Hellobee Boards Topic: Do you have a good relationship with your family?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Do you have a good relationship with your family? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 22:27:38 +0000 Mommy Finger on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925230 Tue, 19 Oct 2021 08:42:47 +0000 Mommy Finger 2925230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have a great relationship with my side, for the most part. We live close to my parents and see them often. I have 3 brothers and we get along with them and their families in varying stages but I love having a big family. My in laws on the other hand.....whole other story. We just came back from a vacation with them for my FIL's wedding. Never traveled with them, never need to again. DH has one sister and if it wasn't for her two girls that we love dearly, we probably would distance ourselves from the family. SIL loves drama and the entire vacation, if we weren't dealing with her, we were talking about her. It was exhausting. I have a very surface level relationship with FIL and new SMIL. I don't agree with a lot of their views. While I know they love my kids, I'm leery about what they'll teach them. These past few years really showed us their true colors. nana87 on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925213 Sat, 16 Oct 2021 18:35:14 +0000 nana87 2925213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We’re very close to my parents— we see them about once/week and they’re the first people we contact for support. My brother and I used to be very close, but we don’t live close and life is just too busy. Like, he has 4 kids and both he and sil have demanding careers. I think he puts up a lot of boundaries as well and isn’t clear about why— I try not to take it personally but it does hurt sometimes. Plus, with the pandemic it’s been even harder. On dh’s side… let’s just say that since fil died, I’ve come to realize how narcissistic and passive aggressive mil is (she used to blame a lot of bs on fil that I think was actually just her…) and I have zero patience for it now that my los are my priority. Especially since lo1 is now old enough to pick up on the tension and has already been very hurt by her during recent visits— she gets so anxious about her unpredictability and sometimes very unkind comments. We have to set pretty firm boundaries and try not to ask for help because it constantly turns into a martyr situation. On the other hand, I used to hold sil more at a distance because she used to be very unreliable and fly off the handle easily, but we’ve become closer after a recent family trip. Anagram on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925196 Wed, 13 Oct 2021 16:16:19 +0000 Anagram 2925196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pretty good! I have very different political views from half of my siblings (I have a big family, there are 6 of us), and we have a big age spread, so I’m not that close to my oldest two siblings, but closer to my siblings that are close in age to me. My mom and I get along fine even though we have different political opinions—luckily for me, we have different political parties but my mother was NOT a 45 fan at least, so we have plenty of common ground in disliking him even if we have opposite opinions on everything else. The only thing I wish were different is my parents raised us to be very independent and that’s what they got—totally independent adults so even though we get along, I don’t feel close enough to my siblings to really lean on them in times of need. That’s what my husband and a couple of close girl friends are for. So I wish we were closer in some ways. My husband is super close to his parents, even though they live in another country. He talks to them a ton in the phone, they are extremely supportive snd he tells them everything basically. So all in all, I feel pretty lucky all things considering. periwinklebee on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925192 Wed, 13 Oct 2021 09:28:38 +0000 periwinklebee 2925192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Our relationships are all cordial enough, but our families are not a source of support. Part of this is just that we all live far apart, but it also goes beyond that... My MIL means well, but has a personality where she cannot stop criticizing everything literally non-stop, including things like my kids physical appearances. She's also social media obsessed and just doesn't have a ton of maturity - it drives my husband crazy and they do not get along well. For this reason, she has decided to take all her criticisms to me and I just deal with it as politely as possible when she visits, as she does adore the kids and my older LO especially enjoys seeing and zooming with her. FIL we see rarely - he doesn't speak much English so I'd say essentially I don't have any relationship with him and DH isn't close. My parents also mean well and adore their grandkids, but have their own challenges (including some very serious and severe mental health challenges) that prevent them from being a source of emotional support, which is about the extent of what's possible given that they live far away. We do have the