https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 07 Aug 2026 05:44:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1663155 Wed, 28 May 2014 14:43:07 +0000 illumina 1663155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly I don't think I have confronted anyone ever, besides my parents and Dh! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662858 Wed, 28 May 2014 13:29:28 +0000 Adira 1662858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: That's hard because he doesn't have the same issues with them that I do. He just doesn't seem to care as much at the things they do that offend me, haha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662850 Wed, 28 May 2014 13:27:38 +0000 JoJoGirl 1662850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Frankly I think your husband should be tackling confrontations with your in-laws, when possible.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662786 Wed, 28 May 2014 13:08:59 +0000 Adira 1662786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: Thanks! You're so right!!</p> <p>I'm actually really good with confrontations with certain people (Hubs, my BFF, my parents, my brother), but other people I'm not as close with, I'm terrible at it. Especially my in-laws! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662772 Wed, 28 May 2014 13:06:20 +0000 JoJoGirl 1662772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had to learn through my adulthood to not be scared of confrontation. The 'festering' approach is so much more toxic because 1) it makes you upset for an indefinite period of time and 2) it doesn't solve any problems, just usually makes them worse. Yes, confrontation is super uncomfortable in the moment, but 99% of the time the result is worth it, you feel better/more empowered about your ability to take action, you get it off your chest, and the situation is as resolved as possible. It's SUPER IMPORTANT to be mindful of how you approach situations and how you react to people's reactions (ie don't escalate things, stay calm, keep your message simple) but it's a really important skill to have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662763 Wed, 28 May 2014 13:01:32 +0000 Adira 1662763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@StbHisMrs: Yikes! I can imagine dealing with an ex is rough! I don't envy you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662750 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:58:45 +0000 StbHisMrs 1662750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes, it depends on my mood. In my personal life I usually let it go, but with some recent events that have transpired I've become more aggressive and confrontational (not in a good way either).<br /> My current and ongoing beef is with my Husband's ex-wife and I will be confronting her very soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662601 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:12:55 +0000 Adira 1662601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@heartonastring: Good tips!! Thanks!</p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: Thanks for your advice!! I get sooooooo nervous when I think about confronting someone! But I really should do it because I've had this on-going issue with my SMIL ever since I was pregnant with Xander and I hate feeling this way about her (but she won't stop driving me crazy)!!! I'm just so afraid to talk to her about it because I don't want to make the situation even worse! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662579 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:06:51 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1662579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@heartonastring: Yes to this &gt;&gt; "I feel ____ when you do ___" !! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662575 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:05:40 +0000 MrsKRB 1662575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most of the time I just let it go, occasionally someone will really piss me off and ill do something about it, but usually I like to keep the peace. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662567 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:04:22 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1662567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: hahha aww you're so sweet! </p> <p>Oh I could never say anything at the heat of the moment either. I'm the type of person who always walks away thinking, "I wish I said this!"... or "I should've said that!". I am usually paralyzed "in the moment" and need time to process things after the fact (introvert here!!). It is harder to bring things up after time has passed, but if it continues to nag and eat away at you, then I encourage you to pull that person aside and say, "Hey, when you have a moment can we talk?"... and go from there. Take it one confrontation at a time, and one day it will become easier. It takes practice! When I first started to force myself to confront issues, I would jot down notes on paper of all the things I wanted to bring up, then practice how to approach it before bringing it up to the person. It really worked for me. I still do this when I want to bring up topics to my managers that aren't easy like pay raises, promotions, and even maternity leave! </p> <p>I hope you're able to find the courage to talk out whatever is eating away at you, and that with it comes some resolution, peace, and mutual understanding! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662563 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:03:03 +0000 photojane 1662563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't confront someone because we have conflicting personalities - that's part of life. But, if someone is disrespectful/unreasonable/mean/whatever, I will mention it in the moment. Never rude, but honest. I'd like to understand why someone feels like he/she needs to behave that way. It takes a lot to bother me, so I don't really have many confrontations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662562 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:02:54 +0000 heartonastring 1662562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's better to confront it head-on than to let it fester. </p> <p>It's important when confronting someone to be very careful about the language and tone you use. Use non-confrontational language and the same "I feel ____ when you do ___" statements that everyone recommends you use when raising an issue with a spouse :)</p> <p>A really good book that covers this, as well as several other components of leadership effectiveness is called Leader Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662539 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:55:39 +0000 Adira 1662539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: You sound so mature - will you be my life coach? :D</p> <p>I think part of my issue is that in the heat of the moment, I know if I say anything, I'll come across way too rude, so I just bite my tongue. But then I don't know how to bring things up LATER or I feel like too much time has passed, so I continue to say nothing and the issues just continue to fester. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662531 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:53:17 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1662531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I learned a lot about confrontation in college, and from one of my friends who confronted EVERYTHING. We both learned a lot from each other - she learned to be more gentle, and I learned to be more bold. </p> <p>Most of my "confrontations" (this word sounds so attacking, but I don't think confrontations have to be attacking or aggressive at all! You can be both honest and kind in the process too) usually end up well. I think confrontations can be respectful if both parties are civil and mature about it! </p> <p>In the end though, I just tell myself that I can only control my actions and words, and however the other person responds is out of my control. At least I can have peace knowing that I did what I could, within my power.</p> <p>Eta: I only confront things that are personally affecting me... if it's just something I don't agree with but doesn't impact me I just keep my nose out of someone else's business! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662527 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:51:52 +0000 snowjewelz 1662527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not really unless I'm really close to the person and it has to be resolved for our relationship to move forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662504 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:43:19 +0000 cheert16 1662504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>sometimes... i guess it more so depends on the person. I would totally call out my friends/ family. Other people- probably not as much!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662500 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:41:24 +0000 Adira 1662500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I need to do this but I'm soooooooo bad at confrontation!!!! And I'm honestly not sure if it would help or just cause MORE drama and tension!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662499 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:41:18 +0000 Boheme 1662499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends. I always feel conflicted because I can be kind to a fault, but I can also be confrontational to a fault. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662486 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:35:21 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1662486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It really depends on how big of a deal it is. If it eats at me to the point that it's affecting the way I treat or view the person, then yes. </p> <p>I hate confrontation, but I usually force myself to talk to the person about the *issue* anyway. I think a lot of it has to do with the approach. Usually, it comes down to some misunderstanding and misconstrued intentions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662329 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:00:23 +0000 yellowbird 1662329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, unless it's like crazy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662227 Wed, 28 May 2014 10:39:37 +0000 Grace 1662227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. I've only ever had a problem with one person. Problem is, neither of us are purposely being jerks (I think). We just have conflicting personalities. I asked my supervisor for help and he recommended reading a book about personalities. It was really helpful to learn how to talk to this co-worker. But, since I didn't bring it up with the co-worker, he didn't read the book and doesn't know how to talk to me. So my buttons end up being pushed and then I can't help but push his buttons back. Aaarrggghh. So I just try to maintain a civil but distant relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662103 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:50:19 +0000 Littlebit 1662103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: I love that saying, and use it frequently! They usually start back peddling in a heartbeat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662071 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:41:10 +0000 Nskillet 1662071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I am very confrontational to a fault. I am an on the spot bulshit caller-outer with zero tolerance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662056 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:35:14 +0000 wonderstruck 1662056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a hard one. I'm pretty good at being able to tell if someone just doesn't like me for reasons beyond my control, or if there's an actual problem causing the tension. If there's an actual problem I'll almost always address it, especially if it's a co-worker I interact with a lot. Better to just clear the air and find out what I can do so that we work together more smoothly and effectively.</p> <p>But if it's someone that just doesn't like me, that's tough. I had that situation once with someone I shared a lot of mutual friends with, I swear every time I talked or walked into the room or even breathed she would be rolling her eyes. I just figured it was her problem and ignored it. Eventually she said something really nasty and mean in front of all of our friends - basically told me that there was nothing I could do about it, but everything from my face to my voice annoyed her! And after that I didn't have to deal with her, because our mutual friends dropped her! </p> <p>It's much harder with a co-worker though, especially one you have to interact with a lot. If they're just a jerk or I don't feel like talking about it wold do anything but make things more tense, I'll ignore it - I was pretty good friends with my boss, so I'd possibly ask him for advice. But if there's any hope of making things better so you can work together more pleasantly and effectively, nervous as I'd be about it, I would speak up.</p> <p>ETA: Not saying I would just let the jerks walk all over me and not speak up! But I'm not going to approach it like, "Hey I feel like we're not communicating as well as we could be, and I want us to work together as well as we can. Is there something I'm doing that's bothering you, or a way I could approach X differently? What works best for you?" I've had that discussion once, and it worked so well! But it's not going to work with an unreasonable jerk! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662032 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:26:15 +0000 mamimami 1662032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely at work -- I learned to do that pretty early on in my career. I remember a very specific incident when I learned to say, "I feel like you're blowing me off right now," and I think that was a pretty pivotal moment for me, like, giving myself permission to say that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662003 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:17:52 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1662003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CupQuakeWalk: this this this. My favorite line is, "what did you mean by that?" because it calls them out on being a jerk while staying calm. It really makes the person think about what they've just said.</p> <p>I'm assertive and confrontational, though I think both words get a bad rap &amp; have negative connotations. I don't let people walk all over me, I know that I am responsible for my actions and not responsible for someone else's reaction, but it doesn't give me the right to be a bitch -- so when I confront someone, it's done calmly and is well thought-out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662001 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:16:34 +0000 Adira 1662001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CupQuakeWalk: OMG, I wish I was more like this!!! Whenever someone's being a total jerk to me, I'm always caught off guard (even if that person is ALWAYS like that) and so I just tend to get quiet and not say anything! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1662000 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:16:33 +0000 looch 1662000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had several confrontations with coworkers, I don't accept lies and being thrown under the bus for things I didn't do, so I speak up about it. I also don't accept non action when I've delegated something, so if you're not doing something, you're going to get called out.</p> <p>It's the nature of the beast though, at least at work. On a personal level, I am much more forgiving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-confront-people-you-have-problems-with#post-1661994 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:14:36 +0000 Pepper 1661994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally depends on the situation/person. If I think confrontation will help or fix the problem, then yes. If it's just going to cause more drama, then no. If I care very much about my relationship with this person, I'm a lot more willing to confront them and try to fix the problem. People I care about are also a lot less likely to cause drama or be unreceptive to talking it out. </p> <p>I've had a few "friendships" (I use that term loosely) in the past year that I've walked away from without regret. Confrontation would have been momentarily satisfying, but in the long run, it wouldn't have accomplished anything for me. Sometimes people just aren't worth the effort!</p> <p>ETA: In a work environment, I definitely tend to be more confrontational. Not in an aggressive manner, but I never let anyone throw me under the bus for something I didn't do. </p>