https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Jul 2026 04:02:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2004107 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 12:15:34 +0000 Anagram 2004107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I snap at each other during MOTN wakeups, but neither of us holds a grudge and all is normal and well in the morning when we wakeup. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003720 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 09:17:19 +0000 psw27 2003720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumn865: We have a similar rule. Especially because I typically handle night feedings/wake ups so on the rare occasion DH gets up with me, if he starts to whine about it I know I would be ticked so we just don't talk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003691 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 09:00:57 +0000 autumn865 2003691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was us totally in the midst of the frequent night wakings. After awhile we constituted the "no talking in the middle of the night rule" lol we found that there is nothing nice to say to each other at 3am. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003682 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 08:51:48 +0000 blackbird 2003682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you force yourselves to say please and thank you to each other? It goes a very long way, even when you're short on patience....and tends to mask demands with a smidge of kindness </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003639 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 08:17:37 +0000 skipper2010 2003639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with Foodnerd about coming up with a game plan. It's harder to get upset when you know what to expect ahead of time. We never argued over this in the early days when DS was having multiple night wakings, but now that we know what it's like to sleep again it is a little more frustrating when he does wake up in the MOTN for one reason or another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003635 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 08:10:03 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2003635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: same. We make a plan before bed and that has cut down on the annoyances. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003627 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 07:59:01 +0000 Foodnerd81 2003627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We definitely snap at each other a lot in the middle of the night- and I fully admit I'm the bigger culprit. It helps us to have a game plan going to bed- like, if she wakes up before 2, you go in, after I will go. And during the really bad nights we take turns (small one story condo so no one has to go downstairs for meds). </p> <p>I also may very briefly rage in our room before going in- God, just shut up and go to sleep!-- plus curses- but only in our room. By the time I go to C's room I'm nicer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003576 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 06:05:30 +0000 looch 2003576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I am the same...but my husband is stone silent. So I get even more angry, and I literally have to clamp my mouth shut. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003574 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 06:03:08 +0000 Cherrybee 2003574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Thank you. I don't like arguing. I rarely engaged before we we had E but now I have the patience of a gnat! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003573 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 06:00:22 +0000 Cherrybee 2003573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Espion: Wow, he acted like a total tool!! I'm hopping mad just thinking about it!! I like your mantra idea. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003571 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 05:51:09 +0000 Espion 2003571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: How about agreeing to an internal mantra of "I'm tired, your tired, we're all tired" to give levity to the situation , and instead of saying the first upset/snarky thing that comes to mind, say "Thank you" instead. Even if you or he doesn't mean it. No one needs to have a conversation, much less an argument in the middle of the night. Especially if you've got a nice routine going. </p> <p>There are a few things DH does that I let go in the moment, because of something my brilliant friend did once. Both she and her husband were friends of mine before they married. They were living apart for school/work reasons and he came home late one night to surprise her. But she wasn't home, because I invited her to the movies. He was so mad that she wasn't there waiting for him (never mind that he didn't tell her he was coming) that he got a ride and took her car from the parking lot, making us think it was stolen. When we finally figured out what was going on, I was boiling mad. When he came to pick us up, he let out a stream of verbal diarrhea. " I expect you to be home, etc etc etc "</p> <p>I expected her to yell back. I was furious! I definitely would have matched his yelling word for word. But she stayed silent. Then the next day, when he had calmed down, she let him have it in the most epic fashion. She recognized that he wasn't going to realize what a jerk he was being in the heat of the moment. Her restraint has actually stayed with me as superhuman, but also a necessary marriage tool. (And for the record , I love both these people. They are rock stars.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003569 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 05:31:08 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2003569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a pretty natural thing to argue in stress situations. I wish I had a good solution. The only one I can think of involves more sleep for everyone :) ( I say at 3:30 am!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003567 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 05:26:17 +0000 Cherrybee 2003567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Espion: He does get up these days! We've got a good system going where he goes downstairs for Calpol (Tylenol) and warms some milk while I get E and cuddle her to calm her down. I then give her milk and put her back to bed while DH gets back into bed. We just inevitably end up arguing while we so it. We "read between the lines" of what the other person has said and find criticisms where there were none or take offence to a facial expression or a sigh.... or DH stubs his toe and flies into a rage.......</p> <p>.....we're just both so tired and so tetchy. </p> <p>Ps - we've put #2 off for yet another year. We're not ready. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003565 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 04:59:41 +0000 Espion 2003565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:/ I'm sorry, mama. Maybe you could work out an equal or fair division of labor so the other person can continue to sleep guilt free. That would involve your hubs getting up and tending to E, though. Would he be willing to do this? (If you have 2, he would have to do this if you were occupied feeding your other baby...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-arguebicker-when-the-pressures-on-eg-tantrums-night-wakings#post-2003564 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 04:56:02 +0000 Cherrybee 2003564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hands down, this I the one thing I wish we could stop doing. :sad: </p> <p>Any tips? </p>