kids zoom with them regularly. DH and I only have one sibling between us. He is much younger than me and we were never close. I think we'd both like more of a relationship, but he lives far away and we are just too stretched thin for it, as between the two of us we'll soon have five kids three and under. The result of having no family nearby is that I feel like we essentially have no support network, sometimes it can feel like we're barely hanging on between work and kids and any small thing coming up can disrupt the balance and make it all chaos. It's not ideal but i also don't see an alternative... You don't get to choose your family, and while I think there are certain obligations (within complicated and very individual limits) to support them in times of need, you also have to take care of yourself and step back when you need to for your own health and well being. There should be no guilt in that... :heart: karenbme on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925188 Tue, 12 Oct 2021 01:15:13 +0000 karenbme 2925188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We’re not really close with any family, and like others it makes me sad. On my side, I lost my mom when I was very young and when my dad moved on he was more interested in having a perfect family with someone new than putting in the work to create a blended family. As a result I never really felt welcome or at home there. And I’ve never had an honest conversation where either my Dad or Step Mom listen to my side and respond with anything other than with denial or defensiveness, so there isn’t a lot of trust. My siblings are all very spread out in age, there are 4 of us aged.41 to 25, and we’ve never really been in similar enough stages of life to be close. I’m also the only one with a long term partner or kids, and a lot of the time it feels like they just don’t get it. And my older sister definitely resents that I have my own family and she does not. On DHs side we would be closer if we lived closer, but his parents and siblings are all 3-5 hours away. When we moved where we live now part of the draw was that his parents were 10 minutes from us, but they decided to move to the town his sister lives in 3 hours away when MIL retired. They’re fine, but never reach out, ever. DH resents that they left and feels forgotten and MIL blames the strain in their relationship on me. There are lots of cousins on that side—9 under 10 years old—but we generally don’t see any of them besides holidays even though they all see each other frequently since the three siblings all live in the same broad metro area, which they all moved to at various times after college. Agreed that it’s tough to not be close to family, but my hope is that when my kids grow up that won’t be the case for them. It is also a big part of why I feel pressure to keep pushing for a second baby, I want to at least give my daughter a chance at having a lifelong close relationship. ElbieKay on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925181 Mon, 11 Oct 2021 14:56:04 +0000 ElbieKay 2925181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My family has never felt restorative to me. They provide support in plenty of ways, but I often have to put up emotional walls. My parents drink the Fox News koolaid, so I long ago banned political discussion because they can't conduct a respectful discussion. My dad values wealth and prestige to an unhealthy degree. (I guarantee that if I called and asked my alma mater's US News rank, he would know it off the top of his head. I graduated 22 years ago.) My mom cannot have a single unexpressed thought and constantly needs to feel needed, which is exhausting. My sister is living the same exact lifestyle in her mid-40 that she had in her mid-20s, and I worry about her future but don't feel like I can discuss that with her. My MIL has enough complicated issues that I don't trust her to watch my kids, which does not go over well with either her or my husband. But, my parents were excellent providers. I had a stable childhood with an abundance of opportunities and no college loans. They watch my kids regularly which materially lowers my childcare costs. They clearly love their grandkids. My sister is also a very loving and engaged aunt. bhbee on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925180 Mon, 11 Oct 2021 14:16:12 +0000 bhbee 2925180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This is very interesting! I feel a lot of the things in the responses so far. It’s just so complicated to deal with family … Chuckles on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925179 Mon, 11 Oct 2021 13:47:08 +0000 Chuckles 2925179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm fairly close to my immediate family - mom, dad, and my brother and his family, in that we see them a decent amount. But I wouldn't say we're really close emotionally. My dad isn't great at the emotional stuff in general, and my mom tries her best to be supportive but generally makes things about her and more dramatic than they need to be, so I don't go to them for emotional support. Also, lately my parents have been prioritizing my brother's crazy demands and seeing his kid versus mine (long story), so that's also