https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 05:47:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-235982 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 14:27:49 +0000 kml636 235982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my DH would prefer I work part time. He already found a full time daycare for LO which I told him we would NOT be needing. </p> <p>I'm open to working part time, but I'm NOT okay with putting my 12 week old baby with a stranger or in day care if I can help it. So, we'll see, I'm not deciding till she arrives, but it is stressing me out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-235145 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 09:02:45 +0000 SAHM0811 235145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a working mom with one child...</p> <p>When I first went back to work after #1, I honestly was glad to go back. But I didn't realize that until I was working for a few months. I was home for 7 months on a 6 month leave &amp; a little break in between jobs... It was really tough on me staying home... moreso than I ever thought. I always thought I'd be the SAHM type, but I honestly was a much happier person going back to work. Of course I missed my baby, but going to work and doing my own thing helped me to be a better mom at that time in my life. It felt so nice to have a break from doing all things baby... It actually gave me more energy to do mommy things in the evenings and weekends. </p> <p>Sometimes you don't know how you'll react to a situation til you've truly been in it. So maybe it's better to plan now to wait til the baby comes and just go from there and see how you feel while on leave and while going back to work for a month or two at least. Honestly, to me... Going back to work is what kept my stress levels low as a new mom! I was going a bit crazy at home because as a SAHM, it was all me 24/7. </p> <p>I am a SAHM now though with two kids and it's been a hell of a ride. I have learned to love it and it is right for our family at this time... I feel extremely blessed we can pull it off too, like this, financially... but I also look forward to going back to work again in a year or two, just for my own sanity. God bless all SAH-parents out there. It truly is the hardest job in the world! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-235142 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:58:44 +0000 mamimami 235142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with some other posters. You have time. Don't quit. Wait and see what happens. You may be surprised that you WANT to go back to work, or your husband may be surprised that he changes his mind about everything. </p> <p>In terms of stress, sometimes staying home with the baby is more stressful that working. Trust me that for me that was the case. I always thought it would be fun to be a SAHM, although we needed my income, but I found that during my leave, at least once every day, I just wanted to scream and tear my hair out. When I went back to work, that stopped being a daily occurrence.</p> <p>I think part-time work would be great, but it's not easy to find. One thing your husband may be worried about is you becoming someone he can't relate to anymore. I think a lot of men fear that although they don't want to say it! So maybe cut him some slack on that, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-235068 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:22:27 +0000 LuLu Mom 235068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would love to be able to stay home or find a part time job after LO is born, however both DH and I know that financially we aren't willing to feel "poor" to make this happen. We have a great daycare provider so that does make me feel a little better. We said we would seriously discuss this option after child #2 comes into play. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234922 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 02:05:46 +0000 rawrasaur 234922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you think you could sway him over any with the cost of child care? I know for me that if you subtract the cost of childcare from my take home pay it would, in my opinion, not be enough money to justify the stress and insanity of being a full time working mother. Luckily, my husband has no problem with me staying home and supports it 100%. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234916 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 01:51:15 +0000 looch 234916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a lot easier to find employment when you're employed...if that makes any sense. If you spend any time out of the workforce, it's a lot harder to reenter because your skills are seen as less up to date and you may be perceived as not being serious about your job because you already took time off once. I made the decision to stay at home because we couldn't find adequate child care and where we live, most mothers don't return or return on a part time basis.</p> <p>I love a good pros and cons list, it always helps us to resolve our differences when everything is in black and white! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234729 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 20:08:31 +0000 lemondrop 234729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is a difficult decision- babies change so much in the first year, but it is hard to live on less money and potentially lose your place or fall behind in your career. You just have to find what is right for your family. </p> <p>Our decision is a compromise of the two- I stay home with our son, but I work on-site on my husband's day off, and I pick up work hours from home during naps and after bedtime. I am very lucky to have a job that is cool with my self-made schedule. </p> <p>I am happy to get "grown-up" days and keep my foot in the door at work, and also spend the majority of my time with our son. This way I don't feel too shut-in and can contribute a little to our budget, but still have time to play and keep the house somewhat orderly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234708 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 19:46:48 +0000 brownsquirrel 234708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really want to stay home, but I don't think we can afford it :( Right now, I bring home most of the bacon. Hubs is self-employed with a company still in its infancy, so income there is very inconsistent! So, back to work I will go after maternity leave! