https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 11 Oct 2026 13:23:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017713 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 21:04:54 +0000 MrsRcCar 2017713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can completely be myself with my inlaws. We are all crazy there. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017707 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 20:57:31 +0000 Cherrybee 2017707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can be completely myself with my MIL and FIL but I have to moderate my behaviour significantly around SIL - she's offended by everything! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017654 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 20:11:01 +0000 keepcalmcarrie 2017654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do stifle myself in person to a certain extent - moreso with the extended inlaw family, not my MIL and FIL - although they certainly know what I think (I'm also pretty liberal and they are all hardcore conservatives). I don't change anything for anyone on social media though - if what I share/post bothers them, they are free to unfriend me :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017639 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 19:55:31 +0000 Lilbear 2017639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in this situation too, although I don't really censor myself. My FIL is very conservative and I am very liberal, and we both often speak our minds. I always feel in retrospect that I should tone it down around him, but in the moment I never think ahead and I just loudly voice my counter opinions. I'm sure he's horrified ::::shrug:::: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017347 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 16:35:55 +0000 mrs. bird 2017347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coopsmama: i could go on, they're pretty awful. them being crazy doesn't mean you don't have valid reasons to butt heads with your own! i'm actually feeling pretty good about where things are at with them! at a counseling session recently, our minister said he would not support it if mr. bird were to expect me to have a relationship with them that i didn't want, that he doesn't see anything positive about me choosing to expose myself to them at this point and that mr. bird can choose to see them and still respect me and my choice not to. i have no idea why that was such a monumental moment for me, but for the first time i felt heard about exactly how detrimental i find them to my wellbeing &amp; since then i've felt optimistic about the future for the first time in a long time. that's my long way of saying, thanks! they're bat sh!t crazy, but i'm going to be just fine! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017313 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 16:14:06 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2017313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as @MediaNaranja: some parts of my personality don't carry through in another language (especially since I am not fluent.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017296 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 16:02:46 +0000 mrsjyw 2017296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, I'm pretty open with them. I used to bite my tongue around touchy topics and things they would say, but I've learned to politely disagree too instead of just silently being passive or in their eyes "agreeing" with them. </p> <p>They're oft the ones to joke around and swear more openly around me, so I don't feel stifled at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017287 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:58:41 +0000 lemondrop 2017287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tone down my weirdness a tiny bit- as I do for professionalism at work, I keep my sailor mouth in check, but I'm relaxed and happy with them. </p> <p>Facebook I mostly just keep toned down too as I use it a lot for work, mostly it's that and a platform to share photos with family. Instagram is my fun, personal social media place. Only friends, close former students, and limited family have access to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017260 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:47:56 +0000 coopsmama 2017260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: I have no words. You poor thing! Your IL's make mine seem relatively tame!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017259 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:47:49 +0000 namaste 2017259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh yes for my MIL/SIL. They are both ultra-religious conservatives and while I'm spiritual, I'm way too liberal to be considered safe for them. I can pretty much be myself around FIL &amp; SMIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017251 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:44:50 +0000 mrs. bird 2017251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>when we had a relationship, yes. we have religious differences, cultural differences, language differences.... we have almost nothing in common. ways i have been told to alter my appearance or behavior: i wear too much dark clothing, i need to wear brighter outfits; i'm too white ("do you stay that color ALL YEAR?? you would look healthier if you got some color."); i am not supposed to have opinions &amp; if i do they are not to be shared publicly; i'm not to swear (this i am fine with, i don't swear in front of people if it makes them uncomfortable, but i certainly swear in front of my parents!); i am to serve men their meals first; when entering a room i am to greet men first in order of their age and status level, then women; i am not to disagree with my husband, i am to guide him toward good, but not to have any say in final decisions; i am to contribute financially, but i am not to expect him to contribute to domestic chores; i am to be silent regarding acts of violence or crimes their family takes part in; i am not truly a woman or a wife unless i bare children and i am to continue having them until i have at least one son. </p> <p>we no longer have a relationship because i just can't handle all of the change they required of me, it