Hellobee Boards Topic: Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Do your in-laws speak a foreign language? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 18:49:11 +0000 OldpuebloJenn on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2628339 Wed, 28 Sep 2016 09:12:06 +0000 OldpuebloJenn 2628339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I get your frustration, although the only language my MIL knows is passive aggressive. I don't think it's about exposure to your lo, but about leaving you and your sil out. It doesn't matter, as one pp stated, if it's interesting or not, it's still excluding and that's not kind. If there truly was a language barrier, I'm sure the perception would be different, but as such, it sounds rude. Alivoo01 on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2628285 Wed, 28 Sep 2016 08:21:54 +0000 Alivoo01 2628285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My in laws speak Khmer (Cambodian) and that's their native tongue so they speak it 98% of the time to each other, to their kids, family members, etc. Even in my presence. I'm not offended when they do and I encourage them to speak it to my kids. The more languages they know, the better! I've been learning since dating my hubby so I pick up stuff here and there via context. If it's important, DH will translate for me or MIL will try to tell it to me in English and look to DH or BIL for missing terminology. LilSprinkles on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2628208 Wed, 28 Sep 2016 00:32:36 +0000 LilSprinkles 2628208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes. My in-laws speak Thai and Arabic. I seldomly hear them speak either language, but when they do, they usually repeat what they said in English. Mrs. Goose on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627932 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 13:47:13 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2627932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes! But the foreign languages they speak are different from each other so they don't converse together in them. MIL occasionally speaks to family members in Italian on the phone, but FIL never uses his now that his mother is gone. If they both spoke the same language and we didn't know it (neither of us know either of their foreign languages) and they spoke to each other around us I would find that incredibly rude. travelgirl1 on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627855 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 12:49:22 +0000 travelgirl1 2627855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ FIL is Spanish and MIL is fluent. They used to speak Spanish in front of their own kids when they didn't want them to understand what they were saying, but never to their kids' spouses. The only time they do is when FIL's siblings are visiting (who don't speak English), and then I figure there is always going to be someone who doesn't understand in that situation. I would LOVE for them to teach our kids Spanish! Anagram on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627813 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 12:10:05 +0000 Anagram 2627813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @alphagam84: it sounds like the issue is with your in-laws in general, not with them speaking a different language. Even when my in-laws are speaking another language in front of me, I can usually infer what it's about (it's usually simple stuff, like "who wants more dhosa?"). alphagam84 on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627785 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 11:41:24 +0000 alphagam84 2627785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @catlady: I don't think she sees MIL often enough to pick up the language. She sees her no more than twice a month for 1-2 hours at each visit and it's normally with family so it needs to be in English so we can all participate in the convo. She and FIL are the only ones who can actually speak it. I'm sure she may learn a handful of words as she's older and is taught a specific word for thank you or something but will never be conversational. And to be honest, I don't want her knowing how to speak to my MIL in a language I can't understand. There are a lot of issues with my MIL and I don't trust her. I'd be so uncomfortable if they could speak and me not know what's being said. alphagam84 on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627781 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 11:37:46 +0000 alphagam84 2627781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Alba4: I know the benefits of speaking another language and plan to get DD involved in spanish lessons soon (we feel it's the most useful language to know). What bothers me is she mostly does it when she does't want us to know what she's saying which is so annoying! And she got right in DD's face on Sunday and just started speaking in Arabic to her-no warm up/greeting-and DD immediately freaked out and I'm pretty sure it scared her. alphagam84 on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627779 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 11:35:29 +0000 alphagam84 2627779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Yoyo: Yes, it is definitely when she is mad about something and doesn't want us to know! And I don't feel like I can say "what did you say?". Ugh mrbee on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627671 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 09:22:59 +0000 mrbee 2627671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yup they all speak Korean. I can follow a little bit of it, but mostly I just let them do their thing. I figure that on some level they wish I were Korean, so the least I can do is play along. snowjewelz on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627663 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 09:12:20 +0000 snowjewelz 2627663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes; they speak a dialect that I don't understand at all, and also a more common dialect that I understand and can speak. I am not offended at all when they all talk in their dialect. I am more than happy to tune out haha. MrsRcCar on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627641 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 07:52:27 +0000 MrsRcCar 2627641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We are all native English speakers on both sides. That said we also speak a few other languages. I do understand feeling out of the loop when others speak another language. My great grandmother and husband only spoke German which I had no idea how to speak until I got older. Mrs. Yoyo on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627640 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 07:50:44 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 