Hellobee Boards Topic: Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 13:18:22 +0000 LovelyPlum on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469802 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 09:21:31 +0000 LovelyPlum 2469802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Applesandbananas: the warm-up period is a good point. We are a minimum of 4 hours from our families, and I do ask that they give her space when we first get there. I think that's only fair to her to reacclimate in an environment that's not her own. LovelyPlum on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469798 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 09:19:36 +0000 LovelyPlum 2469798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @catomd00: I am not asking you to apologize for where your personal line is. What I take unbridge with is the idea that someone whose comfort zone includes expecting a hug as a show of respect is somehow inherently bad or wrong. I will say that in general I find the argument that a child should never do *anything* with his/her body that s/he doesn't want to be unconvincing. Of course they will: shots and doctor's exams come to mind. And I know we've had this discussuon on here before, and many people claim they're different. But does a child know that? It's reasons like this that I think it's important to convey that there's different kinds of touching. A doctor feeling your belly for an exam? Appropriate. A simple hug to a grandparent or loved one? Appropriate. That same person touching your privates in a way that makes you feel weird? Very inappropriate. It comes down to the fact that I don't see physical contact as a black and white issue, and I find it surprising that so many people do. Of course I want to teach my daughter to respect and love her body and defend it at all costs. It's something I've thought a great deal about. I have four sisters, and one in particular that is very beautiful and naturally affectionate. I worried about her a lot in college, fearing she might be taken advantage of, but I needn't have. She proved to be very self-confident and told off more than one person who wanted more physically than she was willing to give. So to me, I think it is more important to teach my daughter to be self-confident, help her navigate the sublties of different kinds of relationships with peers and adults, and raise her in a trusting environment where she feels free to tell us anything, than to lay down hard and fast rules that she never has to do anything that she doesn't want to with her body. Because while the spirit of that last bit is mostly true, it's just not that simple. catomd00 on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469689 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 07:04:26 +0000 catomd00 2469689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @LovelyPlum: to each their own, but I won't apologize for my opinion on it. I don't understand why it's insulting if you're comfortable with what you're doing, go for it that's your choice. I find nothing wrong with having an expectation, but it's crossing a line when you try and force your expectation on an unwilling participant in my opinion. i come from a very affectionate families but sti not going to let myself or my kids Feel guilty about not showing physician affection if they don't want to. There are plenty of opportunities to teach our kids how their behavior impacts others. I don't feel that physical affection is the right place. I'm not saying it primes them for abuse necessarily but it feels very much manipulative and like coercion when someone fake cries or tells DD they're sad because she won't hug them. Her not hugging them isn't doing anything to them that should make them sad - that's their emotions to own, not hers to deal with. Sure, I tell her it makes me sad when she hits me, but she's doing something to harm me, not doing something with her body she doesn't want to do isn't. She doesn't have to do anything with her body to make someone else happy. FancyGem on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469665 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 02:39:03 +0000 FancyGem 2469665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My son actually likes hugging and giving kisses. He is like that with everyone. He is my personal care bear. lol LovelyPlum on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469330 Sun, 21 Feb 2016 15:42:17 +0000 LovelyPlum 2469330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Ree723: I agree with this-very well written. People who expect hugs or affection as the cultural norm are not trying to prime their children for abuse or emotional manipulation. I actually find it extremely insulting that some comments have insinuated that. *I* expect a hug and a kiss before bed/after a tantrum/when I'm leaving. Does that make me manipulative?? And for the record, when she doesn't want to give one to me, it's because she wants me to tickle her and steal some from her while she belly-laughs. It comes down to trust. I trust my husband, my parents, and my in-laws. I would never force her to hug someone I didn't personally trust, and I try my utmost never to put her in a situation that could be dangerous for her. Can I protect her 100%? No. But do I think that any danger she could come across would be from expecting her to hug her grandparents? Hell no. Applesandbananas on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469325 Sun, 21 Feb 2016 15:33:58 +0000 Applesandbananas 2469325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We are rarely around our families so they are pretty cognizant of the fact that they are "strangers", even though it's heartbreaking to think of yourself as a stranger to your own grandchild. They don't expect it nor do they push it, they give him time to warm up to them and it works out. LovelyPlum on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469324 Sun, 21 Feb 2016 15:25:57 +0000 LovelyPlum 2469324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @delight: @Raindrop: when we were younger, my sisters and I would show defiance by refusing to hug my parents or grandparents. It made them crazy, because we were just doing it to tick them off. And now I can say, it would hurt my parents, and DH's, so it would make me angry,too, if that were the reason my kids didn't want to hug them. LovelyPlum on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469321 Sun, 21 Feb 2016 15:24:01 +0000 LovelyPlum 2469321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes, always. It's considered very rude and disrespectful in my family not to. The exception is if she's throwing a fit for some other reason. Then my parents don't ever press the issue, nor do DH's. littlejoy on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2469016 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 22:39:22 +0000 littlejoy 2469016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't expect my child to do anything. It's her body & personal space. And if an adult gets put out because my child doesn't want to hug them, I'd find that super weird. winniebee on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2468994 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 21:40:40 +0000 winniebee 2468994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I hope they do, but I won't force it. My mother in law basically demanded a hug once from DS1 and it really pissed me off. iheartleopardprint on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2468990 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 21:33:58 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2468990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think it depends on their relationship. My LOs hug their grandparents, but I think that is more of a reflection upon how close they are and the effort their grandparents put in to nurture that comfortable relationship. I don't hug one set of my grandparents, as the close bond just was never there. delight on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2468958 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 20:56:12 +0000 delight 2468958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Raindrop: you're not alone. I admit I do expect it and if for some reason she isn't hugging them goodbye I bug her to do it. It's not typically a struggle. She sees her grandparents very often and is close to them and will generally hug them on her own. I just know how happy it makes my parents and DH's mom to get hugs and kisses from DD. I will admit if she didn't end up hugging them for a reason, I'd be a little ticked. Mrs Hedgehog on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2468950 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 20:39:18 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 2468950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We tell her to and she is affectionate so she almost always does. But, if she doesn't want to, we don't force her. Mrs. D on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/3#post-2468934 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 20:24:04 +0000 Mrs. D 2468934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I always tell her to hug them goodbye, but we will NEVER force her to. She has to know it's her body, and no one can make her be intimate if she dosn't want to. alphagam84 on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468926 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 20:16:27 +0000 alphagam84 2468926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'll never force it. I'd expect DD to at least say good bye. DD is only 15 weeks old so it's not an issue yet but I feel my MIL will have major issues with this when DD is older and refuses a hug/kiss. Not looking forward to that battle. loveisstrange on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468524 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 08:55:36 +0000 loveisstrange 2468524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @blackbird: This. She sees my parents several times a week and is obsessed with her grandparents. So yes, I do expect her to. Greentea on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468517 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 08:49:40 +0000 Greentea 2468517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I do require good manners, so I encourage her to say hello and goodbye to everyone as they/we come and go. I sometimes ask if she wants to give someone a high five when meeting. ETA: I loooathe forced hugging (when forced on me). ShootingStar on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468499 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 08:11:14 +0000 ShootingStar 2468499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Do I expect it? Sort of. I expect him to say good bye and we ask him to give hugs or blow kisses or whatever. He's pretty affectionate and loves my parents. He's less close to my in/laws though. I would never ever force or overly encourage him to be affectionate if he was uncomfortable. Not what good could come from that. The grandparents are grown ups, they can deal if a 2 year old doesn't want to hug them. Bubbles on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468439 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 04:18:18 +0000 Bubbles 2468439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No, it's completely up to him. Just like if he doesn't want to give me a hug! 808love on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468382 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 23:17:55 +0000 808love 2468382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Ree723: Yes, I agree. I definitely see how personal cultural/family values/connections shape our views on this. There is a high frequency of natural and customary displays of love and affection where I live/interact. Raindrop on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468357 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 22:29:29 +0000 Raindrop 2468357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Wow