https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 11:48:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678483 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 22:23:04 +0000 Kemma 2678483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a lazy mother and my oldest child wouldn't eat purees so I've always just served whatever DH and I were going to eat and we've always eaten as a family (something I think is really important!). My big girl didn't wean until three so she always had breastmilk to fall back on but although she took a long time to eat any great quantity of food she's always eaten a huge variety of stuff.</p> <p>My wee guy (21 months) has been raised in the same way but is quite different in the way he eats, he loved purees and has a much smaller range of foods that he will eat compared to his sister. He's also still breastfeeding and will often need a night feed because he's just not as interested in eating food during the day!</p> <p>I guess at the end of the day, I just refuse to battle over food, I will encourage the kids to eat a bit more if they're being picky but I'm too lazy to really make an issue of it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678454 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 21:47:42 +0000 LemonJack 2678454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did baby led weaning so DD has always eaten mostly what we do. I don't know if it's because of that or if it's just pure luck, but she has always been a pretty decent eater. There are still plenty of things she doesn't want at this point, so we always have healthy items on her plate that we know are a hit. She's not a big meat fan, so if our dinner involves meat, we'll still put a little on her plate, but we always have other protein available (often eggs). So, tonight we made chicken taco salads, and on her plate she had chicken, lettuce, corn, and avocado from the salad (so, most of the deconstructed salad) and also had cherry tomatoes and eggs. She tried the chicken and lettuce, ignored the corn, then mostly stuck with everything else. We encourage her to take a bite of everything, but don't turn it into a battle. We'll just nonchalantly say something like, "Okay, you can try it next time!". We've been able to trick her into trying things by asking if we can eat X off her plate. She is in the "mine!" phase and gets possessive, then suddenly wants to eat it. </p> <p>Now that DD is getting older (she's 2.5) I allow her to pull up a stool and watch/"help" in the kitchen too. She often wants to try the food I'm cutting so I feel like it's a good way to keep introducing more foods.</p> <p>I've heard it's SO common for toddlers to go through a really picky phase though. I can't imagine how frustrating that is! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678453 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 21:47:01 +0000 gingerbebe 2678453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really struggled with DS1's weight gain when he was a baby and early toddler because he just was never food motivated. He wasn't picky per se, he just didn't want to nurse, take bottles, or eat solids beyond like existing. It was frustrating bc DH and I love food. Anyways because of that I always made him different calorie dense foods and fed him things I knew he liked. </p> <p>Now that he's 2 and I know he won't die, I'm less concerned. I try to have one or two components to a meal I know he will eat should he feel like eating, and leave it at that. I'm getting more hardcore about it this year because DH and I want to eat better and we were eating fattier family meals because of DS1's calorie intake issues. </p> <p>If he doesn't eat dinner, I usually pack it for lunch since he eats better with his friends at preschool. If he's hungry he can always have milk or a banana. He doesn't really abuse that (yet) so I feel okay about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678412 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 21:04:37 +0000 gentlelunette 2678412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are really bad about family dinners, because my DH is often not home until after bedtime. I do still try to follow the division of responsibility for meal times with our toddler. I use a divided plate and I offer a variety of foods. If it's a dinner I don't think will go over well, then I'll make sure there are more things that she will eat in the other sections of the plate (fruit/cheese/favourite veggies like carrots or cucumber). I will encourage her to smell the food and take a taste, but I tell DD (22 months) if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. If it's a new food, I will eat with her so she is more motivated to try. If we're having a meal that is spicy I will make some sort of variation for her or give her the food without the sauce, but I will let her try mine to see if she likes the spice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678382 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:19:34 +0000 FaithFertility 2678382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like I always cook at least something I know DD will eat!</p> <p>I will also deconstruct certain meals or leave a sauce off of hers</p> <p>We like spicy foods so many times I will put some of her food aside then add sauce</p> <p>Example chicken curry we had tonight</p> <p>I shred the chicken with sweet potato and peas mix it with a Masaman curry sauce over rice</p> <p>I make her a bowl of all said above before I add the sauce for us</p> <p>I also once in awhile will give her frozen nuggets if our main course is something she doesn't like or can't have but will always still offer her sides </p> <p>She is a.pretty good water in my book </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678377 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:13:26 +0000 MrsSRS 2678377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: oh I'm awesome...in online writing 😂😂😂<br /> Consistency is haaaaaard. I mess up in implementing all the time, but retraining how I think about these things has really helped.<br /> I also agree with PP that it helps to think about food consumed over a week. Today my youngest ate a single piece of pasta for dinner, but the other day she had two chicken thighs and a ton of peas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678374 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:12:10 +0000 Cole 2678374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: thanks! It's so fascinating to me, I also keep wondering about the link between what they taste in the womb to what they eat later, it makes so much sense to me- yet I had hyperemesis gravidarum with her and I can pretty much name the handful of foods I survived on whole pregnant with her- and yes she happily eats all of them. I kept half joking that I wanted a pill that I could take with lots of tastes that went to the baby but that I didn't have to taste because so much made me sick! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678370 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:08:46 +0000 Cole 2678370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: I need to spend more time with you! This is an area I'm working on but still am not great at. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678368 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:08:01 +0000 Silva 2678368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: we did mostly baby led weaning and my daughter was adventurous from the start. I have a photo of her going to town on a chicken wing when she was about a year old. She used to inhale this spinach curry I made. Or the time she ate all of my calamari appetizer instead of the veggie burger I ordered her... :/ so yeah. A lot of it's probably nature. And I fully admit I've never worried that she wasn't getting enough food. I have friends with picky kids and they talk about it being truly scary because they don't see their child eating enough. You are doing a great job, and Hopefully her pickiness is a stage. I do think toddlers and preschoolers are looking for things they can test and try to control and food is an easy one because it gets a reaction and we can't force feed them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678366 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:06:37 +0000 MrsSRS 2678366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On the hungry, sad, polite kid note, I try to remember that my child chose to be hungry. So they don't need me to save them from their choice. But they do need me to help them manage their feelings and remind them that they have control over whether or not they want to be hungry next time. Same way I'd help a kid who was given a choice between the park and the zoo, chose one, then regretted their choice after we were there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678363 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 20:03:02 +0000 Cole 2678363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: I will be curious to hear how your son does, my daughter has literally been picky from the first times we offered food, she wouldn't touch purees of any kind and her first food she'd actually eat was a pickle... I kept wondering if we should get her checked for oral motor issues or something but most people thought I was crazy until they tried to feed her. I do really like the idea of looking at a weeks intake, I had forgotten that part and it helps to think about it that way because she seems to fixate on certain foods all day but the next day will eat a normal balance. </p> <p>@Mrs. Champagne: this is pretty similar to how we've been proceeding but the range of things she will eat is relatively small so the second dinner is pretty common these days. . What she does eat is pretty healthy but it's very limited right now and heavy on individual foods as opposed to anything mixed together if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678360 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 19:55:13 +0000 Cole 2678360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: I really like the example conversation you have about being hungry and taking care of our bodies. I really want eating to be a low stress thing that we do to keep our bodies healthy. Thank you!</p> <p>@Mrs. Pickle: I'm so jealous of your good eater! We're in vastly different territory over here but I do think you make a good point about accommodating preferences at least to a certain extent. We're in that lovely toddler phase of loving a food one day and refusing to touch it the next day though so I think that's some of what I'm trying to figure out. And I totally wait to eat lunch until nap time sometimes too! It's so peaceful!</p> <p>@gotkimchi: this is definitely my goal! I'm a sucker for a hungry sad kid who asks politely though!</p> <p>@Mrs. Microscope: yes! I hated being forced to eat foods! I'd sit at the table for literally hours refusing to eat cold canned green beans! I think so far I've run so much in the opposite direction of my upbringing though that I'm not actually helping her because I'm not even offering new stuff most of the time right now. Your system is very much my ultimate goal. My husband grew up with the two bite rule and I panic every time my mil brings it up because the idea of being forced to eat two bites of something even now as an adult makes me basically go into fight or flight mode- clearly I have food issues so it makes all of this so much harder for me to navigate with my daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678357 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 19:49:26 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2678357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We serve DS what we eat. If he genuinely doesn't like it (he isn't a fan of chilli, for example) I'll provide a quick alternative like cheese and crackers and veggies. </p> <p>He usually has breakfast alone while I shower (a smoothie), lunch with me and DH if DH is home. And dinner together again. </p> <p>The good and possibly odd thing about DS is that he loves raw veggies. So if I served him cheese, crackers, peppers, cucumber and grapes, he would likely leave the crackers. So I am ok with him not finishing because he often eats the good parts.</p> <p>ETA he usually picks lunch. And I usually don't make dinner I know he won't like. As long as he tires something in ok with prepping something else quick. If it's something I know he loves (chicken) and he won't eat, I don't offer anything else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678354 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 19:43:30 +0000 Silva 2678354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a 3.5 year old who is and always has been a great eater. I mean this relative to her peers- she definitely has days where she only eats carbs.<br /> She has some things she can choose from for breakfast and lunch. Dinner is whatever we decide to make. We have basically stopped adding anything spicy to our food and just add hot sauce later because around age three she decided she didn't like spice. We don't make her anything special. I do try to include something I know she likes, and for things like curry I serve the curry next to the rice and the vegetable rather than mixing (she will usually eat the rice and veggie and try the curry). We include her in the meal plan conversation and she sometimes chooses a dinner for the week.