https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 15:34:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334829 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 22:45:06 +0000 ElbieKay 2334829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have taken exactly one biz trip since returning from my maternity leave 16 months ago. I used to travel quite a bit for work. (I may have to travel next month but am hoping to squeeze it into one day instead of an overnight.)</p> <p>I work in a consulting-like field, and my team covers clients in many locations. But a lot of them are in the NYC area (where I live). I have managed to limit most of my new projects to local clients which had made it possible to minimize travel.</p> <p>Everyone was very accommodating about this. But I also made a strategic decision after I got married to quit my job at a large bank and start working at a small financial technology company. I am now making more money and have more responsibility and flexibility, but I am no longer working for a big brand name company. I worked here for 2.5 years before getting pregnant and am pretty well established at this point.</p> <p>If I had stayed at the big bank I suspect I would have quit or been really miserable now with a baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334809 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 22:26:11 +0000 elise626 2334809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel the whole "get a pass" language is inaccurate. When I was pumping and had daycare pick up responsibilities, I let my boss know that I couldn't stay late like I use to pre-baby and I would prefer to only travel within a certain distance from daycare in case there was an emergency. It wasn't a matter of my getting a pass because I was mothering a young child, but simply those were my requirements now that I had a young child. I think sometimes we as women are overly cautious about being viewed as not pulling our weight. My thinking was always that I was experienced, a hard worker and a loyal employee. I was a catch, and if they couldn't make reasonable accommodations for me, then they would lose a valuable employee. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334622 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 20:07:29 +0000 jedeve 2334622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: agree. </p> <p>I think we hate to think of ourselves as *those parents,* the ones with the special snowflakes who expect the world to bend for our children. But that doesn't mean we have to act like parenting is some self indulgent hobby with no impacts on our lives outside the home or society. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334560 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 19:42:00 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2334560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: Agreed. </p> <p>It's part of the reason I'm nervous to rejoin the working world because I've (mostly) been a sahm and I fully expect to have to work extra hard to make motherhood and career possible..but that was my choice. I truly don't expect accommodations. And to be honest, the anticipation of the type of job I'll be in when my new baby is 3 months definitely factored, among other reasons mostly health/medical, into my decision to bottle feed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334552 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 19:37:38 +0000 Anagram 2334552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At my workplace, yes women with babies are off the hook when it comes to travel. I work in a middle school, so we aren't talking business trips, but each grade has a weekend trip every year. The 7th graders go on a weekend "retreat" at a camp, the 8th graders go to D.C. for 4 days, and the 6th graders have an overnight in NYC and teachers are expected to sign up to go...they also get paid extra to go.</p> <p>No one has ever pressured me to go since I have an infant and a 2 year old, but I assume when they are older I will have to "pay my dues".</p> <p>I think they understand it would be mildly impossible to pump every 3 hours while supervising middle schoolers on field trips. I can't very well leave my group unattended while I disappear to go pump.</p> <p>eta: they are also nice to preggos. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334472 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 18:36:25 +0000 Adira 2334472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HabesBabe: Nope, I think that's shitty too!</p> <p>I think this attitude of expecting people to suck it up when they are in a shitty situation is the reason we have such shitty situations! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334429 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 18:17:51 +0000 HabesBabe 2334429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: But it would be OK for a new father to go on a business trip? Or not as shitty? I feel like you think lactating women deserve special treatment over any other employee.</p> <p>I think once you return to work, whether it's one day or one year after your maternity leave ended, you have to do your job. If your job requires that you travel to some week-long meeting, then you go, and you can make arrangements (that your company should not be required to cover) if you need someone to come with you to bring the baby. You're back at work, you need to carry your own weight, and you shouldn't get a "pass" because you have children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334420 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 18:13:14 +0000 regberadaisy 2334420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't expect any special treatment just because I'm a mom or that I'm a nursing mom. When I've had to go out of the office all day when I was still pumping, the partners asked if that would be Ok. Of course, I said yes! I was at a new job, I did not want my mom/pumping status to be a hinderance to me performing my job duties.</p> <p>And I don't think we should get holiday/vacation priority. I think that's ludicrous. I've always asked for vacation time well in advance so that it's not an issue! If you wait till two weeks before Christmas to ask for time off? Well that's your problem.</p> <p>Being accommodating is one thing. But expecting it is another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334408 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 17:51:02 +0000 Adira 2334408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: I'm just saying that companies that ARE accommodating will attract and retain more talent than those that don't. I think it would be pretty shitty to require a new mom to go on a week long trip when she has a 14 week old (or less) at home, whether she's nursing or not! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334401 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 17:44:45 +0000 Smurfette 2334401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: but getting special treatment because you are nursing or have kids isn't? </p> <p>I had to change my line of work when it was time for us to TTC. I don't love what I do but it works better for being a parent so I make do. I am lucky that my boss let me change my hours due to day care and traffic. I want a new job and have had to turn down interviews because the job would require more hours then I do with having day care pickup everyday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334400 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 17:44:08 +0000 loveisstrange 2334400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean.... business is business. I think some things can and should be accommodated for (like pumping at work, etc) but getting out of a mandatory work trip? Yeah, you're probably going. Getting priority on time off? Nope. And once you're back from maternity leave, you're back.