https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 23:21:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2219020 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 20:42:33 +0000 twodoghouse 2219020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom stayed for two weeks, went home for two, then came back for another 6 weeks. I thought I would hate having her up in my space for that long (and thought it would drive DH crazy) but it was perfect. I wish she could have stayed all summer. I cried my eyes out both times she left. One nice thing was that we didn't plan the later stay (for 6 weeks) until after we saw how the 2 week stint went. But it worked so well that DH and I were both eager to have her back. She actually got up with me for a couple MOTN feedings for the twins when she was here which helped DH be somewhat rested for work. She cleaned and cooked and rocked babies while I napped. I miss it now that I'm writing it all out! </p> <p>Here's the thing that I really feel though - you may feel like you need all the help that you can get being a mom of twins (and that is fine! Get used to asking for help because you really will need it!) but don't sacrifice your own sanity over the idea of you needing help, if that makes sense? After my mom left, I felt insecure, like could I really do it all myself? My MIL didn't think I could function without help and came over every day from 9 am - 5 pm when my husband came home. I was never by myself. I felt like my life, my house, and my children were taken over by her and what she thought was right. She truly thought she was being helpful, but the thing is, she never built me up the way my mom did. She only tore me down and undermines every decision about the kids. Instead of feeling rested and supported like when my mom was here, I felt berated, worn down, anxious, and miserable. I woke up every day dreading 9 am when she walked in the door. When I finally snapped and told her I couldn't handle it anymore things started to improve. She still doesn't think I can handle things by myself (she asks if they cry all the time while I'm home alone with them or whether I'm able to eat and go to the bathroom without anyone here to help) but at least I have confidence that I can do it myself now so it doesn't bother me as much anymore. </p> <p>All this to say that the thought of having twins can be daunting, but I would not feel pressured into inviting anyone into your home for an extended stay, especially before knowing how things will go once your babies are home! I would especially not want to commit to having her stay if you've had drama in the past! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2219008 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 20:29:43 +0000 mrsjyw 2219008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom stayed overnights (she's local anyway) the first month. We both loved having her help w baby, cooking, cleaning, etc. but I know the dynamic worked because of our relationship and how laid back she is overall. I don't think I could've done it w anyone else! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218989 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 20:04:06 +0000 Boogs 2218989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I could handle it because I like my space. But, if you ask someone like my MIL (a twin mom) she said she couldn't have done it solo, she had her mom's help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218944 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 19:04:15 +0000 Orchid 2218944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom stayed for 4 months and it was awesome!! If you have a good relationship, I'd go for it. But I can totally see how it could be miserable depending on the relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218886 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 17:45:27 +0000 Charm54 2218886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL stayed with us for 10 days and it was honestly the best thing. I thought I would be wary since I like my space and generally don't like visitors who stay more than a few days, but at that point I was in survival mode and was so grateful for any help at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218884 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 17:42:37 +0000 Coffee-lover 2218884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I did not even want visitors for a couple of weeks. Is your husband able to take any time off? If so, how much? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218810 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 16:33:08 +0000 Nutella 2218810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mum came &amp; stayed with us from overseas straight after the birth for a week which was a godsend! Then DH was home on leave for a couple of weeks (during which point my ILs came to visit so he could entertain them!) - then my mum returned for two weeks afte DH had gone back to work. She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, held LO when I needed to rest &amp; would get up overnight to help with feedings. I had a normal uncomplicated birth but I discovered I was more in pain once the adrenaline has worn off, so lying down was crucial for recovery! It was amazing &amp; I was so sad when she left! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218797 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 16:20:11 +0000 Anagram 2218797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live in a small place, but my mom came for 3 weeks (a week before and 2 weeks after) and my inlaws came for a week at the beginning and then almost a full month at the end of my Mat leave then I went back to work.</p> <p>There were short moments of feeling like there were just too many people in our 2 bedroom condo, BUT overall they were all a big help. My mom is really great about just cleaning unasked and helping me with whatever--and DHs mom will cook every single meal. I 100% don't have to entertain my mom at all, and she's really good about just going out on her own to explore so we get some downtime without her.