https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 20:13:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-2212881 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 22:39:49 +0000 anonysquire 2212881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have the choice and I'd rather stab my eyes out than work. I went back to wrk for a little bit after having my first and it wasn't worth it at all. So much anxiety. I do find myself happy and thriving. Ya, there are crappy days. But what job doesn't have crappy days. Just do what makes you happy. Maybe try a part time job and see how that feels? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-2212875 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 22:33:08 +0000 anonysquire 2212875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: this is us. We have play group, walk to the park, gymnastics, shopping, and now gym time to fill up our days. I feel like if we stay inside I become mean mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-2212518 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 15:55:24 +0000 Greentea 2212518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: you are good at disguising your hits in decent and rational points, I'll give you that. That is very unfair to say to a parent that they had the choice to not have children if making the sacrifices to do so would make them unhappy. No one knows what having children, or life, will entail. Why isn't everyone eating cake, right? I'm sure you are familiar with that quote. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-2212478 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 15:20:30 +0000 Truth Bombs 2212478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: As a WOHM I wouldn't feel judged or upset at all if I were unhappy and a friend said to me "if you're unhappy you should make a change. Being unhappy all the time isn't what's best for your family." That doesn't mean I don't make sacrifices or that I feel 100% happy all day every day. It means that I make choices to make myself as happy as possible, as much as possible. Just recently I chose to pull back at work which meant less money, but it also meant more time for my family. That's the balance that makes me the happiest, and my husband and I are more than willing to sacrifice some income for me to be happier in my situation. And yes, I realize that some people really have very few choices, but for the majority of the HB demographic that's not really the case. And of course, there was always the choice not to have children if doing so would mean making sacrifices that make you more unhappy than you were before you had the kids (ie having to stay in a job you hate because the income is necessary to care for the kids, or having to give up a job you love/be unhappy at home because you can't earn enough to at least break even on child care costs). All I'm saying is that life is short, and I feel strongly that if someone is really and truly unhappy in their situation they should do all they can to find a way to make a change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-2212466 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 15:07:44 +0000 Modern Daisy 2212466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so lucky to have the choice and i choose to work. I could not be a sahm until DS is in school full time. Right now he is way too demanding and definitely better of in daycare doing activities and playing with his friends. I spent a month home with him in December and I was exhausted and stressed the whole time. Everyone in the house was way happier whenhe started daycare! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-2212369 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 13:53:27 +0000 sarac 2212369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DillonLion: This is how I do it. I love my house, but just sitting around all day makes me nuts. Even in the first trimester of this pregnancy we were up and out every day, because I'd go crazy otherwise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-2212349 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 13:43:38 +0000 DillonLion 2212349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: If I didn't WOH, we would definitely be out of the house most of the day too. Just the words SAHM give me anxiety b/c I hate, hate, hate, hate being at home lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212259 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 12:41:55 +0000 Andrea 2212259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we all have struggles no matter what our work/home situation. I think you're fortunate in that you have options and you can work towards doing what makes you feel happier. Best of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212247 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 12:36:46 +0000 hilsy85 2212247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I think it really depends on whether you have the OPTION to work/stay home. If you have no choice and have to work, or have to stay home, then I think it's ok to complain about it :silly: but if you have the option, and choose to be unhappy in your situation and do nothing about it, then that is where the mommy martyr thing comes into play and the whole family would be better served if you make some different decisions. Being able to have the choice to work or stay home is a major privilege, and definitely one that I know I am grateful for every day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212169 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 11:42:41 +0000 sarac 2212169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean, I wouldn't say that if someone wasn't thriving in their roll, that it isn't best. But if someone isn't happy? Man, that's sure not the best. If someone isn't happy as a stay at home parent, I believe that everyone would be happier with a different arrangement. Ideally we'd all get to work or not work or work part time exactly as we pleased - but obviously that is not reality for most people. I am thrilled to death to be a SAHM, but a small amount of work (one day a week?) would honestly make me even happier. </p> <p>I also totally agree with those who have said that there is a lot of external pressure to make every day SO AWESOME. I'm really lucky to live in a place where there are enough things to do to meet that goal fairly easily. There is this bright and shiny expectation of stay at home parents that we are providing these amazing educational entertaining lives for our children every single day, and it's a lot to live up to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212103 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 10:55:50 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2212103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My chocolate today says it all. &lt;3 </p> [attach=3751/15/nq5dl2.337x600.1434642867167-1954807739.