https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 01 Jun 2026 09:10:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24575 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 16:15:54 +0000 Rubies 24575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are great about respecting my wishes. It's my in-laws who don't. Well, just my MIL. I was so irate with her during my entire pregnancy - she told people I was pregnant when we asked her not to. She wanted to be in the DELIVERY room and I said HELL NO...She was banned from the hospital until AFTER I gave birth! The hubs, luckily, sided with me on everything so I never felt bad about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24514 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 15:23:00 +0000 themcmom 24514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't tell anyone (except my Dad) near us that we were at the hospital until after Wombat was born because we didn't want anyone around while I was in labor. It's a good thing too because his mom started drivng when he called her to tell her Wombat was almost here. She got in her car, a 3 day drive for her, and started driving. She got to us in less than 2 days and she wasn't supposed to be coming until 10 days later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24458 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:30:51 +0000 cyndistar3 24458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never had a problem with my dad respecting my wishes, only my mom. I am done being gentle with her, I have to be harsh with her to get anything through her thick skull sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24455 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:25:25 +0000 MamaLove 24455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a good idea telling her that you'll limit the info you give her if she's not going to respect your wishes.<br /> Also, use your doctor or nurse at the hospital as your advocate. It's one thing for you to say that you don't want visitors. It's another if your nurse tells your mother "Absolutely no visitors today-- the new mom is exhausted. I'll let you know about tomorrow, but if anyone shows up to visit, I will be turning them away." Most nurses are very willing to help the new mother's wishes be heard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24442 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:08:51 +0000 mediagirl 24442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mommytobee: I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I have to tell you, I waited a long and excruciating 12 weeks to tell my parents. My Mom sounds. just like yours. "Oh, but I thought it would be ok since you sent me those pictures.." Um, did you not read the print that said, "do not send out?" I figured, once I was comfortable with people knowing, then I would tell her. </p> <p>I would definitely say something to her. I have had to tell my Mom in the past when she stepped past her boundaries. They may never learn so I find it's best to tell her JUST what you don't mind other people knowing. Unfortunately that may be, in this case, how far along you are when you're in labor, too. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24434 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:01:45 +0000 heffalump 24434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get that you don't want to hurt your mom's feelings, but I still feel like you need to say something because this is a time when you, your hubby, and baby come first as a family. Yes your mom is excited to be a Grandma, but that doesn't mean her wants and wishes should come before yours.</p> <p>Maybe you can try explaining your reasoning. I know I was pretty terrified to tell my mom she wasn't allowed to see my baby until at least an hour after she was born because I wanted to do skin on skin and have family bonding time before everyone came and scooped her up and held her. Of course my mom was very anxious waiting, but she understood.</p> <p>Oh, and my mom kept bugging me about when she could post I was preggo on Facebook. I feel for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24400 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:34:28 +0000 mommytobee 24400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tequiero21: Yes, it's her first grandchild.. I'm also an only child, so it makes her all the more excited.<br /> her boss is a woman and they have a great relationship. But I still would love to be able to share things with my mom without her broadcasting it to everyone (just like she called everyone in her family when I had my first period..). I feel it takes away from what I can share with her and takes away from what our relationship could be because I don't trust that she'll respect what I want. And I'd like to be closer to her but everytime I share, I get burnt.</p> <p>I agree that I'll have to be more firm with her; however I have been (in the case of the pictures) and she said she just didn't remember me saying no. And in the case of not wanting to tell about the pregnancy, she kept calling every two days and when I lost patience, her feelings were hurt and she said it wasn't fair from me to expect her to keep quiet about the fact that she's going to be a grandmother. She made me feel really guilty about it but I didn't give up. And in the end, she didn't tell anyone, but that did come with the price of being harrassed for two months.</p> <p>I'm going to discuss with DH tonight on how we want to handle the hospital visits thing.