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234701 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 19:38:54 +0000 Cole 234701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is more inclined to want me to work whereas I am pretty adamant that I want to stay home. As of right now we have agreed that at least until preschool age I will stay home, assuming finances permit, and then reevaluate. If finances don't permit we have a little wiggle room in our budget where we can drop a few things or I can work part time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234683 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 19:19:36 +0000 hilsy85 234683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: what are his reasons for wanting you to work? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234246 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:57:09 +0000 bushelandapeck 234246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was a tough discussion for us too when we first got pregnant. If it were up to him, I think he'd prefer I work full time (even though we don't need the money). The main reason he feels this way is that there is always the chance that he loses his job and thinking of being the sole provider for us causes him a lot of stress. In the end, we agreed that I will go back to work part time (20-24hrs) which is what I want to do anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234239 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:55:02 +0000 photojane 234239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm with @mrbee. perhaps commit to staying home with baby for the first 8-12 weeks, and see how that goes. then you guys can have another conversation with real life experience and circumstances to discuss. maybe when he sees how valuable it is to have you home with your lo he'll be more open to the sahm thing.</p> <p>we initially had the same problem. it stemmed from our upbringing. my mom was a sahm, and we sometimes struggled financially, but we had a very engaged, active childhood. i want this same thing for my children. he, on the other hand, was basically raised by his elderly grandmother while both of his parents worked high-demand 9-5 office jobs. his parents never struggled financially, and he and his sister had brand new/top-of-the-line everything. he thinks that convenience and financial stability/security are top priority, while i'm perfectly content being frugal and poor for the sake of raising our kids. our compromise is that i have a very flexible part-time job to supplement his income, so he's not as pressured. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234193 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:41:06 +0000 Mrs. Pen 234193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He is way more traditional and wants me to be a SAHM full time. Honestly we can't afford it though, I do still work as a nanny but I can bring DS with me. DH really feels strongly about this. I am ok with it for now because I couldn't make enough $$ to justify daycare, however I would like to get a weekend job to help out more, and DH could stay with DS but he really doesn't want me to. We're in a hard place with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234161 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:29:31 +0000 DillonLion 234161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: I agree, it is a lot of pressure! He isn't specifically saying "I absolutely don't want us to be a one-income family" I can just tell what his preference is, even if he's open to the idea of a different outcome.</p> <p>A larger explanation on my reasoning for feeling strongly about my position is that my mother had an extremely debilitating case of post-partum depression that hospitalized her many times, and then she remained sick and had to be on disability after that for the rest of her life until this very day. I'm really concerned with keeping my commitments and stress level low, so that I can manage this change in a healthy way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234150 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:27:20 +0000 DillonLion 234150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Oh that's another good compromise idea that doesn't involve me working part-time (which I would rather not do) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234130 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:21:44 +0000 MamaMoose 234130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had this conversation and came up with a plan we both agreed to before we even started TTC. This is a tough one to disagree on.</p> <p>Personally I think it's a lot of pressure to put on him to ask him to support the family on just his income when he is specifically saying that he doesn't want to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234125 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:20:17 +0000 mrbee 234125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe you could try out being a sahm for a while, then reevaluate after a few months based on how it's going? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234118 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:17:15 +0000 autumnlove 234118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH wants me to be a SAHM when we have more than one LO. I want to work and this doesn't make him happy...we can afford daycare but he thinks coordinating schedules will be too much work for two kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234093 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:06:58 +0000 purrpletulips 234093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I have always had somewhat differing opinions; he wants me to be a SAHM and I want to continue working. DD is almost 28months and we have this discussion at least once a year but now that #2 is on the way the discussions have become more frequent and often times heated (primarily because of the cost of daycare for 2). While we could survive on his take-home pay there are a lot of pre-tax things that come out of my salary that he often doesn't think about (mainly health insurance). