https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 06:09:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1956242 Sat, 22 Nov 2014 17:56:35 +0000 cait 1956242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like some others said, not a miscarriage, but the loss of my grandma made me want to try for our second. It makes sense to me, experiencing the fragility of life leads to wanting to create it, one of the most life-affirming things in the world. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1955795 Sat, 22 Nov 2014 07:06:23 +0000 MrsBucky 1955795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry for your loss. For me it was not a loss so much as the long wait for this babe that made me more open than I might have been otherwise. I think if I had gotten pregnant right away, I might have felt more strongly about trying to control not getting pregnant in the future. Waiting 15 months for my bfp (knowing others have waited much longer!) made me feel more open to whatever timing is meant to be. Granted this is all how I feel pre baby, so I know that feelings may change still. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1955450 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 20:36:07 +0000 DillonLion 1955450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for your loss, my friend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1955377 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 19:28:49 +0000 jaguar 1955377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The losses have made me want my three... but the opposite for my husband, who's seen me lose the plot so many times, he'd be happy for just one more.</p> <p>Just another way infertility/miscarriage is so devastating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1955220 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 17:24:35 +0000 Chaosmaven 1955220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just suffered an early m/c, and though I seem to be recovering well physically, the longer process of TTC #2 as well as financial stress is taking its toll. We used to say 3-4, but right now I am leaning towards 2. Maybe if we are lucky in the next few months with a sticky rainbow baby, but right now I can't imagine wanting to do this again for a third child. But I do really want a sibling for LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953387 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 19:00:05 +0000 Ifyoulikepinacoladas 1953387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: DH and I were always in the 3 to 4 kids camp, but after going through 4 back to back losses trying for #2, plus all the treatment that has gone along with my current pregnancy we might stop at 2 :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953334 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 18:00:45 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1953334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KrzyRiver: I just was thinking if you apply that logic to anything else (a child, spouse, pet)...it's just flat wrong. :sad: I hope your luck changes very soon! :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953302 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 17:38:37 +0000 KrzyRiver 1953302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: I try not to be *too* critical of how they react. I know they have no idea what I'm going through. But yes, it feels awful to hear. </p> <p>When I had my first MC, my (now) husband and I had just met (and we were actually just friends who'd spent one night together) so I knew it was for the best. </p> <p>My second one was a year after that. DH and I were together and super excited about the baby. But we had just started dating officially so, again, it was for the best. But it was much harder to handle since we were already talking about marriage and kids.</p> <p>But we just got married this last June. We want to start a family right away because he already has a 14 year old son. And DH is 34 years old and he doesn't want to be chasing toddlers when he's 40. Lol. So yeah, this one is devastating to us.</p> <p>It definitely has not gotten easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953221 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 16:59:14 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1953221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KrzyRiver: I just wanted to say I'm sorry. :sad: What an awful thing to think, let alone say to someone!</p> <p>ETA: In my case, having a second loss was much, MUCH harder. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953213 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 16:53:50 +0000 MaryM 1953213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KrzyRiver: Definitely check out the thread then. I think it makes a world of difference to be able to connect with women who have experienced similar things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953201 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 16:48:59 +0000 KrzyRiver 1953201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Thank you. I will definitely check that thread out. </p> <p>I have *some* support in my life, but most friends/family haven't experienced it themselves so they don't really understand. And I've gotten a few responses that are along the lines of "Well you two have miscarried before, so this one should be easier for you." And it's like... um, NO. It never gets easier to MC. </p> <p>And we're newlyweds now, so this one is actually a lot more difficult for me emotionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953182 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 16:38:58 +0000 winniebee 1953182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our loss was before LO1 so it really didn't change anything - we were trying for a baby, knew we wanted a baby, and kept trying for a baby. It made the TTC process harder and longer. We thought we wanted 2-3 kids and still do (LO2 due in under a month!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953175 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 16:34:50 +0000 Ms.Badger 1953175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we started trying I felt like if I couldn't get pregnant, we could be happy and fulfilled without having children. After having and losing Lucas, we are sure that we will take whatever steps necessary to have two children, including adoption (either child or embryo) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953163 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 16:30:42 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1953163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure if it has to do with a loss or not, but the older I get, and the fact that we are expecting a girl, makes me want to stop at two, whereas before I wanted 4 kids and my husband wanted 3. It took us longer than we hoped to conceive both times, so I kind of just want to be done after this, but I'm sure I will change my mind many times! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953101 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 16:02:16 +0000 littlejoy 1953101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely. And, it sounds odd, but actually after eventually going through a healthy pregnancy/birth, my thoughts have changed even more. </p> <p>It's like, I know I had a really hard time getting pregnant. We did it once. Everything was "perfect". I now have this beautiful, healthy child. BUT, do I want to risk it again?</p> <p>I think having a loss makes you feel like you could lose the next pregnancy at any point. It screws with your head! But, maybe it makes us stronger?