https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 05:37:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2321881 Thu, 15 Oct 2015 14:02:24 +0000 daniellemybelle 2321881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really remember, but I doubt it. I think he said, "I love you," and, "You got this," etc. More expressions of love and support than straight up praise. Maybe he did though. I was kind of distracted ;)</p> <p>@78h2o: My husband is not really big into praise either. It's been an adjustment for me because we were raised really differently. He has learned in the past 7 years it means a lot to me to get recognition and gratitude and has made effort, but it is not natural to him. So, I feel you. &lt;3</p> <p>@Rockies11: DH was up with me all night the first night in the hospital (LO basically did not sleep so neither did we) and so the next day he was dead asleep through multiple nurses, doctors, LCs, and even visitors! I mean, like, DEAD. A midwife sat on the cot he was sleeping on to talk to me and he just snored away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320645 Thu, 15 Oct 2015 07:48:24 +0000 Rockies11 2320645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first was a CS, my second was a very protracted labour, 3 hours of pushing, a vacuum assist, cord wrap, rescessitation, and postpartum complications with a retained placenta. I have absolutely no idea what he said to me, lol. He did sleep through active labour (which was the middle of the night) and got a coffee right before the start of pushing. He almost fainted and had to be sat down and given some juice after the baby was out. He fell asleep with the baby while I was still in the delivery room, although we were there for a long time afterwards for monitoring. The nurse said "wow, your husband is an amazingly heavy sleeper" lol. I have 0 negative feelings about any of this because he is unable to stay awake for love or money ever, he is intensely stressed in medical situations, and the birth was very traumatic. He has an abundance of good qualities but medical support is not really one of them, and I am okay with that and look for support in other ways. I tease him that he got a solid 10 hours on the night our baby was born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320633 Thu, 15 Oct 2015 07:35:30 +0000 MrsRcCar 2320633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH almost passed out at both births. 😟 He isn't one for a lot of words. Once he regained his composure he gave me a kiss and that was that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320515 Thu, 15 Oct 2015 01:14:32 +0000 Cherrybee 2320515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: Yes! :happy: Every word that comes out of his mouth is a joke, he's completely incapable of saying something nice. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320497 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 23:43:02 +0000 MsMini 2320497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a true emergency c-section and then a RCS, and both my kids ended up needing to be resuscitated ... I honestly don't remember anything but listening to the team work on my babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320490 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 23:34:17 +0000 sapphire 2320490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't remember what he said at the time but at the time but he certainly has said so since. But I'm not sure how your DH was supposed to know that he was supposed to say that esp when there is so much happening at a birth and so many emotions. To me it was much more important that he was there and supporting me at the time --mattered a lot more than words. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320481 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 23:05:55 +0000 littleblessings 2320481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My SO was telling me I was doing a great job the whole time I was pushing. Then kissed me when the baby was out and told me I was beautiful. That's with both my LOs but he almost passed out with the first so he was sitting the entire time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320386 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 21:55:16 +0000 travelgirl1 2320386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had two planned c-sections, so it's different. He never said he was proud of me, but said many times with each pregnancy/delivery how well I had coped. Actually though, that pissed me off this time, because recovery was horrendous and when I kept hearing him tell people "yeah she's doing really well" I felt like he totally didn't get it at all. Someone asked me how painful breastfeeding was and I described it and he said "it wasn't THAT bad!" I didn't know whether to laugh or punch him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320353 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 21:25:34 +0000 pinkcupcake 2320353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: um, I truly hope your husband was joking when he said that , because otherwise that is just awful! </p> <p>I don't remember much of the moments immediately following the birth but I do my husband was totally in awe and still to this day calls me a rockstar for giving birth. I downplayed it once saying I had an epidural and he got really indignant and said there's no way he could have done that, epidural or not :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320116 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 17:43:43 +0000 Anagram 2320116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband ia not very good at verbal compliments of any kind, in general. And I dont remember any compliments after delivery but I just asked him, and he claims he did say he was proud of me. Haha. Who knows.</p> <p>I actually just thought about this recently because a male friend posted a really sweet, thoughtful note about how awesome his wife was to go through labor and give him their baby, that kind of thing...and I just thought, yeah my husband would never in a trillion years write that kind of thing on FB. It's just not him.</p> <p>Having said that, his good qualities are still abundant. This is just not his strong area. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320073 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 17:01:57 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2320073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I just went back and read the comments and it does seem he wasn't very supportive. Husbands may not say and do all the right things at the right time but he kind of left you to your own devices at a time when anyone would need support (duh.) It's good you're working this out and that your birth experience the second time was better. I'm sorry you had to deal with this though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320071 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 16:59:49 +0000 Cherrybee 2320071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cant remember so I just asked my husband if he remembers saying something like this. His response - "I dunno, coz, well..... you were doing a great job up until the moment when you shit yourself. Try not to do that again this time". </p> <p>Umm, thanks. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320068 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 16:57:48 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2320068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not with lo1, but with lo2, yes. I think it was when we were close to leaving the hospital? My dh was pretty laid back about the birth and postpartum process both times though. (I guess we're still in the pp part for #2, he's a week old.) It's just not his personality to verbalize that kind of thing, but I know how you feel because I get frustrated too sometimes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320053 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 16:36:35 +0000 Charm54 2320053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't remember exact words, but I remember an overwhelming feeling of love and joy from him in those moments after birth , so that is what's important to me and what I hold dear from my memories of those two days </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2320032 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 16:27:10 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2320032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe I am just more chill about this stuff but DH commented on how I got more sleep during labor than he did. I didn't care – maybe because it was true! I know that he thought I did a wonderful job so I don't mind letting him complain that he had a hard time sleeping on the uncomfortable couch and was cold during my 36 hour induction.