https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 11:44:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500995 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 15:10:07 +0000 birdofafeather 2500995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i would talk to them and definitely decline hosting easter. my in laws were the opposite of helpful when they came specifically to "help" but i was really hosting the whole time. not fun when DH was at work and i had a toddler and newborn. i ended up declining more "helpful" visits.... unless DH was home. :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500807 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 08:12:48 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2500807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents came right when C was born and did this and stayed for 2 weeks! I felt obligated to let it go, because they live a state away so they don't see my kids much and C is likely their last grandchild. But it really irked me, especially because MIL was the opposite and was incredibly helpful during her visit. If my parents lived close enough to visit several times a week, I'd be more direct "The baby is find, but it'd be great if you could do XYZ for me." (Although asking for help like that is *really* hard for me.) If they don't like that they'll stop asking. I also say to nurse wherever you dang well please! It's your house!<br /> For Easter, definitely decline to host. It's no big deal. Easter happens every year and you can host the next one. Let them know it's just too much to tidy the house before and after and you need to rest. There's nothing wrong with that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500788 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 07:16:55 +0000 SweetiePie 2500788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@meredithNYC: @Grace: agree. I also wanted a baby holder. I had a rough time with a newborn. After the hospital I was home for 2 days (weekend) with my husband and then he went back to work and I was on my own. All I did was hold, feed and change the baby. Doing other chores (at first) made me feel human and like my old self. </p> <p>I think if given kind but direct instruction your parents will understand. "Hey I really appreciate that you guys want to help so much. I was thinking about what would really help and I think right now tidying up the kitchen would make my life a lot easier. I'm tired and nursing so for me holding the baby is relaxing."<br /> ETA: I eventually had a post partum doula come for a couple hours a day for the first couple weeks. She suggested having a running "to do" list and when people visit and ask how they can help, tell them to pick something off the list. Since I wanted baby holders, though, I never did this for anyone but her :-) But it sounds like a great idea! </p> <p>As for Easter, I would just say no. Say it's too much with a newborn and toddler for many reasons (work, clean up, stress, breastfeeding, germs around the newborn, etc). I would be really surprised if they disagreed after voicing your concern (but you know your parents better).<br /> Maybe I am selfish but I have no issue skipping holidays or special events with family if it doesn't work with our/my sons schedule / makes our lives harder. There will be plenty of holidays when he's older and things like naps and bedtime aren't as big of a deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500777 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 06:34:46 +0000 meredithNYC 2500777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: I was the same way, which is exactly why you have to be clear about what you need.</p> <p>I think parents and in-laws generally want to be helpful, but often don't know exactly what you need. And I think it's fine to be pretty direct about your needs, so long as your delivery is kind, you know? I always think about how I would want my own children and my future son or daughter in law to approach me in the future and try to go from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500776 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 06:27:09 +0000 avivoca 2500776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would tell them that you can't host Easter. That is a lot to ask after you've had a baby, especially with your complications. I never had to clean or pick up after anyone, so this is completely foreign to me. I did leave the room to nurse when my inlaws were here, but it was because my niece and nephew were here too and I didn't want my boobs out in front of them. The rest of the time, people just had to avert their eyes because I was not moving. </p> <p>I' sorry you are going through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500720 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 22:22:09 +0000 alphagam84 2500720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Heck no to Easter at your house! Just be direct and tell them it's too much and you don't want to do it. Offer to go to their house then you can leave as soon as you're ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500719 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 22:20:50 +0000 alphagam84 2500719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: I can commiserate! Whenever we see my IL's since having DD they just sit and hold her. They don't have any hobbies or do anything so we have nothing to talk about. It is extremely awkward and boring to just sit there. We've started going out to eat lunch with them which is much better than just sitting in our living room or theirs. And there's a built in end time! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500706 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 21:27:51 +0000 pastemoo 2500706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: Time to speak your mind, mama.