</p> <p>After my loss, I went from wanting 3-4 kids, to being very thankful for 1, and knowing that a time will come that I can reasses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953087 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 15:55:55 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1953087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second @Leialou: 's sentiment. While IF &amp; loss have not necessarily changed my plans, it has made me much more tentative about how and when they might be realized. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1953055 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 15:45:37 +0000 Anya 1953055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before I had a loss, I thought I would have two. Now I'm pregnant with a rainbow baby and I'm debating stopping after one, because I don't want to go through another loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1952517 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 13:28:25 +0000 blackbird 1952517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sort of strengthened that resolve to have kids that was already there. I've already had two mc and sort of accept it as "part of life" that i will, more than likely, go through again. Statistically speaking, i just expect it to happen once or twice more in my future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1952427 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 12:58:44 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1952427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Infertility and my MC makes me feel like I have no control over how many kids I have. I've worked so hard to have my first child that I don't know if I can do this again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1952418 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 12:55:41 +0000 hilsy85 1952418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I t hasn't changed the fact that I want 3 kids, but my m/c makes the process of TTC twice more much more daunting and scary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1952377 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 12:40:37 +0000 catlady 1952377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely. Before my mom died, I wasn't sure I even wanted kids. Once she passed, it was like a flip switched and I desperately wanted a baby. DH and I were already married by then but we still waited a little while to try, to make sure I was really certain (and that it wasn't just grief). I ended up miscarrying my first pregnancy and that really cemented it for both of us, seeing how much we had loved that baby in such a short time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1952312 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 12:21:06 +0000 MaryM 1952312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KrzyRiver: I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. My MC baby wasn't planned either. I feel like that sometimes brings in a whole host of other emotions when people say things like "everything happens for a reason." I had major fear of DH being relieved since we weren't quite ready for a baby yet. </p> <p>There's a "Beyond Miscarriage" thread if you're looking for a place for more support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1952302 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 12:16:23 +0000 KrzyRiver 1952302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just miscarried the other day. The pregnancy was unplanned. We had talked about trying before we got the news we were already pregnant, but we weren't ready to start just yet. Now we're counting the days till we can try again.<br /> We always wanted 2 or 3, but now that we've had several miscarriages, I might want to stop after 1. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1951909 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 10:13:14 +0000 JMOM 1951909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a miscarriage in 2013 and it helped my DH and I realize we would not try for anymore children, even though DH really wanted a 3rd. Truthfully, at my age (41), I was afraid of birth defects and my husband couldn't handle another miscarriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1951906 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 10:12:41 +0000 Dandelion 1951906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. When I was pregnant with S, DH and I talked about having her and then maybe one more. Then we lost her and I got pregnant with M sooner than I thought I would. It got me sooo over pregnancy.</p> <p>So, now we have D and M, and we don't plan on anymore bio kids, but we talk about adopting an older girl later on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1951888 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 10:04:58 +0000 Greentea 1951888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: very similar for me as well. It was the loss of a family member. </p> <p>We lost my grandpa- in 2012 and all of a sudden I realized family is really important. Wanted to make another member- we conceived shortly after.</p> <p>Now that my dad just passed I look at life differently. It seems short and I have analyzed a bit more what I want out of it. It sounds cliche but I realize and really feel how short and precious... having lost my two closest family members in two years. My LO was my shining light through those early days and has kept me motivated. I appreciate her in a whole new way. So, we shall see for the future - we never had definite plans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1951837 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 09:40:08 +0000 MaryM 1951837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not the loss of a baby, but yes, loss in general.</p> <p>DH and I had dated for about 5 years and were happy with just dating when my father passed away. Luckily my whole family was with him when he passed, and it me realize how important it was to have people around you in a situation like that. Not long after I had the "come to Jesus" talk with DH about how I wanted to think more seriously about marriage. Luckily, he'd been thinking about it too. </p> <p>After his dad passed away (a year later) it became even more clear to us that we wanted to be married. </p> <p>We still weren't sure about kids and NTNPed until I got pregnant last year. But he got so excited when I was KU that we decided together we'd move toward TTC instead of NTNP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1951809 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 09:30:34 +0000 Jess1483 1951809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a loss after my DS was born, and am now pregnant again. I actually mentioned that to someone. When we were pregnant with our loss, we were both leaning towards just two. After the loss, both of us started leaning toward 3. Now that we're pregnant again, we're very much in the air about 2 or 3, but it definitely shifted a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-experiencing-a-loss-change-your-family-plans#post-1951804 Thu, 20 Nov 2014 09:28:10 +0000 mrsjyw 1951804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a very early mc/cp back in September. We've always been a two, maybe 3 family. (We have one DS.) I always leaned towards two, and DH toward three. However, after experiencing the emotional roller coaster around the CP, it's made me want 3 kids! At least emotionally, I guess that can always change in the future too. Hoping we get to that point at least!</p> <p>DH has always wanted a big family, so I think he's just excited that I'm back on the 3 train! </p>