<br /> I don't ask her to take bites or try things unless it's a "dessert night" which are random, only if we have something. If that's the case she has to try a bite of dinner and then she can have dessert. We give her a small dessert but don't take away the dinner. 9 times out of 10 she will eat more dinner after her tiny dessert<br /> I try not to make a big deal about how much she is eating or what she is eating. We serve healthy foods most of the time and if she's hungry she eats<br /> The best advice I got was to look at her food intake over a week. So some days she might eat a bagel, mac and cheese, and like two bites of rice. But then the next day she might have a meal like yesterday where she ate a whole plate of salad (after refusing to eat greens unless they were in her smoothie).</p> <p>We just don't make food a power struggle. We are just starting solids with my son now so I will find out if it's nature or nurture with my daughter!</p> <p>ETA: breakfast is the one meal she eats alone (and it's because my husband gets up with her and he is getting ready for work while she eats). We sit down together and eat lunch and dinner. We always say a blessing and light a candle at dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678348 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 19:25:41 +0000 MrsSRS 2678348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We aim for this. I'm ok with deconstructing/offering a dip/serving wothout sauce. If it takes me less than a minute and doesn't really change the nutrition of the meal then I see no problem. We serve food, try to have pleasant conversation, then that's it until the next time we eat. If LO really doesn't eat I might save their plate in case they are hungry later. Or later we chat about being hungry because they chose not to eat and how they can make a different choice next time we eat. We also talk about how it isn't our favorite feeling to be hungry, but that feeling a little hungry is ok, it is just our body reminding us to take care of it and make healthy choices.</p> <p>We have done this off and on, so there have been times (pregnancy, for example) when life got in the way, but like any good habit you can always start again and the kids relearn the concept quickly.<br /> Yes, we still have kid food sometimes. We had frozen chicken nuggets yesterday. The kids had theirs with fruit and a little salad. DH and I had big salads with some chicken tossed on top. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678338 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 19:08:18 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2678338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will preface this by saying that my daughter is 15 months old and is not a picky eater. Even since starting solids she's eaten anything I've put in front of her with one or two exceptions. She also isn't old enough to tell me she doesn't want something I've given her. </p> <p>I had to Google Ellen Slatter. I've never heard of her. I think what I read makes a lot of sense! It's what I do. I offer DD her meal. If she eats it all, great! If not that's ok too. I know she'll get enough to eat over the course of the day. She eats breakfast and lunch in her learning tower in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen with her interacting, but I don't always eat at the same time. I prefer to eat my lunch once she's down for a nap so I don't have to share. :p Dinner we do eat at the table as a family, if DH is home from work. If not it's just the two of us. I don't make toddler meals or really deconstruct anything for her. If I make something that I think may be a choking hazard I'll make an extra side for DD or give her some cheese with her meal.</p> <p>I do think it's reasonable to cook with your child'a preferences in mind. I do the same for DH and myself. He doesn't like greens, I don't like eggplant, so I don't cook those. We eat them when we are out or at someone else's house. Once DD can voice her opinions if there is something she just doesn't like I won't make it, or not very often. I just want to keep meals as stress free as possible, which I admit is easy when you don't have a picky eater. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678335 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 18:59:43 +0000 gotkimchi 2678335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I literally just make whatever we are having for dinner and serve it. For something like enchiladas I might just put her stuff on her plate as I'm making it because she does like to eat tortilla, chicken, cheese all separately. But I make dinner, we sit down, and she can choose what to eat. Then when she's done she knows that was that. No special food later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678333 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 18:58:30 +0000 Mrs. Microscope 2678333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't remember the name of the "theory", vut we abide by the "you don't have to eat it" rule. I was a very picky eater growing up, and my parents never pushed me, so I want to respect my daughter the same way. I make whatever dinner for the family, and she doesn't need to even try it. I always have one thing one the table I know she will eat (bread, eggplant, pasta, rice, broccoli, watermelon, etc.) but otherwise I don't worry. She eats a balanced diet over the course of the week. And yes, it hurts when I've spent time on dinner and she refuses everything but bread, but my DH appreciates it! And sometimes she surprises us with what she wants to try, and what she likes! Eventually she will try more and more as she sees us enjoying a variety of foods. But I'm not willing to battle at the table or force my kid to try something that they think is gross. It's her body, she doesn't have to eat what she doesn't want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-responsibility-with-food-can-you-tell-me-about-this-concept-in-your-house#post-2678326 Wed, 11 Jan 2017 18:36:25 +0000 Cole 2678326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm very intrigued by Ellen Slatter's division of responsibility with food, up until now my very picky toddler has had breast milk to fall back on so her motivation to eat has been minimal. We're good about family dinner but breakfast and lunch are hit or miss with us sitting down together and we typically serve food we know she will like. </p> <p>My specific questions are- did you always feed this way or did you implement it later? If later how did you start?</p> <p>What about casserole or sauce heavy type meals? Enchiladas for example I usually serve her a deconstructed version without sauce. Good idea? </p> <p>Do you still serve "toddler" meals at times? </p> <p>I am a super picky eater so I'm probably over thinking but I appreciate the help! </p>