Hellobee Boards Topic: Do you look up to your parent's marriage?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Do you look up to your parent's marriage? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 22:19:56 +0000 skibobrown on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-12640 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:48:45 +0000 skibobrown 12640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes, and no. My parents have been married for more than 30 years. I've seen them go through some difficult times over the years, and I appreciate that they made the effort to work things out rather than calling it quits. This is something that DH and I hope to emulate, since we understand that all marriages have their ups and downs. However, I don't wish to follow my parents' model for raising a family, which was the traditional way with dad being the breadwinner and mom being the housewife and child rearer. I know it worked for my parents, but I saw so many inequalities in their relationship that really rubbed me the wrong way. We will definitely *not* be emulating DH's parents' marriage, which ended in a very nasty divorce case in which DH had to choose which parent he would continue living with. That experience scarred poor hubs for life, so he would do anything not to repeat it with our own marriage. Rescuemom10 on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-12623 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:35:42 +0000 Rescuemom10 12623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ HECK YES! My parents have been married 36 years. They crack me up! I would not say they are super affectionate or anything but clearly love each other dearly, are best friends, and always know how to make each other laugh even when they get irritated at one another. Thay have always been such good role models with anything and everything in life. I look up to them not only in their marriage but how they are as individuals and as people. cyndistar3 on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11827 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:43:27 +0000 cyndistar3 11827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Absolutely not, they divorced when I was really little and even after the divorce they were incredibly uncivil, especially my mom. She STILL talks trash about my dad every single time she has the chance... My dad does too but he waited until we were older and could find out the truth about her first. Mrs. Marbles on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11784 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:44:02 +0000 Mrs. Marbles 11784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No. My parents have been married for a long time and have a good relationship, but it's a very traditional Asian marriage-- the husband is the breadwinner and the wife is the stay-at-home mom. When problems arise, they rarely talk it out and usually give each other the silent treatment until it blows over. My father traveled a lot so my mom did most of the parenting. My SO and I are very vocal people and tend to bicker and get loud much more but I am a firm believer in open communication. We don't go to bed angry and we always talk about our problems. There is not resentment and we're very honest with each other. We're a working, two-income household and I like it like that. I like that we both contribute as parents as well as earners and that we make decisions together. plantains on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11741 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:06:28 +0000 plantains 11741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No not at all. Both sets of parents are divorced and their marriages are pretty much the what-not-to-do example for us. In my DH, I pretty much was looking for thr opposite of my Dad. BSB on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11703 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 14:22:52 +0000 BSB 11703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No, not really. My parents aren't that happy. Sometimes I wish they would get a divorce but I know my mom never would. LuLu Mom on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11687 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 14:12:26 +0000 LuLu Mom 11687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes, I admire my parents marriage a lot & both my DH and I look up to them. We are acutally have 2 sets of parents to look up too, both married over 30 years and happily. I can't tell you the amount of times as a kid/teen/ect I walked in on my parents making out in the kitchen, tormenting at the time, however now it makes me glad to see they still have love/lust/affection after all those years. eeh on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11685 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 14:11:45 +0000 eeh 11685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband and I have things we really admire about both sets of parents but also things we'd like to do differently. Overall, we really admire them and are grateful for the examples they've set for us. We realize they aren't perfect though and every marriage has difficulties and problems. We'd like to pull strengths of both to build our relationship. mrsjyw on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11623 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:30:02 +0000 mrsjyw 11623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes. They'll have been married 29 years this Sunday and have created a life together, in love, with companionship. They not only live together (obviously), but they've worked together every day since 1992. I love DH, but I don't know if I could work with him (aside from the company we met at). They've had their share of bumps and trials; but through their faith and love have survived it all and are stronger together than ever before. I only hope to follow in their footsteps. chopsuey on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11618 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:27:30 +0000 chopsuey 11618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Absolutely! My parents have been married for 38 years now and they're totally in love and going strong! They've been through SO many hardships, but overcame it all through faith and prayer. I've learned so much from both of them and credit the success of my marriage to what I've learned from them.. and to Jesus Christ of course! .twist. on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11563 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:04:49 +0000 .twist. 11563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I look up to them in some aspects but not others. They love each other, are financially sound and money conscious. They take care of themselves and have a very nice home. They're loving parents and would do anything for me and my brother. However, they are not affectionate people towards eachother. It was rare that I ever saw them even give a peck on the cheek, or hold hands or say I love you. I have found that it's definitely affected my relationship in that I'm not quite sure how to go about being affectionate. I'm not very good at giving compliments. I do say I love you a lot, but it takes a lot of conscious effort for me to do other things. lavender on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11546 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:41:32 +0000 lavender 11546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ They had a great marriage, unfortunately my father passed away when I was 14. My in-laws also have a great relationship, and really are "meant for each other". Navy_Mommy on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11508 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:06:30 +0000 Navy_Mommy 11508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ They had a messy divorce when I was 5 (and still don't speak to this day, decades later) so no. I don't think I have an awesome marriages in real life to look up to based off of longevity, but hubby's aunt and uncle have a beautiful marriage, they've just only been married a few years. Sunshine1810 on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11501 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:01:50 +0000 Sunshine1810 11501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents' 33rd anniversary was on our wedding day. I wanted to get married on their anniversary because I do admire their marriage so much. They