https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 11:48:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1585761 Wed, 23 Apr 2014 10:45:58 +0000 mrsrain 1585761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate to say it, but get used to it! Everyone has an opinion about everything related to having kids. The best thing you can do is to be thoughtful about the decisions you make (which it sounds like you have done) and about whom you share those decisions with.</p> <p>Once you get pregnant you will have to deal with scrutiny from everyone over everything: were you TRYING or was it an accident? Are you planning to breastfeed? Are you seriously eating that when you're pregnant? And from what I understand, it gets worse when kids arrive (aka the Mommy Wars). Stand by your guns now and consider it good practice for the future! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1585699 Wed, 23 Apr 2014 10:25:50 +0000 Woolly Mammoth 1585699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>About the apartment - we live in a one-bedroom apartment with our 7-month old, and it's fine. You really don't need that much stuff. He gets to play with bigger toys (jumperoo, etc.) at the daycare room at the gym and at the toddler room at the community center. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1585680 Wed, 23 Apr 2014 10:16:28 +0000 pinkcupcake 1585680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aw, I'm sorry that your mom wasn't more supportive :( it definitely sounds like you have put a ton of thought into everything. And seriously, if we all waited for the PERFECT time to have a baby, I doubt that very many of us would be parents :) so long as you don't expect her to chip in financially (which it doesn't seem like you are), I think it's no one else's business when you have a child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1585553 Wed, 23 Apr 2014 09:36:35 +0000 drjolene 1585553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just another voice to say I feel you on this one. I've only told a select few (like 4) supportive people that we are TTC just for this reason. Many people know we "want to have a baby soon" but not that we're actually trying. These people have had mixed reactions. Some seem to ask every freaking week when we're having a baby, then others (like my mother) lecture me about how I shouldn't rush things. Really? I'm 27, I realize I have time, but my mother waited until 30 to try and took 4 years and RE help to have me! OBGYNs have suspected I have endo. I don't want to wait until I'm in my 30's and fighting against fertility issues, I want to KNOW by the time I'm 30 if I need intervention.</p> <p>My husband is currently an unemployed student finishing his education bachelors -- his program is too demanding this year to work, so I'm supporting us along with help from his school loans. We're paying off a massive amount of student loans and other debts between us, after long educations and each having previous divorces. It'll be 5-7 years before we can buy a house, but we rent a 4bed/3ba from my MIL, so plenty of room. Lots of people would think we're nuts, but hey, we have a plan, we'll make it work.</p> <p>It's your life, you do what makes you happy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1585031 Wed, 23 Apr 2014 01:07:46 +0000 Espion 1585031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I'm so sorry you had to go through that. :( My SIL was like, "Oh." when we told her we were pregnant with E. It is amazing how deflating those comments can be. But it's your life and your family. Quite honestly, no one's opinions on this matter except yours and your husband's. And that's what you can tell her if she squawks about it any more: Quite frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn (what you think)! :p </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584978 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 23:04:46 +0000 lady grey 1584978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my gosh, there is never a perfect time. Plus you never know how long it will take you to get pregnant, so when you feel ready, I say go for it!<br /> Right after I got pregnant my DH got laid off and then got accepted to a masters program. The last year has been crazy for us but we have made it work. You will too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584905 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 21:31:33 +0000 IRunForFun 1584905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PermaStudent: Thanks!!! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584619 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 19:06:55 +0000 Synchronicity 1584619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Aw, booo! I'm sorry that you didn't get a better reaction. Honestly, we've had a mixed bag ourselves. Our parents and siblings are all very excited (we will likely be the first to have a baby on both sides), but we've had [anti-commitment] friends and some relatives who say we should slowww down, wait a few more years. Granted, we are still young (almost 26), but we both know what we want and don't want to wait around for that "perfect time" that some people insist exists. I'm positive it doesn't. There is never a perfect time. </p> <p>You and hubby know what is best for your family unit. It sucks that your mom wasn't very supportive, but I can guarantee she will be so so happy for you when you tell her you are expecting! Don't get discouraged, lady. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584236 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 15:45:40 +0000 Radish 1584236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FWIW, we had our LO (planned) while DH was in school and living in a small apartment. We were easily able to make it work and wouldn't change a thing. We were afraid of that type of reaction, so we didn't tell anyone we were TTC, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584149 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 15:10:40 +0000 IRunForFun 1584149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: @tysonja: Thank you ladies!