https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 23:57:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23966 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 19:06:57 +0000 runsyellowlites 23966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LinzR: @banana: definitely one of those things that is GREAT on paper, but not always easy to do. lol. I guess ultimately it's about trusting your husband that what he's enforcing is because he loves y'alls child and sees what the child is doing as a possible issue to their character.</p> <p>Not always easy, but this is why we discipline our kids so that's what he's doing.... do I always agree?! heck no!.. Especially since I was a single parent to DS from age 2-5... trusting DH to love DS like I do hasn't been totally easy, but DS has adjusted really well and like I said... we very rarely have to spank him. Great kid in our book and those that are around him. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23964 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 19:05:10 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 23964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I were both spanked. I think it can be an effective form of discipline if used correctly. I'm not sure what we will do yet, but spanking isn't off the table. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23956 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:54:14 +0000 banana 23956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: What a great plan! I like the idea of always agreeing in front of DS. That way there's no confusion on his part and he knows that both of you are in agreement. I just hope my DH and I can be as disciplined when it comes to discipline! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23949 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:49:14 +0000 LinzR 23949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Sounds like you two are doing it perfectly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23947 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:47:53 +0000 runsyellowlites 23947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: @linzr: DH and I ALWAYS agree in front of DS. If after DS has gone to bed I still feel something was done to strict or DH still feels like something was handled to soft by me then we discuss it and find a compromise. If it was DH that was too hard then HE'S the one that will go and correct/apologize/explain to DS and if it was me that was too soft then I get to go and implement a talk and discipline (which usually won't include a spanking but rather a boundary that if that thing is done again then he'll get a spanking). This way it's not me undermining DH or him overriding me.</p> <p>It's worked great for us! =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23940 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:41:07 +0000 LinzR 23940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: I'm afraid that we will be the same way when we have a baby. I am the softy as well. When our puppy gets in trouble, I am always the one babying him afterward. LOL. DH is so far from being mean, I am just really, really soft.</p> <p>Growing up my Mom was the disciplinarian, and my Step-Dad just laughed. Naturally we flocked to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23935 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:35:48 +0000 banana 23935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@geekinheels: I agree. I'm glad this topic can be discussed civilly here. It's a touchy subject and it's so interesting to hear everyone's perspective on child discipline. </p> <p>@linzhr, @runsyellowlites: I'll have to remember the consistency part. I'm naturally a "softie" while my DH is more of the disciplinarian. He's afraid that my son will always run to me when daddy disciplines him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23910 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:48:19 +0000 runsyellowlites 23910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LinzR: OH YES... That too. It's basically a consistency issue. My mom was the disciplinarian and my dad just sat back.... That created waaaay more problems than us getting a spanking occasionally.</p> <p>DH and I both give discipline and therefore both create a relationship with DS where we get to enforce boundaries AND talk through life issues. We're both the PARENT.. not the good vs. bad guy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23907 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:42:45 +0000 LinzR 23907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was never really spanked as a child, but DH was. He says it was never in anger, and hopes we do the same when we do have children. I'm on the fence about it. Hopefully we will decide when the time comes. Whatever we do, I want to make sure that we are on the same page and work as a team. Nothing is worse than having a "mean" parent and a "nice" parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23905 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:38:49 +0000 geekinheels 23905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will spank, but VERY sparingly and under strict guidelines, as many others have stated above.</p> <p>My sister and I were spanked a few times growing up, and we have NEVER been physically violent toward each other (our fights have never been physical), nor do we believe violence is okay. We have never feared our parents and we have never doubted their love for us either...and each time that we were spanked, we knew why it happened and we never did the wrongdoing again. We also believe that they were well-deserved.</p> <p>I'm glad that this topic can be discussed civilly here...when I broached this topic on my blog, people got VERY upset and some even said that they'll stop reading my blog because I plan on spanking my children! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23901 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:33:57 +0000 .twist. 23901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: I wholeheartedly agree. As I said before, our situation was unique. Their mother does not discipline them, and then she'll get frustrated and yell and then feel bad and reward them. </p> <p>We had to start them from scratch. We would try to discipline them without spanking and they would literally laugh at us. Just sit their laughing and running around. Spanking was the only think that got through to them, and now? We never have to spank them. We just tell the to take a seat on time out for a few minutes and calm down. That's it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23875 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 16:34:49 +0000 runsyellowlites 23875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JustlikeHeaven: @.twist.: totally agree!</p> <p>My ex-husband wasn't spanked as child but he grew up to be physically abusive to his wife (yea that was me).