https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Jul 2026 22:44:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-69060 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:36:18 +0000 daniellemybelle 69060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HabesBabe: I know how that goes! I bite my tongue all the time on Facebook. I figure we can be a little more forthcoming here. :)</p> <p>I find it interesting that you say you are "100% in favor of spanking." I imagine you mean spanking when it is used appropriately? I am not against spanking by any means, but there are unfortunately many parents who abuse their children and call it spanking.</p> <p>I am going to start a spin-off about spanking vs. abuse now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-69037 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:07:12 +0000 prettylizy 69037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Of all the things DH and I have talked about, spanking has never come up. I've never even thought about it really, but I guess it's something we'll need to discuss.<br /> Personally, I don't remember ever being spanked (although I think we may have gotten swatted on the bum a time or two). My dad was a big scary guy, and him yelling was all the punishment in the world when we were young. As we got older, the go to punishment was grounding (no TV, no phone, no friends, no leaving the house, no reading... the lists of no's goes on and on). I guess I just figured I'd do the same thing, if you're bad, I'll take stuff away from you, if you're good, you get it back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-69025 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:58:15 +0000 HabesBabe 69025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my friends posted that on her FB and I didn't want to comment on it, because I am still 100% in favor of spanking. Flame wars on FB walls aren't worth my time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-69012 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:51:53 +0000 runsyellowlites 69012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: You definitely have to know the laws of your state.</p> <p>For those who are not opposed to spanking here is a link with "spanking laws" per state as of Apr 2010... know the laws of your state!</p> <p><a href="http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp" rel="nofollow">http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-69001 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:44:43 +0000 SugarplumsMom 69001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't, it's illegal here and highly enforced! So even a soft tap on the backside is considered abuse and can and will get social services involved! Last summer, an Italian tourist on vacation was seen by a pizza delivery guy spanking his teenage son in public and he was detained for court proceedings and couldn't return home with his family. </p> <p>It's a bit harsh. I'm Asian and was spanked and my Mom even joked about it last time we visited ... so um, yeh ... that was an awkward moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-68995 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:41:36 +0000 runsyellowlites 68995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: Hmmmm interesting. We use spanking and DS is neither aggressive or one to lie.</p> <p>I've seen both sides of spanking being used &amp; other methods and still have found that in the long term spanking was the most effective (just what I've witnessed myself). Infact DS's dad was NEVER spanked and he grew up incredibly rebellious AND aggressive which turned to abusive. *shrugs shoulders*</p> <p>I also don't think that spanking within specific guidelines is the same as "resolving conflict with aggression", but that may also be b/c I associate aggression with anger &amp; we don't spank when angry EVER.</p> <p>Something I was talking with other moms about the other day was that yea... spanking does hurt ones bottom BUT, atleast for the reasons we spank for, rebellion has dire consequence too and I'd much rather my kiddos bottom hurt not as opposed to later life &amp; heart hurts b/c they didn't have the concept of following guidelines &amp; rebellion in things like work, relationships, and life in general.</p> <p>Idk I guess it's whatever the parent deems as appropriate so long as there is SOME kind of constructive, consistent discipline. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-68891 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:56:36 +0000 joyjoy 68891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that from what I've seen (LO is still on the way), the "need" for spanking depends more on the child than the adult. For some people, it worked for them growing up, for some it didn't. I grew up in a spanking household, and while I was spanked, I personally was affected more by lectures and statements of disappointment by my parents. My brother, on the other hand, responded best to spanking. Lectures did nothing for him. My parents realized this and disciplined us accordingly. </p> <p>I don't harbor any resentment against my parents for spanking because I know that they only spanked when they felt it was absolutely necessary, and the only lasting memory I have of a spanking, it wasn't even me getting spanked! I hope to not need to spank our future children, but I'm not completely opposed to it, if it's what is necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-68867 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:35:10 +0000 abbydabbydoodlebug 68867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will probably spank if it comes down to it, as in, we've tried other options and it doesn't seem to work. Like PP have said, I won't do it in anger and talk to them about why they are getting punished.</p> <p> Both my DH and I were really good kids and hardly ever got in trouble for anything. I remember I got spanked once, but I don't remember what for. It was definitely something I didn't want to happen again though! I was such a goody-goody. I saw what trouble my older brother and sister caused and just vowed to never act like them when I was older. Lol.