https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 18:49:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1992163 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 15:11:30 +0000 dagret 1992163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I agree, my husband is the same way, even now, with an almost 2 yr old and another on the way. He's always saying "we never spontaneously do things anymore" - um, duh, what part of having children did you think would be footloose and fancy free? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1992130 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 14:51:54 +0000 Mama Bird 1992130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah. It gets better, it gets worse, but you can never just be a couple again. There have been too many days when we desperately need to talk because one of us is upset about something, but we can't focus on each other because DS wants attention/needs dinner/is trying to nosedive off the couch or something.</p> <p>Now that we're expecting again, we at least know what's coming. I'm trying to get my mom to watch B a couple of times so we can go on dates before we're back in the trenches :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1992098 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 14:44:18 +0000 Mae 1992098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dagret: That is probably true. But also I think that it can sort of just depend on your personality. I've always just been sort of a "this is our situation" type person. I think that I just tend towards contentment and so it is easy for me to adapt to things and be happy. My husband is more of a "wouldn't it be nice if" person. I think he just has always tended to spend more time thinking about his "ideal" and has to work harder at contentment than I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1992094 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 14:43:30 +0000 sarac 1992094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>3 years in - no. I absolutely don't feel this way. I know that in the first year it was harder to find time to spend together. We also solved this with day dates - SUCH a great idea. But our daughter has completed our family in such a perfect way, it's made the both of us mature into the people we were really meant to be. It's really changed us and our marriage for the absolute better, and I cannot imagine not having that. I don't miss the days before her at all - life just wasn't complete then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1992077 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 14:34:44 +0000 dagret 1992077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I think for women, becoming a parent is something we're forced into pretty quickly. (If you're carrying your child, that is.) You adapt your life to fit this new development and literally carry it around with you for 40-ish weeks. We start thinking about what this means for us and our relationships right away. For dads, this revelation really only occurs when the baby is on the "outside" and it can take them a bit longer to adapt/come around to parenthood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1992060 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 14:26:57 +0000 fancyfunction 1992060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes - we make spending time as a couple a priority. We're very fortunate that our parents are great babysitters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991959 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:44:14 +0000 blackbird 1991959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do, but damn, sometimes life changes. E was supposed to go to MIL's tonight and DH and I were going to go out for a nice dinner, rent a movie, etc. And she's sick with a fever, so all our twosome plans have come crashing down. SUch is life. I distinctly remember feeling like I "missed" my husband and "us", but it was a phase that passed. One that I am not looking forward to again </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991958 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:43:55 +0000 Mae 1991958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The article makes me sad. Mostly because I think that is exactly how my husband feels, and I don't. And it's hard. I think I've adapted to have a baby pretty well and I don't really spend much (any?) time thinking about life before because it feels pointless. And even when I'm frustrated with whatever challenge we're facing I'm just mostly focused on how to fix it, not how much it sucks. My husband on the other hand I think is still really mourning the loss of our old easy life. And I think me misses me/my undivided attention a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991889 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:23:51 +0000 sweetooth 1991889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anandam: I like to think of it this way - all of those years before baby and the adventures that you had and memories made, provide you endless little mental escapes into happyland :)</p> <p>@Bubbles: Get those tears out! And then plan those date nights! :heart: </p> <p>@Smurfette: It's totally not the same... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991887 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:21:41 +0000 sweetooth 1991887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: That's so fantastic that you have the two sets of grandparents close by. You definitely have a unique situation - sounds wonderful!</p> <p>@mrsjyw: You're right, it's all a natural part of life. That's so great taht you took a 5 day vacation with just the two of you! I hope to do that in the next two years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991881 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:19:17 +0000 sweetooth 1991881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meridian: It's extremely hard in the beginning, with all of those sleepless nights. <i>(Congratulations by the way! I remember you!)</i> Do you have family coming in for the holidays? Maybe you and your husband can get an hour or two alone to hold hands or go ice skating?</p> <p>@lawbee11: You're so right about it not being the same. It's kind of like navigating a whole new relationship. You're seeing them in a different light, talking about things you never talked about before...too many poop talks...I'm at 13 months and just trying to think about ways I can connect with my husband more consistently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991866 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:12:35 +0000 Smurfette 1991866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep! At 21 months I still miss the old us. We make time for each other, but it isn't the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991860 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:09:38 +0000 Bubbles 1991860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow this strikes a chord. I think our relationship is definitely stronger and we bicker far, far less since having DS - but there were times in the early days when I would be sobbing with how much I missed DH and what we had before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991848 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:02:26 +0000 .twist. 