was killing me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017233 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:34:48 +0000 brownie 2017233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update your Facebook security to have it not show your in laws by default and change it when you want them to see it. Note when you change you have to change back the next time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017228 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:33:26 +0000 LuLu Mom 2017228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm, I think the only thing I stifle is my very liberal views, he's from a family full of conservatives and well I'm the oppostie. However to avoid debating/arguing I bite my tongue, which is not always easy, they tend to leave so far right it can come off discriminating and that is hard for me to sit and listen too. Otherwise I'm pretty much myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017222 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:30:23 +0000 Mama Bird 2017222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try, lol. Which doesn't really work because my MIL can be a bit pushy and after saying no politely several times, sometimes I have to get kind of rude so I don't get walked on. Love her anyway because she raised DH :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017218 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:29:30 +0000 cascademom 2017218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely am more reserved with my inlaws because of a lot of issues and things that happened in the past. I have my inlaws on FB, but have them on a restricted list. They can't see anything unless they're included based on settings. My MIL liberally took my pictures from my Shutterfly and FB. I locked the settings on it to prevent it. I felt like my pictures weren't my own because of how she treated them. </p> <p>For example, I haven't seen the pics she took when we visited. She doesn't share them with us. I figure I share ours with restrictions to be open, but not give her more than an inch. She's the type that takes advantage of you by being given an inch and taking a mile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017209 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:25:52 +0000 .twist. 2017209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope! I fit in perfectly with his family. Honestly, his mom could put me to shame in a sarcasm, embarrassing story, vulgar kind of way. Maybe that isn't something to love, but I love that they are just like me. :D It's kind of a thing in our family to out-embarrass the other... The stories I could tell.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017206 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:24:21 +0000 Synchronicity 2017206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll have one or two drinks with them vs. the three or four (or five....) drinks I'll have with my own family, but other than that, no stifling. I can act like myself around them as much as I would around anyone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017203 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:23:41 +0000 blackbird 2017203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, ironically, I fit in more with Dh's family once I stopped being so polite. Turns out they're just as gossipy and tacky about stuff as I am ;) My husband is a pretty dry/sarcastic person, too, so I don't think they are surprised </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017197 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:22:10 +0000 Torchwood 2017197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as @sarac, except in my case it's my family that's uptight, not the in-laws. I do try to sort of "dumb things down" (which is terribly rude to say, but I don't know how else to phrase it) because my vocabulary is significantly larger than any of their's and people tend to think you're talking down to them if you use a lot of words they don't know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017192 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:21:02 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2017192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds exhausting!</p> <p>Luckily I have a great relationship with MIL and can be myself completely when around her. I can be shy so it took a while to get to there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017187 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:20:13 +0000 MediaNaranja 2017187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my friends I am incredibly sarcastic. My husband's family speaks a different language and the sarcasm does not translate AT ALL. So...yeah, I guess I do :) Hell, my husband sometimes doesn't get it and looks at me in horror when I say things or make jokes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017180 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:18:00 +0000 littlebug 2017180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before I quit facebook, I'd accept their friend requests and then block them so they couldn't see my day-to-day posts - only when I changed my profile picture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017173 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:16:47 +0000 sarac 2017173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not censor myself on facebook - I figure that they've friended me, they can see the real me. I would only stifle myself in person to the point of being polite. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-stifle-your-personality-w-you-in-laws#post-2017151 Fri, 09 Jan 2015 15:07:12 +0000 lizzywiz 2017151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can be off-color, vulgar, inappropriately silly and often liberal. I married into a large family of old fashioned, conservative, devout Christians. When we visit, out of respect for them, I generally dress very modestly, no cursing, inappropriate jokes or too much silliness in general. Not a big deal because we only see each 3 times a year or so.<br /> But something about having a kid and all of them friending me on facebook, and maybe with me being older, I am feeling stifled. I can't post half the things I think are funny or be myself around them.<br /> Anyone else? </p>