https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 13:20:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213523 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 16:42:55 +0000 LinzR 213523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure. I only got spanked once that I remember, and I don't remember it being out of anger. I got my hands swatted on occasion, I do remember that. LOL. But no bad memories or anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213505 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 16:33:14 +0000 SugarplumsMom 213505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. Plus it's illegal in Sweden. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213479 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 16:12:28 +0000 Cole 213479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have worked with kids either as a teacher or nanny for 12 years now and I have had to find ways to shape the children's behavior without the use of corporal punishment. I do think it takes longer than corporal punishment to curb a behavior but it is effective long term for me so I will stick with my method. </p> <p>I have seen "optimal" spankings like others have described and I have seen some that in my opinion bordered on abuse (the mom was out of town and the three year old had been having a hard time with it, she threw a temper tantrum about getting dressed-which her mom usually did with her, and when she wouldn't stop crying she was spanked. I was thisclose to quitting on the spot.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213448 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 15:40:10 +0000 Jumpingjacks 213448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213440 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 15:35:10 +0000 MsMamaBear 213440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, a lot more yes votes than I expected!</p> <p>I'm a yes. I was spanked a few times, LESS than 10, as a child and I knew my mama meant buisness so I never did it again. My dad let us slide though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213319 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 14:14:55 +0000 MamaMoose 213319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: yessss! : ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213318 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 14:14:45 +0000 MsLipGloss 213318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsJacks @MamaMoose: ((Hugs)) all 'round fo sho! </p> <p>And many many thank yous to everybody on HB for being so patient, understanding, and generous with sharing your lives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213309 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 14:10:15 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 213309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: OK, you are in the hug! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213301 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 14:07:48 +0000 MamaMoose 213301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: @MsLipGloss: Aw man. In what other online community would a discussion about spanking philosophies turn into a contructive conversation AND a love fest!? What an awesome place this is thanks to people like you two! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213293 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 14:03:24 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 213293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: Now I'm teary too. Group hug! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213291 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 14:00:49 +0000 MsLipGloss 213291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsJacks: Reading your response brought tears to my eyes. That's exactly it-will/spirt. Fine lines are just too, well, fine (and delicate). And while I know my mom was hard on me because she thought I was strong/strong willed, I don't think she ever realized that I was *strong* because I didn't think I had any other choice, and the other choices were just too painful. </p> <p>Yanno, I hadn't really thought about the *why* re some parts of our relationship . . . this thread has made me conscious and aware of something that I think will change the way I parent. For the better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213254 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 13:41:40 +0000 Sammyfab 213254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted no but I am probably more of a ''maybe.'</p> <p>I was spanked as a child and I remember feeling a lot of resentment. It never taught me a lesson. I believe that consequences should reflect the behavior that is being punished and spanking rarely does that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213252 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 13:36:26 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 213252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: It's hard to know what things would have been like if my parents did things differently. I grew up in a very "Strong Willed Child" Dr Dobson household, so my parents knew the "ideal" spanking model... but they couldn't always do it. There were inevitably some angry spanks. I know they were just trying to break my strong will, but I think it's a fine line between breaking someone's will and breaking someone's spirit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213245 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 13:24:28 +0000 MsLipGloss 213245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsJacks: That is definitely one of my concerns, i.e., the *recommended* method versus the actual application. My other concern is short-term gain versus the possibility of negative long-term impacts . . . I just don't know if it's worth it. </p> <p>Growing up, my dad never hit me out of anger, but my mom did . . . In some ways, I don't know that I can ever fully forgive her for that (although I love her tremendously!). I think it led to feelings of distrust (always scared I would get in trouble or upset her (and get in trouble), or her misunderstand me (and get in trouble), I am sure you get my point here), and I always held things back from her (not sharing things or talking to her about things) because of it. </p> <p> I don't feel that way about my dad - I feel like I always got a fair shake from him, and to this day I trust him and feel safe with him, as much as I trust/feel safe with my DH. </p> <p>I do not want my relationship with butterbean to develop along the same path (that is one of my biggest fears!), but I also don't want an uruly child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213228 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 12:57:21 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 213228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: I agree... it is really hard to tease out pure spanking from other modalities.</p> <p>I think that might highlight the fact that it is really hard to only spank in what could be called an "optimum way" (though I believe that any spank is sub-optimal). In order to use spanking as "recommended" you'd have to always spank gently and not in anger and always tell the child why you are going to do it and then why you did it. (Certainly this wouldn't be happening in the danger situation that many people cite in this thread). I don't see that as being able to happen all the time even in the most perfect parenting situation and I'd imagine that the number of people who use spanking only that way is extraordinarily low. (There are always exceptions).