https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 09:35:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children/page/2#post-2103654 Wed, 11 Mar 2015 10:23:01 +0000 LuLu Mom 2103654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is the most special <i> to me </i> however I'm aware that she's not a special snowflake to everyone else like she is to me. I do believe she's advanced in some areas, but also average/behind in some areas, all part of development. I'm not going to brag to other parents (but do to my husband) about her advances. I tell her she's smart, unique, beautiful, ect. because i think every girl deserves to know those things about themselves, but I tell my nieces these things as well. Nothing wrong with positive reinforcement as they grow up! But at the same time i will say "wow you have some crazy hair" or "that's not blue that's green, but ood try." so she knows she's not ALWAYS right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children/page/2#post-2103635 Wed, 11 Mar 2015 10:10:01 +0000 808love 2103635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To me- she is the most special. If people are family they might agree but if they are not they tend not. And I am ok with that!! I love to celebrate each little thing about her, unique or not. This is one thing that brings me joy. Do I think she is the best at everything? Definitely not. Strengths and weaknesses like everyone else. She can read a book but can't blow her nose...yet. She can sing on key but can't dance....yet. That is special to me because she is my little love! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children/page/2#post-2103437 Wed, 11 Mar 2015 08:00:49 +0000 snowjewelz 2103437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I def am afraid of going overboard just to compensate for what I didn't get as a child! I mean, I have the typical Chinese parents that have never even told me they love me (and I'm okay with it since that's just the way it is, I know they love me and they know I love them and that's that haha). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children/page/2#post-2103374 Wed, 11 Mar 2015 07:21:57 +0000 lilteacherbee 2103374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: His mom tells him he doesn't have to behave and /or makes his behavior okay because she thinks he knows everything (which is true, in a way, he's very ahead if his peers academically). But socially, he struggles. He's very much a bully and extremely disrespectful to teachers. For example, redirecting him often doesn't work because you'll ask him to do something multiple times and he'll roll his eyes, laugh, and keep doing it. I can understand being bored because you're ahead and acting out, but this is another whole level.</p> <p>I have several other children who are like you described and I really try to differentiate the day/lessons for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children/page/2#post-2103373 Wed, 11 Mar 2015 07:21:47 +0000 lovehoneybee 2103373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I tested into GT (Gifted and Talented) in kindergarten. I had been flagged for testing becuse my older brothers were all in the program. I stayed in the program until we moved to a different state in 7th grade. When my stepmother enrolled me in school there I was given the option to test in again, but I declined. I'm not a dummy, but the classes were above what I thought I could reasonably handle, even pushing myself. So instead I took honors' classes and was editor of my yearbook and thrived at that level, and I've never regretted it. </p> <p>As for E, he's definitely ahead in some areas, and behind in others. A pretty normal kid, even though D and I think he hung the moon :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children/page/2#post-2103370 Wed, 11 Mar 2015 07:13:30 +0000 winniebee 2103370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: totally agree on having other moms discuss their successes and struggles with same aged children being grounding and reassuring! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103323 Wed, 11 Mar 2015 06:12:51 +0000 looch 2103323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is average, middle of the road on just about everything and I am satisfied with that, especially when I read about the struggles of parents and their gifted children. </p> <p>Let's face it, most of us have very little experience in the long game with our children, they're still so young. It will be interesting to see where we stand in 15 years though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103189 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 21:39:07 +0000 Anagram 2103189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: the state I taught in requires it as well as 2 days additional training each summer to keep the certification. Actually I think now the state allows 2 years for the teacher to get the certification, but our program had higher standards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103183 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 21:35:10 +0000 erinpye 2103183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: cool- I was truly just curious. A lot of public schools don't require it. I'm part of the community, a mom of an asychronous kid, and an advocate, but no, not a teacher. I wouldn't be able to handle it! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103182 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 21:34:42 +0000 Anagram 2103182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: we also had any truly gifted students with the issues you describe--and they had IEPs and ARDs to accommodate them. But the particular student I'm talking about wasn't gifted--he was just average. No issues, just more intelligent that his age level. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103178 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 21:30:40 +0000 Anagram 2103178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: our program was not for high achieving students, it was for gifted students--and yes, a requirement of teaching in the program is a certification in gifted education and all the coursework that requires. Do you also work in gifted education? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103169 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 21:26:53 +0000 erinpye 2103169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: just curious- is your training in special ed and/ or gifted ed? </p> <p>A lot of public school programs confuse high-achieving and gifted to mean the same thing. I think a lot of peope may not understand that there's a difference between high-achieving and gifted, and not all high-potential (gifted) kids, perform well in school. One can be both gifted and high-achieving, but often it also doesn't happen that way. *Many* gifted kids are twice exceptional (2E), which means on top of advanced intellect, they have issues such as ADHD, Autism, Asperger's, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, etc. It doesn't mean they still don't need advanced/ different stimulation. Making mediocre grades and being challenged in an advanced program, is preferable to dropping out, which gifted kids do in droves: the national rate for high school drop outs is about 12%. It's 18-25% for gifted students. There are many more needs than advanced curriculum, that gifted kids have, but at least being stimulated and around like-minded peers can cut back on the acute feeling of being so different and huge problem of depression among the gifted. In my experience, knowing many parents of gifted kids, they don't fight so hard for their kids to be in gifted programs for the label. The label is a misnomer. They do it because they are desperate for their kids to make it through school, and don't know what else to do.