<br /> When I had my son, I told my mom and dad--if there are dishes when you leave, you cannot come the day after.<br /> I told them I wasn't healing well enough and they were not helping with my healing. It was hard for me to talk to them but they seemed less than surprised.</p> <p>For Easter,<br /> tell them flat out, I have been doing too much, if Easter involves me getting off the couch, I can't participate. I cannot cook. I cannot clean. I cannot set the table. I can nurse the baby, maybe change diapers, and that is it. I cannot put your dirty glasses away. I cannot help.<br /> And then leave it up to them.</p> <p>That is so hard. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500697 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 21:10:34 +0000 Mama Bird 2500697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know what you mean. My dad doesn't work and wanted to come over every day to take my youngest out for a walk. My parents live an hour away so this meant he might show up while I'm nursing and I'd have to hide in the kitchen to feed the baby, I needed to fix him dinner and do all the dishes, and all that just to have him do something I could handle. I ended up asking nicely that he not come over often. I really needed a baby holder so I could play with my toddler once in a while, but not many people were willing and able to do that (and my dad can't really hold her for health reasons).</p> <p>It sounds like your parents are trying hard to be helpful but just don't see what you need. If you're comfortable with that, tell them you need help with dishes and that in general hosting them is hard for you while baby is so young. It's a good idea to mention doctor's orders to take it easy with chores. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500693 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 20:53:40 +0000 Mae 2500693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. Not quite the same because I didn't have a toddler at the time, but when my LO was born I was so worried about this with my MIL coming to visit. I feel compelled to "host" people-- or I did-- and in the past whenever she'd visit I'd end up making all our meals and doing all the cleanup and I just didn't want to do that with a newborn (and as it turned out I had a c-section as well). My solutions as to be VERY EXPLICITLY CLEAR with my husband about her visit. She wanted to come for 10 days and I told him I was not hosting. She could come, we could pay for food, but I was not cooking or cleaning or putting on a bra or leaving the couch to nurse and if she thought that was weird then too damn bad. It turned out fine (I have no idea if he explained this to her or she just got the hint) but she was pretty helpful that week in terms of making dinners and making herself scarce when I had my boobs out. And my husband kept me fed. </p> <p>I guess I agree with @grace: mostly that you need to just be clear with them. It was easier for me because I didn't have a toddler that needed care and it was my MIL so I could put the burden of talking on my husband... but what was the same was that I felt physically and emotionally drained and I needed to get over caring what people thought of me because all I had energy for was taking care of my newborn and, to a lesser extent, myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500689 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 20:42:55 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2500689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: well said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500668 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 19:57:03 +0000 Tanjowen 2500668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: Ugh, I hated this after having my LO! My mom was more stress than help to me, and it made me so frustrated at times. She would sit on the couch and watch TV and hold the baby all day, and that is all I wanted to do!</p> <p>I rapidly got the to the point where I realized I was too tired to try and worry about offending people anymore. It's glorious and I"m not going back. I am in no way unkind or mean, but I will tell you exactly what I feel comfortable doing or not doing, and I have found if I don't get upset or make a huge deal about it, nobody else does either. I have not gone to several family functions due to LO's schedule/illness/etc, and while my mom doesn't like it, she has accepted it.</p> <p>As for Easter, I would just calmly tell your family that you are tired/overwhelmed/any word you want to use and that you don't want to host this year, but your DH and toddler will gladly go wherever to celebrate and bring food. Stay home and snuggle that baby if you want! Good luck and congrats on the new LO! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500665 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 19:49:29 +0000 Grace 2500665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you are going to have to talk with them. The thing is, everyone reacts differently to the newborn stage. I wanted a baby holder. I wanted to do dishes and make supper because I was holding a baby all day long. So it would make sense to me to offer to hold the baby, because that's what I wanted at the time. There are people like me and there are people like you. Both are fine, but you have to speak up, because no one is going to know what your needs are unless you say something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500660 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 19:39:17 +0000 macintosh 2500660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, this is exactly what my in-laws did when they visited at 3 weeks postpartum. It makes me grateful that they live on the other side of the country. I would decline the Easter plans if I were