Hellobee Boards Topic: do you have a say in SO's schedule?

Hellobee Boards Topic: do you have a say in SO's schedule? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 17 May 2026 15:49:27 +0000 deerylou on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1305269 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 22:10:42 +0000 deerylou 1305269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband works a pretty traditional schedule, with occasional overtime. His boss is a good man, and always wants additional hours run by me, before my husband commits to them. MamaMoose on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1305220 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 21:22:04 +0000 MamaMoose 1305220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have no say in day to day things (sometimes he has to log in to work or take work calls on nights and weekends). But he would never agree to regularly scheduled weekend hours in the office without consulting with me. Mae on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1305195 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 21:04:12 +0000 Mae 1305195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I definitely have a say. I mean obviously if he needs to work late/weekends he does, but he would never volunteer to do something 10 hrs/week out of our usual free time without talking to me first. It would be one thing if he really HAD to but it sounds like you guys are doing okay and this is not necessary. And it does not sound good for your relationship. yin on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1305136 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 20:27:41 +0000 yin 1305136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would be sad if DH had a similar schedule. I don't have a say in his schedule, but I have asked him to go in a little earlier so that he can get home at a decent time. It's really difficult to get dinner ready with a toddler and an infant. hellocupcake on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304840 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 16:56:04 +0000 hellocupcake 1304840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have a say, he works graveyard and schedules himself 6 days a week. The only time I have a say is it I really want him to take a day off for a special occasion he will schedule himself that night off only. :/ it sucks but it's what we have to do so he can advance in his career and so I can be a SAHM. Dandelion on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304828 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 16:45:02 +0000 Dandelion 1304828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have a say, but it's the same all the time, so we just live around it. birdofafeather on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304750 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:59:43 +0000 birdofafeather 1304750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ i do a lot of the time because he works for his dad and then his schedule is PT for his EMT job right now. i'm hoping that soon he can go back to FT! Mrs. Lemon-Lime on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304734 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:43:21 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1304734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have a say in his work schedule. This past year he took on a role to train new staff and going into it I knew he wouldn't be able to take PTO for 10 months. What I didn't bargain for was the evening team building activities. There were just a few of them, but those days were really, really long. Mr. Lime takes (too much) pride in his work. If he isn't at the office he is working at home. autumnlove on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304724 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:35:01 +0000 autumnlove 1304724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have much of a say and he picks up extra shifts all the time! MrsH on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304722 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:30:44 +0000 MrsH 1304722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mrs. bird: I understand. Dh is starting his own business and his current employer wants to contract him back - so we are talking through how much he is going to work during my maternity leave, etc. ALV91711 on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304720 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:26:52 +0000 ALV91711 1304720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm sorry. He should of talked to you before taking on more hours. Time together is important. I don't really have a say in DH's schedule but he is self employed and let's me know what he will be working. If I need him home for something he will arrange it. Also, when he is really busy I try to insist on one day off a week so he doesn't burn out. bpcmarj on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304707 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:16:49 +0000 bpcmarj 1304707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I am so sorry. DH has no say in his schedule, so I certainly don't. It sucks and leaves me resenting his time at the gym (which is the same as Mr. Bird's. Power lifters are nothing if not dedicated). But, if he had a choice to take these hours then he should have run it by you before he accepted, even if he knew he would still take them. Greentea on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304703 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:12:24 +0000 Greentea 1304703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mrs. bird: I don't think you are being ungrateful or unreasonable at all. DH and I talk about everything. Every.thing. It makes things like Christmas difficult because it is hard to really surprise one another... but for me in a healthy relationship we have to discuss things like schedules... now to the extreme /even more now that we have LO! (But either way...) Cherrybee on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304698 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 15:03:28 +0000 Cherrybee 1304698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ That really is awful! Such long hours away. I never used to have any say at all - DH works Mon-Fri 7-5 then Sat 8-12 at his regular job and then takes on sound engineering work evenings and weekends. However, since we had the LO, he has started running the sound work by me and I have some say in how many gigs he takes on each weekend. I work 37 hours a week, though, and earn more than he does from both of his jobs combined - and that's the payoff, I guess. Aimed on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304653 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 14:22:39 +0000 Aimed 1304653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mrs. bird: I totally get the gym thing then. My DH is a runner and although its not quite as time consuming, I know that he is healthier mentally as well as physically when he works out. It's also understandable that him not wanting you to work