https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 05:47:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-223755 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 11:08:09 +0000 brownie 223755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted to stay home. I am soooooo glad that I went back to work afterwards. Okay, kinda. I hated the job I was at when I got pregnant. It was horrible and getting pregnant there was worse. BUT, at 9 months old I got another job which gives me some more flexibility. </p> <p>I always say I am a better mother because he goes to daycare. I need some time to myself. He was also a very very very difficult baby. He literally screamed for 12 - 18 hours a day when he was born. It took months to figure out what was wrong. So getting that break where someone else had to deal with him who wasn't so attached was good for us.</p> <p>It also allows me some adult time and something to focus on. Of course, I love my new job and I think that helps as well.</p> <p>Because of my bad employment experience, I always think it is best to say the absolutely minimum in an employment situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-223722 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 10:31:59 +0000 plantains 223722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PPs, it is best to assume you are returning and then if you decide not to you can simply let them know later. Always best to keep your options open. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-223550 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 09:15:33 +0000 plaidpants 223550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: That's exactly what happened to me!! I had a "fussy" baby and I remember calling my husband at 4 or 5 weeks and telling him I did not want to take my full 12 weeks, that I was going back after 8 weeks because I could take it. Then we put my LO on Zantac and everything changed for the better. I ended up taking my 12 weeks and then an additional 30 day leave of absence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-223547 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 09:12:42 +0000 plaidpants 223547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was always 99% sure I was going back, so I did not get to make the choice, but I have to say that I was glad to go back to work. For me, getting the right schedule was key. I work from home on Monday and have Friday completely off, so I'm only in the office three days a week. I think I would go crazy if I was home EVERY day, but also if I was away from my daughter more than three or four days a week. </p> <p>One thing that was really frustrating was that my boss wouldn't talk to me about it until the day I returned to the office! So we had discussed my maternity leave and stuff, but she was like, "Don't decide whether you want to come back until you need to come back because you never know how you will feel until the time comes." It was great that she was so understanding about how motherhood changes your priorities, but I was also like, "WTF? I need to know what my schedule options are!" When we finally discussed it, I laid out my ideal situation and she just said OK and that was that. It worked out better than I could have ever imagined!</p> <p>Sorry, long post! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-223524 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:58:30 +0000 kml636 223524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in the same boat as you. I know I won't be back full time but I'm not going to tell them that, I'm afraid they would cut my benefits early, and if I wanted to go back part time I still want a job. I feel a little bad doing this, but what else can I do since I'm really not sure yet? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-223361 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 06:25:33 +0000 heffalump 223361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a SAHM, but when LO was little I thought very hard about going back to work. She had reflux, and I didn't know it. I just knew that she screamed and screamed and screamed and there was nothing I could do to soothe her. People just told me she was a fussy baby and that's how babies are and I thought oh my god, I can't do this, I don't know what I was thinking. But luckily I stuck it out and realized that there was a medical issue, because after we got that solved it's been soooooo much better. Still not always rainbows and unicorns, but I do love spending my days with my LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-223333 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 02:42:24 +0000 looch 223333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told my employers that I would be returning after maternity leave. I had 7 months off and I also had a three month notice period, which means I had to tell them 3 months in advance if I decided not to come back to work.</p> <p>Before I went on leave, I was certain I would return. I had a rough first few months and made the decision not to return and told my employer in February. Looking back, it was the worst time to make the decision because I was still feeling really out of it and couldn't possibly imagine going back to work when no one was really sleeping or eating well.</p> <p>Good luck, it's impossible to know how you're going to feel, if your child will have issues that require you to stay at home, etc. The best you can do is leave your options open. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222913 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 16:15:20 +0000 immabeetoo 222913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Highwire I had a coworker who (secretly) thought she was going to do the same thing and said as much since that was the only way she received her maternity leave. Turns out she DID want to come back and was happy to be back :)</p> <p>With that being said, the field I work in has a high percentage of young women, so every supervisor I've ever known basically assumed that the mom wasn't coming back (even if she was). If that makes sense. So.. don't feel guilty! Either way! I'd tell them I was, and then do a 2 week trial or something of coming back, then decide, if I were you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222892 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:48:50 +0000 DillonLion 222892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeybee: Thanks! That's really interesting information about both of your friends. </p> <p>@MsLipGloss: YES. The uncertainty and the inability to make decisions quickly is a brand new arena for me, for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222884 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:43:33 +0000 MsLipGloss 222884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Highwire: I don't think you're being impatient . . . it's just so hard to deal with all of the uncertainties that pregnancy presents. Our whole lives, including our bodies, are (albeit happily!) turned inside out, and everyone expects you to just *know* what you're going to do about everything (like we have any control over some of these). . . from birth plans, to breast/bottle plans, to future children plans, to work/nanny/ daycare plans, vaccination plans, etc., it's enough to drive you crazy! I mean, can I please just enjoy the fact that I have a name picked out (and bedding and a glider) for a few cotton pickin' minutes!?! And don't ask me what stroller I have chosen! ;P</p> <p>It is so hard to not be able to inject some concreteness--some certainty--to this topsy turvy process. There are some days I look in the mirror and think "who the h#ll are you and what have you done with MsLipGoss." