https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 05:26:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1158829 Fri, 18 Oct 2013 12:17:40 +0000 banana 1158829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe I'm just cheap and lazy but I love it when my IL's buy my kids toys/clothes/anything! My MIL bought my son his first tricycle, his first chair AND his first halloween costume without asking me. I was overjoyed! But then again, I'm not that sentimental so that's probably a big reason why it didn't bother me. But I could see why it would bother people who are sentimental about "firsts". Plus my IL's aren't the types to push their opinions or judgements on us (although they do from time to time!) so I know that all of their purchases come from a good place. I recently tried dropping a hint that my kids would LOOOOVE a toy kitchen for Christmas. I didn't say which one, although I really would love the KidKraft Ultimate Chef kitchen. I'm hoping they will ask me which one! But if they don't, it's fine. I'll be happy getting anything! One less thing for me to buy and shop for (again, me = lazy and cheap). :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1064127 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 08:49:06 +0000 rawrasaur 1064127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wouldn't bother me at all. I love when people are excited to buy something nice for LO, even if she isn't "ready" for it. Plus, one less thing I have to spend money on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1064107 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 08:43:56 +0000 MsLipGloss 1064107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: In addition to wanting to do *firsts* for my LO, it the substitution of judgment (theirs instead of mine) that drives me insaaaaaane! When grandparents make a decision to do something regardless of how you feel about it (, i.e., if you don't accept the gift they'll just have it for him at their house?! WTF?!), that really really really sticks in my craw! This is the very reason why there isn't any grandparent on our short list who is *approved* for unsupervised overnight visits. I can't trust them (or, more specifically, one grandparent in particular in both sets) to follow my schedule and my *rules* (for lack of a better word). It is so stinkin' maddening, and it makes me ANGRY that I can't trust them to be *adults*!!! It makes me wonder what the eff happened to the parents I knew growing up?! *They* wouldn't do this crap! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1064067 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 08:27:31 +0000 mediagirl 1064067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: we got three first Christmas ornaments and proudly display them all! I had one made for her, my Mom gave her one and my SIL sent one. They're all wonderful. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1063163 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 18:00:24 +0000 autumn865 1063163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A family friend bought our LO her first Halloween costume. I was a little disappointed I didn't get to pick her first costume but at the same time I was tired and overwhelmed so appreciated the thought and gesture (DD was 6 weeks old around Halloween). About three different people bought her a "1st Christmas" ornament so I never got to buy that either. Our LO is the first born grandchild with over excited grandparents, what can I say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1063134 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 17:40:17 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1063134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: its annoying and I feel ya 100%. My philosophy is that its just a gift and it doesn't come with strings or conditions. Don't like it? Return or donate. Easy peasy!</p> <p>For Chloe's first Christmas, my MIL bought Chloe sentimental presents that had sentimental value from ME. It was awkward and uncomfortable. There was a song I always (and still do) sing to Chloe so she had a canvas print made with the lyrics. I felt like something of that nature should come from me, since the song was special between Chloe and I. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1063106 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 17:26:37 +0000 chopsuey 1063106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD got a trike before she turned one. She liked sitting in it and being pushed around.<br /> I love when family buys us gear/clothes. One less thing I need to buy/pay for! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1063061 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 17:06:11 +0000 HLK208 1063061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: haha MIL bought DS a tricycle for Christmas too! He wasn't even two. I was kind of sad because it was something special that I wanted to pick out. On the other hand, looking back, we were short on money and it was nice that I didn't have to buy one. I wonder if DH feels that way about my mom! She has bought B his first bike, a trampoline, a water slide...</p> <p>DH did speak up and told my mom he really wanted to be the one to pick out a power wheels for DS. She understood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1063006 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:39:15 +0000 AprilFool 1063006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL likes to surprise us with small gifts for LO and I do find it frustrating because they are never to my taste. The worst thing she buys things we already have or don't need (like a tummy time mat when we have 2 already and mine cost a whole lot more) and then constantly asks if we're using them and seems to be offended when we aren't!