https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 19 Jul 2026 13:20:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2342237 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 11:41:13 +0000 Cherrybee 2342237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: That's a genius way of bringing it up with the individual herself without looking like I'm being critical. Because, officially, they don't do counting... so if I ask in the wrong way I'm sure she will just deny it. </p> <p>I really don't mind it but its bizarre that nobody will admit to it!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2342226 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 11:23:32 +0000 Corduroy 2342226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: At our house it's do what you are supposed to do by the count of 3 or mommy will help you (put on your shoes, leave the park, shut the TV off, get into bed). Ask the DCP what happens at 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341887 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 23:20:45 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2341887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: haha what is it with the counting? My son HATES it when DH starts counting, he immediately yells "noooooo! Don't count!!!" And then rushes to do what we asked. It's funny because other than a timeout, nothing has ever really occurred from counting? But he hates it lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341851 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 22:09:55 +0000 Grace 2341851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Lol. In my house after 3 comes me picking her up and putting her pajamas/shoes/diaper etc on. She does not like it. So generally the threat of "do I have to count?" is enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341662 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 17:11:51 +0000 Cherrybee 2341662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: Neither, really. I wouldn't even be thinking about it if the Assistant Manager hadn't denied so emphatically that they used the counting method. Plus, I cant help but wonder what comes after three..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341577 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 14:49:59 +0000 Grace 2341577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did you think the daycare worker's tone or choice of discipline was out of line? That's how I would decide if it needs more attention paid to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341445 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 11:45:14 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2341445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think a lot of this sounds that negative. @Corduroy: summed up a lot of what I want to say better than I would. I guess the only thing that really stands out to me is that you aren't also seeing the positive discipline that you want. If she were saying the above but it was interspersed with a lot of other methods of positive discipline I'd be a lot less worried. Although it's possible your daughter is only repeating the negative stuff because it's new and stands out. </p> <p>My daughters preschool teacher told someone to "make better choices" and she yells it quite forcefully and thinks it's hilarious. I'm pretty sure having spent some time with the teachers that none of them yelled it or overexaggerated it the way my dd does. I honestly think in your situation I would want to observe a little more. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341406 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 10:29:36 +0000 Corduroy 2341406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having not heard it I don't think you under-reacted necessarily. None of the phrases really sound like discipline but if they bother you they bother you. It also sounds like they go against the day care policy.</p> <p>I can't stand when DD mimics her DCP and says "You can't do this or that, OKAY?!!?!" The okay is really aggressive and sounds very disrespectful coming from a 2.5 year old. Drives me up the wall. So DD is not allowed to say it but DCP can. </p> <p>I don't think it's reasonable to expect daycare to be able to distract a room full of 2 year olds or have a heart to heart discussion about following instructions whenever someone fails to listen. The kids aren't babies and they need to learn boundaries. There might be a very good reason a kid can't grab another kids' cup (allergy, cold, or that the owner might freak the f out). I think it is telling and important that your LO loves this person and it very comfortable with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341364 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 09:33:25 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2341364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first thought was like @Anagram; young kids often say things in a much harsher tone than the adult they heard it from. When he was two, my son learned to say "walk away" a daycare when he didn't like something and he would ROAR it at us. I've seen kids play "nap time" and just pound on a doll's back instead of pat them gently. </p> <p>However, since you heard the growly voice from the teacher and the director insists they do not use techniques like counting, I would pay more attention at drop off/pick up for a week or two. If you hear an aggressive tone again, then maybe go to the director. For record, I don't think most of the phrasing you mentioned your daughter parroting is unreasonable and I don't feel like an occasionally gruff voice is unreasonable either. Daycare teachers are the "mothers" to multiple children all day long and it'd be crazy to expect that they would never get frustrated &amp; have a harsher tone (especially when we mothers to just a couple can admit we do it sometimes!) As long as it's not the norm, I don't see a huge issue there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341351 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 09:09:40 +0000 Cherrybee 2341351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Thank you for that. Its totally relevant because I only heard her say one thing (that's not yours) and while it was in the same voice E uses - same accent, inflection - I cant say 100% that it was as harsh as E speaks when she chastises us. I cant remember. </p> <p>Hmm, maybe I need to hang around a bit more to observe! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341342 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 08:38:27 +0000 Anagram 2341342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: not related to the daycare lady, I guess...since you heard the harsh voice. But I say a lot of things to my daughter that she will repeat back to me in a MUCH ruder way. Like, recently she started shouting in this really mean way "Go!" Like, "Daddy don't sit with me. Go! Go!" And I was like, where the H did she learn THAT? (She's home with me while I'm on mat leave except for occasionally she goes to drop in care at a center). And then the next day I realized I say it a lot, but less rude....Like I'll say, 'M, go get your blankie...Go, it's over there on your bed. Go on, get it. No, up on the bed..Go up" etc. </p> <p>Another example: When my husband gets home from work each day she wants to play with him but he always says he'll go change and come back first. So now as soon as he arrives home she shouts "Go! Go change and come!" like a drill sergeant. And my husband is the least aggressive, nicest person of all time so when he says it, he says it in the nicest way possible. But when LO says it, it sounds so rude and shouty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341321 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 08:13:23 +0000 Cherrybee 2341321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I think its just a harsher voice... but, like, its so harsh I'm actually embarrassed when she does it in front of other people because they must think its me she's mimicking. "GET doown".... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341317 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 08:07:03 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2341317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would report it. E is only at daycare twice a week and she is mimicking this behavior instead of the more positive discipline tactics you and your family use five days a week. The teacher's mean streak is rubbing off. When you described the behavior to the director this is not what she wants done at her daycare and thus rub off on kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341312 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 07:58:08 +0000 HTownMom 2341312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @Foodnerd81: said, me yelling or getting upset is different than someone else saying or talking in a harsh voice to my LO.</p> <p>I would not be happy and talk to the director or ask to observe the room. Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341308 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 07:49:23 +0000 Foodnerd81 2341308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it actually negative discipline or just a harsher voice? I'm not quite sure what I would do, really. It doesn't sound like she's actually being mean, but maybe I'm not reading the description right. And if E really loves her, it doesn't seem to be hurting her. But at the same time, ME speaking to my daughter in a harsh voice (or, being honest, totally yelling) is a lot different than someone else doing it. So while I don't think you are totally under reacting, I don't know how I would react in the situation. </p> <p>(This is coming from the parent whose 2 year old recently told me "I'm LOSING my PATIENCE!" After I said it to her a lot of times). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341301 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 07:43:27 +0000 Torchwood 2341301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely report it. I'm a big proponent of positive discipline, so if I sent my kid to a daycare that was supposed to practice it, I would not be happy about that. Even if it's not a huge deal to you, it's not what she's supposed to be doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341266 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 07:05:04 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2341266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: it's probably no different than what I do with my son, honestly. So I doubt it's harmful. But I'd have to see it to really assess how aggressive she's being? I'm firm with my son, but not aggressive.<br /> However, I need to reiterate that she is not following the policies of her workplace. If you as a parent, and any other parent, have been told the daycare practices positive discipline- that may be the reason parents chose this place! Some people may believe it's harmful, and that needs to be respected. Short and simple, she isn't following policy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341261 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 07:00:58 +0000 Cherrybee 2341261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: Is there any harm in it do you think? The counting? And the stern voice? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341257 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 06:57:26 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2341257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Talk to the daycare director. She is not following work policy- no matter where you work that is the minimum of what employees need to do! She knows work policy and isn't adhering to them. And it's affecting the care of all the children, including your daughter. The director needs to know so they can appropriately address it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-i-under-react#post-2341255 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 06:50:53 +0000 Cherrybee 2341255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I initially thought that this was hilarious but, on reflection, I am wondering if I should be more, umm, curious about this.....</p> <p>Basically, E has started telling us off in this really vicious voice. She points her finger and barks "that's not right", "that's not yours", "no, stop it", "don't do that" and "stop it NOW". She has also started counting to three as a warning to us! She's really aggressive with it!</p> <p>This behaviour is definitely not modelled on me and DH. She goes to my inlaws three days a week and I know that its not their style but I asked anyway and they confirmed that they don't discipline in this way (they use distraction). She the goes to daycare twice a week so I asked at daycare, specifically about the counting because its so specific and so unexpected! At this point I was more curious than anything but the Assistant Manager was so adamant that they only use positive parenting methods, they would never use threats, count or yell at a child. </p> <p>Well, last week, I heard it. The voice. I was dropping E at daycare and her key-person was temporarily alone in the room with several children. One boy picked up a water cup that wasn't his and she growled "that's not yours" in exactly the voice E uses and whipped the cup out of his hands. She then gave me a big smile as if nothing had happened. </p> <p>I thought it was funny at the time. I mean, E LOVES this woman. She calls her her other mummy. But as time goes on, I cant shake the feeling that I should be taking this more seriously. Her discipline methods are clearly outside of the daycare's policy ... what else is she doing that nobody knows about? And the voice is so vicious when E mimics it. "No mummy! DON'T". </p> <p>What would you do? </p>