making me back off a little. Like @KT326: , I have cousins nearby that we hardly ever see. I've been the one to reach out in the past, but they don't seem interested in having an ongoing relationship except to see each other at major life events. I grew up hanging out with cousins, so it makes me sad that my kids won't have that. As for my MIL and DH's siblings, we see them about 3 times a year when we go visit (a 6 hour drive away), but no one makes a big effort to be close the rest of the year. There's no animosity or anything, it's just how his family is. I will occasionally text with his mom or sister, mostly about the kids, and now that there's Zoom, we've done some video chats, but that's it. I think DH talks to his mom on the phone every couple of months. And they almost never visit us. That's not an exaggeration - I think they've been here maybe 5 times in the 15 years we've been together, and some of that was for our wedding or children's births. KT326 on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925178 Mon, 11 Oct 2021 11:55:37 +0000 KT326 2925178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I rarely talk to my sister. She is 6.5 years older than I am, but she had a lot of mental health issues when we were younger so I never really spent much time with her. We have hardly anything in common. I used to be super close with my mom, but ever since my dad passed away I just can't deal with the decisions that she has made. Like she shaved her head a week before my wedding. She married a guy she knew for just a couple months (who I later found out was a felon!). I've pulled away a lot but she does see my kids a couple times a year. It makes me sad that I don't really have any close family. I'm not even close with my extended family. I have a cousin that is just a year older than I am, we have kids the same age but we never talk because our moms hate each other. As for DH's family, we saw his dad and sister a lot because they lived close by. But then they all moved out of state. It makes me sad that we don't really have any close family. I really wanted my kids to grow up knowing their cousins but it looks like that isn't going to happen. My sisters kids are all grown up while mine are just 9 and 4. DH's sister lives thousands of miles away. His half siblings are so much younger that our kids will probably be teens/grown by the time they have kids. josina on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925177 Mon, 11 Oct 2021 09:18:46 +0000 josina 2925177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ The relationship with my family has always been good. We see each other probably at least once a month and I'm better at that now that we have kids that like to visit G&G. I was just thinking the other day how I rarely talk on the phone to my parents anymore though... its just too easy to text. And I feel like I don't have enough to talk about anymore! We see my siblings fairly regularly also although I barely ever talk to my brother, he's 7 years younger so we were just never close. Nothing bad there though. The relationship with my in laws has definitely deteriorated over the years. We have zero relationship with my FIL and haven't for 5 years, and MIL is strained but okay right now. Same with DH's siblings, we get along right now but it is on/off with one of his brothers because of his alcohol problem. With in laws, I just keep trying with MIL. (FIL we wrote off awhile ago). I'll keep inviting her to outings with us (even though she always has an excuse), and let our kids go visit her often (we are neighbors). I don't ever want to be the reason my kids don't have a relationship with her. DH doesn't 'try' though, he's got a lot of built-up resentment, therapy would be great but not something he'll do. He's okay with me taking the lead on that relationship. I don't think he'll ever be 'close' to his mom again. bhbee on "Do you have a good relationship with your family?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925176 Sun, 10 Oct 2021 19:50:54 +0000 bhbee 2925176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Mostly curious how it may have changed for better or worse over time! I don’t even know how I would answer this today. I feel really unappreciative to say that it’s not great because DH and I each only have one parent left and only one sibling between us. I know time can be short. But it just feels complicated and I can’t figure out how and when that happened. From age 23 on (when I grew up a bit) I would have said it was very good until about 5 years ago. I think I’ve changed a lot starting about 5 years ago and my mom has too - due to life events in our individual lives - and we’ve both gotten older and less flexible. I think knowing DH and having kids has made me much less tolerant of my family’s negative tone (I never used to notice it) and it makes me want to pull away and avoid the disapproval and sometimes just meanness. But of course it’s not all bad … I think it just really gets under my skin right now, and I struggle between protecting myself from negativity and feeling guilty about not engaging as much as I used to. Have you had ups and downs with your immediate family? How did you handle it and move forward?