</p> <p>Since they have already bought the tricycle I would try and look at this situation a little differently. Yay! You just got out of buying a big ticket item. Can you ask them not to give it to him for Christmas but when you feel he is ready for it? When the time comes he is not going to care who bought it for him but who taught him to ride it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062666 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 14:30:33 +0000 googly-eyes 1062666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Yeah it was on my phone and I probably just didn't hit submit, oops. But I said maybe it was deleted because it occurred to me that I think I originally was going to say "I must sound like a big B..." without even realizing it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062661 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 14:29:29 +0000 shopaholic 1062661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: See... that would make me so sad. I'd rather not be told we were getting anything and then be surprised, than to be told I was getting something specific and have a switcheroo.</p> <p>We haven't really had this issue yet. Neither parents have bought any big ticket item, much less run it past us . My mom says I'm too picky to have her buy anything, so she just doesn't (or would rather give the $). I think it is sweet though. And grandparents can get excited about wanting to give the 1st something, even i you wanted to pick the 1st something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062597 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 14:08:15 +0000 Happygal 1062597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have children yet, but I hope I'll feel the same way as @PinkCupcake! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062585 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 14:03:49 +0000 Adira 1062585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: I completely understand! Doing stuff like that is just setting up SOMEONE for disappointment! Either your son is disappointed because he gets a gift you won't let him use, or they're disappointed because you tell them they can't give it to him, or you're disappointed because of the whole situation. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062537 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:45:59 +0000 pinkcupcake 1062537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally wouldn't be upset by this. I feel like the alternative - having grandparents who don't buy gifts, or perhaps aren't as interested in their grandchildren - is worse. I would graciously accept, and if I hated it that much, buy my kid the toy of my choice and put the other toy away, to be pulled out only when the grandparents are visiting. </p> <p>In my opinion, it's just a toy. I'd be grateful that my child has grandparents who love him/her and shower him/her with gifts, and leave it at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062524 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:41:04 +0000 honeybear 1062524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO's grandparents rarely ask what he'd like for Christmas/birthdays. I don't think gift-givers have an obligation to ask permission. However, I can see how if you'd discussed what you were going to get and then someone stole your thunder, that might be frustrating. But isn't the answer there to just not talk gifts with that person? </p> <p>I think the solution to an unwanted gift is a return or the Salvation Army. I've taken stuff to SA new with tags and they are overjoyed. Until age 3 or so it definitely isn't a big deal to let a child open a gift, take photos, write a thank you card, and then put it away 'for toy rotation' and never bring it back out. I would let someone else enjoy the trike and get the one you want when you want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062515 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:38:04 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 1062515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: See, that's how this all was brought up - the great grandparents want me to update the list for the kids on things to get them for the holidays/birthdays since 1) DS's birthday and Christmas are a month apart and DD's daughter is just a few months after and B) they (my ILs in general) like to buy gifts really way ahead. So I mean, I'm happy to make them lists and if they have questions, they're welcome to call me and ask me or email me!</p> <p>But when they just randomly pick something up and tell me they're going to give it to him for Christmas and if I don't want it, they'll give it to him at their house (when we go over there for Christmas) to keep at their house? It's just too much. </p> <p>@Adira: And if I try to tell them not to, they'll get in a huff. So there's no winning. Piss off my ILs further or upset my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062472 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:26:47 +0000 Arden 1062472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In some ways, yes.</p> <p>For instance, Vi has a Target wishlist for clothes. The IL's know this, they asked for the link and we sent it to them. </p> <p>Then we get a package in the mail with clothes, from Target... and not a single thing is from the wishlist. It's all things that I hate, that I told them I hate, like hot pink and creepy graphics. </p> <p>I mean, you were in the same stinkin store... you couldn't just get something we actually wanted? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062461 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:25:02 +0000 Adira 1062461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@owlmom: Yeah, but it's not like they're going to give it to @NaturallyCathy to let her decide when to give it to her son. They're going to wait to give it to her son so he gets all excited about it and then @NaturallyCathy will have to be the bad guy and say "Sorry DS, you can't use that yet! We'll keep it in storage for you for now!" and deal with the fall-out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062458 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:24:46 +0000 ALV91711 1062458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Things that they need to be ready to use or big ticket items should be ran by the parents first. I don't want people to buy us stuff we don't have room for or don't want our kid to have. </p> <p>DS is 5.5 months old and MIL bought a 2T Halloween costume. Well I probably won't use it but also what if he is never that size at Halloween. I think she can keep it at her house for dress up. I'm just glad she didn't buy something for this year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when/page/2#post-1062449 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:23:09 +0000 googly-eyes 1062449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: @looch: I can see that point of view too.. I guess to me it's like an assertion of control through things and money. Idk if that's the OP's case as well.