https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 16:40:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2529074 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 18:35:18 +0000 Nutella 2529074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: so sorry for your loss :sad: I feel you on the pain of ttc after such heartbreak. My DH was always pretty involved but afterwards became more involved in the emotional aspects of it if that makes sense. He knew that ttc was making me crazy when it didn't work out the first few months after our MC...and he basically just supported me in my choice to pause trying. We are starting again next month after our bodies have detoxed and my heart is ready...and he's been along with me on my whole mental/emotional journey which has been crucial. It's definitely less - lets just try!!! Cos even though I'm not presumptuous enough to assume I'll get knocked up straight away but even the idea needs a serious consideration now, knowing how invested I get. Lots of hugs to you :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528931 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 15:27:49 +0000 winniebee 2528931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say he was more involved in TTC, but he seemed really excited about pregnancy milestones after our losses. Like more excited I was pregnant, more excited the early ultrasound was good, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528846 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 14:27:11 +0000 MaryM 2528846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: I think I reacted very similarly to what you described after our first loss. </p> <p>DH never talked about it, so I didn't feel like I could open up about it either. Once we finally did start hashing stuff out when I completely lost it one day, he said he didn't talk about it because he didn't want to make me sad. And he thought if I brought it up, I'd be sad. He's very old fashioned in that he feels it's his job as a man to be supportive and not emotional, and in his head, that's what he was doing. </p> <p>He had NO idea that by doing that, he was (inadvertently) making me feel worse. I felt like nothing bothered him because he never brought it up. </p> <p>Now we've gotten to a point where I can say "I'm in a funk" and it's up to me if I want to elaborate or not, but at least then he can understand that I'm an emotional place and might need to be handled with care. He still doesn't really open up about his feelings regularly, but at least I know he has some feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528785 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 12:48:46 +0000 MrsKoala 2528785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In our case, DH got freaked out by the pregnancy and loss (even though we were NTNP) and pulled back completely. He decided he wanted to wait a lot longer for the next kid. We had a long talk about it and I agreed we'd wait to respect his feelings. A couple months later, he kind of just pulled the goalie on me so to speak and that was that and I was pregnant again. It was strange because we really weren't in the TTC mindset at all but in some ways, I'm glad that is how it worked out so that I didn't get anxious about TTC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528765 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 12:28:19 +0000 Torchwood 2528765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. After mine DH became more involved somewhat. We got pregnant very easily every time, but he was more aware of things. But he knew when I was testing and that sort of thing, which he didn't before. I think he was aware I'd be having major anxiety so he wanted to make sure he was aware of what was going on. ETA- He's mostly much more aware of how pregnancy works, rather than ttc. He gets irritated at tv shows now that show totally ridiculous ultrasounds (like seeing a full formed baby at 6 weeks), which is kind of cute. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528761 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 12:25:11 +0000 nana87 2528761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>thank you all for replies! it is so helpful to read about how other people have coped. :heart: </p> <p>dh and I ended up having a long talk over lunch about this--I think in the past I've kept a lot of my feelings in about ttc because he's more of a "we'll deal with things when there's something to deal with" kind of person, but that isn't really fair to me anymore, and I need more emotional support now. Especially because our loss was so early--there was barely a "something" there before it was gone. And he gets that now after our talk. I'm bad at asking for help, but I know I need to open up more because he will be there if I say I'm struggling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528592 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 09:50:04 +0000 MaryM 2528592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was honestly scared to death about sex after our losses (especially the second). It was becoming really clear that sex leads to babies, but for us, those babies die and I grieve and so it really colored his perspective for a while. </p> <p>Since our last loss, I started charting using the Creighton model so that I can work with a NaPro doctor to try to figure out the underlying causes of our IF and losses. He is fully on board with that because it's not just about making a baby, but it's about getting my body to regulate so that I can be healthier. An outcome of the method working could very well be that I get pregnant and have a baby, but our number one priority is to help my body return to some sort of normal (my hormones are completely out of whack). </p> <p>Sex is a lot more stressful for him now than it's ever been because I think the prospect of a baby is much more real now that I'm taking medications to try to make it so. While I charted before, It wasn't something we really talked about on a daily basis. With Creighton, it's easier for him to see my charts and he knows very easily that white baby stickers = fertile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528585 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 09:41:20 +0000 Alba4 2528585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He became more involved. He wanted