</p> <p>A little off-topic, I know, and I'm not debating your student was misplaced, he could have been, but I think there are also a lot of misunderstandings that surround the gifted population, and they can be as detrimental to these kids, as can be being placed on the wrong track.</p> <p>@lilteacherbee: RE the 5 year old: kids that act out and are diagnosed with ADHD, or labeled with behavioral problems, especially boys, often are gifted. Should he be cocky about it? No. But he's very possibly going home and crying he hates school every day, and his mom is probably just as frustrated. I don't know your student, but there are on average, 1-2 gifted kids per standard class size. I witnessed my sister sob that she hated school and everyone was stupid, as a very little kid. My mom didn't tell her that, and my mom advocated for her to start K early as well. She couldn't jump rope, so the school system wouldn't let her accelerate. She changed schools 6 times as a result, because nowhere fit her, and my parents didn't know what else to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103144 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 21:10:10 +0000 regberadaisy 2103144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can I send this article to my BIL? :P because his oldest thinks she's "queen bee of the universe" to quote a pp.</p> <p>@Anagram: that is so sad :(</p> <p>@snowjewelz: yup yup. I struggle with this daily to find the happy medium. I want to give her the confidence that was never instilled into me. Without the I'm so great at everything attitude. It's def a daily struggle trying to instill self confidence in the right amounts.</p> <p>The wonderful thing about being a part of a mom group with kids close in age is knowing that al our kids are right in range with each other. It keeps me grounded knowing she's not particularly behind, willful, stubborn , etc. we all generally meet milestones weeks of each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103056 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 20:08:45 +0000 sarac 2103056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that my daughter is quite bright and inquisitive, and very verbally advanced for 3. But not 'more special', ugh. I would NEVER tell my daughter that she was smarter or more special than other children! I make sure to praise attributes that she can control, like her curiosity, her really large desire to understand why why why, stuff like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103028 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 19:53:58 +0000 winniebee 2103028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm. I actually think he is pretty normal and average. There are some things he is really good at (social and funny) but other things that are annoying and probably difficult (bossy, intense, willful). He is special to me and his dad so of course he is special but no more special than any other kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2103002 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 19:30:35 +0000 lilteacherbee 2103002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Yessss to everything in your last post. I had 5 year old student tell me today (and I'm quoting), "I don't need to come to pre-k anymore because I've already gotten my education." He'd been to preschool and his mom believes he should be in kindergarten but because of his birthday, he didn't make the cut-off. He had been misbehaving, got in trouble, and then spouted off all this attitude about how he was too smart for pre-k. Meanwhile, his mom makes excuses for him EVERY time I call her/send a note home about his behavior. He's got a nasty attitude and is very disrespectful. And he's FIVE. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102992 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 19:16:00 +0000 Anagram 2102992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I love this type of piece on parenting because for many years before becoming a school librarian, I taught an advanced English class in a gifted program. They were middle schoolers doing their high school English courses, so I taught AP English 1 to 7th and 8th graders (there was a one year advanced track and a 2 year advanced track). I had students who had skipped a grade and were still in the 2 year advanced track and were working 3 years ahead of their age.</p> <p>BUT some of the kids--ugh-- I guess the perfect word is "overvalued". It was a program meant to challenge gifted students, and inevitably we would get students who were advanced for their age in like, kindergarten and had tested into the program and since then, their peers had caught up, they were average but in an advanced program, and try just couldn't keep up. But their parents would just insist their child stay in the program, bad grades and all, because they had slapped the "gifted" label on their child years before and had been telling them every year how smart and special they were. And after you've done that, you can't just move them to a "regular" program for "regular" people. It was tragic really because you had these students who would have been thriving in a regular classroom and instead they hated school and felt bad about themselves because they couldn't hang with the truly gifted kids. I had a parent tell me once on a parent conference that she always told her son he was smarter than her, that he was smarter than anyone she knew. And yet, even with extra tutoring and extra time and extra help, he just couldn't create projects or consume information and digest it lat the same pace as the other kids. There was nothing wrong with him--he was just average! That situation gutted me for years. We set up a poor 12 year old boy win a program too hard for him, so he got c's in classes that would go on his high school transcripts and affect his chances of college. And all because his parents refused to pull him from the program.</p> <p>I still remember it almost 9 years later. Anyway, these articles reinforce my guy feelings about telling kids they are smart or special all the time. I feel like it's better to just talk about their interests and hobbies and encourage those without comparing to others.