</p> <p>I mean... I feel like my (female with children) boss would laugh in my face if I told her that I couldn't go to a mandatory work trip because im lactating. She would tell me to suck it up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334394 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 17:34:41 +0000 Adira 2334394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry, but I think it comes across as pretty entitled to just imply that women should just "get their ducks in a row" before they have children and that if their current job isn't as family-friendly as they want, they can just go find another one. I'll just go out and get myself a unicorn too while I'm at it, shall I? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334376 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 17:07:13 +0000 Maysprout 2334376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think its hard on young kids when parents have to work Christmas. Where my husband works now, you get Christmas or New Years off and there's no automatic deference of Christmas off for parents of youngsters but it seems to work out that way, with some of his coworkers even offering to switch if he didn't get his pick (some of them prefered New Years off).</p> <p> I do think family situations make traveling hard sometimes and that should be taken into account though it might not always be feasible to accommodate. But sick family members, recent deaths, newly back from maternity leave, can give people pause from traveling far from home even if they are back to work. My jobs have always been conferences 1-3 times a year and people have backed out for all those reasons and I've never seen a fuss made about it. But i guess those conferences are seen more as a bonus anyways and like a mini vacation, so maybe that's why. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334360 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:52:03 +0000 jedeve 2334360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I do kind of get it, though, why she would ask. I mean everyone wants to be off at the holidays. But my dad worked holidays (doctor) and it does suck as a kid to have to wait until your dad gets home mid day to open presents. Now he works holidays so the younger doctors can have time with their kids. So I doubt it was the woman thinking "I deserve this more" and more her thinking "this will be hard on my kids." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334359 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:51:34 +0000 Peasinapod 2334359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the priority time off I can understand why parents think they might be a little more entitled. My daycare is closed between Christmas and New Years and I have no family to help with my daughter. I have no option but to take time off then. Before my daughter I would have been ( and was) happy to let parents take that time since it was a different situation for them. It's not that I just want that time off, I don't have an option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334351 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:39:32 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2334351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: yeah my friend was pretty shocked by that comment. She was and still is fabulous and single. She values her hobbies and time off just as much as the mom with kids valued her time off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when/page/2#post-2334345 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:33:51 +0000 PawPrints 2334345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"One of the mom co-workers said aloud she assumed she would get priority on holiday time off because she has kids.: -- Actual LOL, that's ridiculous.</p> <p>I think in most workplaces, including mine, expected travel is expected travel regardless of your personal situation, and nursing moms would be expected to pump. I am crossing my fingers that I won't have any work travel before LO is one year old. She's doing fine on bottles for the duration of a workday, but that is a totally different ballgame than if she were on bottles 24 hours/day for 3-4 days. I don't think she'd be happy, plus work trips tend to be full-steam situations where taking 3 breaks a day to go find a private pumping place would be an enormous pain. But no I wouldn't request to miss a trip because I'm a nursing mom. There's usually someone else who could cover for me on any particular work trip, but it does not look great for my career to miss that kind of opportunity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334325 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:02:58 +0000 catomd00 2334325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People with kids shouldn't be given special treatment. It's not fair to say your time is more important because you have kids then someone else who doesn't... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334324 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:02:52 +0000 LuLu Mom 2334324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I completely understand where you are coming from, but I guess in my field they wouldn't care that I didn't build up my milk stash, they would (in the OP's case that this meaning is well known in advance) assume I had enough time to get my ducks in a row knowing this trip was coming up to provide what I needed for my child before leaving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334323 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:01:26 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2334323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I will say that when I shared the news the with my manager and right after told him what I would need/ pushed for stronger commitments on some things I had a sense of entitlement similar to what you laid out happens at your organization. I wish I could have banked vacation time all those years, but we only get to roll over a week. </p> <p>@jedeve: this one post wasn't me! I'm sure with enough notice my coworker will get what she wants. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334318 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 15:56:55 +0000 daniellemybelle 2334318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think in an ideal situation, yes. But I don't think that is what is typically practice. I know a coworker returned from maternity leave after 12 weeks and at about 16 weeks she did have to go on a week-long business trip overseas and actually shipped breast milk on dry ice at an astronomical cost (that the company did not assist with). She was also a recent widow, so if anything she doubly deserved a "pass," but nope.</p> <p>I didn't return to that job after maternity leave, though, because that's not what I wanted for myself and my family. I wish it could have been different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334294 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 15:47:29 +0000 jedeve 2334294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to stay. Pumping for an entire week when nursing is still relatively new would be extremely difficult. (Not impossible, but difficult.)