okay I am the odd one out... Maybe I should take as a hint not to respond but I voted yes and I do force it if they are being shy by saying over and over again. I feel they are being lazy for the most part if they don't do it like don't want to get off the couch to walk over to the door before their grandparents leave. Maybe if I sense a different reason for not wanting to I wouldn't force it. It is their grand parents, I know the grandparents like it and when I am old I would like a hug and kiss from my grandkids. I only do this for grandparents. Mae on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468337 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 21:50:57 +0000 Mae 2468337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No. We ask her to give a hug but if she doesn't want to we ask if she would like to blow a kiss and if she doesn't want to do that we ask her to wave goodbye. Sometimes she won't even do that lol. Mrs. Sunshine on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468332 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 21:35:57 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2468332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I mean, I expect/would like her to but I don't force her. She's only 2, making her give someone a hug seems counter productive to me. She will usually hug them or least say goodbye unless she is super grouchy. I feel like at this age it's lead by example. sarac on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468329 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 21:31:45 +0000 sarac 2468329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No. And I think that linking gratitude with physical touch is a very dangerous precedent to set. My daughter is required to be thankful and gracious, but I would never expect her to hug someone to demonstrate that. Basically what @PawPrints: said. Mama Bird on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468326 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 21:28:04 +0000 Mama Bird 2468326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No, we only expect the kids to say bye. Their grandparents aren't big huggers so no one's feelings are hurt. I do have a young relative who must have had it drilled into her that if you see family, you hug, and I feel so bad for her! We're not close at all but she'll hug me when she sees me, totally ignore me during the entire visit, then hug again when leaving. So she's basically hugging people who are almost strangers to her just because "you're supposed to"... so awkward! simplyfelicity on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468281 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 20:01:22 +0000 simplyfelicity 2468281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @PawPrints: Couldn't agree with you more. Madison43 on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468272 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 19:43:54 +0000 Madison43 2468272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No, I just expect her to be polite (I mean, as polite as 2 year old can be) and communicate some type of goodbye. We blow a lot of kisses around here because that's what she's most comfortable with. Corduroy on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468263 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 19:19:20 +0000 Corduroy 2468263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I expect DD to give hugs in that it is the social norm but like many previous posters I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if she didn't want to. It happened to us this week. MIL & FIL watched DD for a week and were leaving. DD won't see them for 4 months or so. She was having a hard time saying goodbye (acting grumpy and pouting) and we just let it go. No big deal. Ree723 on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468196 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 17:28:29 +0000 Ree723 2468196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @catomd00: Or it could be simply teaching children that their actions impact others.... Meh, guess it all depends on how you view it and your relationship with your parents/ILs. My view is shaped by the fact that this rarely is an issue with my girls, and when it does occur, it's usually because they're having a bit of a tantrum or being a bit contrary, not because they generally are uncomfortable with physical affection. If I thought that was the case, it would be a different story but I know my girls, I know our family dynamics, and I feel perfectly comfortable and confident that we are not emotionally manipulating or damaging our children. I also have full confidence that they recognise the difference between grandparents and everyone else as we certainly don't ask or encourage them to hug anyone else, even aunts and uncles, unless they instigate it. I think it's hard for all of us to fully understand other people's family dynamics in this regard. We're all shaped by our own experiences as a child and now as an adult. I come from a very affectionate family and a very affectionate friend group. In my world, hugs are given every time you greet and say goodbye to someone who is even remotely important to you. To me, it's normal. I never felt pressured to give others hugs as a child but it was so much the norm, we always did it and felt completely comfortable with it. DH was similar. Now we're the same with our kids and they're comfortable with it. But I can see how it would be hard for someone who comes from a less affectionate background, or who isn't comfortable with physical affection, to truly understand that.... pastemoo on "Do you expect your child to hug their grandparents when saying goodbye?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-expect-your-child-to-hug-their-grandparents-when-saying-goodbye/page/2#post-2468191 Fri, 19 Feb 2016 17:23:21 +0000 pastemoo 2468191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I do, but both grandmas always say "don't make him hug me, it's ok if he doesn't."