</p> <p>I hope my DH and I get a kid like us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-68839 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:59:20 +0000 LuLu Mom 68839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was spanked only 3 times, it was always used in exterme moderation. I remember my dad flicking us with his fingers if we were fighting or talking about and I was in no way affected by it. We will most likely not spank but will use other forms of punishment if necessary. But if it comes down to a spanking I'm not 100% against as long as it is not used in anger and used as a learning experiences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-68761 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:18:47 +0000 daniellemybelle 68761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I found this old thread and wanted to resurface the conversation after reading this article this morning: <a href="http://jezebel.com/5882860/spanking-makes-kids-behavior-worse-not-better" rel="nofollow">http://jezebel.com/5882860/spanking-makes-kids-behavior-worse-not-better</a></p> <p>It was a really interesting article. I've heard the argument that spanking encourages aggression as a means to solve problems or control situations, which certainly makes sense but was not the case for me or DH so I didn't pay it too much attention. But their point about encouraging lying to avoid punishment definitely rings true! It's very important to me to teach honesty to our children, so that gave me pause.</p> <p>Thoughts, friends? :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10897 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:36:03 +0000 mrs.earrings 10897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Spanking is now illegal in NZ, so no. Also, I was spanked as a child and it made me want to be even more naughty, not less. My parents eventually figured out that the only way to effectively punish me was to take away a privelege. That would drive me crazy. However, if my hypothetical child was reaching towards a flame/something dangerous I would definitely swat their hand sharply so they know not to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10892 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:31:19 +0000 Mrs. Maple Leaf 10892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was never spanked as a child and my sister and I turned out great. We were very well behaved children and are wonderfully well adjusted adults. I see no need to ever spank children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10887 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:20:50 +0000 cyndistar3 10887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have basically the same system as Runsyellowlites. We always explain why and it is not out of anger or frustration. Also, when we spank it is generally the rule of 3, resistance will add one.</p> <p>ETA: I strongly believe it depends on the child. Some things work on some that don't work for others. For example, spanking did not work for my little brother and sister. It didn't matter how hard my mom hit them, they would just laugh at her. That ended up with my mom going overboard out of frustration. Then there is my daughter where sometimes it doesn't matter how much you talk to her or try putting her in time out, and what she needs is a good swat. There is definitely a difference between discipline and abuse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10885 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:17:04 +0000 Mrs.KMM 10885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I plan to spank my children once DH and I have them. I was spanked as a child and it truely was the most effective form of discipline for me when I was young. Sitting in "time-out" was pretty worthless to me - what did I really care that I had to sit in the corner of the bathroom for 10 minutes?</p> <p>Spanking (ie a quick swat or two to the butt with an open palm through clothes) taught me pretty quickly what I should and shouldn't do. I was never hurt, just uncomfortable. But that discomfort got the point accross! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10881 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:08:26 +0000 HabesBabe 10881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Blushink-- I got the kneeling thing, too! For what seemed like an eternity...</p> <p>We will definitely spank. I was spanked, hubs was spanked; it worked. But we'll only use it in appropriate situations (I like the rules runsyellowlites came up with). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10877 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:03:05 +0000 junebugmama 10877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband grew up in an abusive household. We will not be using any form of physical violence towards any of our children, as we have seen the effects that this type of behavior can have on an adult who is a victim of child abuse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10872 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:56:06 +0000 anewme 10872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with parents who whooped our butts, as many other Asian families at that time did. It wasn't abuse, and not torture but they were not big on getting down to our level and explaining what we did was wrong or how. A whooping or a threat of one seemed to get the point across pretty well and in a short matter of time. I remember a few memorable ones and I was probably spanked the most because I was the oldest and always made an example of. Funny thing till this day I don't harbor any resentment towards them for it. I just think then they didn't know there was another way. And now that I Am a mother I know how much it must have hurt them also to raise their hand to their child. We must have been very bad at times. But weird because both my parents came from households that never spanked. I won't say that I will or I won't because I simply won't know until Im pushed to that point. But i know I'm not a violent person and it would be have to be the very very last resort before I