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222881 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:41:41 +0000 Honeybee 222881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: The friend who just went back to work was kinda forced into being at home because of medical issues. She ended up spending 3 months in the hospital on bed rest during her pregnancy, and then spent another month there after her daughter was born, since she was a preemie. With all of the issues that often come with preemies, she wasn't able to get back to work until recently. She is an art professor at the local community college (along with doing commissioned art and selling her own pieces) so her work really is her passion. </p> <p>The other friend, well, I just don't think she's cut out for the SAH life. Before marrying her husband, she was in a very high profile position in the financial sector, but her husband has very traditional feelings about parenting and household care/maintenance. I think she thought she'd be happy to take a break from the busy lifestyle she had before, but I really think she feels unfulfilled and lonely at home all day with her son. She started up a couponing website for a while, but she felt overwhelmed trying to keep that up and the house and taking care of the baby, so she ultimately gave that up too. She's a good mom, don't get me wrong, but she's not very happy doing childcare and household care all day, every day. She always says how much happier she used to be in her old career, but that's not really an option for her right now (she's pregnant with #2, so it'll be at least 5 years before she goes back).</p> <p>ETA: From my own experience, being a SAHM CAN be very isolating/lonely. It's not for everyone, and some people are more affected by having less adult interaction/stimulation than before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222866 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:34:42 +0000 DillonLion 222866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: Yep, I guess I am just being impatient. There's absolutely no way I'm going to be able to make a decision until after the baby arrives and I can experience what it is like to stay home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222862 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:33:02 +0000 MsLipGloss 222862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Highwire: I totally agree with @Hilsy85, i.e., to keep your options open. I know it may feel a little disingenuous, but unless and until you decide that you are not, in fact, coming back, it is best to keep those cards close to your chest. </p> <p>For me, I have found that one day I really (really really) want to stay home (I am an attorney, and honestly, sometimes I feel like I am barely hanging on and that I may not be able to get a grip once butterbean gets here), and a week or so later, I feel like I really (really really) will be happier/ more fulfilled if I continue to work. </p> <p>I don't know what it is like to SAH . . . so, before I make that decision, I need to do just that--stay at home (maternity leave) with butterbean to see just what it is like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222853 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:29:39 +0000 DillonLion 222853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeybee: Do you know why they decided it wasn't a good fit for them? That's ultimately the kind of stories I'm trying to get from this post. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222848 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:24:27 +0000 Honeybee 222848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, two of my mom friends quit work while pregnant only to decide that staying at home wasn't what they really wanted. One mom started an at-home business for a while, but ended up quitting that because of pressures at home. The other mom is just now getting back to work (her daughter just turned 2), but she has said on multiple occasions how she wishes she could've started back sooner.</p> <p>I think it's great to keep your options open as long as possible. If you do decide you want to go back to work, you can do that right away; otherwise, it might take a couple years (or more!) until you can get back into the workforce. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222810 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:01:45 +0000 DillonLion 222810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Good point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222806 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:00:57 +0000 hilsy85 222806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: Absolutely do what is best for you. I totally get the guilt complex--I would feel the same way, I think. But the truth is you really DON'T know what you'll ultimately decide, since you're not at that point yet,, so I think it's okay to keep your options open, like you said. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222804 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:00:28 +0000 Mrsbells 222804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely tell them you are coming back. This way you are keeping your options open. Rather be safe than sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222803 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 14:59:29 +0000 DillonLion 222803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Thanks, yeah I am definitely going to just keep my options open by saying I'll be coming back. It just feels sort of...dishonest? But I guess I need to get over that and do what is best for me, professionally in this case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222802 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 14:58:06 +0000 hilsy85 222802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not in your position (I was laid off recently and plan to stay home after baby comes), but from what I've heard, I would definitely just tell them that you are planning on coming back. You don't want to block off any potential options for yourself, especially considering that you don't know what your situation will be like after baby comes. You and your husband might decided you need the extra income, or you might just be going stir crazy at home. I personally think it's better to have the option to go back to work, and then decide not to, than to make that decision for yourself now. Plus, if you keep it as an option to come back, maybe when the time comes you could negotiate part time or some alternative schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-think-you-were-going-to-stay-home-and-then-decided-to-go-back-to-work#post-222792 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 14:54:03 +0000 DillonLion 222792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A bit of a brain dump, pardon me:</p> <p>As usual, I'm still going back and forth on my decision to keep working or quit when the baby is born. My annual review is coming up tomorrow, and I'm assuming we're going to discuss my maternity leave. I'm expecting 3 months, unpaid, with room for negotiation. There's never been a pregnant employee at my office before, so this is a first time for everyone. </p> <p>I had made the decision to at least tell my employer that I'm coming back after my leave. I don't want to give up my position and then not have a job to come back to if I want/need it. </p> <p>But I really, really, really, really, really want to stay home and not work (not work at all, full/part-time or anything else). I really wish I could just be honest and tell my boss that, but it doesn't seem like a smart move at all, so I don't think I'll be sharing it. </p> <p>Did anyone else feel like they wanted to stay home, and ultimately changed their mind once the baby was born and want to go back to work? (Usually it seems like it is the other way around - planning to work but end up not wanting to leave the baby) </p> <p>My boss's wife did this (planned to stay home and then changed her mind and went back to work) so I'm going into the meeting with that situation sort of in the back of his mind. </p>