https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 20:23:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2239880 Sat, 18 Jul 2015 14:59:18 +0000 agold 2239880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: Thank you so much for your response and for completely understanding my situation. And thank you so much for your input. I think I am going to use what you have said. I was just having such a hard time figuring out how to articulte the IVF procedure without disclosing what it was. And yes, judgmental opinions. That's also what I'm really trying to avoid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2239097 Fri, 17 Jul 2015 08:18:20 +0000 raintreebee 2239097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds to me that you are concerned more about the emotional/energy toll of IVF rather than the time. Although the time you have to devote is intense, it is manageable from a work perspective to do it with only two days off if you can do your monitoring before work. Some doctors recommend bed rest after ET, but mine just told me to take it easy that day. Same with ER. But the process is very distracting. You are constantly waiting to see how your follicles develop, your E2 levels rise, how many eggs your retrieved, how many eggs fertilized, how many made it to day three, day five, to freeze, then finally if you are pregnant! It's all very intense. Also, during stims, you might not feel the greatest. You can still work, but you probably will be tired and bloated. So although you can get by with missing minimal hours from work, it's hard to keep your head in the game when you are always waiting for that call from the clinic. That being said, maybe you are the type of person who can just put their head down. I am not! Anyway, I have a lot of independence at my job so I didn't have to clue anyone in, but if I had to, I would just say that I had upcoming medical procedures that were likely to occur during this week or that but are unpredictable to schedule too far ahead of time. I also might say I have to take medicine to prep for the procedures, and I might experience some taxing side effects from it. It sounds to me like you just want to transfer the project to someone else. And that's okay. So you could just outright ask for that too. All in all, I am not comfortable telling just anyone about IVF since a lot of people still have very judgmental opinions about taking that step. You just never know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238976 Fri, 17 Jul 2015 00:10:27 +0000 BSB 2238976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did eventually tell my female boss. She know they were 'medical procedures' when I was going through all of my IUIs that spanned the last 2+ years of TTC. I think when we decided to move forward with IVF, I told her the truth. It was hard because there was a period where I felt like our relationship wasn't close enough and I didn't feel comfortable telling her. Anyway, by the time IVF came along, I was closer to my boss.</p> <p>I do think if I had a male boss (previously), I think I would have worded things differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238780 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 18:22:25 +0000 agold 2238780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Thanks for your response. Its awesome that you were able to go through IVF with such minimal work interference. I'm starting to feel like I'm being dramatic about this issue. I don't know why I'm getting the feeling like I don't want to be going through IVF AND a pressing work project. Maybe its my fear of the back shots. Or my inability to effectively separate work life and personal life. Or all the people who have told me to just relax if I want to get pregnant. </p> <p>@PurplePumps: I would love to work remotely for two weeks. Maybe that will be such a nice advantage to doing your IVF out of state - you will be away from most distractions. I love your suggestion of what to say. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238774 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 18:11:26 +0000 PurplePumps 2238774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: oooh. I see. Yea, I'd just go with "personal medical issue that requires a lot of monitoring." My next cycle will likely be out of state so that's what I'm going to use when I request to work remotely for 2 weeks. Depending on my supervisors reaction or need to know more, basically on the spot is when I will decide if I will tell him exactly why. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238732 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 16:41:33 +0000 SweetiePie 2238732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi! I just told my supervisors I had a medical procedure and made sure all of my monitoring sessions were before work hours. So for retrieval and transfer (I did a frozen) I took off the day of and the day after.<br /> Neither the man nor woman supervisor asked anything about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238715 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 16:13:31 +0000 agold 2238715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsKRB: I am going to be vague about it, but I need to be fairly specific about the times that will be interfering with my work. That's the part I'm having trouble with - articulating how this vague procedure is going to impact my ability to completely focus and participate in the full meaningful way that I usually would be. I'd like to tell my boss "i'm trying to make a baby" but even I know this is logistically something that can be rescheduled and I'd rather not have to deal with worrying that anyone is thinking that. </p> <p>@raspberries: You. Are. Amazing. Thank you. </p> <p>@psw27: Laughing it off is always a good technique. And I suppose I will eventually say "female issues." I do hate having to be vague but in this one instance I feel my privacy wins out. </p> <p>@PurplePumps: For this I wouldn't think the IVF would impact my general, day-to-day work. I went through IUIs without any work interruption. Exams can be scheduled as early as 6 am and I have a flexible work environment. There is just a special circumstances project in September that will undoubtedly require odd hours, full attention, etc. I'd rather someone else handle that one project. Or else I push my IVF off another month. Which I can do, and have thought about doing.... But I've already done that twice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238714 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 16:13:26 +0000 NorthStar 2238714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I totally get it! Of course, day that I decided to say something was when I found out that I got summoned for jury duty during a cycle that I had planned. So, I had to tell her about the jury duty and then started crying and just fessed up. Dang hormones! