https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 23:15:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1646711 Tue, 20 May 2014 11:22:45 +0000 imbali 1646711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alivoo01: @Tidybee: @Dandelion: @Weagle: @Trailmix: @looch: @Silva: @FaithFertility: @Cherrybee: @edelweiss: @swurlygurl: @2PeasinaPod: @MamaCate: @LulaBee: @MaryM: thanks so much everyone :heart: it wasn't a recent loss - he died September 2012, so we've had some time. Just been thinking a lot about him as my rainbow baba has gotten older - wondering what he would've been like, if he would have been similar in personality to her, and just because I talk to her about him quite a lot. so appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. </p> <p>I think you're all right that people don't know what to say or how to be. I was quite open about it, in an attempt to ask for the support I so desperately needed but to no avail. I lost a lot of friends in that time :sad: I'm really glad to hear that others' experiences have generally been better than mine was. </p> <p>@swurlygurl: I'm not sure - nobody really said, oh you killed your baby but it was something that played on my mind a lot. Some people did say, oh my friend has the same situation and her baby turned out fine...after we had terminated. so that was helpful, hah. </p> <p> @2PeasinaPod: I'm glad you got some support from your SIL. People do tend to disappear, don't they? Whenever I tried to talk about it, my friends mostly just got v uncomfortable. I felt often like maybe it wasn't okay to grieve because he wasn't a person in their eyes - at least, not yet. kwim?</p> <p>@MamaCate: I'm so glad your co-workers and friends were supportive. I hate it when people just don't check in - so difficult to say, okay my needs have changed and now this is what I'd like please! I'm a psychologist, so you'd think my therapist friends would also have been good at being there :sad: </p> <p>@LulaBee: thank you - i'm a therapist myself and did see my therapist for a long time before and after our loss, it was invaluable. </p> <p>@MaryM: That's so lovely of your SIL - that's just what I needed I think, to be reached out to. @Alivoo01: that's so awful :sad: i'm so sorry. I don't understand this idea that it isn't a baby until he/she comes out. SO awful.</p> <p>Hugs to everyone who has had losses and thank you all so much for responding and for the support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1646272 Tue, 20 May 2014 09:41:57 +0000 Alivoo01 1646272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, so, so sorry for your loss. *hugs*</p> <p>My parents pretended my pregnancy wasn't a pregnancy and honestly, that hurt the most. I didn't tell anyone else till about 2 months later, and then only the closest friends. They were supportive, but I just needed time to get over it myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1646173 Tue, 20 May 2014 09:10:53 +0000 MaryM 1646173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really sorry for your loss :(</p> <p>I had an early loss (6 weeks) and different people handled it different ways. Both my sister and SIL had had losses. My sister didn't say anything at all to me beyond one text. My SIL called me almost every other day to see how I was doing. </p> <p>I also had one close friend who had also had an early loss just a few months earlier, so we emailed a lot.</p> <p>Sometimes, I appreciated that no one said anything. But other times, I really wished someone would ask how I was doing. I think it's a hard line for people to figure out how to follow. But I'm incredibly grateful for my SIL and how often she reached out to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1646157 Tue, 20 May 2014 09:06:57 +0000 LulaBee 1646157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. I had a m/c at 9 weeks and everyone that knew was very supportive- in fact, a lot of people- my grandmother for example- told me they had been through the same thing. It's really a shame that your friends and family had that reaction. Maybe if you had a therapist or counselor to talk to it would help? Hang in there, it does start to hurt less eventually- and remember that your feelings are totally valid! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1646145 Tue, 20 May 2014 09:01:29 +0000 MamaCate 1646145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@imbali: i am so sorry for your loss. what a heartbreaking situation.</p> <p>we had a missed m/c at 12 weeks last fall and it was awful. for better or worse, we had already told pretty much everyone--work and close family at least. my work friends were amazing: hugs and crying with me in my office, bringing flowers and gift cards, helping me get LO to daycare after my d&amp;c. i work with a bunch of social workers though so i think they are unusually good at knowing how to "be there" if that makes sense. </p> <p>family was hit and miss. right after i told my parents i didn't really want to talk about it so they have literally not said a word since it happened. i think it is true that no one knows what to say. but it still sucks. </p> <p>I will be praying for you and would be happy to chat more if you want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1646032 Tue, 20 May 2014 08:19:18 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1646032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss and for those surrounding you not being supportive. </p> <p>All of my miscarriages were early, 9 weeks, 5 weeks and 8 weeks. Our immediate families knew, and I had to have surgery to remove two of them. Our families were semi-supportive. They were helpful the first week, and then it was as if I was never pregnant. I'm sure it was a matter of them not knowing what to say, which is understandable. They had never been through anything similar.