https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 07:29:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905513 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 15:28:27 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1905513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like a little bit of *healthy* repression is just the cost of doing business. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905434 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:40:07 +0000 IRunForFun 1905434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I agree! It was really a wonderfully supportive group of women and I think I benefited a lot from it, but I'm realizing as I process it that I was a little uncomfortable/offended by some of the attitudes and insinuations. It was almost as if some of the women were of the mind that, if you said you didn't have any deep issues you felt you were repressing, then you were in denial, and I just don't agree with that... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905399 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:25:31 +0000 Adira 1905399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have two best friends that I feel I can share almost everything with, and then the few things I don't talk to them about, I can talk to my husband about. I don't feel like there's anything I can' share with at least someone. And I know I'm a huge support to my two best friends and they share a lot of themselves with me. I don't feel like I need anything more than I have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905398 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:24:40 +0000 MaryM 1905398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I think I'd feel similarly about spilling it for strangers. I don't even like it when certain coworkers (who aren't my work BFFs) ask too much about my personal life. </p> <p>I figure as long as I'm not actively and knowingly hiding something that I know is hurting me, I'm probably doing ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905382 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:15:43 +0000 blackbird 1905382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, my husband....but I also have a therapist. I have some friends I can tell everything, too (mainly friends I met online. I feel like we are more open and raw than some of my IRL friends!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905365 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:08:42 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1905365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pretty open with two different friends, and trust that we don't judge each other. That's as close as I can get right now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905364 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:07:14 +0000 IRunForFun 1905364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: That makes sense. I guess I was just left wondering if something was wrong with me that I wasn't bursting to bare my soul to this group of people. Not that I wouldn't if there was something professionally I needed support for, but I wasn't as interested in divulging intimate details of my personal life as seemed to be expected? I don't know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905363 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:03:26 +0000 mrsjazz 1905363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I think that if you are fine with your support network then you don't need to seek out other safe spaces. I'm a believer of the more the merrier, there may be things that come up in your work that it will be nice to discuss with other doulas.</p> <p>Not everyone has friends or family they can confide in. I think it's good to have safe spaces both personally and professionally. I have a co-worker who has a professional safe space that she organized of other social workers of small non-profits where they get together and commiserate.</p> <p>At programs my job does, we often talk about safe spaces, that even though some people are strangers, this is a place that people are coming together to talk about a common thread (in our case is violence against women). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905362 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 14:00:24 +0000 IRunForFun 1905362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Yeah, that totally makes sense. Which I think, maybe, is the reason the group/community mentality was being stressed.</p> <p>I think I was also skeptical about the whole "women can nurture other women in a way no one else can" thing. I mean, I get it, definitely, there are some experiences that men wouldn't understand, but that attitude also seems limiting to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905353 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:54:27 +0000 MaryM 1905353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I wouldn't say I have one person that I would be completely open to, but I doubt I have many secrets that no one knows...though, in turn, no one knows all my secrets.</p> <p>I have several close friends from different times in my life, and each of them has their purpose. Some are more sensitive than others, but some have strengths the others lack.</p> <p>I don't think I've ever experienced something I couldn't tell *someone* about...whoever that was. </p> <p>I can see that being healthy.</p> <p>But being the one person that someone dumps everything on...I wouldn't want to be that person, so I don't think I'd do that to anyone either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905350 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:49:40 +0000 IRunForFun 1905350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: Yes, I think it would make sense that 12-step programs would be considered a safe space. </p> <p>@birdofafeather: Yeah, I think that's what she was getting at, that it's not just a friend or group of friends, it's community. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905344 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:46:02 +0000 birdofafeather 1905344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had them before in regards to a small group at church where I could be completely open. I don't have one currently but I do have friends who I can be open with. I think community and vulnerability are super important to growth and support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905343 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:45:50 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1905343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Interesting. I would just think that referred to close friends and confidantes...we all need those. Too much sharing in a group of women I don't know well would feel pretty strange to me, though...I'm pretty guarded and hate "breaking down" in front of others. Aren't 12-step programs also considered a "safe space"?</p> <p>ETA: ...as well as other support groups, etc... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905328 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:39:51 +0000 IRunForFun 1905328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: It was personal! It was kind of a given that the "women with women" meetings are the "safe space" professionally-speaking. This was more outside the realm of work, just in general. The discussion stemmed from the idea that a doula can become a "safe space" for a client, but once their professional relationship is over, the client must be encouraged to find another "safe space", as should all women. If that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905320 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:37:33 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1905320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did you take her definition of "safe space" to be more personal or professional? I can see how doulas and midwives might benefit from sharing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences (both good and bad) in a group of peers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-safe-space-what-does-it-mean-to-you-do-you-think-you-need-one#post-1905314 Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:34:00 +0000 IRunForFun 1905314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a doula, I attended a monthly "women with women" group meeting yesterday. The premise of the group is that it is birth professionals supporting other birth professionals, so it's a place and time to discuss the local birth community, share stories of your latest experiences, and ask questions. </p> <p>It was my first time attending one of the meetings (you have to be personally invited by another member before you get added to their listserv...a little strange to me) and I wasn't fully prepared for what it would be like. I mean, it was all of the things it claimed to be, but there was also a lot of personal sharing and vulnerability going on. Lots of tears and hugging.</p> <p>One of the "seasoned" doulas (she's 60, with 5 kids, and has been a doula for 30 years) was talking about the importance, for women, of having or creating a "safe space" to be completely open and vulnerable. Part of the discussion was that a doula can become that for a client, but also that every woman needs to establish a friendship or support group where she can share her entire self without fear of judgment, and grow emotionally through her shared experiences.</p> <p>I will fully admit that I was a little uncomfortable with everything. I am just not a person who does the vulnerability thing well. I feel like I can be a very good source of support, but I'm not sure I feel like I can reciprocate by opening up completely (nor do I even really know what I'd open up about.)</p> <p>I have a best friend and I have my sisters who I am very close to and talk about most things with, but it felt like the message I was getting was that I need more that. </p> <p>What do you think about this? Do you have a "safe space"? Do you think it makes sense? </p>