https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 20 May 2026 05:45:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids/page/2#post-2656839 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 20:22:56 +0000 skipra 2656839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not necessarily. I mean there are certainly very irresponsible parents with many children and many wonderful parents with one or two kids. But if I see a large family with a lot of well behaved children, I do. I think that's amazing. I saw a mom alone with her 8 kids and a dog and they all seemed like great kids and she was so relaxed. I was in absolute awe of this woman. On top of it all, they were mostly wearing matching clothes that looked to be homemade. For real, how is that possible? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids/page/2#post-2656826 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 20:09:01 +0000 JennyD 2656826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: wow! This is such an honest response! I totally understand and feel the same way. If we had another we would cope and figure it out but it's not our plan or what we want. </p> <p>To answer the original question, yes, to an extent. I don't hold large families in higher esteem and that's never something I've valued, so just because a family has lots of kids, I don't think they're better or more of a family. I do admire families with similar values and goals with more kids than me who manage it all and well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids/page/2#post-2656723 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 16:34:27 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2656723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I'm one of four plus two steps on the other side's which probably explains why I am simultaneously repulsed and attracted to the idea of a big fam. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids/page/2#post-2656722 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 16:32:03 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2656722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: I definitely don't think less of parents with fewer children (only have two) but I agree with others posters who have gotten frustrated with questions like "oh you only have one?" or "just wait until two/three/four" that feel dismissive. But I definitely am guilty of taking those sorts of comments personally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids/page/2#post-2656720 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 16:27:46 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2656720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I completely agree with everything you said and feel the same way, but I just can't allow myself to see it as a character flaw...just self awareness! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids/page/2#post-2656540 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 12:47:53 +0000 Aimed121 2656540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: That image, I believe for the most part - is a creation of Madison Avenue marketing. Sure, some mothers are better at managing a large brood, some mothers are killing it in a conference room - 'the domestic ideal' is unrealistic and not a great fit for many families IMO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids/page/2#post-2656514 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 12:24:49 +0000 Cherrybee 2656514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: Yeah, if it happened, I would cope. Of course I could. But it would require a lot of sacrifices that, it turns out, I don't enjoy making. The mums I put on a pedestal are the ones who enjoy it and to whom it seems to come naturally. The stereotype of the big family mum is the woman with a baby on her hip, stirring soup while helping her oldest with his homework and smiling indulgently at another. I imagine messy houses, artwork on display, lots of noise and lots of love. That's the kind of mum I wanted to be. But it turns out I'm not. My OCD has ramped up a ton since having kids, I can't stand the mess they make, I can't stand the noise they make and, although I love them fiercely, I frequently feel completely smothered by family life. I hate being needed all the time, someone always yelling for my attention while I'm trying to clean the mess from their dinner. I know it's unpalatable to some for me to say this out loud, but I have to be honest. I will always feel that it's a character flaw - I'm very selfish and I hate that about myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2656454 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 11:10:04 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2656454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: honest question but do you feel like you are sort of throwing yourself under the bus by adopting the feeling that you "can't do" a big family? I often give myself a hard time for not reaching our "big family" goal but in retrospect that's a lot of shame to swallow. I think it is just another form of mommy guilt. If something happened and you or I had another by accident we would be ok. It may require us to change the 5/10/20 year plan in ways though. It really is just a choice and not a character flaw! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2656452 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 11:05:55 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2656452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just looking back at this now. I sort of worded my response neutrally in order to give the widest possible range of responses. My experience is that in my area people typically have 2 or 3. 3 is the "hot" number. Everyone either has three or says stuff like "oh I wanted three but I just couldn't handle it." People with 4+ are regarded as saints and people always comment on how awesome they are for having that many kiddos. I think I used to fall into this trap myself. That's because I wanted three and saw myself as a "big family mom" in the making. Now I have two and a laundry list of reasons why I'm not having another bio baby or even adopting any time soon. And I think I have had to do some soul searching to not get my feelings hurt when people say things like "just imagine three!" or "oh if you had four you wouldn't care about xyz anymore." I think I actually want to care about some of the stuff that having two allows me to care about! And I have personal and career wants that would be impeded by more kids. I think I have had to give myself permission not to feel guilty for not wanting more kids, and part of that has been to take parents with 3+ off the pedestal and think of them just as people who made different choices from me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654778 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 13:27:32 +0000 HLK208 2654778@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LemonJack: I agree, 100%. If you're raising 1 kind and polite child, I will think highly of you. If you're raising 4 rude kids? I'll give you the side-eye. 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654755 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 11:58:39 +0000 Cherrybee 2654755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not common here at all. I wouldn't say I thought "more highly" of them but I am always really impressed when I see parents juggling large families and acing it. I would have loved to have been that mummy but I'm just not cut from that cloth, alas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654744 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 11:04:12 +0000 Mama Bird 2654744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bit of an odd question... if you turn it on its head, that means you would think less highly of parents with fewer kids?</p> <p>Seriously though, I've yet to see parenting ability correlate in any way to the number of children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654740 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 10:41:18 +0000 808love 2654740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: Thanks for that! Admittedly, I do sometimes think-that's crazy when someone has three or four and wants another. Then I see them a few years later and know that all turned out well and I was wrong again! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654738 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 10:39:21 +0000 808love 2654738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Yah! I have heard that a lot. I don't think I get that kind of credit because alas 'it is easy with one.' My struggle is real (darnit)!