are very committed to one another, and have a great bond. I hope that my husband and I have a marriage as committed and loving as theirs is. Wondermommy on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11492 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:54:33 +0000 Wondermommy 11492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Well, my mother is on her 4th husband. So, no. My grandparents' on the other hand (both sets) is another story. I definitely look to their relationships for inspiration. Both have marriages that have (had, my PaPa's a widower) lasted 50+ years. Mrsbells on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11483 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:48:25 +0000 Mrsbells 11483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents have been married over 30 years, I definitely admire their commitment to each other Rubies on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11480 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:45:52 +0000 Rubies 11480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I do. They have been married for 36 years and even though they have very different tastes, they do everything together just so that they can be together. Their bickering is cute. tequiero21 on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11475 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:41:59 +0000 tequiero21 11475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ i do. they've been married 37 years. they've been through ups and downs but they've stayed together, remained faithful and have done so much for the family. mrsjazz on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11459 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:30:04 +0000 mrsjazz 11459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No! My parents were divorced when I was very young. They were basically forced to get married by their families at 17 (mom) and 20 (dad) because my mother was pregnant with me. It was a volatile relationship. I have memories of the police coming to our home when we were little and of my father kidnapping my sister and I (he didn't get too far). Their marriage is one that is an example of what not to do. With all that being said--what I do look up to/respect about my parents is their current relationship. They are both remarried and the past is the past. From them I've learned about the importance and power of forgiveness. Mrs.KMM on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11445 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:15:11 +0000 Mrs.KMM 11445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I definitely look up to my parents and their marriage. If DH and I are even close to as successful as them, we'll have a wonderful marriage and life! ETA: That isn't to say that my parents are perfect, never disagree, or get upset with each other. But these things don't have often and when they do, they work through them together and are respectful of each other's feelings. Mrs. D on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-11161 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 19:33:44 +0000 Mrs. D 11161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ no, my parents have been divorced since I was five, but I do look to my grandparents for inspiration. Mrs McK on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-5272 Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:07:38 +0000 Mrs McK 5272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No. My parents were miserable together. My father is a very....opinionated man, and is very good at verbally tearing you down if you don't agree with him. My mother never had the backbone to stand up to him, so the only memories I have of her when I was a child are of her hiding out in her room writing poetry. My dad and stepmom have an equally bad dynamic, but almost reversed. SM is very in your face about everything, and she definitely rules the roost. Dad cowers when she turns it on him. Her children (my stepsiblings) were all serious hellions when they were teens, and I remember once my stepmother and stepbrother were screaming at each other, and he started throwing things and calling her b*tch and c*nt and all sorts of nasty names. Dad tried to get in between them to get into SB's face about screaming at SM like that, and SM turned on Dad and told him he wasn't allowed to speak to her children that way. So I don't look to either of those relationships. From my parents I've taken the lesson that you shouldn't make a point to tear down your spouse even when they don't agree with you. From Dad and SM I learned how important it is to me to have a united front with my spouse, and not treat him like a doormat. The marriage I look up to is my in-law's. They've gone through some really rough years, but they made a point to work on their relationship. They are each other's biggest cheerleaders and always encourage the other to try things that they might have been too scared to otherwise try (going for a job, for example) and they've taken turns carrying each other when one stumbles and falls. They have the utmost respect for each other, and their marriage is an absolute priority to both of them. And they raised three amazing sons together. HabesBabe on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-5248 Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:16:43 +0000 HabesBabe 5248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Absolutely not. My parents divorced when I was three and didn't have a happy marriage towards the last 10 years or so. I would semi-look up to them for inspiration on how to handle your post-divorce relationship. They never talked badly about each other to me, which I see a lot of parents doing when the divorce. anewme on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-5241 Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:44:04 +0000 anewme 5241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have to say, growing up I used to look up to my parents marriage. They made me believe in love and family and being able to have it all. As my siblings got older I realize people really change and grow in different ways. Even though my parents are still together and they have their happy moments, they aren't without their problems. I don't find myself idolizing their marriage as much as I used to. I am more inspired by my own now and adapting ourselves to the modern day marriage. Adira on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-5110 Wed, 19 Oct 2011 07:46:02 +0000 Adira 5110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I definitely look up to my parents' marriage as the ideal. My parents are each others' best friend. They love spending time together and they do EVERYTHING together (grocery shopping, errands, watching TV, etc). My mom can be a little snippy sometimes, so I try to avoid being like that, but I think if my husband and I end up having a very similar relationship as my parents, we'll end up pretty well! On the other hand, we can't look up to my husband's parents - they're divorced! Mrs. Schoolbus on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-5088 Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:52:10 +0000 Mrs. Schoolbus 5088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents were not that affectionate but they were very committed to each other. My dad was very patient with my mom even when she was a handful and would say things without thinking. My mom was always there for my dad and us by fulfilling all the domestic duties like cooking, cleaning, laundry.. etc. I really admired that about them but I wanted "more" in my relationship with my husband. I wanted someone who would communicate and be affectionate. I don't think I even saw my parents kiss! (Not that I want to.. LOL!) But I really did and still do admire my parents dedication and sacrifice for us and hope that I can be that for my future children. :) mrbee on "Do you look up to your parent's marriage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-look-up-to-your-parents-marriage#post-5047 Tue, 18 Oct 2011 22:06:55 +0000 mrbee 5047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Some people look up to their parent's relationship as the ultimate goal... whereas others look to it as an example of something to avoid. Others fall somewhere in between. What about you: do you look up to your parent's relationship? If so, what do you most admire about their relationship... and if not, what dynamics are you looking to avoid in your own relationship?