you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500650 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 19:18:02 +0000 rachiecakes 2500650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @Foodnerd81 my son was born a week before Christmas and it was just like what your are experiencing :bummed: I felt like I had to entertain everyone. No one brought food. I had 100+ stitches from a severe episiotomy. Ugh. So sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500644 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 19:10:03 +0000 Cole 2500644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with blaming it on the doctor- and it isn't even a lie, you need to take it easy, the doctor just didn't think it was necessary to spell out don't clean up after your parents. Tell them you're basically on bed rest and that they are welcome to come and help out but otherwise it would be best if they wait a few weeks. And then leave a list of things you need help with. </p> <p>Congratulations on your baby! I hope you get to rest! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500606 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 17:03:14 +0000 Coffee-lover 2500606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If your not comfortable being honest with your mom I would go the opposite way with her. You could fib and say the dr said your not healing well because you have been on your feet too much and per dr orders you are not to be cleaning, cooking, ect. Then you could say since you would still have to do x x x snd x at easter you will have to pass on having company </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500602 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:47:08 +0000 Applesandbananas 2500602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh! I would be really frustrated too. Do they call before coming over? Maybe you could decline a few visits just to get a little space? I'd have a hard time outright telling someone to do my dishes or whatever, so I'd personally be a little passive-aggressive and decline visitors for a couple days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500598 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:38:44 +0000 LovelyPlum 2500598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is not very helpful, so I get that. I'm sorry 😕 I want my kiddos to have a relationship with her, though, so I usually suck it up. There is no way I'd go upstairs to nurse, though! I'd say your visitors can deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500594 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:34:23 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2500594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can commiserate. I can count the times my in-laws have visiting our house in the past five years (because they hate our dogs).<br /> Since we had our daughter two weeks ago, they have visited six times. They bring dinner, which I really appreciated, but we have to use all of our dishes. My MIL is pretty judgey so we always have to clean significantly before they get here. We have to lock the dogs up and they whine the whole time. It takes FOREVER to eat and then they want to just sit on the couch and hold the baby. DH and I have to sit there an watch and make awkward small talk, which ends up being a lot of silence. It's "rude" to do chores while they are visiting. Ugh. I appreciate what they do, but there are so many things they could do that would be more helpful.</p> <p>Can you try to point out things they can do to help right when they are doing them? Like when your dad makes the drink, can you ask him to put the stuff away before he finishes making the drink? I also like the paper plate idea.<br /> Sorry you have to deal with this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500589 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:29:36 +0000 Foodnerd81 2500589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had G a week before Christmas and I'm still a little bit bitter about how many people were in our house all the time. My MIL was actually great about cleaning up- I did not clean a dish or make a meal the whole week, but I had no time as a family. I had to go to my room to nurse the baby constantly(and to have some alone time) while they entertained the toddler- I totally appreciate the help with the toddler and everything else but I really wanted some quiet time as a family of four. </p> <p>We had Christmas and Christmas Eve dinners here and as much as I tried to simplify everything it was still a huge production. </p> <p>I say tell them what needs doing, next time they offer to hold the baby- actually I am really enjoying holding the baby but could you make the toddler this sandwich on that plate before they get home? </p> <p>And I think Easter will be nicer alone. If you end up "hosting" put out paper plates. And hide in the bedroom nursing until dinner is ready then retreat again after. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500587 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:25:37 +0000 skipra 2500587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is really tough! I would tell my mom, but we have that kind of relationship where it's ok to. If it were my in-laws it would be a lot trickier so I can understand if you're not able to say much. As for Easter, maybe we would suddenly have the stomach bug and not want to spread it. Or have her bring all the food in her serving/cooking dishes and say that sorry, it's a paper plate meal because you can't deal with the dishes! And send leftovers home in the serving dishes too so you don't have to wash them. Whatever will cause the least amount of drama! Good luck and I hope it gets easier soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500586 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:23:57 +0000 DesertDreams88 2500586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, my mom visited for 2 weeks and my dad is currently visiting. I have found that I need to be very direct with them, asking them to do things I feel comfortable enough to do this because it's my parents. With my ILs, I would be a bit more hesistant, but they're very giving people so I probably would still ask, just more like "Do you think maybe that you could help by unloading the dishes? That would be awesome" vs. "Can you unload the dishwasher please?"