967385 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 14:39:04 +0000 Sunshine1810 967385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be hurt too, and I think you have every right to be. If DH did this to me, I would be upset and we don't have any trust issues in our past. If we did, I would be even more upset. I don't have any great advice besides having a conversation with him about it. I hope that it works out for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967345 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 14:25:42 +0000 HLK208 967345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be really hurt to. I'm sorry :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967323 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 14:19:18 +0000 Lindsay05 967323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have totally been in your shoes and i'm sorry because it does hurt. DH does that a lot and says that he thought i'd either be mad or that I wouldn't care. I basically told him, that especially now with kids, I need an update when you do anything. Especially when thre are changes in plans because what if I needed to contact him or something were to happen and I didn't know where he was. He completely understands and now texts me when he does ANYTHING. I hate to be 'that' wife but communication is so important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967233 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 13:44:32 +0000 DillonLion 967233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: ETA: I wish my DH would share in that kind of thinking...but he doesn't, so that is why I wanted to share my experiences as an alternative viewpoint.</p> <p>I'm not saying I wouldn't be miffed, I would! And I've been there countless times. I just wouldn't go so far as some of the suggestions of having to have a big, giant, intense talk about it/seek therapy/question his morals/whatnot. It sounds like the biggest issue OP has is the fact that she doesn't get a day off herself, so that would be where I focus my advice and attention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967175 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 13:21:06 +0000 meganmp 967175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'd be frustrated and annoyed about him playing hooky without telling me, but I'd be upset that he was not allowing me to do the same thing every now and then. To me, the playing hooky is not as big of a deal as him not respecting the work that you do as well. Granted, this is just my situation, and we haven't had a breech of trust before. I'm sorry that he did this! I hope that you find resolution soon. Keep us updated on his response! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967153 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 13:11:15 +0000 2PeasinaPod 967153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@belleoftheballe: Keep us posted on how the chat goes! Lots of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-967142 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 13:06:47 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 967142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: DH and I don't have any past trust issues, but I would still be a bit miffed if he took off from work, pretended to go to work, and tried to continue hide the fact that he was somewhere else. Taking a vacation day is not a big deal. Lying to your partner is.</p> <p>In case of emergencies and general courtesy we share where we are. We don't always get into the minutia detail of our plans or why one of us feels the need to take a day off and be by ourselves. But, at least we aren't letting one person think we are at work where we could be a dozen of other places or just simply at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966764 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 11:09:02 +0000 Mrs. Twine 966764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@belleoftheballe: I don't like it. :( Mr. T doesn't wear his ring most of the time, but it's because it is an amputation hazard for most parts of his work. And he is alone or with just his dad in the middle of a field, or in our yard, or somewhere else where there aren't other people around. I think what sits the worst with me was how matter of fact he was about the deception. It sounded from what you wrote that he had no feelings of guilt at all regarding keeping this from you. Almost like he was frustrated with YOU for finding out (and wrecking it for him?). I think in relationships where there has been a breech of trust in the past the most respectful thing the person who breeched that trust can do is to be an open book until the wronged party feels comfortable to change that again. It doesn't sound like you were or are feeling trusting enough to do that yet. I hope that he will decide to be more open with you until you feel you are able to trust him. And some reciprocity would be nice. Maybe when you talk to him you can mention ways he could help you have a break in the near future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966728 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 11:03:14 +0000 Sprite 966728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're having to deal with this! I would be upset too, only about the lying, not the day off. I really think you now deserve to have your own day off! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966726 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 11:02:38 +0000 Mrsbells 966726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@belleoftheballe: I would feel the same way as you. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966718 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 11:00:39 +0000 holdonforonemoreday 966718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for listening to me. I needed to hear all of your perspectives. </p> <p>I'm going to have a chat with him when he gets home. This kind of thing is not acceptable. I have needs too, and they include a couple of days off!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966644 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 10:39:59 +0000 littlek 966644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice... hugs :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966576 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 10:21:08 +0000 DillonLion 966576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Reese: I agree. But my DH is just not that type of communicator so instead of letting issues like this become big altercations, I've elected to pick my battles (mine has also had more than one "deceitful" type behavior in the past as well). It isn't a great situation, but I had to find a way to make it work for myself or we'd be divorced. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966547 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 10:15:12 +0000 Reese 966547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: I see where you are coming from but I think there is an additional issue where @belleoftheballe: has caught him in a previous deceitful situation. </p> <p>DH and I are very independent and trusting people but it takes no time at all to say "I took a mental health day today and ran around doing my own thing to relax" It doesn't need to be a big discussion or anything but it keeps everyone on the same page with open communication. It also tells your partner that you felt the need to have a mental health day. I guess I just think it takes the same amount of effort to be open and honest than to not say anything at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966542 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 10:13:49 +0000 Modern Daisy 966542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be really upset about two things. First, the fact that he chose not to tell you - I would really want to know why and get to the bottom of it. Second, the position he put you and your relationship in. What if you had called his work looking for him or if it had somehow gotten around to anyone that you didn't know he called in sick? That would have been an absolute disaster as people would now be talkign about the fact that you guys are struggling in your marriage. So it's a clear disrespect to you and your family that he put you in that position in the first place.</p> <p>Instead of exploding at him for what he did, I would force him to confess and face the reason why he chose not to tell me. I would then explain to him what I said above, the position it puts your family in when he does things like that. Because first and foremost - it is completely disrespectful to you. And on top of it like others have said, what if something happened to you or him? </p> <p>Whether or not it's okay for him to play hookey like this is a totally different discussion but regardless it should be understood that family comes first and in this scenario he wasn't putting his family first. And also, in these situations I like to as my DH - "How would you feel if I did that to you?" and it really makes him think twice about it. </p> <p>Good luck! I truly believe these things happen to everyone on some level and we can all get through it. No one is perfect and relationships take work! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966471 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:56:38 +0000 DillonLion 966471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I don't think it is a monumentally huge deal. DH does this sometimes. Part of us being in a trusting relationship is that he doesn't have to tell me every single thing he does. It took a while for me to get here, but we're here now and things are just fine.</p> <p>If he wants to take a day off from work, he's a grown man and can do what he wants. If he doesn't want to tell me about it, that's okay. He didn't do anything bad that day, just enjoyed himself and did some fun things. If it bothers you that he got to take a day off and do fun things and you don't, then come up with a day that you can do the same. He can take a scheduled day off work, hang with the baby, and you can go off and do whatever you want without question.</p> <p>Sometimes I'll post things online and people will be offended on my behalf and fan my flame more than if I just kept it to myself and dealt with it on my own. Just my two cents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966450 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:50:33 +0000 rachiecakes 966450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry (((hugs)))<br /> I would be PISSED.<br /> As someone who doesn't wear any jewelry to the beach - especially my wedding ring - I wouldn't be mad about that personally. But you really deserve a beach day yourself. I would absolutely express my hurt/anger and demand a day to myself with all the trimmings: massage/mani-pedi, shopping &amp; beach. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966433 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:46:38 +0000 MrsStormy 966433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@belleoftheballe: Do you think your DH might be depressed? I think you are TOTALLY justified in being upset, but this seems like such a random thing to do on just a typical Thursday, it strikes me as odd, and not just like being shady odd. For him to want/ need to go do all those things by himself on a whim makes me wonder if he is struggling with life and just needed to get away? While that does not in any way justify not telling you, it would explain a little bit more of his frame of mind. </p> <p>I really think you guys need to have a talk, once you have had time to sort things out in your head. Why did he feel the need to do this, why truly did he not tell you when he did it, why did he not tell you after, why does he not think you could use the same type of day away from your "office"? I would also make it clear to him that while you two have worked through the issues of the past this just brings up those past hurts and lies. I would try and be understanding and gentle, because I really do think it seems like maybe he is have some struggles right now, I might even ask if he is depressed.</p> <p>I'm so sorry your dealing with this! Its really hard having to deal with both this new issue, and having the past brought back into your mind, its like you have to deal with both things at once, and then you have to forgive the past all over again, while still trying to forgive the present. I hope you guys can have an honest talk about what is really going on. Big big big hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966414 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:43:04 +0000 Aimed 966414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a real breech in trust, I am so sorry that you are going through this :( Perhaps ask him if he is feeling overwhelmed and why he felt he needed to do this in secret just to get an idea of where he head is. It sounds like there could be some underlying issues as you referred to past problem - were they fully resolved? Maybe you could consider meeting with a relationship therapist or pastor someone with an outside viewpoint to discuss this and how your marriage is working. I know that may sound a bit dramatic but I am a huge believer in "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" when it comes to these things!<br /> In the meantime, feel better and treat yourself kindly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966368 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:32:14 +0000 BSB 966368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, I would be mad but as someone who does not have children yet, I don't think I can understand how stressful it is to have a kid. I'm not condoning his actions at all, though.</p> <p>But for him to not give you the chance to do the same thing really upsets me. </p> <p>The right thing to do was to tell you about it beforehand (or confess afterwards) and also give you the ability to take the day off, too. You both need breaks from parenthood.</p> <p>I'm so sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966361 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:31:08 +0000 edelweiss 966361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i would definitely be hurt and upset. i don't mind if DH wanted a day just to do fun stuff, but to keep it a secret would feel weird to me. i would be hurt that he felt like he couldn't tell me about his fun day. i'm sorry! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966317 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:21:13 +0000 holdonforonemoreday 966317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: that was my thinking last night as i was lying in bed awake. what if something had happened? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-played-hooky-yesterday-and-wasnt-going-to-tell-me/page/2#post-966313 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:19:45 +0000 dagret 966313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The wedding ring thing is alarming to me (and that's coming from someone whose DH doesn't wear a wedding ring, ever.) </p>