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234090 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:06:03 +0000 Foodnerd81 234090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've talked about it a lot, but in general, our feelings are similar to yours-- I know I want to stay home, he, ideally, would prefer to have two incomes. However, since my income isn't that high, and day care is so expensive around here, the difference really wouldn't be that great anyway so it's less of a big deal. He's come around to my thinking, but the plan is that I'll find some source of income once the kids are a little older. So really, we've decided on the first year or two then we'll re-discuss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234070 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:59:13 +0000 Charm54 234070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to worry that DH would want me to stay at home, because he had the quintessential SAHM who is pretty amazing. My mom is the opposite - self-employed, very dedicated to her job, but just an equally as amazing mom (in different ways).</p> <p>Anyway, I made it clear to DH before we got married that I would be a working mom - as a teacher I think it's the perfect balance. </p> <p>BUT now that I am closer to having a family I wonder if I might WANT to stay home. DH will think I'm crazy if I say so - I've made such a big deal of it! Lol. A lot of my friends say that after the year maternity leave (go canada!) that it's VERY hard to go back to work afterwards, no matter how much you love your job.</p> <p>So - it will probably be a game time decision! Maybe you could take a longer maternity leave then go back part-time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234056 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:53:38 +0000 DillonLion 234056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: That might be what has to happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234050 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:52:13 +0000 Honeybee 234050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: You've got time. :) Like I said, we didn't have a definite plan until DD was a year old and I was pregnant with DS! It's better to take your time and come to a compromise you both agree on thean rush into things and risk one person feeling unhappy with the arrangement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234049 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:51:59 +0000 Freckles 234049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a tough thing to disagree on. :(</p> <p>But, you don't know what you'll be happy with until you go back to work or stay at home. I had a friend who was intent and looking forward to going back to work, but decided after two days that she couldn't bear to be away from her daughter and is now a stay-at-home mom. </p> <p>I toyed with the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, but while i love my DD to bits, i think i'll be happy going back to work after my 1-year leave is up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234044 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:50:37 +0000 DillonLion 234044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeybee: Thanks! I'm like on the verge of a panic attack over here thinking that we should have discussed this and agreed AGES ago. But I guess it is okay that we don't agree at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234040 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:49:57 +0000 Adira 234040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hubs and I have only talked about this once, and I'm scared to bring it up again, haha.</p> <p>He thinks I should go back to work full-time once the baby is born, and I would like to work part-time. Not sure how this conversation is going to go next time it happens, but we probably need to figure it out soon!</p> <p>As far as you and your husband are concerned - can you come to a compromise that allows you to work part-time? Then you'll be working and bringing in some money, but be able to be home with your LO half the time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234036 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:49:08 +0000 Honeybee 234036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I went back and forth quite a bit about me staying home. I always thought I wanted to work, but once I had DD I realized how much I really wanted to stay home, and it was a big point of contention for quite a while in our house. Around DD's first birthday, we finally came to a conclusion that I would stay home once DS was born, and now I've been a SAHM for 4 months. Both of us agree that our lives run much more smoothly with me staying home. :)</p> <p>I wrote a long post on WB a while back about all of our discussions and why DH was so resistant; I'll PM you the link over there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-anyone-disagree-with-their-spouse-on-their-employment-plans-after-baby-is-born#post-234024 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:43:39 +0000 DillonLion 234024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is really into the whole day care/pre-school thing while both of us continue to work. </p> <p>I feel the opposite and want to stay home, full-time. </p> <p>Neither of us are 100% set in our ways, but it is clear that if the decisions was up to each of us, alone, that is what we would choose. </p> <p>We could afford both scenarios, but obviously our budget is going to be stretched thinner than before with a new baby in the household. </p> <p>Our conversations have been open and understanding, and we definitely talked about this before we got married, since it is a huge subject. But it is obvious that one scenario makes him happy, and the opposite scenario makes me happy. </p> <p>Did anyone else struggle with this? </p>