</p> <p>I found my SIL was the most supportive for my 3rd miscarriage. She had a miscarriage just about 6 months prior, and she finally understood what I was going through. She was also very apologetic for not being as supportive as she realized I needed her to be for my 2 previous. </p> <p>I think it's just very difficult for people to understand what you're going through. Not only are you grieving the loss of your baby, but your hormones are also mimicking as if you had the baby...so they're all over the place making and intensely emotional process even more emotional. </p> <p>I just wanted to say hang in there. If you want to talk about it with someone, we're all here for you. And if you have a very trusted friend, let him/her know how you're feeling. Start off up front with the notion that you're not looking for advice, you just want to get some stuff off of your chest and talk about it. Any good friend will want to sit quietly and listen. Sending lots of love your way. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1646008 Tue, 20 May 2014 08:12:56 +0000 swurlygurl 1646008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry, I can't even imagine the stress and pain! I hope it's not people disagreeing with your choice and choosing to ignore you :( This is obviously a time where you need your friends and family the most! &lt;3</p> <p>All my miscarriages were early, and no one knew. After I finally had a baby and told people that I had previous miscarriages, they were shocked and a little upset I hadn't mentioned it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645993 Tue, 20 May 2014 08:00:15 +0000 edelweiss 1645993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i am so sorry for your loss. my friend had to make a similar decision around the same time and it was heartbreaking. i hope that you have at least a few close friends or family members who can give you the support you need. we are here for you also. many hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645988 Tue, 20 May 2014 07:54:35 +0000 Cherrybee 1645988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for your loss and also for how people treated you.</p> <p>I was only 5 weeks pregnant when I lost a pregnancy, so super early, but the few people we told were very, very supportive. </p> <p>I have a story to share, though. When I was pregnant with E, my work colleague's wife was also pregnant, due around the same time. She went into labour at 28 weeks and they sadly lost their little boy after delivery. I felt sick with worry the day he returned to work, knowing I had to say something to him (with my huge baby belly in his face). It took me until almost lunchtime to make the trip to his desk and tell him how sorry I was, give him a hug (during that time, I used a different kitchen and different loos to avoid him)...........</p> <p>.......... I wonder if sometimes people just don't know what to say and their own feelings get in the way of them supporting someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645973 Tue, 20 May 2014 07:46:33 +0000 FaithFertility 1645973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry, I have no words, just prayers for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645970 Tue, 20 May 2014 07:44:26 +0000 Silva 1645970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645946 Tue, 20 May 2014 07:26:44 +0000 looch 1645946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for your loss.</p> <p>I think people don't know what to say/how to react/what kind of support to offer. Everyone reacts differently and maybe they're afraid of offending you, so they just act like nothing happened? I truly don't know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645940 Tue, 20 May 2014 07:24:51 +0000 Trailmix 1645940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so so sorry for your loss. People can be so strange about hard things like what you went through. I guess most don't know how to offer support or worry they'll say/do the wrong thing and make it worse. Big hugs to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645907 Tue, 20 May 2014 06:52:57 +0000 Weagle 1645907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry people reacted that way :(. </p> <p>We had a miscarriage and people were very supportive. Though, it was very strange but our closest couple friends never really mentioned it. I think it's because they tend to be more private about that kind of stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645904 Tue, 20 May 2014 06:49:42 +0000 Dandelion 1645904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aw, that's sad. :( I'm sorry people made you feel that way. I'm really sorry for your loss. :(</p> <p>I lost my full term baby and people were overwhelmingly supportive. It was actually too much at times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645903 Tue, 20 May 2014 06:49:21 +0000 Tidybee 1645903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. I am so sorry. What a difficult and painful ordeal you're going through...and I'm sorry people are only making it worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-get-a-lot-of-support-when-you-lost-your-baby#post-1645902 Tue, 20 May 2014 06:47:07 +0000 imbali 1645902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wondering what your experience (of support) was like when you miscarried/had a CP/lost your baby?</p> <p>Did people know? Were they supportive? Did you find that it was quite taboo to talk about?</p> <p>We lost our little boy at 20weeks (had to decide whether or not to terminate the pregnancy, baby boy was supposedly 'incompatible with life') and people really struggled to support us. Most people pretended we had never been pregnant, didn't ever mention it, and almost acted as though our grief was distasteful or inappropriate. It seemed like it was something nobody wanted to talk or hear about. </p>