because of a past situation, but perhaps you could talk about having a more balanced schedule for both of you for the moment where you work a little more and he a little less with the agreement that you could revisit the situation later. Ctran on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304652 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 14:22:00 +0000 Ctran 1304652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mrs.bird: I'm new to the boards but not to hellobee. My husband is a chef and I work in finance so our hours together are few. He works later than me most nights and works on Saturdays as well. So between the work hours and needing to have some time for our own stuff, it's hard to squeeze in quality time for us especially with a toddler and another one on the way. However when he is about to change his work schedule, we always talk about it first. He is planning to stop working on Saturdays in a few weeks which I'm thrilled about because we can finally be a "normal" family on the weekends. You are not being unreasonable in expecting him to at least talk to you before making a decision that impacts you both. I would just talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Time spent together as a couple is important. mrs. bird on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304639 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 14:13:27 +0000 mrs. bird 1304639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Aimed: his preference for me not working I think comes from an insecurity about when he was out of work & I supported us, I think he wants to be in the role of provider, I think there is also a cultural component to it, as well. The gym time is a tough one, the 15hrs is a minimum, today he's going because he needs to make up for not going Christmas Day. It's his thing, he used to do body building, he worked as a personal trainer & wrestling coach, now he's getting into powerlifting. It's his healthy outlet & while I try to have him be more efficient with his workouts, they're pretty nonnegotiable. Finding balance is such a struggle. Once we buy a home, he'd like to put a small gym in so he can do some of his workouts at home. mrs. bird on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304629 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 14:04:51 +0000 mrs. bird 1304629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Grace: I do work more hours when they're offered, but my salaried schedule is a 28hr one. @MrsH: thanks. I'm really not trying to be a controlling B, I just don't see how this could be healthy for either of us. @looch: if he were in a position where his profession required that type of commitment & was compensated in a fashion that made up for it, I might be more understanding. Where he's at now is a job, not even a well paid one, that he's working at until he can finish his exams to move on with his career in a different profession. I'm sorry you guys don't get more time together, it sounds like you've made the best of it though! @swedishfish: ugh, that's terrible! At least we get an hour most nights before bed. I'm sorry! I hope we both get through this awful schedule phase soon <3 Aimed on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304619 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 13:59:48 +0000 Aimed 1304619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mrs. bird: hugs!! That is frustrating for sure. Something like that would definitely be a discussion for us. It's nice that he wants to work hard for his family but perhaps you could discuss with him ways that it could be a bit more balanced. Is there a reason why he would prefer you to not work? Also perhaps you could negotiate the gym time a little, it seems like a lot unless it is must for him for some reason. swedishfish on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304608 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 13:46:00 +0000 swedishfish 1304608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I completely understand the feeling that you never see your husband. We just had a tiff on DH's way out the door to work today. I have no say in his schedule but I'm tired of it. It's been this way for 2.5 years and I think he deserves a better schedule at this point. He works W, Th, F from 2:30 PM - 11 PM and Sat & Sun from 2 PM - 10:30 PM. I work M-F from 7:50 AM - 2:50 PM. We don't even have one day off together as a family. I don't have any advice but I can commiserate if you need to talk to someone! Hugs :heart: looch on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304597 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 13:35:23 +0000 looch 1304597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I do not have a say in my husband's schedule. He often comes home late, works weekends and on vacation. He is salaried so this time isn't compensated, but very much part of his job. It means my son and I sometimes have to go to events alone. My schedule can also be wonky, but we do check in with each other so we both don't book ourselves. MrsH on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304595 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 13:34:34 +0000 MrsH 1304595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I feel like I should have some say and I don't think your feelings are unreasonable at all. Grace on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304593 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 13:33:14 +0000 Grace 1304593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'd be sad and tell him that I miss seeing him. That's a lot to work. Ideally, I'd rather work more hours so that we could see eachother. mrs. bird on "do you have a say in SO's schedule?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-say-in-sos-schedule#post-1304589 Sat, 28 Dec 2013 13:28:35 +0000 mrs. bird 1304589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ SO other just sent me a msg from work that he agreed to working sat & sun 9-2 from now on. he already works M-F 7:30-3:30. he goes to the gym after work 5 days/wk for ~3hrs, then 3 evenings a wk he has meetings he attends (not work related) and one evening each wk he has an appointment. i work late one evening each wk, but other than that, i get home between 6:20-7. i appreciate how hard he works, that he would rather work more so i don't have to (in his ideal world, i would stay home, right now i work 28hrs), that he is willing to do what he can to get us in a better place financially, but i am really hurt that he didn't think he should run this by me. i feel like i barely see him as it is & really look forward to our wk ends together & don't mind when he picks up extra hours on occasion (the wk end hours are working at the same organization, but in a different capacity), but EVERY weekend?? i miss him & think it's bad for his health not to have at least one day off each wk. am i being completely ungrateful & unreasonable to think i should have some say in this? do you feel like you should have some say in your SO's work schedule? (for those new bees who don't know the birds yet, we don't have any children yet, so he's not walking out on little people, just me)