https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 03 Apr 2026 20:38:41 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-408571 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 20:30:50 +0000 sorrycharlie 408571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the comments yet - but whoa, she is super passive aggressive with that e-card!! I also like time outs, more as a "please take 5 to calm down" or take 5 to yourself than a punishment if that makes sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-408547 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 20:15:04 +0000 sarac 408547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is so far over the line! I am a big crunchy attachment parent and I will use timeouts the moment I feel they're appropriate - probably around that age for similar times. Neglecting a child's need for love, food, clothing or shelter is neglect - not time outs. Not even close. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-408154 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:30:01 +0000 mediagirl 408154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your friend annoys me. You're neglecting your child because you had them in timeout for a minute? Seriously? </p> <p>I plan on using timeouts as part of our parenting. You're not abusing your child, you're showing them that you are the parent and they are the child. Your rules. They follow them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-408148 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:26:55 +0000 Mrs. Pen 408148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>bahahaha try explaining to a tantrum-ing 3-4 year old what is the appropriate way to act is what works?!?! REALLY. omg I would laugh in her face.</p> <p>I think it's absurd for her to insinuate that you are neglecting your son. And totally uncalled for.</p> <p>You need to do what you're comfortable and what works. When I was a nanny I watched a 4 year old who threw tantrums about once a week and there is no reasoning with them when they are that enraged. Honestly - call it neglect (the mom was okay with this method btw) but we would lock him in his room until he calmed down, then we'd go talk to him and tell him we didn't want to lock him in his room but we needed him to listen to us and when he doesn't listen he needs to spend time away from the family until he settles down and can talk. Then we would ask him why he was upset to begin with and cooperatively work toward creating a solution together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-408106 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:06:18 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 408106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HeatherlovesKenny: only cut back if you feel like they're not working (I.e., all the time outs stem from the same behavior). I'm sure you're doing a fine job with discipline! The trouble with classes or methods, for me, is that they don't work universally for every kid, family, or situation.<br /> I don't love the nanny shows for everyday discipline, because I think most kids don't need that heavy of a hand to behave appropriately. The kids on those shows have developed &amp; used bad habits for so long that its difficult to change their behavior. Plus, I've noticed the parents on those shows often have the real problems &amp; the kids are just reacting to that. So those methods are more about changing repeated behaviors, instead of teaching correct ones from the start.<br /> At my preschools, we tried to just start every interaction by letting the child lead us. We'd stop any unsafe behavior right away, but then make the child a partner in figuring out a better way to deal with the situation. But we're always firm with what acceptable boundaries are and make sure to revisit those behaviors in other situations ("remember how we talked about using the words 'please stop' when you get mad? Lets ask her to stop taking your blocks.") I think a lot of parents hear about that method &amp; use it as an excuse to not parent. They're the parents you see asking their child to behave, not following through &amp; ending up on super nanny!</p> <p>Anyway, TL;DR: time outs can totally be part of positive discipline; it's hard to deal with small children because they're often acting irrationally from an adult perspective &amp; they want to push boundaries. So do what you &amp; DH feel works to help your LO learn how to be a positive member of your house! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-408098 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:04:26 +0000 SugarplumsMom 408098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your friend sounds really judgey and her posting that was just plain old mean! Idk what her problem is, but it's her problem, not yours. Try not to let her get you down! You're doing a great job! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-408077 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:57:31 +0000 T-Mom 408077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>how rude! I don't have an issue with time outs. I don't think they are for everyone, but they have worked for us. DD's teachers all have commented that she has such good manners. I guess we "neglected" her by giving her time-outs, but at least she is behaved! Sheesh! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407980 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:16:19 +0000 heffalump 407980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think different things work for different people. And no I don't think time outs are neglectful. You aren't just leaving your child in a room for hours and not paying attention to them. Its a couple of minutes and I'm sure you're aware and thinking about them every second of that time. </p> <p>Personally I'm not sure if we'll do time outs, lo is still too hound and dh and I haven't talked about it yet. But I'm not completely against them. Id rather my lo go to time out then have no discipline. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407973 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:14:13 +0000 Crisark 407973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your method is not neglectful. It is a tested method.<br /> I have been doing time outs that way for both of my LO's for years.<br /> Do NOT allow someone to tell you it's awful.<br /> What would she rather you do? Beat the child or let the child do whatever they want? What you are doing is correct. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407963 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:10:09 +0000 blackbird 407963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your friend is passive aggressive, for sure. </p> <p>Time outs have a time and place, definitely. Sitting still, quietly, is really, really hard for children. It stops them from spiraling out of control with bad behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407958 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:09:10 +0000 Andrea 407958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I would defriend her! Of course time outs for a few minutes is not wrong or neglectful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407841 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 13:27:11 +0000 birdofafeather 407841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yikes, i agree with PPs that her post was very passive aggressive. i don't think time outs are wrong at all. i HATED them when i was a kid and it was enough to stop me from doing things my parents didn't want me to do. we had to sit in the hall and just listen to everyone else having fun. i think it depends on the kid though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407817 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 13:20:08 +0000 mrsmenow 407817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have used timeout successfully with both of my DDs. They get a warning and then to time out. We set the timmer. When it goes off I then go and talk to them about why they were in time out (We don't hit in this house, it hurts people)-keep it to short and to the point. then the kids need to go and apologize (Sorry for hitting you).</p> <p>While it might not work for everything (if you aren't able to give the time out right away, or there is a more logical punishment) it definately isn't neglect. </p> <p>Your friend posting that would be grounds for me to defriend her-just because one parenting style isn't your way doesn't make parents who use it bad parents (we are excluding actual abuse or neglect in this statement). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407814 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 13:19:41 +0000 Honeybee 407814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HeatherlovesKenny: We only put DD in timeouts for really big infractions, which in our house means hitting/kicking/etc... or repeatedly doing something unsafe when we've asked her to stop. Everything else we can pretty much use other techniques. </p> <p>I really liked the book Positive Discipline for 0-3, and a lot of those techniques have worked really well with DD. We hardly ever do timeouts in our house now; I think DD's last timeout was weeks ago. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407805 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 13:15:18 +0000 loveisstrange 407805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What a bitchy thing to do, seriously. I don't know that I would want to be friends with someone who takes a private conversation and turns it into passive-aggressive drama on facebook.</p> <p>Anyway, I agree with the PPs. Time-out is not neglect. I think the Supernanny method is a very good way of doing it. Please don't let her being judgemental effect how you parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407800 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 13:13:18 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 407800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your friend's behavior shocks me! That is really rude to post. She shouldn't call your parenting style neglect, especially because<br /> 1-she hasn't been yet with her own child<br /> 2-you are doing it in a loving way and "by the book". It's not like your kid is in time out for 25min spurts!<br /> I find nothing wrong with time out under 2conditions:<br /> -They are short<br /> -And the child is told what they did wrong and then talked to after time out as well<br /> It's not neglect!!! Neglect is ignoring a child's needs...what kind if needs are being ignored in 2.5mins? Come on, now...<br /> *im formulating my thoughts based on my experience in childcare facilities and as a short term nanny...but also as a child who used to get sent to time out (I'm not scarred by it!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407789 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 13:06:55 +0000 HLK208 407789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mewtill: that's interesting--I think we can at least cut back on time-outs because honestly, sometimes we just don't know what else to do. I think DH and I could benefit from a class on discipline/toddlers in general but our area has so few. I feel like I'm constantly second guessing what I'm doing with DS... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407776 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:53:49 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 407776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sold on time-outs being the go-to method of discipline in our house when LO is older, but your friend is bananas if she thinks its neglect! That's just ridiculous!</p> <p>I'm an early childhood educator &amp; have spent many years around kids 2-5. In my experience a time out is effective only if the child is worked up in a twizzle &amp; can't calm down enough to talk/focus. I always tell the child that I want them to sit in another area until the calm down &amp; then we'll talk about the problem. When they're calm, we go back &amp; solve the problem ("You were mad because she took the blocks, so you hit her. Do you see her face? She is sad/hurt. How can we make her feel better? How can we all play together?" Even 2 year olds can work through this process, with guidance. My 4-5 years could do this process on their own in certain situations). I've not seen time outs being effective when there's a problem, the adult only says "that's not okay, go sit in the corner" and then doesn't process/problem solve with the child. </p> <p>Again, my LO isn't old enough to need "discipline" so I'm not sure how we'll end up using time out in our house. But, seriously? Neglect? That girl's a nut! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407769 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:49:50 +0000 Honeybee 407769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's a right way and a wrong way to do timeouts (we also use the Supernanny approach to timeouts), so I can see how they could be "neglectful." For example, locking your child in their room for an hour because you don't want to deal with them = neglectful. Using the Supernanny approach is not neglectful, imo.