</p> <p>That said, because there is clearly still tension between you guys as a result of things that happened during your labor, I think it would be worthwhile to talk it out and maybe meet with a therapist. Your feelings are totally valid even if not everyone would have reacted the same way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2319723 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 13:50:33 +0000 78h2o 2319723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: "How could you watch someone go through giving birth (however you do it) and not be amazed and proud of them?" - That's pretty much what I was thinking! Thanks for the validation! I told DH it would be like if I watched him run a marathon and didn't say I was impressed/amazed/proud. He responded though that if I asked how he was feeling post-marathon, and didn't say anything else, he wouldn't be bothered. So obviously we just don't see eye to eye on this!</p> <p>I'm glad to know that other people would feel similarly in my shoes, but also glad to hear that not every SO would respond the way I kind of pictured would be the norm. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2319396 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 11:20:29 +0000 sarac 2319396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, my husband was very proud of me for delivering naturally and was excited to brag about it on facebook, which was more than I would have done, honestly. How could you watch someone go through giving birth (however you do it) and not be amazed and proud of them? I would have been offended too, for real.</p> <p>ETA: woah, I'd need a heck of a lot of therapy to get over the stuff you're describing. Leaving while you're pushing for eye drops?????? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth/page/2#post-2319318 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 11:02:05 +0000 PawPrints 2319318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really have no idea. Probably I guess? He did give me a gorgeous surprise push present and brought me all the delicious food I wanted (or ordered it from room service for me) so that was pretty much what was on my mind at the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319316 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 11:01:05 +0000 78h2o 2319316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Reese: Thanks. Yeah, I would have loved for him to react like that! I have friends whose husbands are like that (bragging about their wives, saying they couldn't have done it), and I think that is part of the reason why I had thought/hoped that he's react in a similar way. He is not good at praise/appreciation in general. He told our therapist that he doesn't show appreciation because he doesn't like to receive it himself. Um, ok. We're working on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319257 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 10:38:49 +0000 birdofafeather 2319257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't remember what he said (he's not great with words) but he was there for me whatever I needed and like PPs said, it seems like his actions were more of the issue and his words are what you focused on. Sorry you're still feeling hurt by this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319215 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 10:18:43 +0000 Reese 2319215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@78h2o: Yes, he was in amazement and was very vocal about how incredible he thought I was, thanking me, and admitting he would never be able to have done it himself. He also went out of his way to tell his friends how proud of me he was and how he thinks I am the strongest woman ever (I will gladly accept that title in his mind!). I don't say this to rub it in but to let you know that you definitely do deserve that praise! Perhaps as PP have said he was in such shock he didn't even know how to react. I think the key here is moving on. You can't change the past and because he didn't say it - it doesn't mean he didn't feel it. Hopefully he takes this as a hint to praise you on your epic mothering skills :)<br /> ETA: just reading about the recliner issue... umm wow.. no words. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319198 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 10:13:38 +0000 alphagam84 2319198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm due with our first in a few weeks and hadn't really thought about what he'll say. I imagine he'll say something sweet like usual. I do know he bought me a push present that's a diamond necklace so I'm looking forward to getting that! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319160 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 10:00:35 +0000 Bubbles 2319160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted other as I really cannot remember! I know he has said things to that effect since then, but I couldn't even tell you who was in the room right after the birth, let alone what they said! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319158 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 09:59:55 +0000 mrbee 2319158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@78h2o: He complained that the recliner was uncomfortable while you were in labor, and prioritized his sleep over yours?? You are far more patient than me - I would have kicked my partner out of the room! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319147 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 09:55:42 +0000 78h2o 2319147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: yeah, I think that put me me over the top but it obviously wasn't the only thing. Thanks for your feedback. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319145 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 09:54:41 +0000 ElbieKay 2319145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't remember, but he was sort of an uncharacteristic jerk during my pregnancy and so that was the least of my concerns. We are back in a good place now though. I believe he was inappropriately channeling his anxiety about becoming a dad and taking it out on me, but at this point I don't really care since we have moved on. I'm sure I wasn't a peach to deal with when I was pregnant either.</p> <p>I mostly shut him out during my labor, which I think hurt his feelings, but he didn't make me feel safe and secure at the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319143 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 09:54:23 +0000 78h2o 2319143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! It does make me feel better to know that not everyone heard these things. For some reason, I had felt like it was kind of a universal thing for SOs to do/say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319142 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 09:53:30 +0000 youboots 2319142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@78h2o: yeah it sounds like you have some lingering hurt about his behavior. Time to hash it out in a safe space and put it behind you.</p> <p>Sounds like you just exploded after feeling unsupported and made that praise after the issue even though it was the way he acted in general? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319140 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 09:52:41 +0000 78h2o 2319140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity: You are probably right. He does get anxious/overwhelmed easily. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-your-so-say-good-job-or-im-proud-of-you-after-you-gave-birth#post-2319138 Wed, 14 Oct 2015 09:52:11 +0000 78h2o 2319138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: He said he thought it could take an hour or two and didn't want his itchy eyes (allergies) to distract him from the birth. It did end up taking a whole hour, but there was no way of knowing! The only reason it took awhile was because she was stuck with her hand above her head. </p>