2627640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yup, they speak Thai, and because they never taught DH, he can't translate, either. They seem better about it than they used to, but when they want to have an argument or talk smack about us (I can tell, the whole atmosphere in the room changes) they'll go back to it. It can be infuriating. Jess1483 on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627637 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 07:41:18 +0000 Jess1483 2627637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My MIL is Japanese, but FIL's Japanese is very limited and they'd never speak it in front of us (other than little phrases all the kids know). Her mother visits often from Japan and doesn't speak English, so they obviously do then, but MIL translates (if she isn't in the room, GMIL will speak to you in Japanese as if you might understand by osmosis, but it's adorable). I stayed with a family in France once and the parents spoke English to my family (we had various levels of ability to speak French). The little boy was so angry because his parents only spoke English around him when they didn't want him to understand. ETA: I wish my MIl were around my kids often enough to teach them Japanese. We really should try Skype lessons or something when they are a bit older. Alba4 on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627611 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 05:04:41 +0000 Alba4 2627611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No, my in-laws speak English. As a Spanish and ESL teacher, I know the benefits of learning another language at a young age. Try to embrace the fact that your mil wants to teach your child Arabic!!! Even if you may feel excluded, it is part of your child's heritage and there are so many benefits to bilingualism. justjules on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627459 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 16:37:03 +0000 justjules 2627459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes, my in laws speak Tagalog. They both speak English well but it's easier for them/ a habit to speak it to each other and DH. It's hard for me to feel left out. DH is getting better at translating for me. He used to be horrible at it. Boogs on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627457 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 16:35:51 +0000 Boogs 2627457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ They do, but because my family speaks the same language I can luckily understand most and they know it. mrswin on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627456 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 16:35:33 +0000 mrswin 2627456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hilsy85: This happens to me all the time at family events with my husbands side. And I get annoyed with him for not trying to include me in the conversation so I always have to ask "oh, what's going on". That or I sit and chat with the little kids. PurplePumps on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627442 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 16:00:04 +0000 PurplePumps 2627442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My in-laws only speak English so no, but I'm Chinese and my parents (my mom especially) will always speak Chinese in front of DH. My mom and dad speak Chinese to each other and to me. I, naturally, speak Chinese to them too, even around DH. It drives him bonkers not understanding or being part of the conversation... but usually it's not really anything he would be interested in anyways. Both my parents do speak English and have been here nearly 40 years... but it's VERY hard to not default to your native tongue. Even being born here and English is definitely easier for me now, it's hard to not automatically speak in Chinese to my parents... it's what I've done my whole life. BSB on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627437 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 15:49:50 +0000 BSB 2627437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My Inlaws are white American so they don't. My parents and I speak Vietnamese. I'm not fluent so I can't speak back but I can understand most of it. Most of the time, it is just chit chat and hardly ever bad. My husband will ask me what my mom said and I'll tell him. Have you ever considered learning the language yourself? I bet it would make your Inlaws think of you differently if you saw interest in learning. My husband asks me how to say certain things and he knows how to say thank you in Vietnamese and wants to visit Vietnam. I see nothing wrong in learning and exposing your child to different languages and cultures. SweetiePie on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627435 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 15:45:54 +0000 SweetiePie 2627435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My in laws are Israeli and although they've now been here longer than they lived in Israel, they still speak almost exclusively Hebrew. They found all Israeli friends and so, while they are perfectly fluent in English (most Israelis are, I think) they still mostly speak Hebrew. They definitely speak it to each other in front of my husband and I. Usually because they are arguing. Lol. My husband is not fluent but he understands 90% of what they say. That's how I know they aren't really talking about me, but since they are with us and know we both speak English, and they are perfectly comfortable with it, it does annoy me, but because it's not a lengthy convo it doesn't make me mad. To be clear it's not JUST when they argue. Even just discussing what time to leave our apartment or something. Or talking about something LO did that was cute. Holidays when they have friends and the few family that lives in the US over, it is beyond annoying and very exclusionary. It does make me mad because it is ar the dinner table and extensive. Why have me over if I can't participate? Of course if they address me directly they speak English. But there will be an hour long conversation in Hebrew with laughing and animated yelling and this and that and I just sit there. I've started just excusing myself from the table and going to watch tv or something as soon as I'm done eating. If they don't care to speak in a language we can all understand, I don't particularly care to sit there like a dummy. sunny on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627430 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 15:37:12 +0000 sunny 2627430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents speak a language that DH doesn't understand, and ILs speak a language that I don't understand. Sometimes our parents will speak to us in their native languages in front of the spouse who doesn't understand, but not