https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Jul 2026 00:16:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-2009548 Mon, 05 Jan 2015 00:35:58 +0000 serenity207 2009548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I fell behind on to dos due to the holidays but wanted to swing back and say thanks to everyone again for your feedback! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1994014 Mon, 22 Dec 2014 07:32:34 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1994014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@serenity207: i know all too well that Koreans do not like to see children cry or be upset, and they are quick to give into little ones to keep them from crying.</p> <p>I agree with others that you have to stick to your guns on stuff like this. You definitely don't want her to think she can act however she wants at your IL's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1994009 Mon, 22 Dec 2014 07:20:48 +0000 blackbird 1994009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All you can do is pick your battles. You let your kids have some leeway--and maybe they can be reminded of that--but that other things aren't tolerable. This ranking never occurred in our family (my grandmother is Korean) and I wouldn't allow my parents' dirty looks and snide comments to stop me from doing what I think is right in certain circumstances. Kids know when they get get away with more! Not disciplining children in front of certain family members just tells them that they can get away with XYZ in front of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1994006 Mon, 22 Dec 2014 07:15:02 +0000 Dandelion 1994006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@serenity207: from what you wrote, it sounds as if your MIL is actually pretty understanding and this is really your husband's issue. Talk with him about it. Sounds like you need to be consistent, but both parents need to be on the same page. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993960 Mon, 22 Dec 2014 02:41:06 +0000 lamariniere 1993960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally relate, we are visiting my ILs for a week right now. Are you not Korean? (My<br /> DH's family is also not the same culture as my own). There are definitely some cultural parenting differences at play for us too. I honestly stick to what we normally do when it comes to disciplining at my IL's, and fortunately, my DH and I are nearly always on the same page. Anytime my MIL tries to step in or makes a comment, I give her a brief "this is what we do at home" and leave it at that. After all, it is MY family and OUR rules, not theirs. That said, we also are a bit more lenient when staying with family, but if we give in too much, when we get home it's like we have taken 6 steps back and have to be even more strict to get back on track. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993920 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 23:42:48 +0000 serenity207 1993920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>(Oops, didn't realize I had written such a lengthy reply! And sorry about the typos.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993919 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 23:40:58 +0000 serenity207 1993919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks so much for your thoughts everyone! I want to clarify one thing: when we are traveling or out for special occasions, we are much more flexible about certain rules. For example, at home we have meals at the table and everyone sits in their own seat. When we are traveling, we're okay with whatever we think is best doe the situation. With my ILs, because we want to be respectful of their cultural expectations, we generally try to take be more easy going about things like sweets, special treats, etc. The one thing that I always try to be consistent about, regardless of location, is not being rude and knowing that when we say no it means no. I struggled with that aspect tonight because my daughter was having a screaming melt down because she didn't get her way about something. I took her downstairs for her timeout so that my ILs didn't have to watch her scream and cry and we never once raised our voice to her and spoke firmly but calmly (which, admittedly, doesn't always happen!). I guess I'm struggling with it because my FIL went into his room and was obviously displeased and my MIL has told me in the past that she would never have dared to discipline her kids in front of her in laws and would used to hide in the bathroom and pretend to give them a bath to scold them. I think thinking this through right now has made me realize some of this is about residual issues I have with them from living with them for a year about a year ago and with some of their own parenting methods.</p> <p>Anyway, all of your inputs were very helpful in giving me some perspective and food for thought so thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993899 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 22:59:45 +0000 Zbug 1993899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally feel like @Anagram, but you need to do what's right for you. My SIL visited and let her daughter cio for bedtime every night. I hated listening to it, and it made it next to impossible to put my own daughter down for the night. I totally understand wanting to be consistent, but just rolling with it when we travel works better for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993887 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 22:24:03 +0000 Anagram 1993887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a fine line when you are traveling and your parenting is being observed 24/7, plus I assume you are also worried about the comfort of your in-laws--it's uncomfortable to see someone else's child screaming but not be in the position to do anything about it.</p> <p>I would probably be more lenient- slightly- to avoid out and out screaming fits. But then tighten up a bit if your LO starts to show signs of taking advantage of the leniency. </p> <p>It's tough-- I've been on both sides (well my LO is only 17 months so I'm sure it will get worse... Right now I deal more with nap and bedtime disruption than tantrums). But I've been in the room while my niece and nephew are being disciplined, because my sister and her husband are pretty strict, and it can sometimes put a damper on everyone's night. Like it sucks when my nephew doesn't pick up his toys immediately and then my sister draws a line in the sand and says either pick them up now or you have a time out in your room.... And the rest of us are just caught in the middle, like.... We can't really continue having fun when this standoff is happening in the same room. So we kind of just sit around awkwardly while it all plays out. </p> <p>At the same time, I can see why you don't want to start bad habits that you have to break at home--although that's what I prefer to do. It stresses me out to be so anal about LOs schedule when traveling so I just go with the flow and then when we get home, I just transition back to the strict schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993885 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 22:22:05 +0000 Applesandbananas 1993885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it was one or two days, maybe giving in would be okay but not for such a long trip! That'd be hell to pay when you got home. </p> <p>You could go on the offensive and explain to your ILs everything you've said here? Maybe if they understand your reasoning, it would help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993883 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 22:21:01 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1993883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @simplyfelicity! Stay consistent, especially if you think that's what works best for your daughters personality type. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993879 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 22:17:17 +0000 simplyfelicity 1993879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have kids yet but you are the mom, you call the shots. If that makes the ILs uncomfortable than they need to occupy themselves somehow. It may seem like a small thing to give into some of these whims for 10 days, but you and your husband will have to deal with the aftermath. Not worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discipline-over-holiday-travel-il-version#post-1993868 Sun, 21 Dec 2014 22:02:47 +0000 serenity207 1993868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>(Warning: long post ahead!) </p> <p>Background: I am a firm believer in consistency when it comes to parenting, including with discipline. I do my best to keep my behavior expectations and consequences the same wherever we are (traveling, at home, etc). </p> <p>Dilemma: We are staying with my ILs over the holidays right now and we had a situation arise tonight where my daughter (3.5 yo) threw a fit because after bath she had said she wanted me to change her but after my husband had taken her brother to the other room to change him, she changed her mind and started whining and demanding that her dad change her. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal (and an easy fix with me just changing my son and my husband changing my daughter) but she is one of those souls where if you give an inch, she'll run with it (which is why I am particular about being consistent with her). Our rule in the house is that you don't get what you want because you whine. You can ask for anything you'd like, but need to do so without whining and if mom/dad say no, it means no. We aren't trying to be strict for the sake of it and try to be flexible when we can, but we are also not here to negotiate. </p> <p>Usually my husband and I are very much on the same page with this. However, in the Korean culture, parents (especially the in-laws for the girl) are often considered "higher" in rank and I know my in-laws don't like to hear my kids cry. For me though, I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they can behave differently and get away with it just because they're in a different place. My husband, however, didn't want to make his parents feel uncomfortable hearing our daughter have a full on screaming melt down (I had given her a few chances to calm down and had also warned her that the next step would be time out). </p> <p>What would you do in this situation? Is it more important to stay consistent with parenting wherever you are? Or to change your rules/expectations depending on environment? I'm honestly torn in this case but am leaning towards staying consistent...I can sense the immense disapproval from the in-laws though and we're here for 10 more days!! (Also, I have a complicated relationship with them...) </p>