to know my most fertile days and he ate for optimal fertility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528553 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 09:17:46 +0000 Shantuck 2528553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think after our losses, my husband started taking things a bit more seriously. We got pregnant easily with LO #1. Literally, it happened the first month we tried and it was a completely stress free and easy pregnancy. When I didn't get pregnant for several months trying for LO #2, I immediately started obsessing over opks, temping, reading TTC books, etc. and my husband thought I'd gone off the deep end. It was literally all consuming. I think my two losses tipped my husband off that I wasn't crazy and that we were up against some more challenging circumstances this time around. After my first loss, we had a heart to heart talk about how difficult the whole thing was for me and how I was worried it would never happen for us. He helped reassure me that we would figure out and move forward with fertility treatment or adoption if we needed to. He started helping me research fertility clinics, etc. Honestly, after that, I felt less alone and more of team. I got pregnant naturally and am currently 11 weeks. I'm dealing with all of the genetic screenings now so I'm not out of the woods yet but I do feel confident that we'll figure this out one way or another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528527 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 09:07:54 +0000 catlady 2528527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I responded in the other thread, but I'll write a little more here. I don't think that loss necessarily changed my DH's involvement (I was temping and tracking when we first started TTC 4 years ago now, and I have always kept him in the loop about where I am in a cycle when we are trying). However, I think the losses made him focus on my mental health a little more. I went a little too crazy about TTC in the beginning, and after a loss, he realized that the combo of grief and TTC craziness was just not good for me, so he tried to rein me in a bit. Since then, we've realized that I get pregnant easily but also am prone to losses, so we try to stay as relaxed as possible and he tries to help me maintain my mental health. </p> <p>When we started trying for #2 this past fall, we started out relaxed but ended up with a miscarriage followed by a chemical followed by a cycle of TTC where it was clear that I was starting to go a little nuts again. At that point, DH suggested that we take a little break for a few months and take a vacation and wait to TTC again until we got back (not that it worked, since I somehow got pregnant anyway, but at least I got to skip the 2ww!). </p> <p>If we lose this one, I know DH will be there for me emotionally, again. I don't know how many more losses that I can bear to go through at this point, but my DH has said that he will support me until I decide no more and will stand by that decision if I have to make it. That has meant everything to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528496 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 08:49:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2528496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was more adamant that I not get caught up in testing and stress over the TWW. He was very interested in the OPKs because he saw a direct correlation of success with the first pregnancy that ended in m/c. Otherwise, he was supportive when I realized I needed a break from TTC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528487 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 08:45:20 +0000 runnerd 2528487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: the one where I try my darnedest not to talk about TTC non-stop, but am completely aware of my days, when we need to DTD, and counting my DPOs religiously. :P not much help for the idea of getting more emotional support during TTC </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528462 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 08:33:10 +0000 stiletto_mom 2528462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was very supportive. He mostly wanted me to grieve if I needed (but he also knew that I could take care of myself). He did what I needed him to do, which was to continue as if nothing changed him. </p> <p>DH put my mental health above everything else and it meant a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528435 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 08:20:33 +0000 nana87 2528435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: which approach did you end up taking? we've always taken the more laid back approach, though I still think about it a lot, look at the calendar, etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528425 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 08:15:23 +0000 runnerd 2528425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For my DH, he wanted us to take a more laid back approach, because of the heavy emotional toll of miscarriage and TTC. I was very wound of up and it was all I thought about, while he wanted us to take a step back and relax, so we wouldn't be miserable each unsuccessful month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-partner-become-more-or-less-involved-in-ttc-after-a-loss#post-2528419 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 08:09:20 +0000 nana87 2528419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm wondering if having a loss changed the way other couples discussed/managed ttc?</p> <p>When we were ttc for lo, and before our loss, dh and I of course talked about whether or not to try, but didn't really talk about the mechanics of ttc at all. Like, sometimes I'd mention that I was in my fertile window, especially when we were planning travel or something, but not much else. My first fertile window of trying again starts today (according to my app...) and I'm feeling kind of sad and anxious. I feel like I might need to involve him more now in ttc, it's too hard for me to feel like I'm doing this on my own. I don't even know what "this" is though, I don't temp or do opks or really chart anything except my period, though maybe I should start now...</p> <p>Anyway, I'd love to hear about whether/how loss affected your partner's involvement. </p>