https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 08:58:22 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888775 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 16:57:24 +0000 blackbird 1888775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It ebbs and flows in our house. Sometimes E's needs are higher and sometimes we step back and take time for ourselves. Everyone is fed and clothed so the basics are taken care of. I'm really good about taking care of myself, though, because it has the most profound impact on my husband, my daughter, and our house. It's painfully obvious while I'm pregnant and not on top of my game....sometimes I can't help but feel like the main cog in the wheel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888734 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 16:23:48 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1888734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: I love this. My biggest hardship is I want so so desperately to serve my DH with gentleness &amp; a happy heart but no matter how many times I try I have yet to find a way to explain to him that I need the same thing in return from him for it to work. I end up getting resentful &amp; I don't want to do nice things for him anymore &amp; it makes me sad. Definitely something I should show him/we should discuss &amp; work on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888694 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 15:25:58 +0000 Anagram 1888694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since I've become a mom, I've really started to dislike these articles.</p> <p>No one HAS to choose between their spouse in their children. The premise that everyone has to make this choice is a lie, but one that our society spends a lot of time perpetuating. Being a parent, and a spouse, and a worker just means that you are constantly juggling all of those things.</p> <p>Almost everyone on this board is saying the exact same thing---they take care of their children's needs and still have date nights and still make sure to eat, and shower, exercise, and what not. But some people are saying this is prioritizing their children while others are saying this is prioritizing themselves, and the rest are saying this is prioritizing their relationships.</p> <p>In reality, all of these are prioritized, along with work and keeping house. It's just that the percentages change in different stages of life and parenting. </p> <p>It's all okay. As long as you don't spend months/years putting the same people at the bottom of the list (your spouse, your self, your child) then it's likely your relationship with them will be fine. I mean, I just personally think that if someone spends the first 18 years of their child's life putting their child's wants and needs last on the list, they probably aren't going to have a great relationship with their kid. I've seen parents like that--they are downright neglectful. I also think putting your spouse last, or your self last for 18 years is going to have pretty disastrous consequences.</p> <p>For me personally, I would never say I have a particular order of priorities that I constantly stick to, 100 % always. My priorities flex depending on the time of day and day of the week, and year. I suspect most people are the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888668 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 14:34:29 +0000 Maysprout 1888668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't really understand the article. Or maybe it's for parents of older kids. But my husband and I are adults so we deal a bit better at hungry, tired, hyper than babies do. He doesn't have as many needs as my kids and I love him for that. We make time for each other and ourselves but I'd feel like I was babying him if I said he was my priority over my children. We support each other and try to work with what's best for our family, no one person has first priority. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888469 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 07:15:41 +0000 Orchid 1888469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: this is awesome! I love it and I think I really need something like this to help me focus. I have been working on getting my home streamlined too. I need things to work like a well oiled machine. We decluttered and I got rid off almost half of all my clothes. Still a lot to do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888468 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 07:13:17 +0000 Cherrybee 1888468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I loved that article and I'm the first person to say that my LO can be a massive PITA at times!! But as far as prioritising goes, in practice my priorities look like this: </p> <p>- work<br /> - LO<br /> - house<br /> - myself<br /> - DH</p> <p>I certainly don't think this is the right way to be and it isn't doing us any favours but I just serve he who shouts loudest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888434 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 03:48:48 +0000 Kemma 1888434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is just me thinking out loud but do you think that guys think about this stuff? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888429 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 02:55:49 +0000 Mrs.Panda 1888429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TheReelDeal: I'm in the same boat, baby isn't here yet but I will are it a priority to make my marriage (and myself) a priority. Of course her needs will be taken care of but when she moves on with her life I don't want to be a shell of a person/couple that I see so many parents become as they age. My parents are included in this, unfortunately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888338 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 21:53:07 +0000 stiletto_mom 1888338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: 100% agree!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888322 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 21:27:29 +0000 Skadi 1888322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH, my LO, my home, me. This is what I have printed out and posted on my fridge:</p> <p><b>My Husband</b><br /> I want to be a supportive, life-giving wife who brings help, comfort, and companionship to [my DH]; I want to be his biggest fan and his best friend. I need to be a soft place where he can land when his long day is over. My words and actions need to illustrate that our marriage comes first before anything else, even our child (which in turn will be the greatest gift we can give to [my LO], as she will grow up knowing that her parents have a strong, loving relationship).</p> <p>My work-in-progress goal: Respond to him lovingly and intimately. Make an effort to serve him so that I may in turn be served. Be careful not to nag or complain about things outside my control. Show respect.</p> <p><b>My Child</b><br /> I want to raise an adult who is compassionate, self-disciplined and independent. These are qualities I can foster even during infancy. I want to nurture LO as a beloved member of our close-knit family, without making the mistake of making her the center of our family. I must remind myself of the difference between love and sentiment; love requires doing things that may be difficult in the short-term for the other person’s overall benefit, while sentimentality only fulfills an emotional void in myself without putting LO’s needs first. My motto is “freedom within boundaries” and I want to say yes as often as I can, while at the same time challenging her intellectually and developmentally so as to teach her self-control.