</p> <p>I've read some variations on timeouts in gentle parenting books/blogs, so there's a variety of ways to do them, depending on what works for your child. Most parents, though, will use some sort of removal discipline on their child at some point in their life, though,, even if the techniques vary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407768 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:49:16 +0000 Freckles 407768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HeatherlovesKenny: Children need structure and established boundaries/rules in order to thrive. Honestly, how can one reason with a 1 year old? Trust your mommy instincts and just ignore the outside chatter. You're doing great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407762 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:47:47 +0000 Freckles 407762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, SO passive aggressive. How old are we here?? </p> <p>I don't think it's neglect, and we plan on using it when LO gets older (she's only 7 months now). I think it's more effective than spanking (the lovely old-school Asian way), and i personally have some choice words for parents who do not discipline their children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407761 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:47:46 +0000 HLK208 407761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: her daughter is only a year old so she hasn't dealt with tantrums (she insists she does when her baby screams). She says explaining to them in a positive way how they should act is the best way to go.</p> <p>Which I do use positive reinforcement but there are times I feel like he needs more structure than just using positive words. Especially when he is screaming and can't hear me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407757 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:46:14 +0000 Weagle 407757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Time outs are not neglect. Any kind of discipline is deemed "neglect" by those who subscribe to the method of gentle discipline, which I am assuming she does. It's popular among very crunchy moms. If your kids respond well to it and are learning from it, I think you should continue. (Any method would be hit or miss at 2.5!) If you were actually being neglectful or harming your children, she should say something. As it is, don't let her determine how you parent your children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407754 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:44:34 +0000 Mrsbells 407754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I agree that she posting that on facebook was a low blow</p> <p>Time outs can be useful. but it depends on the way its used and the child. Some formds of time out can be neglectful though, I know people that send their kid up to their room and almost forget about them. No method of parenting it guaranteed to work on every child. If it isnt improving your child's behaviour then maybe it isnt for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407752 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:43:22 +0000 banana 407752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree. Posting that on her FB was so passive aggressive. That would've made me angrier than her comment!</p> <p>And I totally don't think timeouts are considered neglect! That's just crazy talk. I've seen it work wonderfully and if that's the discipline method you've chosen to use, go for it! Your friend can choose whatever method she wants for her kids and you have the right to chose your own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407748 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:39:12 +0000 MamaMoose 407748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OK first of all posting that on her facebook was so passive aggressive and makes me really angry for you.</p> <p>Second of all... it is absolutely absurd to call time out neglect. I understand there are reasons some people don't think time out is effective, but no matter what it's certainly not neglect!! When I was little time out was a SUPER effective tool because I hated to miss the action and be separated away from people so just the threat of a time out whipped me right into shape. My brother on the other hand liked quite time so time out never worked for him because he didn't really see it as a punishment. I think if it works for your child it can be a great tool and you shouldn't feel guilty about it based on what your rude friend said! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407738 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:36:36 +0000 DpeachLu 407738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are not there yet with our LO but I've never thought anything bad about time outs. We have friends who have a 2 year old and they once briefly explained to us that they don't do time-outs that they do time-ins ... all they said was that instead of sending LO to sit somewhere they take him away from wherever and sit down with him and explain what he did wrong and so on. I didnt ask too much about it or really think anything because at that time our LO was only 3ish months.. haha. I feel like we will be using time-outs though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407737 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:36:28 +0000 mrs. wagon 407737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>God, how snarky (to post that on thes ame day you had your time-out discussion). Uck. </p> <p>Without time-outs our house would be totally run by Wagon Jr. And sometimes when we don't want to give a time-out (in the bathtub, in the crib first thing in the mornings) we give in to what he wants and he STILL throws a fit. When we do a time out he is ready to obey and behave when he's done. We average probably one time-out every two days on daycare days, and at least one time out every single weekend day. We actually encourage the teachers at daycare to put him in time-out but it's not their policy :) it just works so well for Wagon Jr. </p> <p>I hate judgey people. Really. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407731 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:34:23 +0000 .twist. 407731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love time outs. It give both you and the child a chance to calm down. </p> <p>When I give time outs, after they're done, I always go and talk to them, face to face. I make them tell me why they were put on time out and how whatever action is what got them there, I tell them I love them and give them a big hug and we move on with our day. </p> <p>Honestly, I don't know how some parents can discipline their children without any sort of consequence. Sometimes there is no reasoning with an angry 4 year old.</p> <p>ETA: not to mention if you do the minute per year of age, 4 minutes for a 4 year old is HARDLY neglect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-time-outs-are-wrong#post-407730 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:34:17 +0000 Adira 407730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't believe your friend tried to imply you were being neglectful by utilizing timeouts!!! Timeouts are a very EFFECTIVE method of discipline and are in no way neglecting your child! Please don't let your friend make you feel guilty for doing this!!!</p> <p>I definitely think your minute x age is a great option - it keeps the timeouts pretty short when they are still young and may not fully understand what's happening.</p> <p>My parents always used timeouts and they worked really well with us!</p> <p>I'm curious what your friend does INSTEAD of timeouts? My SIL doesn't use timeouts either, but she just doesn't discipline her child and it SHOWS. </p>