</p> <p>DHs parents do tend to just hang around the house 24/7 which can make their visits more...I don't know, just....you know, you never get a break. But since MIL cooks every meal and they will take overnight wakeups to give up a break, it's still nice to have them come. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218791 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 16:16:58 +0000 catomd00 2218791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely would take any and all help if I had multiples! Especially as a ftm! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218787 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 16:15:06 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2218787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents came for the first week, then my sisters for the second with both births. I liked having them. By the third week I was fine on my own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218784 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 16:13:43 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2218784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had my mom for a week and it was wonderful. I didn't have to cook or clean anything and she organized and did some deep cleaning that I planned to do before LO came early. </p> <p>We will have my mom for a week again with this one and then maybe my sister for awhile. She will be back from a long trip a few weeks before this one is due and needs a place to stay while she job hunts, so she will probably stay with us in exchange for some help cooking and managing LO1. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218707 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 15:36:07 +0000 MsMini 2218707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We only had someone stay and help for the first week. That was enough for me! After that I jus wanted to get in my groove and have my babies all to myself. I am not huge on having other people in my space for more than a few days - a week though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218703 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 15:33:05 +0000 Mae 2218703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't want any but then my kid screamed at us nonstop for weeks and I begged my mom to come stay with me when dh went back to work </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218686 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 15:26:33 +0000 Raindrop 2218686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: No worries.</p> <p>Everyone is going to be different but these were ours.</p> <p>- No name calling. Just because we don't do things your way doesn't give you the right to call us names.<br /> - When any of us are handling a situation (a child is crying), please let that person handle it and don't interfere unless they ask for help.<br /> - There is no need to negatively comment about how a person is handling a situation unless it is directly endangering the child.<br /> - Tell us everything that involves the baby even if you don't think it's important.<br /> - Don't hog the baby!<br /> - Be open and honest and nice about anything.<br /> - We have to right to ask you to leave if the situation isn't working anymore.<br /> - *rules are subject to be changed and enhanced* :)</p> <p>The first two were big ones from our first kid because my mom use to call us... pretty mean names and say we were not smart (she used meaner words) when we were taking care of the baby... it was our first baby! We were still learning! It was uncalled for. Also we didn't like when we were trying to figure things out why he was crying she would just swoop in and take the baby from us... well okay how are we even suppose to learn how to take of our baby if you just do everything and then call us names when we are still learning. Yeah it was bad. But it definitely better this time around... we had a good heart to heart... I want to say she didn't even remember that she was this mean to us she was just trying to protect her grand kid which is understandable... but can't we just all be nice to each other! :)</p> <p>I'm sure your family is a lot nicer... I thought mine was too but man the things you learn.</p> <p>One more thing... make sure your husband and you are a united front... don't let any visitors try to put a wedge between you two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218672 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 15:22:22 +0000 Mrs.Someone 2218672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If there was drama before baby, adding PP hormones will make it a million times worse, say no! I have no issues with my in laws, but 3 weeks in our house with a newborn (and my hormones) was awful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218667 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 15:18:06 +0000 BSB 2218667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: What were your ground rules? If you don't mind sharing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218654 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 15:14:05 +0000 Raindrop 2218654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MenagerieMama: Haha this happened to me too! It was my grandmother visiting from overseas. I knew she wanted to hold her first great grand child but jeez women I love you but let me hold my baby!</p> <p>My mother and grandmother helped me for about 5 months after my first kid... it was kind of a bad experience but I did appreciate the help. </p> <p>With my second kid my mother has also come and helped us but we put more ground rules with her this time and it's worked out pretty well for everyone.</p> <p>I would just suggest setting up some ground / house rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218636 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 15:04:55 +0000 snowjewelz 2218636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does my mom count? After DH went back to work (he took 2 weeks off), my mom came a few days a week and stayed over (at the time b/c she didn't live that close). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218615 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:56:28 +0000 MenagerieMama 2218615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did and I mostly regret it. We definitely ate better but I really just wanted to hold LO all.the.time and soak up my mat leave but instead felt like my mom and ILs were stealing my time with LO and I would feel guilty for being so mad about it. The first time I cried PP was when my mom wouldn't give LO up while she was napping. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218605 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:51:11 +0000 travellingbee 2218605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>MIL stayed for 2 weeks and cooked and cleaned. It was wonderful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218601 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:48:57 +0000 tysonja 2218601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my mom stayed for 4 weeks for #1 and 5 weeks for #2. she'll be here for 6 week for #3. the most amazing thing on the planet and i'm so thankful!! she's the super helpful type though (cleaning and cooking all day long, helping with the baby). there were moments here and there where it got to be a bit much with so many people living in a tiny apartment, but I wouldn't have traded for anything. MIL would be different in the sense that I wouldn't be as comfortable. But help is help! </p> <p>Maybe you guys could set a clear leave date (maybe 3 weeks?) to make things easier? </p> <p>Do you have any local help (your own family) that you would prefer? If so that does change things :).</p> <p>ETA: my dh had/has to return to work a day or two after birth each time. but even if he didn't i'd want the help! it's exhausting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218597 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:46:45 +0000 daniellemybelle 2218597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were having twins, I would absolutely take all the help I could get, especially if DH had to return to work fairly soon.</p> <p>Our situation was a little unusual in that we were living with my parents at the time. So we had live in help for the first 10 months of LO's life :) It was honestly the best but I know not everyone is cut out for that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218593 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:45:51 +0000 kiddosc 2218593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My Mom stayed with us for 2 weeks. It was great, but it certainly helps that we have a great relationship. She cooked, was there for moral support, and never tried to take over baby care. It was nice to have her there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218561 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:25:15 +0000 Foodnerd81 2218561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were home alone (dh, me, and baby) for a few days, then my mom came and stayed a week, then mil came and stayed a week. It was nice having the help, especially my mom. I love my mil but I wouldn't have wanted her there right away- which she totally understood, she actually flat out said I know you will want your mom first. </p> <p>However I only had one baby. If I was having twins, I really think I might take whatever help I could get, as long as you don't think you would ruin your relationship. A month is a long time though. Could she come for a couple weeks? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218559 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:24:47 +0000 Jess1483 2218559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom lives in town, but otherwise I'd have probably wanted her to come as long as possible. MIL? No way. I actually like her, but I don't do well with people in my space all the time (in fact, my mom is probably the only exception to that). But it is helpful to have an extra set of hands...especially with twins I'm sure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218529 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:05:35 +0000 plantains 2218529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mum stayed for 3 weeks after DD and was a godsend! She is coming again this time and I ma so thankful. When we were expecting twins, I was actually trying to figure out how to have her stay for 2 months! I think twins are a unique situation and having some extra help on hand could be far more valuable than anyone who has only dealt with singletons will realize. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218526 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:04:17 +0000 sarac 2218526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you can stand this person I would absolutely do it - especially with twins. Live in help would be utterly fantastic, IF it wasn't going to be more stress than it was worth. Also, I'd set really clear expectations for the kind of help you'll be expecting, what you'd like her to do for you, etc. You don't want to just be entertaining a guest while you're trying to parent - you want someone there who will be making your life easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218517 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 14:01:29 +0000 rachiecakes 2218517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't, but I would've loved someone to cook for me and to help out with some things in the beginning. DH still had to work and I was alone with J as soon as we got home from the hospital. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218510 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 13:59:03 +0000 pinkarmadillo 2218510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I'm good with family staying for the weekend but any longer than that I'm over it. With that said, my mom does plan on staying around 3-4 nights with us after we return from the hospital to help out around the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-temporary-live-in-help-after-the-baby-came#post-2218497 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 13:53:09 +0000 catlady 2218497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't, and I'm glad because I ended up being a mama bear (didn't really want anyone other than DH or myself holding LO at the beginning). However, if my own mom was still alive, I probably could have used the help from her. I wouldn't have wanted MIL, as much as I love her. </p>