</p> <p>My work-in-progress goal: Work hard at getting our home in order so that I can provide the time and space to spend time with LO without worrying about other things. Gain control of my schedule so that I have time to plan activities with her that go beyond the daily routine. Embrace each season of life fully without rushing ahead.</p> <p><b>My Home</b><br /> I want a home that is warm, comforting and peaceful. I want a place where my child feels secure and mentally stimulated, where my husband has a haven, where people can show up unexpectedly and make themselves at home. I want to take pride in running a simple, clean, and functional household.</p> <p>My work-in-progress goal: Work hard, put off laziness, and put my family before myself. When I’m feeling listless or agitated, clean something. Stick to my schedule until it becomes habit. Practice minimalism. If something isn’t truly functional or making my home beautiful, get rid of it.</p> <p><b>Myself</b><br /> I want to carve out time to sharpen my skills and enjoy my hobbies. I’m putting this last not because I don’t think it’s important to develop myself as a person, but because I believe the other things come first (and it’s so easy to put yourself first subconsciously in day-to-day life). Plus, I will be able to enjoy “my time” more if everything else in my life is in order.</p> <p>My work-in-progress goal: Take time for the things I enjoy. Always be listening to an audiobook. Read a book before bed. Take up piano or knitting again. Write. Take more pictures. Don’t fall into the trap of saying, “I don’t have time” or “I’m too busy,” because in truth, we make time for the things that are important to us. Spend less time online and limit television to a maximum of one hour per day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888295 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 20:57:40 +0000 tarabonno 1888295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have had such a weird reaction to this article. I remember when this lady was on Oprah and even as a teen thinking she was right and I would definitely be that way. Fast forward to having a 5 month old daughter and I'm shocked by the physical intensity of my feelings for her. My husband is a full-time student who isn't always super available, so maybe it's temporary? It's frightening how easy it could be to become what I never thought I would be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888113 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 16:56:23 +0000 NovBaby1112 1888113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try my best to balance it all out. LO's immediate needs will always come first (hurt, scared, hungry, etc) but I still try to carve out time for myself on the weekends and me and DH try to have a date night every few months, but every weekend we do something special at home after LO goes to sleep. Some areas lack more than others sometimes, but when I feel that either DH or my needs are being neglected, then I try to make more of an effort to get things back on track. </p> <p>@mrs. tictactoe: without hesitation I would save my daughter. I can't even fathom not saving my child over my husband. Not that I don't love him, because I do with all my heart, but the fact of the matter is I physically would be able to live without him, even though it would rip me to shreds. I could not live without my LO. My DH would save her over me as well and I wouldn't have it any other way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888089 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 16:29:11 +0000 Raindrop 1888089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's refreshing to be reminded that your marriage is important especially when you are in the trenches with your kids needing you so much when they are young. :)</p> <p>I read a lot of relationship / marriage books and one the key points is never let your marriage slide in favor your job or kids. Jobs and Kids will come and go (aka kids will move out and have their own lives eventually). Your marriage is the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with and you need remember that.</p> <p>In saying this... everyone does let their marriage slide once in a while... you just need to remember that you need to crave out time for your SO when possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888087 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 16:27:37 +0000 twoofeverything 1888087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish I could say I put myself and my marriage first. We try very hard, have date nights, check in during the day, etc., but toddler twins are fun and exhausting. And loud. They tend to come first because it's hard to figure out how they wouldn't... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage/page/2#post-1888072 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 16:12:39 +0000 gingerbebe 1888072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My priorities are my relationship with God, my relationship with DH, then our kids, then everyone/thing else. We believe the best way to love our kids is to love each other and give them a stable home. And the best way to preserve our individual peace and sanity is to be in a loving supportive relationship with each other, rooted in God. I mean, I still have to do life with DH for several decades after the kids are gone so it just makes sense.</p> <p>It shapes our parenting decisions in interesting ways. For instance LO is almost 4 weeks old. The first 2 weeks my milk wasn't totally in and he was clusterfeeding and had weight issues and I didn't want to introduce a bottle for 3 weeks and etc etc. I wasn't sleeping bc I was nursing around the clock and I wasn't seeing my husband because he had no paternity leave and he had to sleep because he has a 150 mile commute and it was miserable. I was crying all the time. Then I sat and prayed about it and talked to DH and we decided that EBFing at the expense of my sleep and sanity and time spent together ( if nothing other than sleeping in the same bed for 2 hours) was not what was best for our marriage. EBFing may be arguably best for my child but not for our family as a unit and our relationship. So I introduced bottles early, used pumped milk or formula for one or two night feeds or to take a break from 5 hour clusterfeed sessions and it has made my life and our marriage better. I get some snuggle time with DH and catch up on our day and most nights get to fall asleep together.</p> <p>We are working on what caring for our marriage means in the context of a newborn everyday but right now it's mostly trying to be more proactively thoughtful and anticipatory of each other's needs. I pack a weeks worth of sandwiches for DHs lunches and keep up with laundry and he takes out the trash and unloads the dishwasher or replaces the water jug on our water machine before he leaves in the morning so I don't have to worry about it. It's little things like that to show that we still prioritize each other in the middle of this chaos. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888062 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 16:01:38 +0000 travelgirl1 1888062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. tictactoe: Definitely my daughter. I hope DH would say the same, and I'm pretty sure he would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888060 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:59:35 +0000 regberadaisy 1888060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Didn't read the article. But it totally depends. Like right now we have a newborn so the needs of her and big sister take precedent! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888032 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:30:46 +0000 looch 1888032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have long said I come first. Without a healthy self, there is nothing else. Granted, I have let some things slide, but I am working on getting back on track.</p> <p>I don't choose between my son or my husband, we all help each other take care of each other. My son is now beginning to contribute to the family in a meaningful way, like setting the table, and we talk about how that helps the family, not just me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888031 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:28:42 +0000 Lindsay05 1888031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I just had a discussion about this last weekend. Basically, we both thought that most of our intimate life has been put on the back burner. It was kind of like we were best friends raising two children. We both love each other of course, but somewhere we just kind went through the motions. We have now made it a conscious effort to make time for each other and prioritize our marriage. Kids will always be a priority because they HAVE to be, where as a marriage is so easy to assume all is good until it's too late. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888028 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:23:44 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1888028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At first I also thought I would pick my son - actually, I think my instinct as a mother would make me do it without thinking - but when I think more, if I saved my husband, we could have more children. Not that my son is replaceable, but... I don't know. I'd pick my son, I'm sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888016 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:15:29 +0000 Mamasig 1888016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I like your reasoning. I'd kill my husband myself if he'd save me instead of our boys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888013 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:13:53 +0000 catomd00 1888013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. tictactoe: I would chose my child. It wouldn't be easy, but my rationale is my husband is an adult who has a better chance of being able to save himself in a situation. My child does not. Also, my responsibilities to my husband are much different than my responsibilities to my child. It is my primary responsibility to protect and keep my baby safe and healthy. That isn't necessarily my primary responsibility to my husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888011 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:13:33 +0000 Mamasig 1888011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. tictactoe: I love my spouse and my family. But if I had to choose, I would pick my children without a doubt. And I'm pretty positive he would do the same. Now, there is no way I could pick between my sons. I would die trying to save both! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888010 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:13:03 +0000 Orchid 1888010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. tictactoe: me too. I almost typed that I'd pick my husband, then deleted, chose my son, then deleted. I pray I'm never in that situation. My husband said he'd pick me, no debate about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888007 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:10:19 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1888007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Leah: I know. The more I think, the more I keep switching my answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1888006 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:09:26 +0000 Orchid 1888006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. tictactoe: oh! Almost felt nauseas reading that question! That's far from an easy decision for me. Either choice would be utterly heartbreaking! So nauseas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1887979 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 14:58:07 +0000 wrkbrk 1887979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love this thread and the article even though we are not TTC yet. Thank you for sharing everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1887978 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 14:56:05 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1887978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think anything has to come first. I think there should be a balance between taking care of myself, my marriage, and my son. Do I always find the perfect balance? No way. And that's ok. But I try to nurture each part and that's what is important. I also think that relationships are meant to change and develop over time. </p> <p>Also, the who do I love more thing is tricky. The love I have for my son is completely different than any other love. He is part of me. </p> <p>Curious: if there was a catastrophic event and you could only save your spouse or your child(ren) which would you pick? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1887961 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 14:44:36 +0000 pui 1887961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say overall, my marriage comes first, however LO's <i>immediate needs</i> come before pretty much anything. If the baby needs something, her needs come first. However, the needs of my entire family unit take center stage in the overall arch of things. (Does this make sense?) I think in the grand scheme of everything, this will bring the best for my marriage and my daughter.</p> <p>This will also evolve as LO gets older and becomes more and more self-sufficient, but right now she is only a month old and obviously needs me an awful lot. I would say currently she even comes before my own needs, as I forgo showering, sleep and end up eating only bits and pieces here and there because of her lol.</p> <p>Everything is working together for the good of our family. Both DH and I have goals that mesh together and include the future of our child. It all just working together towards the greatest good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-prioritize-parenting-or-your-marriage#post-1887951 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 14:35:57 +0000 catomd00 1887951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is 7 months old so she is definitely the priority. I try to be an attentive wife, but I'm not doing the greatest job at the moment. It's hard to find time for everything as a working mom. I'm sure it will get easier as DD gets older and we all get some more sleep. I wholeheartedly agree that making marriage a priority is important for the happiness of the entire family.</p> <p>I get what the article is saying but the scenarios it laid out didn't really ring true for me/the people in my circle. For one, none of us really talk bad about our spouses and no one has an issue talking honestly about their kids. As for the love thing. I can't even compare the two, they are such different loves. I love my husband in a way that is much different than the way I love my child or my parents, etc. It's like comparing apples to oranges so I couldn't rank who I love most. </p>