https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 02:07:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-859184 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:04:58 +0000 Cherrybee 859184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This never factored into my planning because the most important things for me were meeting the right person, buying a house and being financially and emotionally secure - and that took until I was 30!! But now you come to mention it, it is quite sad to think that my children will probably lose their grandparents at quite a young age and may never get to have that precious relationship with them. We lost my dad last year so he will never meet his grandchildren...... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-859148 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:51:03 +0000 MrsStormy 859148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was totally a large part of the considerations when deciding TTC timing. I would never have changed my timeline because they wanted me to, and I would never give in to pressure from them (I didn't have any) but family is super important to us, so of course family dynamics played into our decision. My grandmother passed and DH's grandfather passed about a year before we decided to TTC, and that reminded us how lucky we were to have them, how greatly they impacted our lives, how short life is, and how very important family is. All of those things contributed to us deciding we were ready. </p> <p>I think about my parents getting the chance to be grandparents and see my kids grow up, not just for their sake, but also for my kids sake. I want my children to have grandparents for as long as possible. I want them to know my parents love, I want them to have a chance to be taught and influenced by the great people that they are. So while it was important to me that my parents get to be grandparents a lot of other factors played into that. So I don't think its any of my parents or IL's business when we have kids, they were a part of the decision making process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858679 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:16:22 +0000 Dapple Grey 858679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do think about it at times-growing up people always thought my grandparents were my parents because my parents were so young .My mom is still in her 40's, so While she would love grandchildren, i think she would have a tough time being a "grandma" Lol age identification wise. My MIL is much older and already has some so it would be fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858629 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:02:50 +0000 yoursilverlining 858629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents ages didn't factor into when we had kids at all. We both wanted to finish school (which took my husband a while since he has his phD), build careers, get financially stable, and neither of us were interested in marrying right away so by default we were not going to be super young parents. Ditto for my parents. My husband is in his 40's and that's wayyyyyyy to young to be a grandparent!! Lol mid 60's seem much more reasonable to me, but I was 30 when I had my first and I hope LO waits as long or longer. So, I hope she doesn't take my age into consideration; if you keep yourself in good shape and healthy, 65 doesn't have to be "old" at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858588 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:51:36 +0000 lilteacherbee 858588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think about it, because until very recently, I still had 3 grandparents living and I'm almost 24 (my grandfather just passed away 2 months ago). One set of my grandparents were very close to me growing up and even now, so I do want my kids to have that.</p> <p>My parents and DH's parents were in their 30s when they had us, but he and I are relatively young (will be 24 and 25 when this baby is born), so our parents are 55-60. I'm glad it has worked out that way, but if we weren't ready, we wouldn't have had kids yet simply based on our parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858555 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:42:41 +0000 Smurfette 858555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't think about my parents or IL's when deciding to have a child. We are the ones responsible for him/her, raising them and paying for them.<br /> They all knew we wanted kids but never asked us when we were going to have some. Maybe it helped both sets had 2 grandsons </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858546 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:38:36 +0000 Adira 858546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I would change my plans at all because of my or Hubs' parents, but I did think of them when we started TTC. I wanted to give them grandchildren before they were 60, but that worked out with my plans anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858537 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:36:13 +0000 oliviaoblivia 858537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For FIL to have been 65 years old when LO was born, DH would have needed to have had her at 9. We didn't consider grandparents aging at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858531 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:33:56 +0000 deerylou 858531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never planned my life around my parents. However, it was always very important to me that my dad got to be a grandpa. He's 11 years older than my mom, and had a very serious heart attack four years ago. While he does have congestive heart failure, he has made a miraculous recovery, and is doing fabulously.</p> <p>My parents have always been beyond supportive, and adamant about me doing things at my own pace. They never pressured for a son-in-law or a grandchild. However, I am so beyond thrilled they will both be here for DD's arrival. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858517 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:29:04 +0000 avivoca 858517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not even sure it's any of their business when we have kids. My father always told me to wait until I was ready, and recently my mother told me she had given up on ever having grandchildren. I'll be 27/28 when I give birth, and my husband will be 29. I certainly could have had kids earlier, but we were in no position to properly support them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858494 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:23:55 +0000 Anagram 858494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally, I feel like it's none of their business really. I can't imagine that people would want to rush their children into marriage/childrearing before they are ready, just so they can be young grandparents.