</p> <p>Lots of good food for thought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102964 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 18:46:38 +0000 ShootingStar 2102964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I'll admit it - I think my son is special. He sleeps well, he eats well, he's sweet and cuddly. Daycare teachers try to call "dibs" on him. He's flexible and is generally easy to do things with, like eating out. Every day he's learning more words and amazes me with how much he understands.</p> <p>This is not to say he's perfect, he definitely has his bad days. And maybe no one else sees him as special, that's ok. As his mom I know I'm biased. I don't want to go overboard with it, but I want to instill confidence in my son. My parents didn't really do that for me and I always felt like I couldn't measure up to my near-genius brother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102961 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 18:46:02 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2102961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is strangley stressful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102943 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 18:28:03 +0000 spaniellove 2102943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never liked when a relative used the word "advanced", "genius", "good kid", because what's the alternative? So I would always redirect her and say no, I think he's trying hard, I caught him in a good moment, all kids are like that, he's resilient. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102935 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 18:15:45 +0000 Kimberlybee 2102935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's the love of my life but we've set boundaries early on. She'll get scolded and disciplined for being mean, bratty, or acting a fool. I want her to feel loved but know that she is not the queen of the universe. Being kind while having average intelligence can open doors to many opportunities too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102913 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 17:44:34 +0000 miramira 2102913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really not a fan of labelling kids as "special". I'd rather instill in them a feeling of commonality and connection with other humans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102811 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 15:36:09 +0000 wonderstruck 2102811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He's more special to me! But in general, nah, he's just your average toddler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102797 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 15:26:18 +0000 MrsKoala 2102797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I found this really interesting when I heard it on NPR. I do think parental actions create the "special snowflake" phenomenon. I see it played out almost everyday with college students. I love my kid and he's special to me but he's not more deserving of anything than any other child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102793 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 15:20:56 +0000 catomd00 2102793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is ony one so this doesn't apply, but no I don't think she's any more special or better than anyone else.) DH does though and it annoys me! I don't compare her to other babies. DH does and I constantly have to remind him to stop!!</p> <p>My mom is very much someone who thinks her children are the greatest ever and it's been quite damaging to her and us. There was a lot of pressure to be perfect so as to not disappoint her, and a lot of inner turmoil for her when we did things that werent in her plan for us (eg., not going to medical school, getting pregnant outside of marriage, etc.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102763 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 15:02:39 +0000 jedeve 2102763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Of course I do! But in a way that I think every parent is completely in love with their child. I mean, I could write rhapsodies about how cute their toes are. And another kids toes? Meh. </p> <p>That doesn't mean I think they are better, though. Some things they are better at, somethings worse. I believe every kid has the same value. I just think ine are the cutest. And I would expect every other parent on the planet to disagree with me! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102750 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 14:57:05 +0000 .twist. 2102750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm. Interesting. I recently listened to a ted talk about self compassion. It suggested that the ways in which we get self-esteem are not great. Obviously there are a few ways to get self-esteem, but one of the most common is comparing ourselves to others and thinking of how we are better than other people to boost ourselves. However, being self compassionate is a far better way to grow self esteem, because we are looking inward to ourselves, rather than outward to others. </p> <p>Anyway, this would seem to kind of tie into over-valuing our children. Making them think they are better than other children would certainly raise their self esteem, but also might make them bullies/narcissists. </p> <p>I obviously think my kid is special. However, I don't think he's MORE special than other kids, and I don't think he makes or breaks a party. He is special to me because he's mine and I love him. If anything (and I'll use daycare as an example) I feel like all the kids make the party. They all do cute, neat, different things and they are helping mould my child into who he is becoming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102737 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 14:49:08 +0000 blackbird 2102737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: @rachiecakes: Oh yeah there's a line for sure! You can praise too much, you can praise too little...it's like Goldilocks, lol. But narcissism goes far beyond praise and thinking you're epically more awesome than others. Confident but not cocky....it's a tough balance to strike. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102728 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 14:42:14 +0000 artsyfartsy 2102728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: @rachiecakes: I also received very little praise and affirmation from my parents. I want T to feel confident, proud of himself, and self assured because I never did. But there definitely is a line. My sisters ILs are incredibly narcissistic and it makes me want to strangle them whenever I visit her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-think-your-own-child-is-more-special-than-other-children#post-2102720 Tue, 10 Mar 2015 14:36:24 +0000 rachiecakes 2102720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I had the opposite - very little praise from parents, never felt like I was good enough and I always doubted myself when I should've been more confident in my abilities (still do sometimes...). </p> <p>Of course I think J's the greatest, but I'm trying to find the line of supporting/encouraging and putting him on a pedestal. </p>