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238701 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:51:36 +0000 PurplePumps 2238701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have actually been able to not have to tell work anything. What time do your office do monitoring and is it close to work? Mine opens at 7am so I'm able to go in and still get to work my usual time or about 30 minutes later. For ER, I just took the day of off to sleep off the anesthesia. They tell you that you can go back to normal activities the next day. And depending on how your stims go, ER or ET may even fall on the weekend. I've done 3 fresh cycles in the past year and no one at work has a clue that anything was out of the ordinary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238698 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:48:56 +0000 psw27 2238698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love @raspberries responses - including the awkward follow up potentials. I tend to just kind of laugh things off like that too "oh nothing too serious, just something I need to handle." I'm 100% sure your male boss won't pry, anything that vaguely surrounds "female issues" is a no go for men. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238693 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:46:05 +0000 raspberries 2238693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: Gotcha - speaking directly to a male boss about something like this can definitely feel awkward. I'd maybe think of a few canned responses in case he probes for more info - something along the lines of "Oh, it's nothing life threatening, just a routine medical procedure. It'll be good to do it sooner rather than later though. I'll be sure to update you with time frames as soon as everything is booked." That should cover any awkward questions about what it's for, if you're okay, etc. without having to reveal medical information. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238683 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:37:09 +0000 MrsKRB 2238683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told my boss the truth, but I don't see why you couldn't be vague about it. They don't really have a right to ask for specifics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238675 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:30:43 +0000 agold 2238675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raspberries: Thank you so much. I really like what you have suggested. My work is fairly small and we do not have a true on-site HR person so I will be telling my male boss directly. </p> <p>@NorthStar: I know it seems easier to be completely up front. But I get the feeling that my boss won't think IVF is a medical emergency that can't be pushed out a month or so. But the thing is, I've already pushed my IVF out on my own, partly due to work. (Also partly due to my fear of intramuscular shots!)</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: I have very briefly already mentioned my "upcoming medical procedure" to my boss and another co-worker and have had to face those very well-meaning, but intruding, questions. </p> <p>@Mamaof2: I do like the "female issues" approach! I sort of feel like my being discrete might imply that its female issues. I don't want my work to think I have cancer or anything like that so if I have to disclose more, than I suppose I will just say "female issues." But I'm trying to think what other kinds of possible medical procedures require lots of pre-op? Oh well... its for my work to speculate. I really don't want to tell them.</p> <p>ETA: Thank you for all your responses! This helps me a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238659 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:08:36 +0000 Mamaof2 2238659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told my male boss I was having "female issues" and had some drs apt set up over the next several weeks. As soon as I said female problems he was like "yep, stop, take all the time you need" :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238657 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:06:05 +0000 Truth Bombs 2238657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think @raspberries: wording is great. HR people will know better but your managers may ask some questions "are you ok?" "what's going on, etc" and you should absolutely feel comfortable to just say "I really appreciate your concern but I'm not comfortable discussing the specifics" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238652 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:02:22 +0000 NorthStar 2238652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I came out and told my supervisor that we were having fertility problems and are going through procedures. Luckily, she is a woman as otherwise, I wouldn't feel comfortable. We are just in the process of an IUI, but it's still a lot of appointments and unknowns as to when I'll be available. </p> <p>I'm not sure the best way to let your boss know if you don't want to give specifics. I would probably just explain that you are having a medical procedure, that the date will be determined with short notice and that you will need a few days off? If they ask specifics, you could say it's fairly personal and you don't feel comfortable sharing. I don't believe that you are required to tell them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238651 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 15:00:40 +0000 raspberries 2238651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't had to do this myself, but I work in HR - I think it's totally acceptable to say "I'll be having a medical procedure in September - it will require me to be out of the office a few hours/day for a week or so, followed by a few days off for the actual procedure, and then possibly a number of appointments immediately afterwards. The entire process shouldn't take more than 3 weeks, and hasn't been scheduled yet, but I wanted to give you a heads up so staffing can be planned accordingly." That should be more than enough info for your boss/manager/HR - and they should appreciate that you're proactively letting them know! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/discretely-describing-ivf-to-work#post-2238638 Thu, 16 Jul 2015 14:45:37 +0000 agold 2238638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Has anyone been successful with discretely describing your IVF to your work supervisors? I am having trouble with figuring out how to articulate IVF without saying IVF. I've sort of said "I will be having a medical procedure done in September" but that is entirely too vague. I know I will be doing my IVF in September after 1.5 more AF cycles passes, but of course I don't know the exact date of the procedure. I know I will want to take a couple days off of work for the egg retrieval and recovery. And I know there will be lots of morning monitoring in the week+ before IVF. I don't want to tell my work that I'm undergoing IVF. But I need to let them know because I am assigned to a project in September that I likely won't be able to contribute to in the way that I need to. How have you explained it to your work? </p>