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212037 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 10:25:53 +0000 BandDmommy 2212037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I didn't think part time was an option until I talked to my friend (recruiter) and I literally had PT offers the same day. You never know until you ask. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212022 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 10:18:11 +0000 Greentea 2212022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"I think that if a SAHM isn't thriving and happy in the role then it's not the best fit for her family." -TB</p> <p>I find this to be inaccurate and judgemental, it also sets a pretty unreachable standard, IMHO. What if this was said about a working parent?</p> <p>@Adira: I understand, and agree with your sentiments, but TB made a general judgement, not about BD. </p> <p>Anyone can think they have all their ducks in a row, but you never know when life and luck may strike. Saying what any parent is doing, working, caring for children, as "not the best fit for their family," is making a judgement. And it was, it was not simply support for BD.</p> <p>@BandDmommy: by all means, explore your options. I want to validate that yes, sahp is (fill in the blank). If you need something different, I understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212016 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 10:07:40 +0000 daniellemybelle 2212016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Don't you still have to clean your house though? I am hopeful that once I am SAH I won't always be stressed about housework because I won't be squeezing it in after work!</p> <p>@LML: @lamariniere: Glad we are not alone &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212014 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 10:04:22 +0000 LML 2212014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I totally agree with you that being a part-time WAHM isn't the magical solution I thought it would be. Now I just feel like I'm a working mom AND a SAHM, and that I'm failing at both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2212006 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 10:01:33 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2212006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could SAH if we had a million dollars and I could have some house cleaning help and could get fun craft supplies from Target and have gymobree memberships and could go to lunch with other mom friends. But sitting at home cleaning and going crazy with the kids, no way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211994 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 09:56:06 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2211994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: glad I'm not all alone on this. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211990 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 09:54:12 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2211990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I know you didn't say that and I'm sorry to have implied you did. I'm just saying happy isn't the only thing, and not even akways the most important, which is how it often feels when people talk about how they "can't" be a SAHP or a WOHP or whatever. I'm saying you can, and you can be good at it anyway and it can be the best for your family. In *my* opinion (and if we and everyone else disagree that's ok, I just am explaining it hopefully better than before) it can often be a more complex decision than "am I happy and thriving?" I don't think making sacrifices always equals mommy matyr. We all make sacrifices for our kids by some of us make different ones than others.</p> <p>@Adira: I actually don't disagree with you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211975 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 09:42:18 +0000 daniellemybelle 2211975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: "Sometimes people have to work to make ends meet. Sometimes people can't afford to work because of the costs of childcare. But when you have options, you should do what's right for your family, whether that's working or not." </p> <p>That is PERFECTLY put. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211969 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 09:37:53 +0000 Adira 2211969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: @Greentea: I think in @BandDmommy:'s situation, she has the choice of being a SAHM or a WOHM. She doesn't have to be a SAHM because of their financial situation and she doesn't have to be a WOHM either. They can swing it both ways. She's currently a SAHM and it sounds like she's not loving it. I think she was kind of looking for support that it's totally valid for her to not love being a SAHM and that going back to work might be what's right for her family if it's what will make her happy. I don't think anyone is saying that everyone has the luxury to make this decision though. Sometimes people have to work to make ends meet. Sometimes people can't afford to work because of the costs of childcare. But when you have options, you should do what's right for your family, whether that's working or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211968 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 09:37:49 +0000 looch 2211968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there is a lot of pressure to be having the best day ever, every day. No matter what you're doing, some days are going to be awesome and some days are going to suck. Most days are probably going to be somewhere in the middle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211962 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 09:31:30 +0000 Greentea 2211962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: I'm with you. While that might be a nice ideal, to only do things that make you happy and thriving, that isn't always reality, and that's okay- it doesn't mean you aren't doing what is best for the family or even you. We all make sacrifices, and not everyone has the luxury to only do what makes us happy and thriving, or to even choose. Similarly, I'm sure not everyone going to work is happy and thriving, and that's okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211873 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 08:25:01 +0000 Truth Bombs 2211873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: I didn't say you couldn't be a "decent" sahp if you aren't thriving in the role. I just agree with what @BandDMommy said that if you aren't happy you should make a change. An unhappy mommy who is being the martyr and staying home despite being unhappy about it because it's "what's best for the family" really ISN'T what's best for the family in my opinion. Before we had kids my husband and I made sure we could make it work either way (WOHM or SAHM) so that once LO came along and we really knew what that would look and feel like, we had the freedom to make the right choices that really did make all of us happiest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211870 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 08:23:11 +0000 danda 2211870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: yes absolutely! I'm not cut out for full-time childcare and I find solo parenting stressful. I like my job and I love the stimulation that my daughter gets at her daycare! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211830 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 07:33:39 +0000 lamariniere 2211830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I'm in a similar situation, I WAH/SAH, probably 60/40. While I do feel like it is ideal for our situation, and I don't want to change, there are definitely days that are harder than others. Some days I feel guilty about not devoting enough time and energy to my LOs and some days I feel stressed about putting work obligations on the back burner while I devote more time to my LOs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211811 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 07:07:48 +0000 daniellemybelle 2211811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not a SAHM so I can't answer this question (yet). But I can honestly say that I thought I had "the best of both worlds" being a part-time WAHM. It has been really hard for me to balance everything and I feel like I am a full-time SAHM and a full-time working mom a lot of the time (even though that is obviously not the case - we have part-time childcare). Maybe it is my personality, but I don't "juggle" well and even though I enjoy my work, I am really looking forward to being able to SAH soon. For me, working part-time was not the magical solution I thought it would be. </p> <p>Another huge thing for me is that we have struggled majorly on the childcare front for a few reasons. We have a great daycare and we are fortunate to have help from family, but we have still had a lot of challenges. I think it is hard to feel fulfilled as a working mom when in your heart you feel like your child would be happiest with you. So, to relate it back to the original question, I don't know I will feel about my "job performance" as a SAHM but I am very confident that me SAH is the best thing for our daughter. </p> <p>@sarac: I really appreciate what you said about letting go of other people's expectations! I think that's huge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211774 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 06:01:27 +0000 SweetiePie 2211774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: My husband and I say all the time that part time for me would be amazing. Will you just tell a recruiter that you want part time and see what they find? I just don't see how my job could be part time, but maybe I should just ask a recruiter and see. It's not like I do anything earth shattering, but I can't see how it could be possible since my line of work is so deadline driven. I've never heard of a part time position, but maybe it's because I've never looked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211769 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 05:41:03 +0000 BandDmommy 2211769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: I think if you are unhappy whether being a SAHM or WOHM you should do something about it. I'm actually returning to work part time because while I love my kids, I'm unhappy and bored being a SAHM. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211767 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 05:37:21 +0000 BandDmommy 2211767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I'm in the same boat. I think in long run working part time is the right answer for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-anyone-feel-like-a-bad-sahm-or-inability-to-be-a-sahm/page/2#post-2211709 Wed, 17 Jun 2015 21:42:29 +0000 SweetiePie 2211709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: my husband has definitely said this to me many times and I think I agree with him. Even though it's what I always thought I wanted and feel lucky to do it right now, I don't think I'm cut out for it in the long run. </p>