https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 18:31:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1227628 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:53:36 +0000 Boheme 1227628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: I feel the same way. You're not weird at all :) You will know when the time is right. I'm a huge believer in listening to your gut as a mom! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1227612 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:48:25 +0000 MoonMoon 1227612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just want to thank everyone who responded to this thread. Those of you who share some of my outlook help me feel less isolated or weird, and those who have different perspectives help me see your points of view and imagine how things might change or evolve over time!</p> <p>We might not have another baby, and I just feel that if I'm able to, I don't mind (right now) being with him as much as possible. Once this isn't sustainable any more I might start a thread about how to be ok leaving him with a babysitter, etc! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225641 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 22:24:58 +0000 Dagny 1225641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get it. I only want to leave my 7 month old if I absolutely must (usually for the occasional meeting) and the only person I've trusted babysitting is my mom. I ALWAYS sit in the back seat with him. I do feel judged by certain family members on occasion. They just don't understand why I wouldn't want more breaks. I've allowed myself to go with my instincts, because I'm sure I won't be able to parent this way when we add to our family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225411 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 21:15:46 +0000 rachiecakes 1225411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hear ya! I've worked full time out of the house since DS was 7 weeks old, I rarely want a 'break' from DS, I treasure the time we have together. And DH works most nights, so it equals very little family time.<br /> They think I'm nuts for rear-facing (he'll be two in a month), still using the Ergo, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225291 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 20:36:56 +0000 cmomma17 1225291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: I may not be as intense as you, but I totally get what you're saying about missing LO and people trying to give you a "break." I hate when people take LO away from me under the guise of "mommy needs a break" I don't need break! I want to hold my sweet baby while he is still little! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225272 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 20:31:01 +0000 hummusgirl 1225272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: We don't have a car, so when we visit our family (far away where everyone drives), one of us always sits in the back seat. Our LO is 14 months and I don't see that changing when we go home for the holidays this year! Call us crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225165 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 19:31:16 +0000 immabeetoo 1225165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: @loveisstrange: oh man, I have a family member won't leave her 8 year old with anyone if she can help it! She wouldn't even let me, with nary an accident or ticket, drive them to get ice cream last Christmas :/ So frustrating. </p> <p>@MoonMoon: I get defensive sometimes, we'll be letting LO go off with a family member alone for the first time next week for a few hours when they'd like it better if they just got him for an entire day or night. I try to compromise though, and listen to my husband's more rational voice of reason to see if I'm overreacting. I want family members to get alone time with our son. The other stuff about scheduling, feeding, etc. EVERYONE, no matter how they're doing it, hears it from other people about how it's wrong. The thicker your skin gets about it, the better. Smile and nod :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225163 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 19:29:22 +0000 JerricaBenton 1225163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Doesn't sound insane to me! LO is 9 months and we've never left her with anyone and don't have any plans to anytime soon. She slept in our room until 6 months. I BF and she never takes a bottle. Those are just a few of the things that we've been called nuts for! You do what works for your family. I don't feel defensive because we're all thriving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225151 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 19:24:55 +0000 loveisstrange 1225151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I kind of have to agree with @MamaMoose: that it's not sustainable long term. However, I'm a big believer that parenting (especially the first year) is all about doing what works for that moment. It's survival. If it's working for now, do it.</p> <p>I do also agree that it crosses into insanity when you're so stuck in what you're doing that you insist on continuing even after it's not working anymore. </p> <p>In the end, your parents had their stab at parenting. It's your turn, he's your baby, and youre entitled to parent how you see fit. They need to respect that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225125 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 19:05:29 +0000 MamaMoose 1225125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: not at all!! A 5.5 month old does not need independence to thrive and grow! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225117 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 19:01:07 +0000 MoonMoon 1225117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: I hear you, and I acknowledge that this phase will pass, I'm just not there yet! I guess I'm wondering if I'm hurting the baby or hindering his development at this point.