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062438 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:21:10 +0000 mrbee 1062438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: Nope nothing was deleted... just checked the spam filter too and nothing there either! Maybe it wasn't submitted somehow? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062434 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:20:23 +0000 owlmom 1062434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Couldn't you just graciously accept the gift and then not use it? Or save it until you think he is ready for it. Just because they give it to you on Christmas doesn't mean your son has to use it that day if he isn't ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062430 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:19:33 +0000 DillonLion 1062430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This kind of stuff doesnt bug me. Saved me the hassle and expense of buying it myself. Now I can just go pick out something else instead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062428 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:19:05 +0000 looch 1062428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: maybe not, but it's a tricycle, not his first car. If you don't want him to have it, then don't let him have it. I don't see the BIG DEAL this is causing.</p> <p>I am just more relaxed about these things, probably because I have inlaws that are on the opposite of the spectrum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062422 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:17:10 +0000 Mrsbells 1062422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wouldnt really bother me because if I plan on getting a different one I would still go ahead and do so. I wanted to get my LO her first bible but then my MIL got one first and it has a nice page in front for writing who it is from etc.. it didnt bother me because its okay to have two bibles or two tricycles in your case,one from grandparents and one from mommy and daddy </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062420 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:17:05 +0000 googly-eyes 1062420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought I commented on this but maybe I used the B word and it got deleted..or maybe I just didn't submit..but anyway...</p> <p>I get it... I mean, for me it probably wouldn't be a tricycle that would irk me but there are certain things that people should run by the parents, like big toys where you'll have to take it away :( and milestone related things.</p> <p>MIL just ordered personalized bday favors for LOs bday using pics I specifically didn't say yes to when she asked (I suggested others) and I am not stoked about it..plus I even told her I wasn't sure I wanted to do that for favors anyway (my gentle way of saying no which apparently wasn't very effective.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062417 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:16:14 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 1062417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: That's not entirely fair. </p> <p>My MIL was discussing Christmas gifts for DS. She brought up a learning tower, asked my opinion. I was very positive. When she mentioned that she and FIL were looking at an Amish store, I mentioned that I knew where there were some instructions online. She asked me to send them to her. I did. She showed them to FIL. FIL thinks it'll be easy to build since he's already built DS a beautiful toy chest. They thanked me for saving them money and have offered to paint it any color I wan and make it collapsable. </p> <p>I'm more than willing to work with my ILs. I just son't like surprises, especially what I consider large ones. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062401 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:12:14 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 1062401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not in this situation yet..., but my neighbour has never bought her kids one toy because her ILs buy them too much. She has a room full of junk.. they just spoil them without asking what they might want. It's nice, but she'd rather they ask first, and save their money so she doesn't have one room overflowing with toys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062388 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:08:59 +0000 looch 1062388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents tag sale, so my son has a tricycle and a push style bike. They didn't ask me, they bought them and they keep them at their house.</p> <p>Is that an option for you? </p> <p>It seems like they can do no right by you though, so it probably doesn't matter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-it-ever-irk-you-when#post-1062381 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 13:06:43 +0000 Adira 1062381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: I think the other thing about the tricycle is that if you feel your son isn't ready for one, they are just putting you in the position to be "the bad guy" by giving him a gift that you then say he can't use! Or putting you in a position where you have to say "Don't give that to him for Christmas, I don't feel he's ready - hold onto it for another time" or something. The whole situation just puts YOU in a bad situation where you have to be the bad guy, either to them or your son! </p>