always. Honestly, I don't find it all that rude. I think they're just used to speaking to us in that particular language. I don't have a problem with my ILs speaking to my kids in their native language, even though my kids have no idea what they are saying. I think the exposure is great. catlady on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627423 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 15:22:02 +0000 catlady 2627423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Not my ILs, but I have relatives that do this and it is really annoying. They do it so they can gossip about us while we are right in front of them. I was in the same situation as @lamariniere where my dad didn't teach us the language (Chinese). As a kid, some of my family members would try to talk to us in Chinese to "teach us the language" but that only works if you see people often enough (like every day). If you see your MIL often enough that your LO has a real chance of learning the language, I would be fine with it, but if it is only occasionally, I can understand why it would bug you. I was definitely scared of my relatives when they spoke Chinese to me as a kid. Some of them were kind, but some would act like I was stupid when I didn't understand them, and it sucked. I picked up a few words here and there but nothing to make it worth while (basically I can order dim sum and that's it). BUNBUN on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627421 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 15:16:48 +0000 BUNBUN 2627421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My ILs and DH speak another language, but if they use it in front of me, they apologize and tell me what they said. Their house rule was to always speak so that everyone present can understand because they think it's rude to exclude someone from the conversation deliberately. I've been at dinner parties where people didn't behave that way and both DH and I felt it was quite rude. I've asked them to teach it to my son when he is born and I hope to pick it up, but I'll be teaching him the same manners! lamariniere on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627419 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 15:10:09 +0000 lamariniere 2627419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @alphagam84: I thought this was an interesting article about language exposure in very young children. <a href="http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/03/13/opinion/sunday/the-superior-social-skills-of-bilinguals.html?0p19G=c" rel="nofollow">http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/03/13/opinion/sunday/the-superior-social-skills-of-bilinguals.html?0p19G=c</a> Amorini on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627411 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 14:56:22 +0000 Amorini 2627411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My ILs speak their native language and live in another country where DH and I used to both live. We live in the US now. I speak their language, too, so it's not an issue and I look forward to them speaking their language to our LO. I get rusty as the years go by since I've lived in their country but I can't imagine some topic of conversation completely going over my head. They can't really pull that off. If they were using their language in an exclusive way, it would probably bother me. But that's more because my ILs are kind of snobby and bother me anyway. haha. In truth, they have always been pretty gracious about helping me along in their language, but what @Maysprout: totally resonated with me (not because of my in-laws exactly).. If I make a mistake in the past perfect subjunctive tense, is it that big of a deal when you don't speak my language at all?!? :silly: Maysprout on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627405 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 14:41:25 +0000 Maysprout 2627405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I expect it when they're or we're visiting and don't have a problem with it. It's DH first language and he doesn't get much chance to use it. I've taught myself enough that I can understand it. However, there are still things that annoy me. I would initially try to practice and his parents would correct everything bc of accent or minor grammar mistakes. So I stopped, because I was about to snap 'umm....you've lived in the US the majority of your life and still have a ridiculous accent.' They'll also will switch when they have guests over, which I do think is rude since they are using it to be private. Usually it's about mundane things that they don't think others care about but his mom has definately stuck her foot in her mouth a number of times by switching to french to gossip and it's not that unusual of a language to know. yoursilverlining on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627404 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 14:37:33 +0000 yoursilverlining 2627404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes; my MIL and her entire family speak Spanish and often only speak in Spanish or like 90% Spanish 10% English mix when they are together. I wouldn't say it bothers me, but I sometimes feel "lonely" since I can't join in on the conversation. looch on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627403 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 14:37:09 +0000 looch 2627403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Both of my parents have been in the US going on 40 years as well, but sometimes, my mom will lapse into her native language. I have told them before that it's rude to speak in front of people that don't understand, and for the most part, my mom complies. Just this morning she was speaking to me about something that she didn't want my son to understand and I think the day is coming that he's going to respond to her. I just respond in English when my parents speak their native language. I understand completely and can also speak, but typically, I do feel that sometimes people use language to exclude and I am not okay with that. And yes, my inlaws also speak a foreign language that I didn't understand. i've made it my business to learn though, because we're teaching our son. lamariniere on "Do your in-laws speak a foreign language?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-in-laws-speak-a-foreign-language#post-2627389 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 14:10:59 +0000 lamariniere 2627389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hilsy85: honestly, I wouldn't mind even if I didn't speak the langage. My dad never spoke his native language to me and I cannot communicate with most of my extended family (most barely speak English). I've often been in the situation where I don't know what's going on. I think sharing a language is so incredibly important in a family.