https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 02:27:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2076203 Thu, 19 Feb 2015 09:19:11 +0000 LuLu Mom 2076203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Warbler: BHAHA Yes I agree, less helpful and just more supportive would be best. No one should feel the need to openly talk about sperm at a family gathering ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075888 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 21:29:07 +0000 Warbler 2075888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MRSWIN: I am hopeful that IVF could work for us, my husband is less hopeful. He is currently taking Fertalaid, Count Boost and Motility Boost to improve things and getting acupuncture. But, he recently had another SA done and although some of his numbers look like they've improved, his doctor said the count was still very low and our chances were slim. My husband is pretty down lately :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075827 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 20:21:03 +0000 mrswin 2075827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Warbler: I agree, the offer from your FIL is awkward for sure but people don't know what to say in these situations so sometimes they do weird things! haha</p> <p>Our main issues were MFI related although I have DOR and endo and our IVF was successful on our first fresh cycle. Is there a reason that you think IVF won't be successful in your case?</p> <p>ETA: I didn't answer your main question... no I don't regret telling our family what was going on. We waited until we got into treatments before saying anything to anyone and only shared with our parents and siblings. In general they have been very supportive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075805 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 19:54:34 +0000 Warbler 2075805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: My in-laws are also really sweet, well-meaning people. They're just kind of socially awkward I think, so don't really consider who their words will be taken I guess!<br /> @LuLu Mom: Yes, they do try really hard to help us out...just maybe they need to be a little less helpful? :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075719 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 17:59:51 +0000 LuLu Mom 2075719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>WOW! I could never carry my FIL's baby...BIL, cousin, nope couldn't do it, I would be more comfortable with a stranger honestly. But on a positive note, they are being supportive (or trying to be) and that's nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075711 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 17:53:34 +0000 ineebee 2075711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, that would definitely weird me out, too! </p> <p>I did regret telling my MIL (she was sick and was living with us during our treatments, so it was impossible to keep it from her.). She's very, very sweet and unimposing, but most of my regrets stem from her trying to be helpful, but her "advice" came off as her implying that I should've done/should do things differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075527 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 15:38:20 +0000 jaguar 2075527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i don't regret telling people at all, because most have been incredibly supportive - but that offer is a little weird! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075506 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 15:21:25 +0000 Warbler 2075506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: Wow! I didn't hear about that story. On the one hand, I kind of think it's awesome that she's looking out for her daughter's future wants/needs, but that would be a really awkward thing to disclose to her daughter one day! And at the end of the article it mentions that eggs can be stored for up to 10 years in the UK. So they would only be viable until her daughter is 17?<br /> @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Thank you! I would be willing to undergo embryo adoption as a back-up plan, but not my FIL's sperm. I feel like the future child would take us all on Maury one day haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075436 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:46:23 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2075436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A donor is a donor is just not true! I'd pick a stranger's egg and sperm over a family members especially my FIL. There's something weirding me out about the dual familial relationship child and parent would have.</p> <p>@Warbler: I feel for you. {Hugs} </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075421 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:36:28 +0000 mrscobee 2075421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be totally weirded out too!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075403 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:25:16 +0000 pinkcupcake 2075403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh yikes, that is creepy. I would be weirded out!</p> <p>It kinda reminds me of this story: <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1556407/Mother-freezes-eggs-so-daughter-can-give-birth.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1556407/Mother-freezes-eggs-so-daughter-can-give-birth.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075267 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:30:47 +0000 MaryM 2075267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't told DH's family anything about IF yet, but in a way I'm itching to do it. His mom makes comments about grandchildren ALL.THE.TIME...so I think it's sort of a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing. I think she will bring up something awkward no matter what, so it's sort of a choice of evils. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075253 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:21:03 +0000 BSB 2075253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Warbler: Yeah, I think we (DH and I) discussed it real quick in the car. It was an idea that I brought up and DH said it would be really weird and wouldn't be ideal. I agreed and that was that. So we never discussed it with his brother (thank god!). </p> <p>I'm fairly active on FB and I think it was IF awareness week two years ago that made me find to courage to come out. I think it was to my female friends at first and then I came out again and included men. (The second time was in response to those stupid 9 things about pregnancy posts... I made mine about our struggle to get pregnant.) It was definitely nerve wracking but once the comments and the likes started pouring in, it definitely got overwhelming (in a good way) how much support we got. