https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 12 Aug 2026 16:10:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-469233 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:23:02 +0000 Cherrybee 469233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some really interesting perspectives here, thanks! </p> <p>I'm surprised that this concern has popped up for me - I'm in my thirties, I've had a great life so far, got all my partying and a good portion of travelling out of my system, carved a brilliant career for myself and I'm genuinely ready to give myself 100% to my child/children for as long as they need me. But all of a sudden I've realised that I don't want to lose myself completely....!! It's a strange feeling! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-469207 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 16:57:44 +0000 LuLu Mom 469207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: I agree with understanding mom more know that I'm one myself. To this day she still puts us kids first and ahead of her needs. Makes me proud to have her as my mom, but I wish she enjoyed it more, as we are all in our 20s-30s and mothers ourselves! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-469194 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 16:49:41 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 469194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it slipped away, rather my identity changed. I feel like "mom" is my most important role right now and I whole-heartedly embrace it. I know it will not be like this forever because babies are only little for a short time and I will have plenty of years to go back to an adult centered life later on. I don't really have much of a desire to shop for myself anymore, but I cherish date nights, so maybe something like a restaurant gift certificate? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-469171 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 16:24:41 +0000 sarac 469171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>NO! I make a huge effort to ensure that this doesn't happen. My family often gives gifts of money, and I am careful to spend it on myself when it's my gift. I think that it's very important to protect your own identity in both little and big ways. </p> <p>Losing yourself in parenting is sometimes seen as unavoidable, but it really, really isn't. Even when I was exhausted and didn't feel like doing much, I made sure to do little things just for me. Like, we never listen to children's music - only music that we like, and as a result, our daughter likes it too. We don't let the toys take over our house - they live on shelves, baskets, and in her room, but the adult space can be made back into purely adult space very quickly. </p> <p>We made room for a child in our lives, and she is the most amazing and one of the best parts of it. But there are other parts of my life too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468890 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 14:00:29 +0000 heffalump 468890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I'm losing my identity, I think priorities just change as you get older and life changes. My mom never whopped for herself because she preferred to spend her money on her kids. I never got that..... until I had lo. I'm just not interested in shopping for myself anymore. </p> <p>I did get gifts for myself though. People got lo her own gifts and me my own gifts, not baby related. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468867 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:49:13 +0000 yoursilverlining 468867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your identity can get wrapped up in “mom”; and I work hard (I guess?) to try to remain ME. </p> <p>I know Christmas is over; but for gifts like wine or bath products – I think those would still be wonderful gifts if she likes those things. You can have a glass of wine while bf’ing; and her husband (or anyone) could step in and give her a dedicated half hour or so to take a nice bath while he watched the baby.</p> <p>I have kept working which I think helps to define my role outside of “mom”. I’ve also made an effort to keep up my hobbies and interests, even if it’s sometimes hard to do so because I have very little free time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468850 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:44:39 +0000 brownie 468850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I have chosen this. Maybe I reidentified as mommy. I realize that I don't have much that I want unless it is for him. I did do over $200 in clothes shopping for work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468803 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:26:17 +0000 jedeve 468803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My family very graciously did not want to give us baby stuff for Christmas, but we really just wanted it since we would have to buy it anyway and are due in a few weeks!</p> <p>My husband's sister gave him a diaper bag I registered for. It's cherry blossom print. Ha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468795 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:24:01 +0000 Mrs. Train 468795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It did happen to me but most of the time I don't mind. Sometimes I miss when I used to work with marine mammals or when I taught biology. I liked being known for the scientist that I was. But now as new friends get to know me I am known for different things. Im the mom who does science experiments and crafts with my crazy kids. It's just an adjustment but I am getting used to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468781 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:10:17 +0000 polkadots 468781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have definitely lost my identity to motherhood. We struggle financially so I can't just go enjoy a massage or go do anything that would cost extra. I do however play volleyball once a week and that's something I love to do. I think once I get back to work I'll find my identity again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468771 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:05:38 +0000 eeh 468771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've made a strong effort to avoid this happening and have expressed that to the people in our lives that would be giving gifts. I very much appreciate baby related things but I mostly got things for decorating our new house or for myself. My mother in law got me some pampered chef and a gift card to a store she knew doesn't sell baby clothes that way I can't be tempted to by her something instead of myself. My parents got us a significant amount of Lowe's gift cards because they know we're in the middle of fixing up our house.</p> <p>My SIL just had a baby and my sister is due in February so I made sure to get them gifts for just them or them and their spouse in addition to something for the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468739 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 12:46:22 +0000 LuLu Mom 468739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In the beginning yes (gave birth Oct 1st) I kind of had a small breakdown a couple weeks ago that I hadn't read a book in months (previously read 2 books a week) or gotten dressed up (something I enjoy doing.) My mom bought me couple new books and DH sent me shopping for some new work clothes. It helped me feel like myself again and realized it's okay to have a hobby outside of my child, and for me completely necessary to keep my sanity. </p> <p>I'm having my first official whole day to myself on Saturday, DH is taking DD to his parents with him for the morning/afternoon, and I'm going to lunch and shopping with a friend...and I"m hoping for some quiet time with just myself at home! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-identity-threaten-to-slip-away-when-you-became-mom#post-468694 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 12:02:31 +0000 Cherrybee 468694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BFF had her first baby in November and buying a Christmas gift for her this year was so difficult! I wanted to get something that was just for her (and get the baby a separate gift) but she's 100% all about the baby right now and anything she would have liked previously just wasn't appropriate. For example, she loves wine/champagne but is still breastfeeding so that was out. She loves expensive bath products - but complains that she barely has time for a shower these days! She loves nice clothes but isn't happy with her weight yet so that was also out! It was so tough!</p> <p>Anyway, cut to Christmas and I noticed something strange happening to me - almost every gift I received was baby related!!! I got DH a Kindle and, in return, he agreed to let me spend £80 on my private scan. My mum bought DH a £40 book token. My present from my mum was a very generous £150 voucher addressed to both of us with the instruction to "spend it on the baby". My best friend got me a book about childcare!! All of these gifts are very, very much appreciated - I've almost finished the book already! - but it's quite symbolic, isn't it!</p> <p>Did any of you find that, once you became Mom, your own identity slipped away a little? What steps did you take to make sure you remained You as well as being Mom? </p>