https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 15 May 2026 21:48:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1028381 Mon, 19 Aug 2013 05:50:17 +0000 Dandelion 1028381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@emg86: Turns out, she was actually pretty supportive when I told her yesterday. Surprised me, but made me feel better about my choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1028310 Mon, 19 Aug 2013 00:08:56 +0000 Penny Lane 1028310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>honestly, i've never had someone ask about my birth choices! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1028291 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 23:10:25 +0000 emg86 1028291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Yep, that's exactly how I feel about it! Same with formula vs. breastfeeding. </p> <p>@looch: I don't think I'd ever seen it as possible disappointment or mourning, but now that you mention it...I do think that maybe for some people I know that might be part of it. </p> <p>@Dandelion: I'm sorry to hear that your mom might be not be supportive of your decision! I was sort of in the same boat with my mom and it was a hard thing for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027994 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 18:14:05 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1027994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really talk about my story too much... even though it was super fun... because this isn't a competition.</p> <p>I don't really care if someone had a med free birth or an elective C-section. It just doesn't change the way I feel about someone. Not extra brownie points, no extra judgment.</p> <p>I think we should all just make the best of the experiences we had. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027975 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 17:56:59 +0000 deerylou 1027975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Giving birth is a tremendous event in a woman's life. The obstacles we face, and the feats we accomplish throughout our labor and delivery can be any blend of personal choice and comfort, and coercement based on necessity or safety. Being defensive is a completely natural reaction, if you've come across elitism from those who chose a different road to motherhood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027504 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 11:34:22 +0000 looch 1027504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think everyone has some degree of defensiveness about any decision they make, whether it's how their child came into the world or how they are fed, or whatever. I think part of it could stem from disappointment or even mourning of the way they thought it could be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027473 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 11:09:08 +0000 GrapeCrush 1027473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was pregnant with #1 I always said I was gonna see how long I could go before deciding on epidural, I went in with a 'whatever happens, happens' attitude. I ended up with a csection. Afterwards I only got slightly defensive about it when people would give me the 'aww, I'm so sorry you couldn't have a vaginal birth.' Or, 'if you would have waited longer you probably wouldn't have needed one' comments. Did I want a csection? No. But i did want a healthy baby, and when your in pain and not even dilating past a 2! And hearing the monitors beep everytime your child's heart rate decels, you make the decision that is best for you and your child.<br /> With #2, I had to defend my choice for a scheduled repeat csection. I got a lot of 'come on! Don't you want to even try?' I also got more of those from people who have never been pregnant, or don't have children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027386 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 09:55:59 +0000 artsyfartsy 1027386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: that's how I phrase it too...that this is what I hope for but I'm aware things can change, but I still get it. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027261 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 07:51:36 +0000 pastemoo 1027261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@emg86: I think everyone has some sense of defensiveness about their birth experience.<br /> I'm sorry it keeps you from sharing--I love home birth stories even though I didn't have one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027250 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 07:43:56 +0000 LomaLinda 1027250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. I don't volunteer my birth story for this reason. But if somebody asks, I will tell them I had a pain med free birth. I don't think that way is the "only" or "right" way, but it was what I wanted, and thankfully it worked out. But I have had women make me feel crazy for choosing that (like, it's so easy with an epidural, why in the world wouldn't you get one, you're crazy), or explain why they had to have an epidural (I get it... It hurts!!!) or the worst, tell me that my labor didn't hurt as bad as theirs did and that's the only reason I was able to go without the epidural. Seriously? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027210 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 07:01:30 +0000 Dandelion 1027210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In real life, only my MIL had issues about that.</p> <p>I'm going from one extreme to the other. Before I was a birth center, med free birthing mom...now I'm planning on scheduling a c-section...I swear, if people have anything negative to say to me about my birth choice this time around, I'm going to make them feel just awful.</p> <p>I have a feeling my mom is going to be one in that group. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027168 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 05:55:32 +0000 Espion 1027168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, but again, I've seen the hate online. </p> <p>I ended up with a c-section for a "if I lived in pioneer times" neither mom or baby would have made it situation. I'm dang glad I had it, and my whole birth experience, while long, was positive and great. Would I ever sneer at a home-birther? Never, because I love home birth stories! It just can't be my story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027159 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 04:57:44 +0000 LittleFox 1027159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that most people I've known have been more passionate before birth. Not all, though, and I have experienced some negativity in real life. I've felt defensive about my birth a couple of times when my outcome (planned natural birth, got an epidural that failed, then ended up needing a c-section) has been framed by others as a choice (I don't regret my c-section, but I didn't choose it), or when people have tried to armchair quarterback my birth story. I've gotten things like "they must've done too many interventions," or "I'm sure if you labored long enough you wouldn't have needed a section, but they must've cut you off too soon" (ha! 36 hours is a short labor now?!), or the worst one of all: "I had natural births, and they were not so bad. Really anybody can if they try." The last two were coming from someone with faster labors, no back labor, and who never got "stuck" like I was for hours at over 9cm (so not fun); basically the opposite of my labor experience, but she somehow thought she knew exactly what my experience was like based on her own, and that I just didn't work hard enough (ha!). It's silly because our births were so different it's like apples to oranges. That kind of exchange makes me defensive, and I think the small percentage of people out there who say those sorts of things can cause preemptive defensiveness in others. </p> <p>If someone is just openly sharing their birth story, I don't really get defensive. I like hearing birth stories and sharing my own, and most people are understanding of the fact that there isn't a "right" way to birth. Sometimes unplanned things happen, sometimes planned things happen, but we all are just trying our best to get our babies here safely. When we can both acknowledge that, I don't feel defensive at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027150 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 04:10:42 +0000 loveisstrange 1027150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I agree with your statement that most people I know don't use the word "choice" after having a hospital birth. Most of my friends were forced into something that they didn't want and didn't have a choice in.