</p> <p>I know that I wouldn't be able to practice it that way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213207 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 12:31:58 +0000 spaniellove 213207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Never. I came from a family where one parent went into rages and beat me, so I believe that nothing justifies laying one's hands on a child. And I say this having taught some very trying children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213114 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 11:24:19 +0000 Running Elley 213114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m a maybe. I’m not completely opposed to it and don’t think that there’s anything wrong with doing it (as long as it’s done tastefully, not taken to an extreme and not done out of anger) but I can’t picture myself doing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-213108 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 11:20:53 +0000 Honeybee 213108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, we're not a spanking family. Personally, DH and I don't believe in corporal punishment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-212857 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:17:30 +0000 Mrs. Blue 212857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think spanking can be effective, but I think it is not usually used effectively. We were spanked as young kids, but i can never remember my parents spanking us when they were angry. We always got a warning and knew we had a choice of continuing whatever behavior or getting spanked. Then, my parents discussed with us what we had done wrong, why we shouldn't do that, and what we could do differently the next time. They always conveyed that they loves us no matter what. Then, we would get our spanking. I think that was generally effective for us. That said, my mother was the queen of creative discipline and that was usually the most effective of all!</p> <p>Having been a teacher, I have a big toolbox of other discipline techniques that I believe should be used first. But, I'm not opposed to spanking in selective situations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-212805 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 08:47:20 +0000 kml636 212805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a bad idea. I say that now though, LO has not arrived. I'm going to use other methods. Both DH and I were spanked and I just don't think it's necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-212773 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 08:23:52 +0000 mrsjyw 212773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>maybe? i'm not against it, but it would be a last resort for bad behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child/page/2#post-212769 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 08:20:37 +0000 MsLipGloss 212769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think one of the problems with the studies about spanking (or any form of discipline) is that it is impossible to isolate the long-term effects of spanking without having some bleed-over from other types of punishments/ disciplines, i.e., yelling, scolding, being hit by older siblings/relatives, etc. It's not like it is possible to have a pure spanking versus pure non-spanking control groups (with all other factors being equal) for the purposes of evaluation.</p> <p>For me, I am still on the fence but leaning toward spanking (although like @ChopSuey119, I can't even spank my kitties!). I was spanked growing up, and I remember the times when I really deserved it, and I remember when I was hit out of anger. The latter has always been difficult for me to move past/reconcile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212754 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 08:09:40 +0000 dc yoga bee 212754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a maybe more of probably not. My dad is military- when he said do something YOU DID IT! Not out of fear (my dad is a loveable teddy bear!), but because you just knew he didn't play. We were disciplined without needing the hand on our backside. DH believes in spanking and the first time I saw him spank one of my dogs when we were dating I FLIPPED. So, I can only imagine what a human would be like :)</p> <p>@Coco Bee: This. If I were to spank, I would use this method. It helps the child identify exactly what they did to get punished. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212749 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 08:04:50 +0000 MamaMoose 212749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes I plan to spank but only in very limited specific situations. If my child is doing something that could seriously hurt them (run out into the street, reach for a hot stove) they get a warning and if they do it again they'll get a smack on the bum. For their own protection I want them to associate that action with pain. I would never spank just because my kid was acting up. Also, I only intend to use spanking until the child is old enough to actually comprehend danger. Once they can understand it I don't see the need for spanking any more. Like in @MrBee's example if you are old enough to come up with a revenge fantasy you are too old to be spanked in my opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212747 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 08:04:20 +0000 LuLu Mom 212747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a maybe, I was very rarely spanked (I recall 2 times in my life, both well deserved.) I will try other forms of discipline but if it comes down to this I am not opposed. It just works for some kids better than others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212743 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 07:59:46 +0000 littlebug 212743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a yes, but only when it's a safety issue - like I told the child not to cross the street and they did anyway. Something like that. I will not use it as day-to-day discipline, like for not putting toys away or talking back. I think I was spanked once or twice ever and it was in extreme circumstances and it caught my attention for sure. I knew I had done something really wrong. Hubs, on the other hand, was spanked, hit with a belt or a switch...you name it. To this day he still resents his parents for that. I will not do that to our children, and he agrees with me 100%. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212724 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 07:51:52 +0000 MrsTiz 212724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, absolutely. Not because my child didn't pick up their toys, but when it is deserved. I wasn't spanked often, but my sister was. I watched her do bad things, get spanked, and then I knew not to do them :) I very strongly believe children need to be disciplined. For example my 2 year old cousin gets "popped", and he is very well behaved. My 3 year old niece has never been popped on the hand or whatever, and is so disrespectful/ill behaved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212710 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 07:41:30 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 212710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsdaredevil: if you read the actual study, it specifically excludes anything deemed physical abuse... Such as anything that left a mark or that the respondant deemed abuse. They specifically wanted to avoid the confounding that you describe. It's actually a really good study in the best pediatric journal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212663 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 02:07:58 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 212663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: the study discussed in that article is referring to grabbing, shoving, slapping, etc. I think that is physical abuse....much different than a very quick swat on the bum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-child#post-212661 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 02:02:59 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 212661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, I plan on spanking.</p> <p>I was spanked as a child, but my parents always made me go sit on their bed for 10 minutes to "think about what I had done" and give them some time to cool off so they never spanked me out of anger. </p>