https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 16:15:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221089 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 20:42:59 +0000 pmrlady 2221089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: that's good that you guys are able to work things out. I do try to research things and show DH the reasoning behind my requests. </p> <p>I have a bad feeling that as LO gets older, there will just be more and more things we disagree on. But i guess we'll just have to talk it through and i will probably let him have his way more often than not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221080 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 20:23:55 +0000 Mae 2221080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do. We're still working it out at 13 months. I wouldn't necessarily call myself an attachment parent, but I'm closer than DH. I worry more about (what I consider) treating LO with love and respect, and he worries more about teaching her how to be a happy self sufficient person. Obviously we both want both of those things, but sometimes our priorities/methods are at odds. We sort of take it thing by thing. For example: </p> <p>- Sleep training. I didn't want to. I didn't want to CIO at all, even though she was waking me up like 8 times at night and I had to hold her for the entirety of every nap. We went round and round and he mostly deferred to me because I was the one who had to deal with it (she'd only sleep for me, prob because I'm a SAHM). But then she started making me hold her all night in addition to all day and he sort of put his foot down because it was really unhealthy for me. So we bargained and I agreed to give it 1 week under specific parameters for nights only, and I wasn't going to nap train bc I could deal with holding her for naps. (But then it worked really well so we ultimately nap trained too). </p> <p>- Moving LO to her own room. I wasn't that bothered by her in our room but DH was. He started pushing to move her at around 4.5 months and I agreed to move her once we hit 6 months (AAP recommendation). I would've let her stay longer but I think it was more important to him than me and he was happy with an end date in sight. </p> <p>- How to handle irrational crying (once she was a bit older). DH felt like comforting her when she was crying over something dumb was reinforcing bad behavior. I felt like as long as we don't give in to what she wants, we should comfort her so she didn't escalate into a full tantrum. We went round and round about this a little but I found some research for him backing up my opinion and he gave in on it. </p> <p>Honestly DH is strong willed but he does give in more often than not. I think it is a combination of the fact that most of my opinions are based on research and his are gut feeling (and he feels better about thing when I show him WHY I think something) and also because I stay at home so I am the one dealing with LO 90% of the time so he is willing to defer to me a bit so I can do things the way I want. But at the same time I think it is good he questions a lot of things because it does make me think critically about why we are doing some thing or other. And I feel like there have been a lot of things I wouldn't have done if he didn't first that were helpful (just having a hard time thinking of them off hand). My general rule is that if I don't feel very strongly about something we can just try it his way and see how it goes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221069 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 20:03:25 +0000 Rockies11 2221069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pmrlady: When we have a disagreement regarding parenting, the first thing I remind myself is that he has an equal say in how we do things with our daughters. He's entitled to parent how he sees fit to the same extent that I am. I think there are some true non-negotiables (like for me, physical discipline) but otherwise everything else is just details. In our situation, I am home with the kids during the day, and I would not be okay with my husband setting parenting rules for me. It's a gift that you have a husband who has a lot of parenting time with your LO and enjoys playing with her so much that he doesn't want her to go to sleep at a scheduled time! If I was in your situation, I would try to shift my thinking to looking at the positive in your husband's relationship with your LO, and let him parent in accordance with what he thinks is best when he is home with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221059 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 19:57:15 +0000 mrbee 2221059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there are compromises possible with the cleanliness thing... for example, I am far from a germaphobe but I wash my hands a lot when I'm with the kids. I don't think it would kill him to do the same. If he's concerned about the hygiene hypothesis, there are plenty of other germs that your LO will get while playing on the floor and outside!</p> <p>I have a different take than some other parents above: I don't think it's necessarily fair for one parent to unilaterally decide on how to parent a kid, just because the other parent isn't around. And vice versa: one parent can't set all the rules even when they're not around. I think it usually works best when both parents are flexible and reasonable about most things (and know which issues they feel most strongly about!).</p> <p>My last thought here is that it might be good to see a family therapist, just so you guys can sort out this stuff with a mediator! Once the basic rules and compromises are in place, it all becomes so much easier, I think! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221046 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 19:44:40 +0000 AprilFool 2221046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since your husband is home alone with her during the day I think you need to let anything that happens during that time go. I am a SAHM and if my husband told me how to parent when he is at work I would be furious. You also have no way to enforce your rules. The germ thing seems over the top to me and I agree with your husband. If my husband told me to wash my hands before handling my daughter I would be offended. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221037 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 19:18:43 +0000 pmrlady 2221037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: yes i don't think they are unreasonable either and i have talked to him about it but he just gets mad because he thinks he is right and i just need to relax. He doesn't want to change the way he does things just because i want him to. He loves our LO but he just doesn't agree with me on a lot of things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221032 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 19:07:22 +0000 Greentea 2221032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pmrlady: if you feel strongly about these things, I would talk to him about it. I don't think your preferences are unreasonable or anything.</p> <p>DH does things differently than I do, and we've had to work it out. He has specific things that just he does, that's our compromise- he has total domain over certain things. We've had to work things out- Personally I wouldn't want anyone letting DD cry, that would be a priority for me, hand washing would too. I think it is natural to have some tension while you get adjusted to one another's expectations. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221008 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 18:29:23 +0000 Truth Bombs 2221008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unless he's letting her cry in her crib for a really long time it doesn't sound like anything he's doing is hurting her. So I think each doing it your own way sounds like a fair compromise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221007 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 18:29:19 +0000 blackbird 2221007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So long as LO isn't being hurt, I would figure out what you can let go. It doesn't have to be all one way or the other, as far as parenting goes. And you don't have to do things 100% the same. Figure out what's really important to you and WHY and talk about it, and figure out what you can let go. If you let go on the clean stuff, will be concede on a nap schedule, etc? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221001 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 18:15:36 +0000 pmrlady 2221001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Zbug: yea i guess i will have to let the cleanliness thing go. He compromises by saying that i can do it my way when I'm with her but he will do it his way when he's with her. I'm not too happy with that... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2221000 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 18:13:21 +0000 Zbug 2221000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pmrlady: well I think you are going to have to let go of the germ thing once you have a crawler, not to mention a toddler. You will all go insane.<br /> Is there room for compromise regarding the rest? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220993 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 17:47:12 +0000 pmrlady 2220993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: i let her play on the playmat and one of those baby carpets. She is not yet crawling. If she's on the couch i put a recieving blanket under her. I think i might go crazy once she starts crawling and walking haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220987 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 17:43:54 +0000 pinkb 2220987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With our fist we were constantly at odds with how to parent at first. The best advice I heard was just because he does things differently than I do does not make it wrong, it just makes it different. My way was not better, it was just my way. We had to compromise on having a structured schedule, DD just did so much better with one. But other than that we tried not to critique each others parenting too much. We hardly ever co-parent DH works days and I work nights so our days together were difficult but our marriage and relationship is way more important than any argument over how we differ in taking care of DD and now DS.<br /> I would try and sit down and have a talk and decide what you each can compromise on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220986 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 17:41:39 +0000 Dandelion 2220986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pmrlady: don't you let your LO play on the floor? He's actually right about over sanitizing things. Your body needs to develop a good immune system.</p> <p>Sounds like you both need to be willing to compromise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220983 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 17:31:00 +0000 pmrlady 2220983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: your DH is the opposite of mine lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220981 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 17:28:45 +0000 pmrlady 2220981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: there are lots of random issues but it basically boils down to me being the more conservative and cautious parent and he's the opposite.