</p> <p>For Easter, I would say "Yes, but only if _____" and list all the things you'll need them to do, and maybe some rationale about your recovery. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500583 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:21:14 +0000 wrkbrk 2500583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but this is exactly what my parents did. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500579 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:16:48 +0000 Alba4 2500579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get it! I'm on modified bedrest and need the same help you need and it took awhile to "train" the grandparents. I would be nicely direct with your needs, especially around holidays. My in laws wanted to plan a big bday celebration since mil, fil, and I all have March bdays, but we just said we need down time as a family. We did the same with Easter this year. It's too much for me to travel to anyone's house and too much work to host. We try to remind our families that it is all temporary and there is always Easter next year! Rest up and take care of yourself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500575 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:11:45 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2500575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had just a few people over for Thanksgiving when lo2 was a month old. Almost 2 months. But still very much doing the newborn stuff. I was not nursing but still pumping. They brought food, they cleaned up, we dealt with whatever was left. They made their own leftovers. It was easy to take care of the kids because we stayed home and didn't have a toddler running around someone else's house. So I actually didn't mind at all!</p> <p>There were times though where MIL would come over and hold baby and take over the tv and I'd clean up after everyone. I found that annoying but I but my tongue and I'm glad I did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500569 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:04:34 +0000 ShootingStar 2500569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's awful :bummed: . Honestly, I would just be straight with your mom, tell her it's too much for you and that you need to be taking it easy. Tell her most of what you said here - even with her providing the food, it's still a ton of work for you that you're not up for. And when she asks if you need a baby holder, straight up tell her "No, I can handle the baby but I need someone to do X, Y and Z." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500566 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 15:59:26 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2500566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh that sounds sooo annoying!!!</p> <p>My mom is super helpful but my mil just likes to hold the baby. I had a third degree tear and literally couldn't walk. And I was hobbling around making me own tea while she sat on her ass. Like thanks??!</p> <p>I would say no to Easter!! Sounds like you'll have a lot of dishes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-need-a-baby-holder#post-2500561 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 15:51:23 +0000 erinbaderin 2500561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So while I was in the hospital for my c section, my parents stayed with my 2 year old, and I'm very grateful (guilt compels me to lead with this). Since we got home on Thursday, though, they've come over every day for at least an hour, usually more like 3, and they just sit and hold the baby while I clean up, make dinner for the toddler, etc. My dad always makes himself a rye and Coke and leaves the bottle, empty can, and glass on the counter. My mom has a pop or tea and the same, I have to put away the dishes. I had some internal bleeding and am supposed to be taking it easy, and I feel like they are only interested in being grandparents. The last straw today was when they came in, I was napping on the couch with the baby. I realized what time it was, and said that my husband and toddler would be home from gymnastics soon and I should think about lunch, and my mom said "Do you need a baby holder?" I need a tidy-upper, a garbage taker outer, a lunch maker, a dinner bringer, and a grocery shopper, but I have three separate baby items in my immediate eyeline that could serve as a baby holder!</p> <p>Next weekend is Easter and I tried to say that it would be too much for us, but my mom said "no no, we'll make dinner and just bring it over." Then today she said that they would do that (although she has an attitude about it) "but we can at least use your oven to keep things warm, right? And I'll make the salad here." And I realized that it's going to me more of the same - even without cooking we're going to need all our dishes clean, and then to set the table, and clean up after, and portion out leftovers, and host people for several hours which means every time I want to nurse I have to go upstairs, which sometimes means abandoning a toddler who is cuddling me on the couch. </p> <p>Anyway, this turned into a big rant but I guess my questions are does anybody else have this problem where visitors are just extra work? And how can I get out of Easter? </p>