https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 09:29:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2697353 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 22:06:05 +0000 LemonJack 2697353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I agree with what another poster said...I don't think babies can be spoiled, but as they grow into toddlers and beyond I think it's a gradual process of teaching them lessons such as patience when they are developmentally ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2697348 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 21:59:49 +0000 LemonJack 2697348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: I'm sure a big part of it for some kids is lack of boundaries. I personally think the most damaging type of spoiling is when parents step in to rescue their kids immediately to keep them from facing any consequences, because that's just not real life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2697253 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 17:50:42 +0000 gingerbebe 2697253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I wish DH had ONE student like that. Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2697148 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 15:23:23 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2697148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: ugh I had to put it in my syllabus that I would not respond to emails asking me to calculate a grade or what a student missed when they were absent. I have a schedule, check it for missed work, and calculate your own grade for Pete's sake!</p> <p> @Greentea: thats awesome! I'm totally amazed by that. We are so so far away from screen free but I am amazed at how helpful it is not to have cable. My kid comes home from preschool telling me about his friends' avengers toys/shirts/shoes, but he has no clue what all that really is because we don't have cable. So no advertising. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2697046 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 13:38:26 +0000 Mommy Finger 2697046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: @yoursilverlining: A mother on my town's mommy FB page was frantically asking people what is needed to get a replacement drivers permit b/c her 16 year old lost his and the DMV wasn't answering the phone when she called. All I could think of was why isn't said 16 yo figuring this out for himself? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2697016 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 13:05:25 +0000 yoursilverlining 2697016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: my husband used to teach at Dartmouth and had a student who never showed up to class, bombed the tests and, upon receiving a D came to my husband and told him: "My parents are not paying for me to get D's".....uh, then do the work. Entitled much?! So much spoiling there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2697007 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 12:49:17 +0000 looch 2697007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: of course! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696988 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 12:08:55 +0000 gingerbebe 2696988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we're looking at the definition of "spoil" (beyond being lenient and indulgent), it is to rot, to be past its useable date, to damage or mar, or to lessen the value of. So I think if you're doing certain things that mar or damage your children in the long run, then you're spoiling them. How you spoil your kids depends on your personality and your kid's personality, but there are obviously tons of ways you could spoil them.</p> <p>I think anything that undermines a longterm value or skill you want your kid to have is spoiling them. So yes, kids can definitely be spoiled. My husband is a college professor at a posh private school and these spoiled kids become adults who cannot function. They literally call him or email him asking questions that you can Google or ask Siri (we literally cut and paste their questions or ask Siri and we get the answer for real). Their parents love them and have done everything for them and have given them cars and the ability to live at home in their mansions while paying full tuition and some of these kids are SO entitled and useless. They didn't get that way overnight - it was years and years of catering to their every whim and desire that got them there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696969 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 11:38:52 +0000 808love 2696969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, gratitude or no gratitude for what you have been given is the big divide between spoiled and not spoiled.<br /> So interesting - so many different definitions here. Spoiled can mean any of this to different people:<br /> Excess Material goods given<br /> Quick Response time<br /> Always saying Yes to requests of service<br /> Child's sense of Entitlement<br /> Extreme Frustration of not getting what is want<br /> inGratitude</p> <p>Some of them are external expressions of love by parents and others as internal areas of character development that may or may not change with maturity. Does what we do cause the attitude in our child or is it just present? How do we navigate our child over these character hurdles toward maturity? Big questions....and one more small one:<br /> @looch: can you ask your father to come visit me? I have a few projects in exchange for some ocean view. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696686 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 21:21:52 +0000 caterw 2696686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: I agree! Spoiled with dependent behavior is the worst kind of spoiling... It does your child a huge disservice to do absolutely everything for them. My kid is 3- she is required to use her manners and do her little chores because my DH and I are raising an adult. She is very sweet and happy and grateful (although she may be a little materially spoiled). I don't think giving a child too much love or even too many gifts can necessarily hurt them as long as they express gratitude and compassion for others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696681 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 21:08:43 +0000 Greentea 2696681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: I really agree. Being happy with very little is such a gift and skill that serves people throughout their lives. I am actually raising my kids screen free right now and it is HARD. It has been interesting doing it myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696664 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 20:48:54 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2696664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think our culture overall is very spoiled! I watched a video at the New York times online of a girl living in drought ridden Madagascar who has never had a bath in her life and she's 7. Hedonic adaptation means that humans get adjusted to their environment and always want more. I have to Lifehack my way out of hedonic adaptation by limiting my access to certain things (sugar for example, snack foods, fashion magazines). It is a personal goal of mine to develop kids who are happy with the small things in life because that's all we can ever truly give them...The ability to have perspective about life's vicissitudes. That being said, I have family who grew up poor and are now mean as hell. So poverty can certainly engender bitterness. I try to limit my kids' exposure to material excess and I try not to give them everything, but I try to be compassionate even when I am choosing not to do something for them that I could. As in, I know you want mommy to run by Starbucks for a cookie but I'm not going to do that and I'm so so sorry because I know that cookies are your favorite thing. I think that is my attempt at splitting the difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696651 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 20:17:29 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2696651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bao: definitely yes they can be spoiled imo. And my definition changes based on how old they are but more or less is a kid that expects mom/dad/other adult to give them everything they want, to think for them and rescue them every time they make a mistake. I think this can manifest in different ways, and I don't think it necessarily makes them bad people overall. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696587 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 17:02:34 +0000 looch 2696587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: My husband's parents are the same as mine, they are the "roll up your sleeves" type of people. When they visit, since my FIL is a painter by trade, he paints stuff for us. This past year it was the front pillars and the garage trim. </p> <p>One year, he told me that the back door really looked bad, so I invited him to the paint store with me, and he happily came along after selecting the color. </p> <p>Look, don't get me wrong...I didn't grow up with material things. My parents didn't have a ton of extra money and couldn't spoil us with things, so they spoiled us with time and doing stuff. It's just that it's continued into adulthood for me. I feel like I am a functioning member of society, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696580 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 16:41:25 +0000 JennyD 2696580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: hahaha no not at all! Just fortunate. My husband's parents would do for us the same as you describe, if only I would ask. I can rarely bring myself to ask. </p> <p>I know I'm mixed up ;)</p> <p>Maybe this makes me a martyr ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696531 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 14:32:20 +0000 looch 2696531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: See, that's funny, because I wouldn't ask my husband to do that errand. But my dad, no problem. He doesn't hang it over my head ever. I even give him a list of stuff to do around my house as my birthday gift. He'll come over with his tool box and hang lights, install outlets, hang curtain rods, etc. He's like my own personal handyman. I of course help out, I hold the drill, usually. He's retired, I should add.</p> <p>Then there's my mom, that while I am at work, will take my sick son to the doctor if it's necessary. She makes his lunch, feeds him dinner on some nights, as my husband says, my son has it good over there.</p> <p>Does this make me weak or inferior? I don't even know what to say about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696508 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 13:50:57 +0000 JennyD 2696508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: that's interesting to me. I would never dream of asking someone to do something for me that I could do for myself (except my husband). Growing up, if my dad did anything that could remotely be considered a favour, he would hold it over your head for months. Maybe even years. I learned early that it's better to be able to take care of yourself than ever ask anyone for help. And thus I value independence and self sufficiency. I see my friends' parents babysit all the time and I think my friends are spoiled (and maybe weak or inferior) which is a little ridiculous.</p> <p>I guess it's fine as long as it doesn't stop a person from anything (keeping a job, ruining relationships, etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled/page/2#post-2696485 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 13:13:34 +0000 looch 2696485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: If I am being honest, yes, I expect him to drop everything at that moment and come address the issue. He's always done it, so I am conditioned to expect it. For example, I purchased a suitcase online. I changed my mind about it and decided that I needed to return it to the store in the mall. So, since I was at work in the town with the mall, I called him, on his cell phone, and asked if he could go to my house and pick up the box and meet me at the mall so I could return it. Could I have done it another day, yes, but it popped into my mind at that moment and I called to see what was possible. That is my dad though, he would do that for anyone that called, it's how he shows that you are important to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696481 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 13:02:18 +0000 Greentea 2696481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think babies kind of 'need' to come first. We had a learning curve as parents, and at 3 her sister was born and we had to work on honest discussions of how there is 1 mom, 2 kids, we have to take turns, mom has to care for herself too, things like that. DH and I were neglected as kids, so admittedly I think we went a little over board putting our first kid first, at first! There is no perfect parent, and we are (and have been) learning. But it is going well! I think it is good to analyze our tendencies and 'why' we have them, in regard to how we treat/approach our children. We try to be honest with her that other people have needs, we need to learn to cope, things like that and it seems to be going well! It's a lot of work for all of us :silly: But love, attention, patience, and babies don't spoil! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696423 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 10:45:58 +0000 yoursilverlining 2696423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't think babies have memories of "coming first". I don't think they are able to conceptualize that way. As babies turn into toddlers and then kids, what's "normal" shifts, as do your interactions and expectations. I agree with others that I wouldn't worry about spoiling a baby with affection; I think all babies should be spoiled with affection :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696413 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 10:25:26 +0000 JennyD 2696413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: yes but do you expect him to? If he couldn't make it, would you coerce and threaten? I suspect not. Could you resolve your issue otherwise?</p> <p>Just because you're surrounded by people who love you and are willing to buy you things or help you doesn't make you spoiled. It makes you fortunate. I assume you express your gratitude and return the favour wherever possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696408 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 10:22:24 +0000 looch 2696408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Well, I still come first, at the age of almost 42 in my father's eyes, so I guess you could call me spoiled. I can literally call up my dad right this minute with some problem and he'll be here in 5 minutes.</p> <p>I am probably the most spoiled adult I know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696404 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 10:18:56 +0000 JennyD 2696404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LemonJack: what is they do that shows them as spoiled? And do you think it's a lack of boundaries? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696403 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 10:16:01 +0000 JennyD 2696403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I agree. I think it's more about learning to cope with emotions. </p> <p>I also think spoiled can be about other things related to independence. At 5, I expect DD to get herself dressed, put her own shoes on, pour her own milk and cereal, speak for herself at restaurants, get herself a sweater if she's cold, etc. I definitely think kids can be spoiled in terms of independence and that's possibly worse than being spoiled with goods. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696397 Sun, 12 Feb 2017 10:04:24 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2696397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: @LemonJack: at some point babies stop being babies, but they still have very recent memories of coming first. When do you teach that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696141 Sat, 11 Feb 2017 12:57:31 +0000 LemonJack 2696141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I really don't feel like babies can be spoiled, so I think you're fine!</p> <p>I definitely think kids can be spoiled. I see a lot of kids every day (teacher), and there are definitely spoiled kiddos. I always feel kind of bad for them because I think it sets them up for challenges later on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696096 Sat, 11 Feb 2017 10:49:14 +0000 Corduroy 2696096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think kids can be spoiled. I'm most concerned about mine being spoiled by tv/screen time. My kids would rather watch TV than do anything. They demand TV when we're out or at a play date and ask to stay home from school to watch TV. If I gave in all the time I think they be totally spoiled by missing out on childhood. Maybe the already are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696090 Sat, 11 Feb 2017 10:35:56 +0000 nana87 2696090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with a lot of what's been posted here. I don't think babies can be spoiled, but kids can be and can grow up to be very entitled, enabled adults who struggle to be independent and take responsibility for their actions and life outcomes because they think they deserve things to be handed to them rather than worked for. I don't think love and affection can spoil kids, it's much more about material things but also not providing opportunities for children to do tasks on their own, even if they might fail or struggle or find a task difficult. </p> <p>I'm thinking of a super specific individual I know whose mother would do her homework for her rather than let her get a bad grade. She was still doing her homework (/"helping" but actually doing it) for her in community college :shocked: girl should have gotten some bad grades early on and learned to deal with them! It's not just school either-- this person doesn't take responsibility for her behavior or life outcomes (isn't qualified for the kind of job that would make enough money to fund the lifestyle she thinks she deserves ) at all and blames everyone and everything else </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696075 Sat, 11 Feb 2017 09:22:59 +0000 Greentea 2696075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Babies can't be spoiled! :happy:</p> <p>@looch: I think child entitlement has more to do with a kid developing the sense that they deserve something because of who they are, vs. because they earned it, if that makes sense. It doesn't sound like that's what's happening in your examples. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-kids-can-be-spoiled#post-2696024 Sat, 11 Feb 2017 00:31:42 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2696024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My baby is spoiled. Everyone is making great points about learning to cope and that is one thing I (we) are not teaching. He's a baby and could care less about his toys and books and when he grows up what he gets and has will just be his normal. What he gets now from me at least is a cry-less or cry-free existence. </p>