</p> <p>I secretly want to hear-How wonderful- you have one!! But I have to remember that other parents have made a choice to have more so that is just not their journey. Also I have to think about how the parents who say things are just connecting and not really saying or intending to say something about me as a parent:person even though the thought crosses my mind. So basically, let it roll off. And yes I do say Wow when I hear someone has four or more kids because it is so rare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654715 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 09:37:13 +0000 SweetiePie 2654715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: I think they are very different statements. I was really trying to figure out why I felt that they are so different than each other and I realized it's exactly what you said - perspective. Except that the parent of two should also have the perspective of the parent of one. Whereas the parent of one doesn't have the perspective of the parent of two.<br /> Also any time I say "you" below I mean in general. Not YOU. :happy: </p> <p>I don't know, I think telling someone they aren't a real parent is pretty rude regardless of perspective. And if someone has a 2nd (or 3rd etc) that means they have (most likely) been a parent to just one before and they should be familiar with the perspective of the parent with just one. Meaning "when I had just one it was still plenty challenging and I would have been upset had someone told me I wasn't a real parent or it's just easy". You can say it's EASIER to have just one. I mean, of course it is! But not that it is easy (meaning it's not at all hard) and you're not a real parent. I don't think someone is more of a parent or a better parent because they have more kids. So I also don't think someone is less of a parent because they have one kid.<br /> Also, not everyone has one kid by choice. So it's a pretty mean thing to say to anyone that "only" one kid makes you less of a parent. </p> <p>If I ever have another and someone said I was crazy for having another, I personally wouldn't find it to be rude. Because I would understand that it means they just aren't in the headspace to have another and they just can't comprehend it. Because I have been a parent to just one and know what it's like to have that "omg how do you do this with more than one kid and why would you want to??!" feeling. I still have it sometimes and we're doing IVF for a 2nd. Haha. So maybe I am crazy? 😜 So again, that's why I wouldn't find that statement offensive. Because I know that it's often (but not always) a feeling that parents of one go through. Sometimes it's temporary but sometimes they always feel that way and I think it's ok to feel like you don't want more kids. </p> <p>I hope I explained this ok. And fwiw I'm not trying to debate and I'm not mad. :-) I just wanted to explain my POV and it's ok to disagree on it. I mean, really, all of this is feelings and opinion and those will never be universal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654703 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 09:03:07 +0000 LemonJack 2654703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think more highly of parents due to their number of kids. I base it more on how they parent the kids they have. My sister and BIL have three and I think very highly of them, but it's because I know they are excellent parents. They are raising three nice, polite kids, and a lot of that has to do with how they parent. I try to emulate them in my own parenting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654702 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 08:51:21 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2654702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: @808love: it's all about perspective. I often feel that people with just one kid are looking at me like "wow, you really messed up having that second child." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654699 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 08:40:32 +0000 SweetiePie 2654699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: yes, I agree with this. I have heard someone say IRL that if you only have one you're not even a "real" parent because one is so easy 🙄 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654687 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 07:30:13 +0000 looch 2654687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. I look for parents that have children past the age of mine, those are the ones that give the best advice, no matter how many of then. I mean, sure, you can have 3 kids under the age of 5, but if none of them is in kindergarten, what are you going to tell me about that?</p> <p>I think it's all relative to age of kids, more so that number of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654671 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 02:04:14 +0000 808love 2654671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't at all but sometimes I perceive parents look down on me that I only have one. The word 'only' or 'just one' implies it is somehow lesser. That may be in my head but it is a general vibe I get often. I don't agree with that thinking that more is better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654670 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 01:56:10 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2654670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, but more in awe, not as an ideal. Some days I can barely manage my one :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654654 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 23:09:46 +0000 Bernieboo 2654654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes and no... We don't have many friends with kids. We are fairly close with three families: one is one and done, one has three boys and they're done, one has 3 kids and fourth on the way. The mom of just one is the most neurotic and overly worried mom. They do a lot of stuff that I disagree with, but I didn't know how we would be when we had kids, so I don't judge. But the other two families are so much more relaxing and easy to be around because they're much more laid back parents. I think having more than one makes you less likely to sweat the small stuff and I really appreciate parents like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654650 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 22:29:56 +0000 dolphin 2654650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I think they've lost their mind. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654639 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 22:05:35 +0000 sapphire 2654639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it takes a lot of work so I'm always impressed with their ability to handle it all. But I have no interest in more than 2! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654633 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 21:52:08 +0000 mrsrain 2654633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I tend to go the opposite... feeling like smaller families are less taxing on our planet. But it's a vague feeling, if it's there at all. I'm mostly too focused on my own pair of rambunctious littles to think too much about other families! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654630 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 21:46:15 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2654630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dc yoga bee: I want to know where you're from. I'm from the same area!</p> <p>No, I don't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654627 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 21:45:40 +0000 HLK208 2654627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I came from a family of 6 and my parents came from even larger families. Big families are just normal to me. </p> <p>I think I would ask any veteran parent for advice, regardless of the number of kids they have! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654612 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 21:23:32 +0000 rattles 2654612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to be the minority vote and say yes. It's not that I think that someone with one or two children is less of a parent, but I appreciate that parents of larger families have more experience. They've spent three or four times as long in each stage, and they're more likely to have addressed a wider range of challenges and personalities. I would give more weight to their advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654597 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 20:29:51 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2654597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not really, but it warms my heart when I see families that have a mix of biological and adopted children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-more-highly-of-parents-with-more-kids#post-2654592 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 20:16:33 +0000 ocean81 2654592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not even a little bit. Parents of multiple children can suck as much as a parent of one child can suck. In my opinion, the number of kids doesn't make you a better parent. At all. Ha. </p>