</p> <p>Our son doesn't even like arguments, but I've always used spanking as our form of discipline and DS has never really freaked out about it or anything like that... he's never thought I didn't love him... BUT his father who doesn't spank him DS is much more fearful of (when he's there). And like I originally posted, we have a pretty "strict" code for how we discipline. And if I've ever let something go until I'm frustrated, even if DS is breaking a rule, I'm NOT spanking him... It's always been one of those kind of matter of fact things..... break a rule, get a spanking. DS is a great kid and at this point RARELY gets a spanking... or even needs to be reminded of the rules.</p> <p>It's always gone over well and it's proven more effective than some of the other ways kids around us are disciplined. My cousin who's just a little younger than DS and he's also more aggressive than DS and gives my grandmother a MUCH harder time than DS..... she WISHES his mother would spank him so that he'd act better. lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23864 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 16:20:53 +0000 erinpye 23864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A story told by Astrid Lindgren<br /> [Author of Pippi Longstocking]<br /> "Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence." In 1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following story. </p> <p>"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking - the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me." </p> <p>All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery - one can raise children into violence." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23739 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:23:32 +0000 Mrs.KMM 23739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I plan to spank my children once DH and I have them. I was spanked as a child and it truely was the most effective form of discipline for me when I was young. Sitting in "time-out" was pretty worthless to me - what did I really care that I had to sit in the corner of the bathroom for 10 minutes?</p> <p>Spanking (ie a quick swat or two to the butt with an open palm through clothes) taught me pretty quickly what I should and shouldn't do. I was never hurt, just uncomfortable. But that discomfort got the point accross! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking/page/2#post-23738 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:22:34 +0000 banana 23738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's so interesting to hear how everyone's childhood upbringing has affected their views of discipline. I grew up being spanked but I'm going to make an effort to try other methods first (time-outs, lost privileges). But honestly, if push comes to shove and our little guy just isn't getting the message (especially in dangerous situations like crossing the street), I don't think I'd have a problem with spanking him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23688 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 12:16:41 +0000 .twist. 23688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JustlikeHeaven: Couldn't agree with you more. Our household rules when I was a kid were the exact same and I turned out fine. Never any physical violence problems or do I think violence is ok. </p> <p>We do spank. Although, we have rules for them. We also have had to deal with a unique situation. In the beginning there were lots of spankings because our house rules are very different than their mothers and they tried to run our household, but now there haven't been any in a couple years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23675 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 11:58:05 +0000 DpeachLu 23675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was spanked as a child. I dont even remember for what - but I know it was probably deserved.<br /> with that said, I have NEVER EVER been in a physical fight, with anyone in my family or anyone at school. It didnt teach me that violence was okay. It truly just disciplined me. I plan on doing the same.<br /> I never got spanked in public, and I also had a lot of timeouts. So like others have said, a combination of both seemed to have worked with me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23465 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:18:37 +0000 erinpye 23465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely not. I was spanked and slapped as a child and I don't believe in it. Punishing a child with violence teaches them that violence is acceptable as a punishment or in anger. Because of this, my sister and I hit each other growing up. Further, it breaks the trust your child has in you, makes your child feel insecure and afraid of you, and it doesn't teach your child respectful ways to handle conflict. It also doesn't teach them to fear realistic consequences or understand their actions, it just teaches them to fear pain. It has been shown to negatively affect self-esteem in children and is an overall confusing and ineffective (in the long term) type of corporal punishment. Many children who were spanked deal with anger issues resulting from feeling powerless against a bigger, stronger, violent person. And the thing is, if your child was being bullied, you'd teach him/ her to stand up to the bully, yet at home against you spanking them, they aren't allowed to defend themselves and must quietly take it. That's a confusing message. Last part of my rant: men who grow up in violent homes as children are 6 times more likely to beat their wives. I believe a home that includes spanking (as well as yelling) is a violent home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23414 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 22:46:43 +0000 Rosie Girl 23414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were spanked, and I never thought of it as bad. I hated it yes, but who likes being punished?! </p> <p>I think spankings are ok, but there is a line. Too hard, excessive, etc, not ok. A swat or 2 on the butt, ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23396 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:55:27 +0000 Meridian 23396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, when I hear the term "spanking", it sounds rather harmless to me... a swat on the butt, where you have lots of padding ;P </p> <p>I was slapped on the face a lot as a kid and I HATED it!! Now THAT is something I would never do, or at least hope never to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23394 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:45:34 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 23394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't say for sure, but I'll say I think my mother used it very effectively. </p> <p>I was spanked once, and popped on the hand twice that she can recall. I was spanked for almost running out into traffic in a parking lot. My hand was popped for trying to touch something I shouldn't have been - hot stove, sharp object. My brothers were similar, though my youngest brother got the "most spankings." He got maybe..... 