https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 06:03:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043668 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 12:42:15 +0000 sarac 2043668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely terrible. I had to learn everything on my own in my 20s. I have a lot of resentment about it now, and I'm trying to channel that constructively into my parenting. So, my three year old already does a lot of age appropriate chores - helps unload the dishwasher, clears her plate, takes her dirty clothing to the hamper, is responsible for picking up after herself. Lots of stuff like that, to help her to learn how to do it, and to make the point that we all need to work together to make our home nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043593 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 12:11:11 +0000 mrs. bird 2043593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's a really hard question! My parents did an amazing job in so many ways &amp; I truly believe they made the best choices they could for us at the time. I wish they had stressed planning for the future better, that they had kept me a bit more grounded. My older brother is very disciplined &amp; driven, I think they thought they could do what they'd been doing &amp; have similar results, but I am very much a stereotypical baby of the family, I'm a bit of a wanderer, I lack focus &amp; have trouble staying motivated, I can be impulsive &amp; don't always plan well enough for the future. Things I wish they'd made me do: clean, organize my schoolwork &amp; have better study habits, prioritize financial stability. It was stressed that I should do something that contributed to others, that made me feel good, but there was never any discussion about how much tuition would be at a school, what more earning potential could be in any profession, basically money wasn't talked about, ever. That said, they valued my individual spirit &amp; allowed me to follow my own path &amp; make mistakes, they've always accepted &amp; respected me. I'd never trade my childhood for one where I was put into a box &amp; told who &amp; what to be, even if it meant I'd be better organized &amp; driven. </p> <p>Mr. Bird. Oh mr bird. His parents were very young &amp; poor, they had just arrived in the US from Nigeria &amp; didn't have a support system. I'm sure they tried, but they were so busy trying to learn how to survive here, they just didn't have much left to effectively parent with. He's working on overcoming all of their shortcomings &amp; their lack of parenting (and life) skills have had a profound negative effect on him &amp; his siblings. None have grown up to be successful, secure, healthy, independent adults. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043573 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 12:02:43 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2043573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Yes! Very tough line. DH and his sister's aren't spoiled at all either. They're so humble and modest - their whole family! Just very giving people who are always thinking of others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043569 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 12:00:24 +0000 Anagram 2043569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: your in-laws sound just like mine! They are the most sacrificial people you've ever met--they would never have something nice for themselves if they could give something nice to a family member instead. But they are also very modest, so they didn't spoil DH or his sister at all! Tough line to walk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043536 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 11:48:59 +0000 Astro Bee 2043536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents did a great job of preparing me in certain ways, but dropped the ball in other ways. Still, they thought they were doing the best by that. Both parents had to work at home from a really early age (like 5!), with rigourous chores like washing and waxing floors, and farm work. My parents wanted us to have the childhood they didn't, so we never had chores. This made my brother and I a bit lazy, which we've had to overcome. Also, learning to cook as an adult is a lot harder. We also didn't get financial advice, because you weren't supposed to talk about money. Still, with everything else, they rocked it! Dad taught me about home repair, painting, and the importance of fitness. </p> <p>DH is the most responsible member of his family, both financially and from a legal perspective. I don't know where that came from, maybe his grandparents, who he spent a lot of time with when his parents travelled for work. He did have chores growing up, mainly clearing the kitchen table, doing groceries, taking garbage out, and bringing firewood in. He didn't learn to cook either and is really struggling when I'm unable to cook due to my pregnancy. But he is happy to split chores with me, and we've agreed that its best to prepare LOs for adulthood by doing the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043522 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 11:42:02 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2043522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been following this story intensely, and love it so much. Teared up a couple times. Just so incredible and heartwarming. I was surprised (but then surprised that I was even surprised) that people were so quick to judge his mom, and jumped down her throat because he helps around the house. She is a single mom doing the best she can with very little resources, and in this case... it's obvious she played a strong role in shaping her son!</p> <p>I think overall they did a good job. I was really pushed to be independent and self-sufficient. I was encouraged to try a lot of different activities and given a lot of resources to succeed. I learned to help out around the house early - clean my room, cook my own food, etc. I was taught to take ownership of my mistakes, and they let me fail and fall when I needed to. They gave me a lot of praise and encouragement. They asked me about my dreams, and what I wanted to be when I grew up... They never pushed their agenda or hopes on me. I very much felt loved and accepted for who I was/am and was allowed to make my own choices and do with my life what I wanted. There was a lot of autonomy! The bad thing is, my mom was very very permissive. That has its own dangers. And while my mom let me be independent and do my own thing, that can come off as not caring. She's not exactly the nurturing type. </p> <p>DH was raised by the most loving, gentle, kind parents you could ever ask for. My in-laws are just so kind and sacrificial. The main downfall I see is that him and his sisters never had to do anything for themselves because his mom cooked, cleaned, picked up after them... even to this day, the moment DH gets sick she'll make him a big batch of homemade chicken soup, or if his sister has work she'll wake up extra early to make her a really hearty breakfast. She's just one of those super nurturing, loving mom's. His dad worked long and hard hours, and is a man of few words... but it was all done for the sake of his family, and they all know that.