https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 07:53:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-407337 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 09:56:45 +0000 mamabolt 407337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, although I had some personal issues with leaving LO with MIL at first, because she seemed to question a lot of our parenting decisions. But I've realized that's just how she is, she always asks a lot of questions no matter what, and she still does things "our way." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-407292 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 09:18:16 +0000 MamaBehr 407292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@RAHLYRAH When I was growing up my Grandmother was bipolar. She was a hoarder and wouldn't take her meds (when I was 16 I remember her being in the psych ward in a hospital, angry about something, bashing her head against the wall, which I would assume was padded, it was very strange). She was never ever nasty to me or abusive, but my parents were very very very protective of me and my siblings when it came to her. We almost never spent the night at her house, and my parents have even said that when we were toddlers one of them would be three steps behind us to take things out of our hands etc. </p> <p>I feel like they handled the situation well, because I grew up having a relationship with my Grandmother, but it was one (I now realize) that was protected and completely on my parents' terms. In fact, I didn't even know she was sick until I was 16 with the hospital incident.</p> <p>I would imagine that you have a bit of a battle with your MIL, but once your LO gets here and DH is head over heals in love and goes into protective mode, just talk to him about it. There is no way he won't see your side of the story. Maybe you could even start planting the seed in his head, so that it becomes his idea that she shouldn't be alone with the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-407252 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 08:42:32 +0000 rachiecakes 407252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: I do :/ MIL is someone I would not trust with DS alone. She's in her 80s and is weak but rough with DS! She would shake his arms violently when he was tiny and pick him up awkwardly. We would always offer to place him in her arms while she was seated but if I turned my back she would try to pick him up off the floor and nearly fall over.<br /> Now that DS is mobile, he's all over the place. Her house is pretty sparse so I have a good idea of where he can crawl and where he shouldn't but the last time we were there he found a 'hidden' wire, you would think she would say something about it being there, but she didn't. Ugh, makes me so mad. DH fell out of a second story window when he was 2 and I think I always have that in my mind when we're there... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-407227 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 08:09:32 +0000 ValentineMommy 407227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: I completely feel your pain. My IL's gave DH's nephew peanut butter as a baby, specifically because SIL told them not to, and how dangerous peanut allergies are. They just blatantly don't care about other people's parenting methods, and what is actually safe! There's no way I'll let them watch our LO. DH flip flops about it, but honestly, I don't care. I'm going to stand my ground. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-407190 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 06:19:40 +0000 boiledpnut 407190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I refuse to let my FIL be alone with our baby when he comes. I've seen him with his other grandchild and it's a mess. He's not attentive enough to look after babies or toddlers. Thankfully DH understands this and is completely on board. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-406974 Mon, 19 Nov 2012 21:14:50 +0000 coruscations 406974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO will never be left alone with my mother. She was abusive when I was growing up and I don't trust her to look after a child. (I started a thread about this awhile ago.) She lives across the country from us so I only have to worry about twice-a-year visits when she'll be staying with us or us with her. I think it will be easier to "keep an eye" on her that way, but I still plan to be very vigilant. I don't want her to even stay in our house when she visits, but that's a battle I'm still working on.</p> <p>My husband had a hard time agreeing at first, because he had wonderful parents and doesn't understand what it's like to have a parent you can't trust. (Especially because to everyone else, my mother seems like she would be the perfect grandmother.) He wanted to let her come stay with us right after LO is born and I put my foot down and said no. He came to understand my perspective over the course of several conversations because in the end it is about LO's well-being, which always comes first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-406796 Mon, 19 Nov 2012 18:45:57 +0000 Ra 406796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: I really hope so. I want LO to have a relationship with his parents but I want to guard him/her from a lot of the issues that him and his siblings had to deal with growing up. His two sisters avoid his mother like the plague. They only maintain a relationship with her because they love their father so much. DH is a lot closer to her and often gives in to her when she throws her temper tantrums. It wasn't until after we were engaged and I threatened to leave him if he didn't start sticking up for me that he started standing his ground. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-406791 Mon, 19 Nov 2012 18:39:52 +0000 MamaMoose 406791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your husband may surprise you. I thought my husband would get really defensive about me wanting to implement pretty harsh rules to protect LO from my in law's smoking. But it turns out he is totally on board. My husband is typically very defensive about his family but the safety of our baby is more important than not hurting feelings when there is a legit concern. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-parentinlaw-you-dont-trust-alone-with-lo#post-406789 Mon, 19 Nov 2012 18:33:06 +0000 Ra 406789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do you handle it?</p> <p>I know that when LO is born that I will not want him/her alone with my MIL. She is an unmedicated bipolar and is often times verbally/emotionally abusive. Sometimes she is "normal" (but overly manic) and other times she is a raging bitch. She has had moments of physical abuse too (she threw an iron at DH's head when he was a teenager). </p> <p>I have mentioned my concerns with DH but I know that this is a touchy subject and it is going to end up causing A LOT of drama. Not to mention the fact that she is irrationally jealous of my parents and my mom will be providing our child care.</p> <p>I would never have to worry about LO going to MIL's house because she is a hoarder and DH won't even let me go over there. I am sure her and FIL (who is a very, very nice man--but an enabler) will want to be able to babysit LO.</p> <p>Does anyone have a similar issue? How do you handle it? I am afraid it may end up causing issues between me and DH. He openly admits that his mother can be hateful and abusive but it is still his mother so he also gets REALLY defensive. </p>