</p> <p>Unlike above advice, I don't think you should quit your job because one part of it is less doable. Having just been on Mat leave, I'm sure you would have plenty of work to do to get caught up. You could also ask if live streaming is available for talks, etc. </p> <p>It never hurts to ask. Negotiating involves more than salary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334269 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 15:24:03 +0000 Truth Bombs 2334269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: I don't disagree with you that the maternity leave policies need to be improved in this country. However, for the time being, it is what it is. So I'm a believer that people need to work within the parameters of their own situations. If someone has credit card debt and can't afford to take as much maternity leave as they would like to, then maybe right now isn't the best time to have a baby. If someone doesn't want to travel after having a baby, then they need to plan ahead find a new job, not expect the scope of the job that they have to be magically changed to accomodate their life choices. I very purposefully moved into a less challenging/more family friendly role (with lower earning potential) before having kids because I knew the job I had previously was not a track that would allow me the time with my family that I wanted. Yes, it's awesome when companies have policies that support working mothers (my company has 12 weeks leave paid at 100% which I'm very grateful for and it was a big part of my choice to work here), but at a certain point, the job needs to get done, and once my leave is over, I come at full speed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334244 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 15:08:01 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2334244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: eh, I feel the same as @Adira: . It's fine to say "find another solution", but oftentimes there's not (who's going to pay the bills? Credit card debt? That's not really a solution. Going past 12 weeks may mean being fired &amp; what if that's been eaten up by pre-delivery complications that forced early leave?) I think it's crummy that many people in American society have a "suck it up/figure it out" attitude towards postpartum working mothers &amp; that's part of the problem with America's lagging parental leave policies.<br /> And it's not just mothers, if a worker had another medical issue that caused them to take disability/FMLA and was forced to return to work before they were really ready, I'd say it was also fair for them to ask for accommodations. Companies do better when they have some compassion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334216 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 14:45:46 +0000 Adira 2334216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it would have been pretty shitty if my work required me to go on a week long travel assignment 2-4 weeks after I returned from maternity leave. I didn't have the freezer stash at that point to provide enough breast milk for my son for 24/7 for 5 full days. I had 70 oz - that would've last 2.5 days tops. Then I guess he would've gotten formula? And he's allergic (anaphylaxis) to dairy, so that would've been fun to discover at 14 weeks instead of 8 months!</p> <p>I think companies that are accommodating to women in this area will definitely be more appealing and retain more talented women than companies that don't. But obviously they can do whatever they want within the law, no matter how shitty it is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334210 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 14:40:37 +0000 pwnstar 2334210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: @Truth Bombs: I agree. When you're back, you're back. Work travel presents every parent/family with challenges, all of which are as important to them as pumping is to a new mom. That's why, generally, nobody gets a *pass.* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334186 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 14:27:53 +0000 Truth Bombs 2334186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: Not sure I agree with you there. It's not the company's fault that the mother may wish she could have taken a longer maternity leave than she did. If the mother isn't ready to go back to work 100%, she needs to find another solution. Because if the role requires travel, the work still needs to get done, and I don't think it's fair to expect others to continue to fill in the gaps when they have already been doing so for her maternity leave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334180 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 14:24:33 +0000 gingerbebe 2334180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I work for a government agency that is sort of a "career" office - meaning people generally spend their entire career here and many come fresh out of law school in their 20s. As a result, people generally have a few single or childless years putting time in and by the time they have children they are much older. As a new attorney, I definitely did my share of covering for the moms who would have weird schedules, or call in sick because of their kids, or whatever, because our client deadlines are fixed and very rarely do we get an extension for something. It was a little annoying at times, but I also knew I would get the same treatment once I had kids.</p> <p>I would say the average first-time mom in my agency is mid to late 30s. People generally take 6 month+ maternity leaves, particularly for their 1st, and then usually start part-time and ramp up to full-time over a few months. The reason is partially because they feel like they've put in enough time to take that kind of time off (and have the vacation time accrued to do it) and partially because a LOT of our moms are one and done. The moms who have more than one aren't shy about taking longer leaves either however, because our agency tends to take a long view on employees and feels there will be a few disjointed years while the kids are young but they will be productive employees for 20+ more years. </p> <p>Although its not an official policy, generally, the priority for vacation time becomes a combination of both the seniority you've stored up over a few years and the fact that you have kids. The attorneys who are in their 40s with school age kids usually get the best vacation times because their kid's school holidays are fixed and they have 15 or more years in the system. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334167 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 14:14:31 +0000 cascademom 2334167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamabolt: It's only very recent and through the hard work of a lot of moms. Another benefit of it was an extra 4 weeks of maternity leave. My baby has only been in daycare about a month because of the changes. It actually made transitioning back to work easier since I know it's less time to pump at work. It felt long and awful the first time. Now, I know that I have 3 months before I wean (8 months like LO #1), feels faster, can't complain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-nursing-moms-get-a-pass-when#post-2334163 Mon, 26 Oct 2015 14:12:16 +0000 mamabolt 2334163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: that's incredibly accommodating! Great employer! </p>