</p> <p>In any case, in my family, we had it both ways. My parents married at 19 and had their first kid at 20 (my older brother). He got married (because the girl was pregnant) at 20 and the baby was also born when he was 20. So my parents became grandparents at 39. Those nieces and nephews of mine also knew their great grandparents well.</p> <p>However, that brother has now on his third marriage, because he was really not ready to be married and have a child in the first place...it's affected the rest of his life. He's been through so many horrible times financially that would be normal for a 20-something year old, but is devastating for someone trying to support a family. </p> <p>On the other hand, my parents had me when they were 36, and I'm just now having my first child at the age of 33. I waited (and dated A LOT) until I was absolutely, positively sure that I was not only in love, but also making a good decision choosing a partner to get married. We didn't have kids till we were totally financially ready. My grandparents have passed away, and our parents are older and may not see our kids' college graduations----but the tradeoff is that our kids will have a more stable environment growing up.</p> <p>That's a tradeoff I'm willing to make. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858490 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:22:54 +0000 DigAPony 858490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, your grandparents are really young. </p> <p>We'd never take anyone else's desires or situations into account when it comes to having children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858479 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:18:35 +0000 ChitownRo 858479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We definitely considered our parents' ages when TTC. We wanted to give them a grandchild before they became too old - not only for their sake but also our children. My DH and I both had older grandparents who passed away early in our lives. We are envious of our friends with grandparents who are only 80 now and still healthy. (FIL will be the oldest grandparent at 63 when our LO is born) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858466 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:14:10 +0000 loveisstrange 858466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are in their late 50s (56 and 59). While I am definitely glad that C has my parents and 3 lovely great-grandparents (my grandma is 82, DH's grandparents are 89 and 92), that did not factor into any decisions.</p> <p>As someone who only had 1 grandparents growing up, I'm glad she has more than that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858461 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:12:49 +0000 Dandelion 858461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My timing is my own. You never know what will happen in life, anyways. Death can come from many other places besides old age. </p> <p>But, my parents were young when they had me, and DH's parents were even younger when they had him, so really, it's not an issue as far as their age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858459 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:11:34 +0000 Mrs. Train 858459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did consider our parents when trying to have kids. They didn't put any pressure on us and we wanted to try right away anyways but it was in my mind. When we had so much trouble getting pregnant I was so worried about giving my husbands parents grand kids because he is an only child. My sister had three kids already so i wasnt as worries anout my parents. I was so worried when we decided to adopt that they would be disappointed that I couldn't get pregnant. Luckily those were my own worries and not actually true. </p> <p>I love that our parents are so involved in our kids lives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858448 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:06:15 +0000 shopaholic 858448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do for sure. My FIL is an incredibly sweet and generous man and more loving to me than my own dad in many ways. They already had 2 grandkids, but I REALLY want him to know our kids as long as he can. DH is always saying how up in age he is getting, and I used that point a lot when we would consider TTC. It will also factor in to how long we really wait for #2. My parents are quite a bit younger so I never worried too much. Though I did think about MY grandmother and wanting her to have time with my LO(s). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858418 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:48:56 +0000 rachiecakes 858418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's mom is in her 80's and DS is her first grandchild. She had DH in her mid-30s and my parents had me in their late 20s. I guess they're both older grandparents.<br /> I never really thought about them before planning TTC or anything though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858416 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:48:31 +0000 tysonja 858416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think if it works out, it's great!! and i definitely did think about these things when i was growing up and as dh and i decided to have kids. I guess it wasn't hard to decide to ttc quickly because we already wanted to, but i do totally understand your thought process and i think it is good to consider your parents and grandparents. they love us so much!