raise my hand to my child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10762 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:43:13 +0000 Andrea 10762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I will because I was spanked a lot and it did not teach me anything. I didn't care, it didn't make me sorry, it didn't make me learn my lesson, nothing! It just seemed to be a way for my mom to vent her anger. My hubs was never spanked so I can't imagine that he would spank our daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10652 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 10:18:34 +0000 Mrsbells 10652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was spanked as a child, I think everything is ok in moderation. I think a slap on the wrist can sometimes make more of difference than just talking or a timeout. We will use spanking but in moderation </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10627 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 09:33:02 +0000 pelikila 10627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was spanked as a child it worked just fine. It didn't work on my husband growing up, he would just laugh. Instead, he was required to stay next to his mom all day, which for an independent/creative kid, was a very difficult punishment. We plan to try spanking to see if it works but we may need to be creative and find a discipline method that works for our child's personality when the time comes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10624 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 09:23:50 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 10624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would get spanked, or put in the corner on my knees for long periods of time. I exactly remember it, so trust me it had an effect.</p> <p>Spankings, I'm sure we will give a few, when ITS NEEDED. but other than that, I perfer to verbally teach my kids right or wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10578 Mon, 07 Nov 2011 02:38:18 +0000 looch 10578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My father just had to put the wooden spoon next to him on the table and everyone behaved. The spoon was literally cracked in half, but he never hit us with it, just the table to make his point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10394 Sun, 06 Nov 2011 13:12:33 +0000 MsMini 10394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will be a no spanking family. I was raised in a no spanking household, and all 3 of us were good kids, and turned into good adults. I think spanking is just unnecessary, and there are far better ways to punish a child if you use a little creativity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10393 Sun, 06 Nov 2011 12:48:52 +0000 MaisyMay 10393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hubs and I were raised differently. As a young child if I misbehaved (seldom) I would get a quick paddle on the bum. If Hubs misbehaved, he was sent to his room. That type of punishment didn't work for me because I had no problem playing in my room by myself. We will probably use a combination of the two: spankings for serious things, time outs for others. The spankings I received were just a few swats, nothing brutal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10321 Sun, 06 Nov 2011 09:14:59 +0000 MegWag 10321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow... I'm getting the impression there is a pretty big cultural difference in terms of this question. I was never spanked. I was a good kid and I guess my parents never needed to. In fact, I'd often put myself in time out. My mom called this place I would go my "pouty place". She said 9 times out of 10 she'd come to check on me and I'd be asleep. I'd been grumpy because I was tired!</p> <p>My husband and I have discussed this at length and we won't spank. We think there are other ways to get the message across, but it's a personal choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10304 Sun, 06 Nov 2011 07:23:20 +0000 Rubies 10304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chopsuey: my mom mae me hold textbooks in my hands while raised.</p> <p>I got spanked - but because I was a good kid, other than for direct rebellion, I also got spanke d when my grades weren't good enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10249 Sat, 05 Nov 2011 22:26:31 +0000 Boogs 10249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We won't spank, flick, hit with belts or other objects, or anything else like that. As my DH and I have discussed, maybe I'll reconsider when it becomes okay to do the same to adults. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10221 Sat, 05 Nov 2011 20:54:59 +0000 HLK208 10221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I said we never would spank our children. We are firm on time-outs, taking away things DS enjoys when he misbehaves and giving him the right type of attention. But we did give DS a spanking once, a few weeks ago. DH was calm and explained why DS got a spanking. But, we both HATED it and I don't think we can do it again. I think we're going to do some more reading, I really don't want to resort to a smack on the bum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10218 Sat, 05 Nov 2011 20:51:06 +0000 mrsjyw 10218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119 My mom used to do the arm thing all the time!!!! </p> <p>As for our future children, "spanking" will be used in our household in moderation and for those extreme circumstances that call for corporal punishment. DH and I both were raised this way and were not affected negatively from it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-youwill-you-spank-your-children#post-10217 Sat, 05 Nov 2011 20:50:32 +0000 tequiero21 10217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i definitely got spanked but i can't really remember it anymore. but i do remember the lifting of the arms. sometimes we had to hold up chairs. i do think we will spank our kids but only til a certain age. and i definitely like the way runsyellowlites handles it so i may incorporate it in rearing my kids. </p>