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075243 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:16:00 +0000 Warbler 2075243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Thank you for the link. I have debated whether or not I want to talk about IF on FB, but I honestly haven't been very active on there lately. I am considering posting something during National Infertility Awareness Week though. I'm curious, did you share your thoughts about your husband's brother with him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075230 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:06:39 +0000 Warbler 2075230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I wish I hadn't said anything to my family either. Hearing my MIL talk about my husband's sperm makes me want to excuse myself from the room!<br /> @PawPrints: Yeah, I don't think he truly realized the full scope until I said the word "brother" haha<br /> @Shutterbug: I'm glad your husband's family are being respectful. My mom and I aren't that close, so I didn't tell her and after my experience so far, I doubt I will.<br /> @Mrs.Someone: Haha wow! At least she meant well! :happy:<br /> @Leialou: I know, I was completely taken off-guard. So glad, I wasn't there when they talked to him!<br /> @macintosh: Ah, thank you so much. I really needed to hear that. Congratulations! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075220 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:59:54 +0000 BSB 2075220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I understand where they are coming from (in that that are trying to help), but yeah, that is a weird conversation to have. </p> <p>DH's brother (only brother) is something that has come across my mind (my idea, not DH's brother) a while ago but it would be really weird and I don't think I or the DH could ever go through with it. Plus, DH's brother is going through with some stuff that wouldn't even make him a good candidate. </p> <p>When we came out about IF (on FB), I made sure I linked this article. <a href="http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/25-things-to-say-and-not-to-say.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/25-things-to-say-and-not-to-say.html</a></p> <p>That way people could educate themselves on what to say and not say. I've come out for almost 2 years now and luckily everyone has been sensitive and supportive.(Yeah, there's borderline comments about god, but I can ignore those.) For me, putting the info out there for people to read prevented insensitive comments. So so far, I have not regretted it but I 'prepped' them. I was really concerned about insensitive comments (but wanted the support and didn't want to hide our IF struggle) so I was proactive about getting the information out there. </p> <p>ETA: Oh, I have wondered if my sisters have had a private discussion about surrogacy. I personally couldn't do it but I wondered if it was discussed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075207 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:51:13 +0000 macintosh 2075207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is wild! I just wanted to tell you don't give up on IVF just because if MF issues. My DH has practically zero sperm but he had surgical sperm retrieval. We did IVF with ICSI and I'm 29 weeks with from our first cycle. It's possible :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075192 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:37:07 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2075192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh wow! I can't believe they suggested that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075175 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:24:21 +0000 Mrs.Someone 2075175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes, creepy! We told my parents after 2 losses. After DS was born, my mom made a comment that she saw a story about a woman being a surrogate for her daughter. She said she thought about whether or not she could've done it. HECK NO! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075161 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:17:00 +0000 Shutterbug 2075161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my! That's a new one. We have only told my mom (who told my dad with my permission). I didn't want something to happen to me during my egg retrieval and have her not even know I was having a procedure, so I told her right before my first IVF. She has made some stupid comments/suggestions, but for the most part I don't regret telling her. I'm very glad we haven't said anything to DH's family though! I think they're dying to ask us why we aren't having kids yet (married almost 6 years, together almost 13) but they're being polite and not bugging us, for the most part. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075140 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:08:52 +0000 PawPrints 2075140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG that conversation is unbelievable!! Like yeah it might be a little creepy to be your son's brother?? Haha amazing.</p> <p>I don't have comparable experience, we never told a soul about our TTC journey and I am pretty glad to have avoided the peanut gallery. Sorry you are having to deal with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075138 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:08:34 +0000 blackbird 2075138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would make me uncomfortable, too, haha. Biologically too close for me. My family doesn't know about my recurrent loss and infertility issues in that department, and I'm really glad I didn't tell them. I regret telling them about my first pregnancy! Hopefully his family can just STFU and leave you alone. You probably need to tell them they need to stop with "suggestions", though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-regret-telling-family#post-2075107 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 11:56:53 +0000 Warbler 2075107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I were talking about our options and frustrations last night. He is very doubtful that IVF will ever work for us because of his male factor issues. I brought up different options and then he dropped this on me:</p> <p>Hubs: Why don't we just use a sperm donor?<br /> Me: I don't want to have a baby that's with another man. I thought we already ruled this out?<br /> Hubs: Well, what if it was a relative?<br /> Me: What? Like your cousin or something? That's weird! Besides, I wouldn't even know how to ask something like that!<br /> Hubs: Um, it's already been offered.<br /> Me: Huh? Who offered?<br /> Hubs: My dad...<br /> Me: YOUR DAD? What? No!<br /> Hubs: Why not?<br /> Me: Um, because you would be a brother and a father to the kid. Did he offer in front of your mom? What did she say?<br /> Hubs: She was on board.<br /> Me: What did I marry into?</p> <p>My husband apologized for bringing it up and said he's just been feeling desperate lately. But...how effing weird is that? Every since we told his parents about our struggles conceiving, they have been offering suggestions left and right. They usually range from "he just needs to lose some weight" and "stop thinking about it so much" to "just give up and adopt". This latest suggestion takes the cake though. I wish we had never said anything because now I am officially creeped out and will not be able to look my father-in-law in the eye. Does any one else regret spilling the beans to family? </p>