</p> <p>For me, nothing was a choice. When you find out you have a heart problem and they don't know if you'll have a heart attack from the strain of labor, you tend to go with the doctor's suggestions. I know better next time. I wanted a med-free birth and I will have one next time.</p> <p>But yeah, from my experience, people tend to be much more passionate BEFORE birth. After? No one really cares too much anymore. Afterwards, I feel like there's a kind of camaraderie, like soldiers telling war stories. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027138 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 02:41:20 +0000 Mrs. Fox 1027138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have experienced this defensiveness repeatedly- never from real friends but definitely from co-workers or friends of my family. They were the same people who told me I was crazy to try a homebirth or that I said I wanted an unmedicated experience but once I actually went into labor "man, you're gonna change your tune!". Once I had a successful homebirth, those same people became very defensive about their own experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027137 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 02:39:06 +0000 Foodnerd81 1027137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Danizaur: I wanted (and got) a med free birth, but I tried to only ever phrase it as "im going to try for natural". I didn't want any of the "that's what you say now" comments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027095 Sun, 18 Aug 2013 00:17:12 +0000 Colee 1027095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't given birth yet, but it really bothers me how women judge each other so much based on their choices on childbirth. Women who want medicated, hospital births think natural moms are crazy hippies. Women who go the natural route think women who use medication care less about their baby's well-being. It doesn't matter what side you are on, there is always someone, (even strangers in line at the store) who want to tell you that your choices are wrong. I keep my birth plan to myself to avoid situations such as this. It's too bad we can't be respectful and open to the choices of others without judgement. After all, we're all mothers (and mothers to be)! We all want what's best for ourselves and our children! And in the long run, the way we give birth doesn't make us any more or less of a mother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027022 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 22:51:38 +0000 artsyfartsy 1027022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've ALWAYS imagined a med free natural birth for myself. I've had this outlook my WHOLE life. My family doesn't support my choices at all. They mock it almost by saying "Yeah, you think so NOW." etc. </p> <p>My sister had an awful delivery and eventually a c section that I know was caused by too many interventions, and still thinks I'm crazy for not wanting any. Just wish they were more open, because I know this is the best choice for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1027017 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 22:44:54 +0000 Cherrybee 1027017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In my experience, people are more passionate about their choices *before* giving birth!! Most people I know who have been through it (hospital births, at least) no longer use the word choice! </p> <p>Perhaps I will find this more when I start phrasing by birth story differently. One day I will talk about how I refused opiates, waited so long to get the epi in case I stalled labour I ended up getting to 10cm without it, chanted "I can do this, I can do this" in between syntocin induced contractions and pushed out my baby with no pain relief. Right now, I can only talk about how harrowing it was and how next time I'm having an elective section under general anesthetic, wake me up when its 18. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1026865 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 21:12:20 +0000 Boheme 1026865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People thought it was weird, but I don't feel like anyone got defensive. I had a lot of people who tried to discourage me from natural unmedicated birth though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1026860 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 21:10:37 +0000 emg86 1026860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Oh yeah, I've definitely experienced it in the forum world. Most of my good friends think I'm crazy cause I had a baby at home but they do become more interested in midwifery care when I share about my experience with our awesome midwife. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1026857 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 21:09:21 +0000 allison 1026857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah. I mean, I haven't been in that particular situation (yet), but I see it a lot online. I think it's just a sensitive subject. I can be very passionate when talking about my choices, so I try to dial it back, especially around women that made different choices, so as to not offend. And I've never offered up my birth story unless asked for it. I kind of feel like, now that he's here, no one really cares! And that's fine by me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1026854 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 21:06:52 +0000 tororojo 1026854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, but I am pretty easygoing about my choice to go for the drugs, and I have much respect for those who didn't! I do have an acquaintance who feels the need to inundate me with anti-vaccine propaganda. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1026850 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 21:02:01 +0000 runsyellowlites 1026850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not irl. They've always thought it was awesome... crazy, but awesome that I planned a homebirth (oddly enough alot of women I've met have then asked me about finding a MW &amp; what it's like). I've noticed it quite a bit in the forum world though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1026838 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 20:51:34 +0000 Foodnerd81 1026838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not so much defend but I've had people ask me why i would want to not use pain meds. Trying to explain my reasoning makes me a little uncomfortable bc I don't want to sound like I think other options were bad, I just did what I felt comfortable with. My brother, tactful he's not, was like, why the hell wouldn't you get an epidural?? (His wife pushed, with an epi, for two hours bf eventually getting a c section). </p> <p>Most people I know are pretty open about it though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-like-sometimes-people-defend-their-birth-choices-if-theyre-opposite-of-your-own#post-1026828 Sat, 17 Aug 2013 20:45:43 +0000 emg86 1026828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have several friends and family members who become sort of defensive about their birth choices/outcomes when they ask about my birth story, especially if it ends up being something completely opposite of mine (I had a home birth). Anyone else experience this? It makes me not want to share my birth story with others because of it. I don't feel like my story makes me "better" than anyone else, I love to hear all sorts of birth stories! </p>