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584123 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:59:40 +0000 tysonja 1584123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say go for it and don't feel bad at ALL! sounds like your mom will come 'round and hopefully in time to enjoy your pregnancy and of course the baby! you mentioned an older sister -- are you the youngest? maybe she just can't believe her baby is ready for a baby :)</p> <p>you guys sound like you are at a great place in your life to start a family! we have 2 boys under 2 right now and live in a small 2 bedroom apt -- you guys will be completely fine :)</p> <p>enjoy ttc! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584122 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:59:29 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1584122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Oh no...how upsetting. I agree with @blackbird: looks like she lost out on you confiding in her about you TTC in the future! If she asks you anything about it, I would just let her know that you aren't going to be discussing it further. </p> <p>I would say the same as everyone else. You can be as prepared as you think you want to be to have a child, but when that baby gets here, you find out that you weren't at all prepared. That happens no matter what your financial and living status. Certain things can of course make it easier, but if you always waited to make sure things were perfect...something would pop up to make you put it off again and you would never have kids. </p> <p>Lots of luck to you in the fall! And we're always here to help you along when you don't feel like you can talk to anyone else about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584108 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:54:12 +0000 IRunForFun 1584108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Oh my goodness, that's a lot to go through! Congratulations on the pending arrival of your baby! </p> <p>Life happens is right! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584072 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:39:28 +0000 gingerbebe 1584072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Its upsetting when your parents don't support your choices, but here are two things I would do. First, I would just see it as well-intentioned counsel that they are sharing because they love you and want what's best for you. That said, the second thing I would do is make the decision that's right for YOUR family - meaning you and your husband. Take your mom's counsel into consideration, but if you guys decide TTC in six months is what's best for your family, then go for it.</p> <p>In the end, there's no such thing as the perfect time to try for a baby. Sure you'd like for things to be more stable when you have your baby, but women who wait until everything is perfect - house, money, career - often find that they have a harder time conceiving because they are older and may end up spending all that money in savings on fertility treatments anyway. Stuff like that also put lots of strain on a marriage. Bottom line is, life happens. </p> <p>I'm 19.5 weeks pregnant now at 33 and I started trying when I was 30. At the time, we were also living in an apartment, DH was unemployed, and I had just barely started a new job. Regardless, we decided it was the right time for us. We got pregnant right away, but miscarried. Then miscarried again 8 months later. Then I got diagnosed with a brain tumor, which required surgery and a year of recovery. We got referred to fertility, but ended up getting pregnant on our own miraculously. By the time we bring this baby home, it will have taken us 3 years to have this child and its been a hard pregnancy thus far. So I get where you're coming from and think that if you're ready to try for a baby and it works for you and your DH, then it doesn't matter what other people say. Besides, once you ARE knocked up, its not like your mom isn't going to love that baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584040 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:25:18 +0000 IRunForFun 1584040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Indeed she has lost that privilege! Wish I'd never said anything in the first place! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1584017 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:17:49 +0000 blackbird 1584017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess your mom has lost her privilege to hear details about your choices and your family life!</p> <p>My parents heavily discouraged us from having kids yet....it was the whole "enjoy your life" and "kids are such a responsibility". Eye roll. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583926 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:52:54 +0000 Smurfette 1583926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I have is disagree with the solids and poop front. R has been on solids since 9 months, now no formula, and still poops 3-4 times a day. </p> <p>If your DH and you feel that you are ready and can afford it, then who cares what anyone else thinks. Your Mom will change her tune as soon she becomes a grandma. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583921 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:51:36 +0000 googly-eyes 1583921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and nobody really knows we are ttc #2 but whenever I bring up that's we'd like them close in age I haven't had a single negative response. Maybe surprise (?) but never negative. Then again we are better off financially than we were...</p> <p>Point being that I think they'll love your family when you have your kiddo there with you. And we are going to have lo2 in a 2 bedroom (by choice, we wanted upgrades and a certain neighborhood over space) so I don't even think a 3 bedroom is necessary for one baby, fwiw! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583916 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:50:12 +0000 IRunForFun 1583916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raspberries: She's already a grandma and loves it! My older sister has a baby. I do, however, think she's is projecting her own experience onto me. She had kids when my dad was getting his PhD, BUT she has a vastly different personality than I do, plus there were a lot of other factors she had to deal with. I tried to tell her no two experiences are the same, but it didn't get me far... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583915 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:49:06 +0000 Circusbee 1583915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel ya. I haven't really told my mom that we are going to TTC yet, and not sure that I will actually tell her until there's a BFP, but have hinted toward it over the past few months (starting at Christmas actually). I am really close with my mom and have this annoying need for her to approve of everything I do. However, when it comes down to it, it's your family unit you're planning, and it sounds like your financial situation is well planned out and accounted for. </p> <p>I'll also add that a friend of mine just had her uh oh surprise baby, and when she first told her mom that she was pregnant, she was not the happiest. (My friend is married, college completed, and her husband is pursuing his PhD) However, a week or so after the announcement she apparently got over the initial shock of it all and has been super excited about being a grandma ever since. </p> <p>Hope that helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583911 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:48:33 +0000 IRunForFun 1583911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Should have mentioned that we likely wouldn't need to pay for childcare. I have a job in which baby could come with me most days and the other days I could work from home during naps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583909 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:48:10 +0000 cmomma17 1583909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I'm sorry your mom wasn't more supportive. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and hope she was just being a worrying mom. You sound more prepared than so many people I know!<br /> And for the record I have a now 1 year old in a 2 bedroom apartment and we are doing just fine! :) We even add two big kids in the summer time and still survive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583908 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:47:53 +0000 raspberries 1583908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, this sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with this - especially given how much thought you've obviously put into it.</p> <p>Is this possibly a reflection on your mom and her personality, and not you/your DH's actions? Maybe she's panicking because she just realize she's old enough to be a grandma or something like that? Maybe she feels like she didn't get to enjoy her youth enough before having kids and doesn't want you to make the same mistake? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583906 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:47:16 +0000 googly-eyes 1583906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't say anyone went as far as to tell me not to, but I WAS 22 when I had dd and everyone was really excited! I think they would have also liked if I was a couple/few years older but they realized it was up to dh and myself and they love dd immensely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583904 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:47:08 +0000 IRunForFun 1583904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Oh, and I don't think she's worried she'd have to help us out financially. If she is, it's a totally unfounded worry! </p> <p>@HellOnHeels: Yeah, I definitely regret mentioning it...</p> <p>@ValentineMommy: Thanks!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583902 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:45:40 +0000 lawbee11 1583902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No one tried to discourage us because we didn't tell anyone that we were TTC! Maybe she is worried that you will end up asking for financial help from her? Or maybe she doesn't realize that y'all are better off than she thinks you are? In the end you're an adult and can make your own decisions. It sounds like you've got everything planned out as best you can. </p> <p>@Anagram: True that babies aren't expensive as far as diapers, wipes &amp; food go, but child care is $$$! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583896 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:44:04 +0000 MamaMoose 1583896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As long as your mom isn't providing you financial support (and you wouldn't ask her to if things got tight) then she really gets no opinion on the matter, so try not to let it get you too worked up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583893 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:43:31 +0000 IRunForFun 1583893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit: That friend sounds...special. LOL. </p> <p>@kml636: I didn't expect to be so sensitive to it, it surprised me how much it upset me. I tend to agree there never is and never will be a "perfect time."</p> <p>@Anagram: Thanks! That's the way I was looking at it, too. *If* we had to do without some of the extras in terms of baby gear, it would be OK! Some of these things are not necessities, plus I know we'd get gifts and hand-me-downs. Luckily I have very good insurance, too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583888 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:42:22 +0000 ValentineMommy 1583888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's definitely disappointing to hear, but it's not her decision, so I wouldn't worry about it!</p> <p>That being said, my DH was laid off when DS was a week old. 14m later, he still isn't working. We're TTC #2, and I'm sure people would think we are crazy if they knew. However, it's no one's business or decision but our own. I'm 33, and like you, didn't want to keep waiting for the unknown future.</p> <p>If you're ready and you can handle it, go for it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-close-to-you-try-to-discourage-you-from-getting-pregnant#post-1583886 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:40:56 +0000 HellOnHeels 1583886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. This is exactly why I've only told a very select few IRL that we're TTC, even though we are financially stable and such. Just do not need the feedback, will get PLENTY when KU and when a kiddo is here. </p> <p>Fully agree with @kml636:. It's really disheartening to hear negative feedback like that, especially from your mom. But, remind yourself that it's not up to her or anyone else, it's yours and your DH's decision alone. </p> <p>Good luck with future TTC! </p>