</p> <p>For example:<br /> I am very big on cleanliness. I constantly remind him to wash his hands when he comes home and i don't like it when he lets her put his finger in her mouth, and she puts everything in her mouth these days. I like to rinse toys when they fall on the floor. I want other people to wash their hands before playing with her. He's the opposite. He calls me a germaphobe and believes in the "hygiene hypothesis" that says the reason kids have so many allergies these days is because we are oversanitizing everything and so their immune systems have nothing to fight and start overreacting to harmless things causing allergies. </p> <p>I want our LO to have a structured nap schedule and i tell him to put her down after a certain time period. He doesn't think it's necessary and just puts her down when she gets cranky and is already overtired. He likes flexibility over routine and says that if she is not cranky, he would rather have her play longer. </p> <p>He is more into letting her cry it out for bedtime and naps because then she eventually self-soothes. She does eventually fall asleep, i mean she even fell asleep on the playmat with him which she has never done with me. But i prefer to help her fall asleep then letting her cry. I tell him she is crying for a reason and he needs to go to her.</p> <p>These are just some of the examples. And the worst part is that he is the one who is with her more often because he works night shifts so he's with her during the day when I'm at work.</p> <p>I don't know if I should just let him have his way so as not to create tension in the house but i also feel strongly about these things.</p> <p>Btw LO is 6 months and is our first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220977 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 17:21:31 +0000 Anagram 2220977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me! DH tends to be very attachment-parenting oriented. Except he's never heard that term and has no idea--it's just how he naturally parents. Like he would be fine cosleeping forever, will hold our LO all day long if she wants it, hardly ever tells her no over anything, would rather wake up 12 times a night than try CIO, would let her eat while running around the room (as in, he would probably hold a plate of food and chase after her to feed her while she plays)...the list goes on.</p> <p>And I'm the opposite of all those things. </p> <p>I think our main skirmishes have been over LOs sleep--because her sleep has always been (and still kind of is) terrible. And it seems to get worse after periods of cosleeping and/or giving LO milk at night (the two things are intertwined because DH can't say no to her requests).</p> <p>We really don't fight much actually---but I've learned to tell DH that if he wants to do something his way--especially related to LOs sleep, then he is 100% responsible for all night wakeups. His way = his job. My way = my job. Or if we can compromise in the middle, we share the job.</p> <p>I'm pregnant again and when I was at my sickest (I get terrible all day nausea), DH did all night duty for probably 3 months straight--it involved a lot of cosleeping, a lot of giving milk at night, and LO waking up 8-10 times a night. I didn't care honestly, because I was in our room, alone, sleeping undisturbed. But he got really exhausted and worn out.</p> <p>So, as soon as I was feeling better, I nixed the cosleeping, nixed all night milk--had 1 week of bad sleep and now LO is STTN again. Having said that, there are other issues where DH has done his own thing I didn't agree with and it really worked for LO. SO it's not like I'm right all of the time--sometimes his way is right.</p> <p>I guess what I'm saying...sometimes for us, the best thing to do is let the other person try their way. If it doesn't work, it will be obvious to all of you. And then you can try something else.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220959 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 16:49:20 +0000 gingerbebe 2220959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would make compromise decisions that best serve your relationship and take your LO's personality into account. I think having a harmonious marriage is better than one person's right way of doing things. It's easier to argue one method is what's best for the baby but ultimately what's best are parents who get along and cooperate. If you both can respect that the other is coming from a position of love towards your child, then try to meet in the middle. Is there a specific issue? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220954 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 16:42:11 +0000 NovBaby1112 2220954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What's your definition of strong willed? My DH is very opinionated, wants a say in everything involving LO, and definitely isn't one to just stay on the sidelines and let me make all decisions regarding her lol. But in a way that's a good thing he is so involved! It caused some fights in the beginning bc I wanted to do stuff one way, and he wanted to do stuff another way, and we butted heads often. Over time we've just learned to pick our battles. Everything is a compromise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-else-have-a-strong-willed-dh-who-has-a-very-different-parenting-style-than-you#post-2220927 Sun, 28 Jun 2015 15:48:27 +0000 pmrlady 2220927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do you deal with it without constantly fighting? </p>