1991848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Yep. pretty much everything you said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991844 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:00:47 +0000 anandam 1991844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, I feel this way. I feel like we hardly know each other anymore. And I actually sort of wonder if the many years of independent adult life I had before marriage and the long courtship and years of marriage before kids made the transition harder. I had way too many years to get selfish and lazy. Like having so little say over how I spend my time, and how we spend our time as a couple, was a complete shock because we'd had it all our own way for so long. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991830 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:53:12 +0000 mrsjyw 1991830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can definitely relate to the article. It's a change in life dynamic where we will never ever be a twosome again. It's okay and life is amazing, but it doesn't mean I won't sometimes miss our twosome days! Just like I miss our dating days etc. I think it's all just a natural part of life and family plans! </p> <p>We def are lucky in that we have both sets of grandparents who live near us and make it very possible for monthly (overnight) date nights. Also when Ds was 18 months earlier this year we took a five day vacation just the two of us. While I felt super guilty leading up to it, it was an amazing time and so so good for us as a couple! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991825 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:50:30 +0000 LuLu Mom 1991825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have always made our relationship a priority and I think with that comes being very blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents within close babysitting distance and who we trust. I've also never been one to fret about overnight stays, so LO has always been comfortable sleeping at their houses allowing us a chance to catch up on sleep (when she was a baby.) This was lifesaving to us! We thought our relationship was better post baby than before, we just worked as a unit so much better, I know this isn't normal though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991821 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:48:45 +0000 lawbee11 1991821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can really relate to the article, especially this line: </p> <p>A bomb had fallen in the middle of my marriage; a perfect, wanted bomb, but a bomb nonetheless. What I really wanted to write on that birth announcement was, “I love my daughter, I am so grateful she is healthy and safe, but I miss my husband terribly. There is a hole in my heart where our twosome once was. What have we done?”</p> <p>I felt that way a lot in the beginning. Hell, 16 months in and I still feel that way sometimes. We go on dates and spend time together in the evenings and all that...it just isn't the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991817 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:48:08 +0000 Meridian 1991817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're only 9 weeks into parenthood and I miss my husband a lot! We've been together 10 years before LO came, so it's not like we didn't have plenty of time to enjoy just each other... but as much as love our son, we both miss the twosome that we were. It sound weird to say that out loud (or online)! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991811 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:46:04 +0000 sweetooth 1991811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: Just like there's never a perfect time to have a baby, there's also no time like the present to make time for date nights. I hope you're able to make time for your twosome even before you sell your house. Do you live where there are free things to do? Parks? Museums? Things like that?</p> <p>This is making me think that I could plan some free dates too - other than the cost of transportation or parking, the DC area is filled with free entertainment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991805 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:43:43 +0000 sweetooth 1991805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Day dates are a great idea! I should try that more in the new year. You're right - LO is already in daycare, no additional babysitter cost, and sometimes that one-on-one time over a meal is all you really need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991802 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:41:23 +0000 looch 1991802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, we struggled with the concept of date "night" because it meant finding a sitter, disrupting routines, etc etc. So we didn't go out for a long time. Then I decided we could have day dates, and we do so at least once a month, where we have a scheduled lunch date, during our work day.</p> <p>Once I stopped limiting myself to "nights" so many possibilities presented themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991797 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:40:01 +0000 Modern Daisy 1991797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The blog wont' load on my computer, but I do understand the basic idea from your OP! Even though we took time as a married couple before TTC and were 100% sure we wanted a baby, it was still kind of shocking to change the family dynamic so much. We will eventually go out more often if we ever sell our dang house and finally have spending money! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-this-way-i-sometimes-do#post-1991786 Fri, 19 Dec 2014 12:36:11 +0000 sweetooth 1991786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://the-toast.net/2014/06/27/becoming-three-the-myth-of-instant-family/view-all/" rel="nofollow">http://the-toast.net/2014/06/27/becoming-three-the-myth-of-instant-family/view-all/</a></p> <p>This article spoke to me and I thought it might speak to some of you as well. It speaks about the change that having a baby can have on your relationship with your husband. And I will admit, I do miss our twosome.</p> <p>I LOVE, love, love our son. And life is good. We are pregnant with #2. We had several years together after being married with just the two of us, so I often feel like I don't have room to mourn the loss of our twosome. We wanted a family, this time was coming.</p> <p>But this article does make me think, I really need to work on getting a babysitter and making date nights happen more often. Date nights should be more than a meal on the couch with a Netflix movie that I fall asleep halfway through. Our little twosome deserves a night out, with candlelight, and delicious food that I did not cook.</p> <p>Do you make time for your original twosome? If so, how? </p>