</p> <p>having said that haha i didn't have much choice as to when i got married, so in the end, i am having kids at 28+ (having my second in a few months and just turned 30 yesterday!), my parents are 59/60 and my sweet grandparents are in their 90's! :) i'm glad they get to meet their great grandchildren! but it for sure would have been super cool if they were all younger, and i'm sure they would agree, too :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858410 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:43:44 +0000 MSBartlett 858410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me I think it stems a little bit from how I grew up. I am 26 and I grew up with young parents (currently dad: 46, mom:51) and young grandparents (all currently around 65). So on one end, my dad thinks he is too young to be parent and he thinks I should wait, but my mom is very maternal and has been wishing for grandkids for years. While I do not let their input influence my decision, I understand my mom wanting to have the energy to keep up with grandkids. I also will rely on my mom for babysitting purposes and that requires energy! My grandparents are such a huge part of my life also, I think that my parents see that and wish the same relationship with their grandkids. I do not think at all it is selfish. I think as well that I appreciate having the energy to keep up with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858408 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:41:52 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 858408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: +1</p> <p>My mom (62) and dad (64) are awesome. As much as I would for my children to know their grandparents especially their super awesome grandma, my children will come when they come. And we will try for them when we feel ready to try for them. My parents ask about grandkids, but their isn't any pressure. I think they just want to have something to say, because Borth Jane made it perfectly clear the best part about grandchildren are they go back to the parents!</p> <p>I had an awesome grandparent for a short period of my life. My mom's mother passed when I was 8. I wasn't close with my other grandparents, one is still living. I am sure he could care less about whether I have children a nd he gets to see or hold great grands of mine. . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858388 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:36:00 +0000 IRunForFun 858388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Yeah, my parents are both in their early 60s right now, and I don't think of them as "old" at all. They are both still super active and everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858387 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:35:15 +0000 .twist. 858387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Agreed. </p> <p>I'm lucky that our timing has been perfect and my parents are still young enough to be able to enjoy at LEAST a great childhood for our children. Ultimately though, I need to live my life and it needs to happen on my timeline. </p> <p>Life is so unpredictable, they could demand it and then die the next day or their kid dies or whatever. It's just not right to put that kind of pressure on your kids. </p> <p>My grandparents were young, They *could* still be alive if it weren't for their health problems. I wish so much they could have seen me get married and have children. They got to see all my cousins do that so I feel like it was really unfair. But that's life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858386 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:34:43 +0000 runsyellowlites 858386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I do think that's becoming the norm, b/c we're having kids, on average, much later than just a generation ago. I wouldn't plan for the "just in case" either.. this is totally assuming a long life which I know is well over 70 for most these days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858377 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:33:05 +0000 Shutterbug 858377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: I'm excited to make my parents grandparents, but I wouldn't have TTC sooner because of it. (sidenote - my grandmothers are in their 90s! DH's dad is almost 63. It's great that you have such young grandparents!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858374 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:31:58 +0000 IRunForFun 858374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely want to see my parents interact with my kids once I have them, I think that will be a wonderful relationship to observe, but I'm not pushing up my TTC plans "just in case" anything happens to them or because they're getting older. It will be awesome if they're able to be active grandparents and if my kids get to know them really well, but I can't drastically alter my major life decisions to make it happen. I also do not feel that 65 is "old" to become a grandparent - AT ALL! I feel like that's kind of an average age to become a grandparent... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858358 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:26:08 +0000 blackbird 858358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>None of their business since they aren't providing for them! I don't make life decisions to bring others happiness-unless it just works out for us, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-consider-your-parents-grandparents#post-858352 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:24:13 +0000 runsyellowlites 858352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've heard alot of things being consider in family planning (no kids, 1 kid, multiple, far apart, close together, etc) but I've never heard about anyone considering their own parents in their decision.... I know for us this was an important aspect! I know that my decision of family timing/size does not just affect my life happiness but my parents &amp; still living grandparents... right? </p> <p>The other day I was talking with my grandmother (dad's mom) and she was saying how a number of her friends are JUST NOW getting grandkids &amp; they're all 65+ years old! How she was so glad my grandpa was alive to see me get married, something many of her friends will never get to see, and even more that G knew him &amp; is old enough to remember him... Of course that's as a great-grandparent, but that means that some of her friends won't see this or have this as a grand-parent... and for me, that my parents are also young enough to really do quite a bit with them. G &amp; my mom do date nights &amp; sleep overs all. the. time... his great-parents (age 60-70) that doesn't happen b/c it's just harder for them to be up late &amp; do as much, I'm sure that's not the case for everyone in that age group though!</p> <p>I just wonder, how many people consider this? Is it selfish for our parents to want grandkids, or have them in a time span that allows for them to see graduations, weddings assuming they live long lives? Should they be considered... is it selfish not too? Or is it none of their business &amp; not their right?</p> <p>Just wondering where everyone else stands on this! =) </p>