</p> <p>Overall, I would say I was prepared bc I was pushed to be very independent and self-motivated. And I would say DH was prepared bc his parents have such amazing character and heart that his whole family is just made up of incredibly sweet, selfless, committed people with strong work ethics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043496 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 11:27:46 +0000 youboots 2043496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Eh, they did the best they could. My older sister is extremely gifted and athletic and I always had problems academically so they thought I was lazy or unmotivated. One of my professors approached me in college and it turns out I am dyslexic. Once I was diagnosed and got the tools I needed, school was much easier for me. Turns out it runs in my family, awesome, thanks for noticing parents. This may sound more bitter than I ment it to. That said, I feel like they did not invest in me they way they could have, I was kind of clueless about what career I might pursue, and since I was not good at sports I feel like I did not get much positive attention. I also did not have much experience with cooking, cleaning, or finances. However all of my financial needs were met by them through college and I got my BA and I am endlessly thankful for that.</p> <p>I moved in with M when I was 19 and he was 20, sometimes I feel like we raised each other or grew up together. He was really the person that motivated me, working towards common goals and creating the life we wanted is when I really started to get it together.</p> <p>Now that I am 30 and expecting our first child in a few weeks I would choose my life every day, there were many years that we struggled. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents now and I know they are proud of me. But will I do things different? Absolutely.</p> <p>That was a novel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043459 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 11:09:21 +0000 Anagram 2043459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my parents and DHs parents raised us well. They all raised us to work hard, we both had to do a lot of chores around the house, study hard, etc. </p> <p>His parents pushed more studying and less housework. My parents pushed more housework and kind of just expected me to do well at school without a lot of support (I did fine, but I lacked focus). No one is perfect, but I think all of our parents rank pretty high up there in how well they prepared us for real life.</p> <p>For the record, I think it's bad parenting to *not* give your children chores. Children aren't mini slaves, but they are family members and should contribute to running the family and all that entails. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043457 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 11:07:54 +0000 catlady 2043457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents did an ok job. They were focused much more on academics than on things like cooking and chores, so I was a little lost when I first started having to cook for myself (I lived on microwaved meals for literally years until DH and I started figuring out how to cook). They also had the final decision on basically everything in my life, which meant that I had alot of trouble deciding normal adult things without their help when I was in my 20s. It took quite awhile for me to be independent. I'm much happier now that I can do things for myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043453 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 11:06:26 +0000 erwoo 2043453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say my parents raised me well. I was taught to be really independent early on by doing chores around the house and helping with cooking dinners. I wouldn't have learned it otherwise. My mom also suggested that I volunteer at the hospital in HS and I chose the pediatrics ward. Loved it. My mom was big on volunteering for as long as I can remember. They always told me and my sibs to not worry about working and to do well in school so we can find a good career to support ourselves when we got older. We were fortunate enough to not have to worry about money. But that didn't stop me from finding summer internships or internships while going to school. Although, my mom said maybe she taught me too well b/c I do too much for myself and others and am just way too independent. I don't think that's a bad thing because I am happy to do it. It's one thing if I felt forced into it, but I wasn't. I feel it gave me the strength to be brave and tough when I needed to be as an adult. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043423 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:52:48 +0000 Spinny 2043423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents did a good job, they raised us to be responsible adults, we are all productive members of society, with good work ethics. I can't speak for my siblings on this, but I try to donate and volunteer where I can. I do wish my parents would have pushed me to do better in school and given me more financial guidance, although I don't blame them as they did their best to raise all of us.</p> <p>My DH was raised similarly, except that his parents were strict financially. Any money his parents gave him, he was expected to pay back. In fact, a tally was kept on the wall, so there was no forgetting. While I don't think I could be this way with my children, he is the most responsible person I know financially and he has helped me to improve my finances and we both have excellent credit scores because of him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043406 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:45:18 +0000 .twist. 2043406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me: I think my parents did a great job. I'd give them an A- because there were obviously things that I think they could have done differently. They made me a saver and a planner and I've been more responsible than most people my age for a loooooong time. </p> <p>Husband: I, obviously, think they did a good job preparing him to be an adult. He's very responsible (now), a saver like me, courteous to others. There are definitely things his parents did wrong, though, too. </p> <p>Overall, though, I would say both our sets of parents did a great job of preparing us for adulthood! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043395 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:38:41 +0000 namaste 2043395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: Pretty much the same here! I had a lot of responsibility very young so it prepared me for adulthood. I definitely agree about finances. I could have used better guidance than having to figure everything out on my own of good financial practices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043380 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:31:59 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2043380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. I love my parents and they nurtured my creativity but they are very irresponsible people. They still don't have their own shit together so preparing us for adulthood would have been surprising. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043357 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:18:42 +0000 ValentineMommy 2043357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: Sounds like a similar DH situation over here. :-/ I feel your pain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043342 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:13:50 +0000 stiletto_mom 2043342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents did an okay job. I'd give them a B-. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043330 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:08:50 +0000 blackbird 2043330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What, this is amazing! People are the worst sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043328 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:08:19 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2043328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my parents did a good job. Paired with my naturally independent personality I think k my parents struck the exact right balance of giving me things and making me work for them. I also have a great deal of gratitude instilled in me that I feel I owe to them. I don't think they pushed me hard enough in school but it worked out and I'm where I'm supposed to be in life right now and I think it's because they kept me well grounded. </p> <p>DH'S parents dropped the ball and while DH has overcome a lot, I still sometimes feel like I live with a selfish short sighted baby that needs a lot of care because he is just too lazy to use his brain. That sounds really mean, those are just things I blame his parents for. He had to drop out of school and his mom said that when she tried to homeschool him she "couldn't get him to do anything." He's never haf to do a chore a day in his life and his parents have always handed him everything. That being said, he is WAY more responsible that his parents and his older brother. He makes better financial decisions and though he stresses me out sometimes, he doesn't make rash decisons that will affect us negativelY where as his dad continues to make rash decisions. I guess he's overcome a lot and is doing really well despite them dropping the ball. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043324 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:06:55 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2043324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was well prepared to be an adult. Wish I had gotten more if a chance to be a kid. Childhood is so fleeting yet I was working at 13-14 and caring for siblings long before that. I had a second childhood in college when I should have been studying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043320 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:04:18 +0000 mrsjazz 2043320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes for both DH and I. I think that sometimes being the child of a single parent will prep you for adulthood, sometimes faster than you want to be prepped. I was the oldest and my sister a year younger, so we handled a lot of household duties, especially when my Mom had to work 2 jobs. We did drop-off and pick-up for our younger brothers, cooked dinner, cleaned the apartment, laundry, etc.</p> <p>I would have liked to have been more educated about finances, but other than that I felt like an adult long before I actually was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043319 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 10:04:02 +0000 ValentineMommy 2043319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think for the most part they prepared me well. The one thing I wish they had better prepared me for is chores/cleaning. My mom did all my cleaning and laundry when I lived at home, and while it was great at the time, it makes it really hard to keep up with now. I basically do it when it can't be put off anymore. But who knows, I could have been this way even if they had instilled it more in me.</p> <p>As for DH, he was definitely not prepared for adulthood at all - and it's definitely his parents fault. But that's another story. Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043307 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 09:59:01 +0000 LuLu Mom 2043307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I follow them on FB and one that kid was incredible, his mom did/does something right with the way he was raised, the fact people called her lazy is just ridiculous, they don't know the situation so why be so quick to judge. </p> <p>My parents did a pretty good job although my mom's biggest regret was not teaching us how to cook better, I was CLUELESS when I moved out on my own, I ate a lot of pizza, salads, and pasta. She said she wish she would have taught us the basics, so when my DDs get older I'm going to for sure have them help out more in the kitchen. Otherwise I worked, I did chores, I had to balance my money and that came straight from them teaching me responsibility! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-parents-do-a-good-job-preparing-you-for-adulthood#post-2043296 Wed, 28 Jan 2015 09:53:52 +0000 mrbee 2043296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been following (and loving) Humans of NY's Instagram feed recently, where they've been profiling a young kid, his family and his school (they've raised almost $900k for the school!!). The site mentioned how the kid helps a lot around the house and is thoughtful in general, and people jumped on the mom for being lazy (?!):</p> <p><a href="http://instagram.com/p/yXypdCNrP9/?modal=true" rel="nofollow">http://instagram.com/p/yXypdCNrP9/?modal=true</a></p> <p>My immediate thought was that if the kid turns out ok, then the parents must be doing a good job! But then I thought about it, and there are lots of great people I know whose parents dropped the ball raising them. Not sure how it nets out, so thought I'd throw it out there!</p> <p>You: Did your parents do a good job preparing you for adulthood? How did they best prep you? </p> <p>SO: Also curious about your SO's parents! </p>