https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 03:43:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147801 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 17:14:19 +0000 ALV91711 1147801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would let you MIL know the schedule and tell how important it is that it be followed. Other than that there is not much you can do if you aren't there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147772 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 16:18:23 +0000 Lindsay05 1147772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Frustating. I feel your pain. I have left in tears after letting my parents watch DD. When they tell me she hasnt eaten much and barely napped and I see a bag of chips open I want to lose my shit on them. DH has blatently told me to tell them exactly what they need to do, and even though I havent, for some reason I feel like I should just let them be grandparents and leave it alone. But I also need a backbone. I would try at least telling them that they are not helping anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147768 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 16:13:56 +0000 yoursilverlining 1147768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like the title thread question is a totally different situation from what you had happen, so I'll give you answers for both! haha</p> <p>No, I do not leave strict instructions with my parents. I think (especially FTPs) tend to forget that our parents are *parents* too, and have been there. They might even have a better way to deal with crying, etc. I also trust my parents completely with LO, and they did a good job raising me so I don't see a reason to leave them lengthy instructions.</p> <p>That said; my parents (and in-laws) don't question and interfere with my parenting while I'm in the middle of parenting - - which is what your MIL did! I tend not to say anything to my in-laws on the rare occasions that they have irritated me about how they are interacting with LO, but ask my husband to say something since it is his parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147753 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 15:58:44 +0000 Adira 1147753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG, the fact that your MIL came in while YOU were trying to get your LO to fall asleep is INSANE to me!!!! WTF! I would be so pissed!!!</p> <p>When my parents/ILs are watching Xander, I give them STRICT instructions regarding feeding because I don't want them wasting any of my BM, but just give them guidelines for napping and other stuff. If they want to deal with a fussy baby because they didn't put him down for a nap, then that's their problem.</p> <p>But if their watching him is going to impact ME in any way (like they didn't put him down for a nap during the day and I'm going to have a fussy cranky baby that night) then I WILL lay down the law and be strict! But if they're watching him as a favor for me (like so I can go to the movies or out to dinner or whatever), then I try to be more flexible because THEY are doing ME a favor. Hope that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147741 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 15:47:42 +0000 Silva 1147741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is very difficult to get to sleep. When my in laws baby sat she went 6 hours without a nap. Partly because she fights it, and partly because they didn't try. Now I try to only be gone a short time, so that it's okay if she doesn't nap. I always encourage them to go for a walk, too, because the stroller is a sure fire way to get her to sleep.<br /> I try to phrase it so that it doesn't sound like I'm being critical, but rather just offering suggestions. Neither of our parents do anything we are really uncomfortable with, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147721 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 15:22:40 +0000 autumnlove 1147721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No strict instructions just loose guidelines </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147712 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 15:13:34 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1147712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When c was an infant, I was strict on schedules. I did leave my parents with some instructions the first time they watched her.. Like when to feed her &amp; how much. </p> <p>Completely ignoring our schedule would frustrate me a lot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147709 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 15:11:41 +0000 AprilFool 1147709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't understand how people who have had babies forget how important a babies sleep is. MIL never had an regard for LOs naps. One day she was awake for 5 hours and I kept telling MIL she is tired and she either kept playing with her or putting her in positions she wouldn't sleep in. It was our worst night ever.</p> <p>I always leave strict instructions for anyone who looks after her. I do this every day so I remember the little things but others don't know them. I even get them to write down when she napped/fed because I know how easy it is to forget and if you don't know they cues you can miss the boat. It might seem OTT to some but going out is not worth it if I come home to a mess. Even with clear instructions my MIL managed to feed my 5mth old an hour early after 2 hours so I had to feed her instead of pumping when I got home so I don't want to know what would of happened with no instructions. Haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147708 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 15:11:04 +0000 indi 1147708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBehr: I agree. For the most part, I figure they're setting themselves up to fail, so too bad for them. But the part about "MIL barged in and said 'right, Im sorry, Im getting her out,' plucked her from the car seat and took her upstairs" would be the end of that B.S. with me right away. She should at least respect your parenting while you are there doing it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147706 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 15:08:37 +0000 Ra 1147706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom watches DS and I pretty much let her do what she feels is best. I trust her completely though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147697 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 14:56:09 +0000 MamaBehr 1147697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you should lay down the law, and if she won't listen than she can't watch the baby by herself. I feel like babies are easy, then they get hard and rigid about schedules/routines, and then get easy again. And, if someone can't follow what you have established what is right for your LO, then he or she shouldn't be trusted. </p> <p>I also feel like that is disrespectful to you, your parenting decisions, and what you want to do for your LO, if that was me, I would be fuming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147692 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 14:50:33 +0000 .twist. 1147692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tell them feed and approx. nap times and let them fend for themselves. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147691 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 14:50:31 +0000 deerylou 1147691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had our first date night last night, and my folks came over to watch DD for the evening. I left them some written instructions - the times of her next two feedings, what time to put in her pajamas, and when she usually starts to nod off (we bed share, so I just suggested a nighttime nap in her swing). I also left her ped's phone number, and list of where to find extra blankets, burp cloths, pajamas, and any emergency stuff. It might have been overkill, but I'm a control freak and was nervous leaving her with someone that wasn't DH, even though I trust my parents completely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147682 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 14:44:31 +0000 illumina 1147682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I doubt my parents would ever want to take care of S on their own :( but if they did, I think they would just ignore whatever I asked, and do their own thing. I've realised so far that most people, who have had children, have completely forgotten what it's like to have a newborn. So I think it would be fruitless to hand her over to anyone and expect them to do what you've asked... They wouldn't realise how tough it is if they get out of routine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147681 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 14:40:46 +0000 Boheme 1147681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I insist they stick to the schedule because it isn't fun for anyone when DS is overtired! I would lay down the law with your MIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147678 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 14:35:09 +0000 looch 1147678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would insist they stick to the schedule...grandparents want the fun time, but I always explain how much more work it is to reprogram my son after a free for all visit. Usually works. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-leave-strict-instructions-with-your-parentsils-or-do-you-let-them-do-their-own-thing#post-1147674 Sun, 13 Oct 2013 14:29:42 +0000 Cherrybee 1147674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. My MIL wound me up good and proper today. They had LO this afternoon because we are going away tomorrow and so they won't see her for a week. </p> <p>When we got there to pick her up (and have dinner), FIL was bouncing her on his knee and I saw immediately that she was really over tired. I asked if she had napped and they replied that she had slept for 20mins (in 3hrs). I have her on a 30mins sleep every 45mins schedule as she never sleeps more than half an hour. It works! But MIL was insistent she didn't want to sleep! Anyway, long story short, I put her in her car seat and tried to get her to sleep. She got super fussy and struggled to sleep, crying while chomping furiously on her dummy. About 40mins in (and it does sometimes take this long to get her to sleep) my MIL barged in and said "right, Im sorry, Im getting her out", plucked her from the car seat and took her upstairs. A few minutes later, I heard her SCREAMING. She was so exhausted. It was a good half hour before she gave up and then I popped her back in her car seat - five minutes later she was asleep. The result - she was hysterical tonight even during her bath, which she loves. </p> <p>So my question - should I lay down the law with MIL and leave strict instructions? So far she has ignored any pointers I've given her but it hasn't mattered up until recently, DD was pretty flexible. But she's getting more and more reliant on her routine and is getting more sensitive - she needs quiet, dark, space to chill with just a hand on her chest...... </p>