</p> <p>@Koolbreeze: @MrsStar: thank you for the reassurance and perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225103 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:52:06 +0000 MrsStar 1225103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it works for you then its not insane! I didn't leave lo until 7 months and that was to go to the movies so I was back by 2.5 hours. And this month I'll be spending my first night away from her (she's 14 months). We coslept for a while, and I occasionally sit in the back of the car with her (usually when she's grumpy). Just keep doing what suits you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225097 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:49:35 +0000 Koolbreeze 1225097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you're insane so am I! Haha. I did get a lot of negative comments in the beginning but I just ignored it all. I wasn't going to change my parenting because of it and I didn't feel I needed to explain myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225090 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:46:43 +0000 MamaMoose 1225090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think that style of parenting is sustainable in the long run (ie EVENTUALLY I think you and your husband will want some time alone without the baby, and I think date nights are great for focusing on your marriage). But your baby is still little! And honestly the things you listed have zero effect on anyone but you and your husband... So no one else gets a vote! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225055 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:18:20 +0000 Foodnerd81 1225055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: oh yeah if they stay with you that's a whole different story. Our place is too small so oh well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225054 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:18:03 +0000 MoonMoon 1225054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: I like your style! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225052 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:17:24 +0000 MoonMoon 1225052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: exactly! I waited a bit to have a baby, and now that he's here I really enjoy spending time with him! My MIL kept asking us to leave him with her when he was 3 weeks old and ”go on a date.” I was like, lady, you're nuts! He's eating every 30-45 minutes! And she gave me a spiel about babies needing independence... :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225050 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:14:18 +0000 Dandelion 1225050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: She doesn't really have a choice not to, lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225047 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:13:34 +0000 MoonMoon 1225047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the perspectives, ladies! I just sometimes feel bad when people seem to imply that I need to want to get away-I'm assuming I'll want some time away from the baby eventually, but I don't yet! I really miss him when I'm at work.</p> <p>@Danizaur: it does work for me, I'd be an anxious mess if we had to do things differently!</p> <p>@Dandelion: I'm glad your husband and you agree, and hope your MIL respects your choices!</p> <p>@prettylizy: I don't even see that as intense, don't they say to keep them rear-facing until, like, 4 years old? Lol.</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: we don't have family local here either, which means they come visit and stay and really get up in our business! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225038 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:09:12 +0000 pinkcupcake 1225038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not sure what constitutes "intense" parenting, but nothing you're doing sounds "insane" or "too much" to me. I think as long as it's working for you and your family is happy, go for it! I haven't spent more than an hour away from my little girl since I stopped working when she was 6 months old. Some may think that's odd, but it works for our family and I don't feel a need for a break or anything so we're happy! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225026 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:05:05 +0000 Foodnerd81 1225026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally agree with @prettylizy: if it's working for you, it's not insane. I haven't gotten too many comments yet but I think as she gets older there will be more. I guess I will just have to get used to it! </p> <p>It also helps that we don't have family local so no one really sees what we do, so people only know what we goose to tell them. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1225003 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 17:50:36 +0000 prettylizy 1225003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First, it's only insane if it's affecting your life in a negative way but you refust to change anything IMO lol. If you're choices make sense for you then I say rock on. Second, I used to get this way sometimes but now I just brush it off. DD is 20months and still rear facing. We get lots of comments about it but I've gotten to the point where they don't even register anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1224996 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 17:45:24 +0000 Dandelion 1224996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not THAT intense (I do like riding shot gun), but I do have things that my parents have mentioned in the past and my MIL has made comments about that I'm a real stickler about. My DS is now 6, so my mom at least has learned to live with it, but I know my MIL will think I'm a bit intense with the upcoming LO, even though DH is on board with me about it. She's just going to have to learn to live with it.</p> <p>But, I never feel defensive about it. It is what it is. It shouldn't bother people how I parent my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1224991 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 17:42:35 +0000 artsyfartsy 1224991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it works for you then you are not insane! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-ever-feel-defensive-about-being-an-intense-parent#post-1224986 Mon, 18 Nov 2013 17:40:23 +0000 MoonMoon 1224986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents and in-laws are actually pretty respectful of my parenting choices, though they'll make comments here or there. But sometimes I feel like my husband and my style of parenting seems too much, or is perceived as ridiculous in the culture at large.</p> <p>For example, neither of us feels comfortable with the idea of leaving LO (5.5 months old) in someone else's care, he is breastfed completely on demand, he sleeps with us in bed and when he goes to bed I go with him even if it's early. We never let him cry and don't have him on a schedule, really. One of us even sits in the backseat of the car with him whenever possible! A lot of this stems from first-time parent anxiety and our general personalities, but I'm grateful that we mostly agree and that we're able to work on opposite schedules so one of us is always at home with the baby.</p> <p>Anyone else feel this way?</p> <p>Alternately,are we insane? :wink: </p>