https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 02:15:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-653595 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 06:19:36 +0000 SugarplumsMom 653595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Someone just said to me, "Have you thought about what you're going to be doing ... aside from taking care of LO". =_=</p> <p>I have never spoken to this person about any of my plans, she has never asked about my interests, and she is younger than I am. So yeh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-653580 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 06:06:36 +0000 bushelandapeck 653580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm also near Boston and almost all of my friends and coworkers have returned to work, at least part time. I am staying at home, but had planned to work part time even though I didn't need to. I had a hard time telling people I was a SAHM at first because I felt like their was an expectation I would work. Even now, 7 ,on this later, people still ask me all the time if I'm going back to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-653509 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 02:07:15 +0000 ladyfingers 653509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of people in my circle were SAHMs at least for a bit after their first child. But nobody has asked "Are you going back?" - just "when are you going back." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-653494 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 01:12:09 +0000 hellocupcake 653494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: my inlaws are the opposite, they keep trying to encourage me to go back to work :/ </p> <p>Everyone is completely shocked that I will be a SAHM. Yes my husband only makes a little over minimum wage, but we can make it work and have been since November. Yes my job paid pretty well, but i prefer this "job". (: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-653487 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 00:53:38 +0000 autumn865 653487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have heard both sides. Growing up I was raised by a very career driven mother. She always worked and it was just the expectation that is what you do- you have a baby and return to work. DHs mom stayed home until he was in middle school and he always saw this positively. I work in a career where it is normal to take leave but to always come back to work. But i have never particularly felt passionate about what I do and I plan to stay home at least two years. My MIL and DHs side understands and supports this- they think I should stay home even longer. My side of the family really doesn't- particularly my mom. I feel like she is almost threatened by me staying home like I am inidvertently saying how she did things was wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-653319 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:58:10 +0000 Giraffe 653319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My boss said he was terrified that I'd decide to stay home after LO was born, but everyone else expected me to go back to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652876 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 18:30:25 +0000 reyorra 652876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my family expected me to want to stay at home because of how much I've always wanted to be a mom. However, the nature of my husband's job means that I need to help contribute to the income (even more so for the benefits than the cash). My coworkers seemed a bit surprised that I kept saying I'd come back to work, although this could be because the last woman to get pregnant in the office quit on her last day of maternity leave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652726 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 17:48:22 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 652726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most people expect me to be a SAHM once I have a LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652708 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 17:39:26 +0000 Ree723 652708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've made it clear for a long time that I want to be a SAHM - not because I'm not motivated or don't like working (I have a master's degree and have been very successful in my chosen profession) - but because I truly believe that no job in the world is more important than being a parent. And for me, being the best parent I can be means staying at home with my child and spending these formative years with her. </p> <p>So because of that viewpoint, everyone knew I would be staying home and there was no expectation to return to work. It is unusual amongst my American friends to be a SAHM but it is the norm amongst my Aussie friends. DH has always been on board as well but left the decision to work up to me; he was very happy though when I said I would rather be home with our baby. We are also fortunate enough to be in a financial position where I can stay at home without us having to alter our lifestyle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652445 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 15:23:23 +0000 Anagram 652445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: Oh, I don't think he sounds like a jerk at all. I kinda feel the same way as your DH. I mean, if one partner (male or female) makes *so* much money and has a super secure job that isn't subject to layoffs, then it might be a good idea for the other one to stay at home for a few years. But I've seen too many scenarios in my own family where the breadwinner gets laid off and can't find work for a year and the other partner doesn't have any marketable skills for me to think SAH is a good idea across-the-board. </p> <p>But it really depends on the couple, their past work history, their marketable skills, how easy it would be for them to return to the workforce, etc. A lot of factors to consider... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652423 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 15:11:25 +0000 red_seattle 652423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Interestingly, I'm also from Seattle, and everyone was surprised to learn that I planned to return to work, and that I actually did. (Although, I did quit 4 months after returning from maternity leave when X was 7 months to go to law school, and everyone assumed even then that it was to stay home with X-- but that's a different story.) However, it may be because not working-- especially not full-time-- was the norm with moms in that particular community in that suburb (Bellevue). Most families were really well-off and there was no need for both parents to work or work full-time. ETA: So people expected I wouldn't return to work, UNTIL in that conversation, I mentioned that my husband does not work for Microsoft. Ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652372 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 14:54:08 +0000 tequiero21 652372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think no one was surprised that I was staying home, since we had twins.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652189 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:41:12 +0000 mlm2934 652189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At least in my circle, working is more common. This just my personal perception, jaded or not... It seems like either people who are really well off as a family, or women who don't have a strong career (income vs daycare cost), or more than 1 young child (again, income vs daycare cost) are the ones who will stay home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby/page/2#post-652164 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:34:42 +0000 MrsTiz 652164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's expected for me to go back. No one around here is a SAHM because no one can afford it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652157 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:33:33 +0000 Grace 652157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think most people would expect me to go back, and that is the norm. I think my parents would like me to be a SAHM - they think that "strangers shouldn't be raising my kids". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652121 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:25:11 +0000 MsMini 652121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think everyone expected me to go back to work once my year mat leave it up. Around here, generally if you are educated and have a good paying job you go back to work, and if you don't have post secondary education and work a lower paying job you are more likely to become a SAHM it seems (probably due to the cost of daycare) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652100 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:18:57 +0000 daniellemybelle 652100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's split. My family will expect me to stay home... there are only a couple working moms in my extended family on my mom's side. DH's family will expect me to work, and probably would be surprised if I stayed home, just knowing that DH does not make amazing money. My family is from the South and his is from the Midwest, so I'm sure that has something to do with it, among other things.</p> <p>Personally, I'd rather stay home and surprise people that way, than surprise people by going back to work. I almost feel like I will let some of my family down, even though I'm sure they would understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652080 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:10:24 +0000 plantains 652080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: @Lozza: I actually pretty much feel the same as your DHs so I totally understand where they are coming from. I come from a culture where everyone works and no one SAH, I also live in NYC where most people typically work. I just don't get SAH at all. </p> <p>I do have a good job that gave me 6 months maternity leave, is a 9-5 and gives me 30 days vacation a year. So this is probably a pretty big factor in my feeling like I have a good balance in my life. I have to say though, I spent 6.5 months at home after my daughter was born and I was 100% relieved when I got back to work to become less obsessive about naptime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652065 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:06:31 +0000 DillonLion 652065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The question has almost always been "When are you going back to work?" not "Are you going back to work?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652060 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:05:17 +0000 Mrs. Polish 652060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: my family expects me to go back to work and they don't understand anything different. Most of our friends are accepting and many of my friends stay home. We're in the Midwest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652050 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:03:25 +0000 Modern Daisy 652050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People expect that I will go back to work, if I announced I was staying home I think everyone would be shocked. I think the main reason is because I have always been career driven and it's known among our friends and family that I make just as much $ as DH, so it's sort of a no-brainer for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-652048 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:03:10 +0000 LaughLines 652048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah and @lozza - originally when i first started talking to DH about what we'd do when we had kids (before we were even engaged/married) he was pretty against me staying home. I could have gone either way but i would prefer staying home if possible. Over time i think he realized staying home would benefit both of us because if we were both working we'd both be frazzled and doing a ton of stuff outside of working hours (like cooking, errands,etc) and wouldn't have as much "down time" outside of work. If i stayed home I could do that stuff during the day and our outside of work time would be more quality time like playing with the baby/family time. </p> <p>That being said, I haven't had a kid yet and am still working, so we'll see how I feel when it actually happens </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651976 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 12:38:26 +0000 blackbird 651976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ralyrah+lozza, my husband also has the same views. Plus, financially, he feels it would be foolish for me stay home! I'm just glad we're on the same page. </p> <p>Honestly, i was once the only paycheck in the household and it was INCREDIBLY stressful. i would never subject him to that pressure unduly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651748 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 10:37:04 +0000 Lozza 651748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: DH also totally doesn't understand why people stay at home if they have the option to go back to a decent paying job that doesn't suck. Both of his parents are physicians and worked throughout his whole childhood, so that's not weird to him, and he was still very close to them. I'm glad that I wanted to go back to work- even though we could afford for me to stay home, I think it wouldn't have ever been a decision he would have liked or truly respected (unless, like you said, there were extenuating circumstances). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651728 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 10:32:04 +0000 Boheme 651728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're surrounded by a big SAHM culture, but its not necessarily the norm in my job field so I have a mix of the two. I got majorly guilt tripped by a friend who told me its "God's plan" that a husband works and the wife stays home with the kids and runs the house, and that our marriage will suffer after our kids are born. It really really hurt my feelings. </p> <p>I will be part time, but on the higher end of part time hours. I think this is a good balance for our family, although I'd love to pull only 20 hours or so...Just doesn't work out financially for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651712 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 10:26:23 +0000 cascademom 651712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that my parents and rest of my family expected me to go back to work. From what I could see of my inlaws, I think that they thought I would do the SAHM thing for their own gain, ie visit more frequently. After a tough ending to my maternity leave, I wanted to return to work more than anything. I don't know how it'll be when we add another one to our family and if we can afford daycare to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651668 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 10:08:11 +0000 GrapeCrush 651668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i don't think majority of people were surprised that i went back to work after #1. it wasn't what i wanted, but i knew for our family it was best if i worked. however, for #2(due in August) i think people will be surprised when i SAH. we just don't see how it will work. 2 in daycare would be my paycheck and althought i work from home now 3 days a week, it will be very, very difficult with a 18 month old and a 3 month old(how old they'd be when i'd go back, if i was going back) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651646 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 10:02:03 +0000 Ra 651646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: It's a combination of things. We could financially afford for me to SAH without issue. However, he does think about things like vacations and the fact that we can go out to eat when we want, buy what we want, etc. He admits it is mostly for selfish reasons. He also simply doesn't "believe" in it. I know it makes him sound like a jerk. He has a strong work ethic and wants me to be a "contributing member of society." He said if DS had special needs, or we didn't have a daycare plan (my mom), then he would understand why someone would stay at home. Otherwise, he feels pretty strongly against it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651543 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 09:15:29 +0000 Anagram 651543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: awww....is he dead set against it for financial reasons, or because he doesn't want to shoulder the financial burdens alone? I guess I understand either way....it<br /> s difficult for guys to be the only one to bring in $$ to the family--a lot of pressure.</p> <p>Having said that, if we lived in a cheaper area, I think DH would be thrilled if I would SAH for a year or two. I already told him that when we have our second, I will (no point in spending $4000 a month on daycare for two!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dodid-people-expect-you-to-go-back-to-work-or-stay-at-home-after-baby#post-651539 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 09:12:59 +0000 Ra 651539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm also in the northeast and the expectation has always been that I would return to work. My husband is dead set against SAH. So, while it would be nice to have a year or so with the baby, I'll be taking the typical 6 weeks. </p>