</p> <p>The thing is, my mom is not a bad person, she is just super excited.. Overall she just wants to be supportive and she has been (in her overwhelming way), as well as very generous with us. I don't want to hurt her feelings because I don't think she deserves it. But I don't know how to put boundaries that won't hurt her feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24391 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:26:08 +0000 tequiero21 24391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm afraid you'll have to be more straightforward and less gentle. i think it's sweet that she's so excited. is this her 1st grandchild? </p> <p>i hope her boss is a woman! not sure why she wants to discuss all your info with her boss unless they're friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24365 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:15:34 +0000 prettylizy 24365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sort of ran into this with my MIL. SIL is on her second pregnancy and MIL was very involved in them both (went to all the ultrasounds and stuff like that). I didn't want anyone other than DH with me at my US appts, and MIL basically invited herself and our niece (who she babysits a few times a week) to come and see our US. There have been a few other things of that nature, and I just had DH talk to her firmly but honestly about my modesty and boundries for things like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24289 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:07:09 +0000 MaisyMay 24289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To be honest, I think Adira's suggestion might be the best. Tell her that if she cannot respect your wishes, then you won't tell her when you are in labor, or which hospital you are at. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24278 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 11:53:49 +0000 Adira 24278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you maybe threaten your mother to get your point across? Like maybe tell her that if she doesn't promise to behave and follow your wishes, then you won't even tell her when you go into labor and have the baby and will only inform her once you're at home and ready to receive visitors, because otherwise she'll invite everyone and their brother to the hospital which you really don't want. Do you think that would sink in for her? Or would you be unwilling to follow through with that anyway?</p> <p>I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Your mom sounds like my MIL, who luckily lives far enough away I can ignore mostly. Good luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24236 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 11:09:45 +0000 heffalump 24236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. I don't think the gentle approach is working. She's being very aggressive so you might have to be to. I would try to set boundaries now, as it only gets worse when the baby comes.</p> <p>I think it does get easier to do when the baby is here though because your "mama bear" comes out and you're doing it for your baby's own good. I had to actually rip my lo out of my mom's arms once because it was bed time and she was screaming and she just does bed time better with me. My mom didn't want to let her go.. but I wasn't going to sit back and watch her scream all night!</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24229 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 11:01:38 +0000 mrbee 24229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were the SO, I would put my foot down - like how Seth Rogen did in Knocked Up, when he kicked Katherine Heigl's sister out of the delivery room. Hmm, perhaps not the most inspiring example.</p> <p>In any case, could your SO possibly deliver a sterner message to your mom? That would let them be the bad guy... which isn't ideal, but it sounds like she hasn't been hearing you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24215 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 10:29:32 +0000 pelikila 24215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are dealing with that kind of stress. I know I want my mom to support me and respect me as the adult I am and the independent woman she raised and yet I am always disappointed when she doesn't. In regard to your mom inviting people to the hospital to visit, let your nurse know you don't want visitors and your nurse can then play the bad guy. Unfortunately, other than repeatedly telling her your wishes, you can't control what she does. You can, however, control how much of it immediately effects you, like allowing visitors in your room. I too refused visitors at the hospital and sent out an email once my son was born to those that might be tempted to visit that we would let them know once we were ready to receive visitors at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-parents-respect-your-wishes#post-24211 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 10:22:56 +0000 mommytobee 24211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If not, how do you handle it?<br /> My mom, who I love to pieces, is unable to respect my wishes. I am a very private person. </p> <p>When I told her and my father I was pregnant, I also told them that we were waiting the 12-week mark to tell anyone else. She called me every second day from week 5 to week 12 to see if she could tell someone.</p> <p>She asked me for months everytime I saw her, if I could send her pictures of me pregnant, even though I had told her that I didn't want to take any pictures because I don't feel good in this pregnant body. When I finally gave in and took a few pics to send to her, I told her it was only for her. The first thing she did was send them to her boss. When I confronted her about it, she said she didn't know I didn't want her to share the pictures..... ?????</p> <p>She will take time off her job when I have the baby, she absolutely wants to be at the hospital throughout my labor "in case I need her" (I will not have her in the room!). My DH doesn't want her in the room either, because he feels like if she's there, there won't be space for him to help me - and I think he's right. She now wants to let her boss and colleagues know that I'm 1.5 cm dilated to give them an idea of how soon it's coming. Hummm no!! This doesn't concern anyone, and I don't want you updating strangers on the state of my cervix, thank you very much! She doesn't understand why.</p> <p>I don't want visitors at the hospital. I think it will be overwhelming right after having the baby and would prefer to go back home, wait a few days and then have people over to meet him. She does not agree with that and told me she will not tell her family not to come to the hospital, and will not wait until we're ready to announce the birth (of course, she'll be telling everyone she knows as soon as I'm in labor). So I'll have to deal with unwanted visitors while all I really want to do is rest before I have this huge new responsibility at home.</p> <p>Anyone else in the same boat? How did you handle it? I confronted her gently about all of it, but the message doesn't sink in. </p>