6? We learned really quickly what the rules were. </p> <p>She obviously used other, more effective forms of discipline. Time-out or lost privileges tended to work. When it came to sibling-related squabbles generally the offending party would miss out on the fun thing the other siblings were doing during their time-out. When we were little, we sat in "the yellow chair" for one minute for each year of age -- three years old? Three minutes in the chair. I think at around 6 she changed it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23390 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:41:29 +0000 mrsjazz 23390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was beat as a child. It started as a quick pop on the hand or swat on the bum when I was toddler age and as we got older it changed into beatings with a belt. When I look back on my childhood and think about some of the offenses we did to receive those beatings, I really think some other method should have been used--it honestly was normal kid stuff. My mom was a single parent raising 4 of us and these kind of beatings were taught to her and she then inflicted them on us. The beatings didn't happen often, but they happened.</p> <p>My mom also yelled a lot and we were super afraid of her. I want my kids to respect me, but I don't want them to cower in fear.</p> <p>I believe that as PP said earlier, I would do it in a situation where my child was about to cause harm to herself (touch the hot iron or oven, run out into the street) but other than that I won't spank my child(ren). I love my mom and I know she thought she was doing the best thing but I don't want to to start off with spankings and have them escalate. I think for me, I don't want to become like her in that aspect and it scares me because it's what I grew up with seeing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23382 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:31:51 +0000 daniellemybelle 23382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not against spanking, but I am for other methods over spanking. I am a big fan of Supernanny and I believe that firm parenting with timeouts and other consequences can work. That doesn't mean I will never swat our kid's hand for trying to touch a hot stove or something like that - I just don't want to rely on spanking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23339 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 19:45:36 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 23339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a cOmbo of both. Time out and spanking and honestly both worked for me and I will do the same. First time outs and if that doesn't work then spanking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23320 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 18:58:00 +0000 runsyellowlites 23320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@eeh: "Plus, I don't believe public humiliation is an appropriate form of punishment (involving spanking or otherwise)." </p> <p>totally agree! We set up a rule that if DS breaks a rule while we're out he gets a spanking when we get home... if he throws a fit about it then he get's one for the broken rule and one for throwing a fit.</p> <p>It's worked REALLY REALLY well and I can say that in the last 3 years that I've done that I've only had to spank him 4 or 5 times... Once he got the boundary. lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23300 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 18:33:50 +0000 eeh 23300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will be a spanking household. We were both raised that way and feel as if it's the way to go. As long as the spanking is done out of love and not anger I think it can be incredibly beneficial. I believe that along with the spanking there needs to be a discussion on the child's level regarding the offense as well as why they are being spanked. </p> <p>That being said, it is probably not something we will openly discuss with others and we would never do it in public. There is an insane amount of judgement and criticism that comes along with spanking and I'm not willing to go into that discussion with a random stranger at the grocery store. Plus, I don't believe public humiliation is an appropriate form of punishment (involving spanking or otherwise). </p> <p>My husband and I also believe that if we really focus on the discipline when our kids are younger it is a non-issue when they are school age. That's not say I think kids are perfect at that point but I think there are far less issues as they get older if they are disciplined when they are younger. </p> <p>I also don't think spanking is the ONLY effective form of discipline. As long as there is a consistent, thought out discipline plan I think many different things can be effective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23293 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 18:26:49 +0000 Andrea 23293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe it works for some kids but for me I was spanked and I didn't care at all. I still did the same things over and over and my mom would spank me over and over. I think if she tried talking to me first I may have listened! But who knows.. </p> <p>I don't plan on spanking my daughter, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23292 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 18:26:06 +0000 mynoahbear 23292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was never spanked as a child, neither was my husband. As of now, we aren't planning on spanking our kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23242 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:21:44 +0000 Boogs 23242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Haha so true and I couldn't agree more!</p> <p>We arent planning on spanking. When it becomes acceptable to spank or hit another adult who is being rude, not listening, etc. then maybe I'll reconsider! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-believe-in-spanking#post-23233 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:17:40 +0000 MsMini 23233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our house will be a non-spanking household. I come from a strict non-spanking household. Me and my siblings were all known to be well behaved kids, and my adult cousins always call my Mom and ask for parenting advice. I also worked as a therapy aide in a pediatric psych unit, and we did a lot of education on non-corporal discipline for the parents. I don't think spanking is an effective means of punishment, it is just easier for the parents than most other forms of punishment. </p>