https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 03:15:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1458790 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 16:03:51 +0000 IRunForFun 1458790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is an ongoing "discussion" between us. We definitely both need to have a say because it affects our joint family. </p> <p>I feel very strongly that I want to be a SAHM when the time comes, and he feels very stressed out that the sole financial burden would fall on his shoulders. He says that even if we could make it work financially, it would still stress him out and possibly make him feel like the work load was uneven. </p> <p>However, with the salary I have now, we'd basically be paying for me to work, due to the costs of daycare. I also feel on a personal level that it's emotionally important to me to be home with my children until they are school-age. </p> <p>The kicker is, he agrees that he would rather have a parent home with the kids over sending them to daycare, but he can't really get past the idea that it would be me staying home. I think he actually wishes HE could stay home - which I would totally support, but he has more earning potential. </p> <p>As we plan to TTC in the coming months, we're trying to figure out a way for me to work part-time after kids. We both feel that would be a good "compromise" and are hopeful we'd be able to arrange schedules so I could work when he was home or we could leave the kid(s) with a relative for a few hours.</p> <p>So...as you can see, yes, we both need to have a say! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1458728 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 15:48:30 +0000 kml636 1458728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH has said it is my choice although he also makes it clear if I am a SAHM I need to seriously change my shopping/spending habits! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457735 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 11:09:22 +0000 Cherrybee 1457735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, absolutely. Compromise is something I'm very much working on because I'm a control freak and I like to make my own decisions.... but I do feel it is right that we make this decision jointly because our family finances affect everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457385 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 09:49:19 +0000 Rockies11 1457385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: mine too! DH thinks that his mom's staying at home was bad for them because she was a nut and always there, and also bad for his parents' marriage (they divorced when the kids were out of the home). </p> <p>I think that SAHM/WOHM is a huge financial decision and huge decision in terms of every aspect of running a household and that both parties should have equal say in it! I can't imagine that being a unilateral decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457340 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 09:38:08 +0000 yerpie110 1457340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He definitely has a say and both of our opinions were equally important to us. I couldn't imagine staying at home full time or working full time, and he fully supported my decision to work part time. My job is around 25 hours per week and it's the best world for me. I worked hard to be where I am at in my career and I love my job, but I also get to spend plenty of time with LO. I make almost double what DH does and we are thinking that in the future, with continued growth at my job, he might even be able to work part time as well. We'll see! Another decision that we'll make together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457208 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 08:59:20 +0000 X0X0X0 1457208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He definitely has a say. We both decided that we would make it work in order for me to be a SAHM or if I decided to WOHM </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457109 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 08:29:09 +0000 winniebee 1457109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He has a say in that I value his opinion and we talk about it. Could be demand that I do one or the other? No, and he wouldn't because he's not that type of person.</p> <p>I am at home right now because of our situation (living somewhere for a year). We are moving again in the summer and I don't think I will work while we get settled and hopefully have another baby. I think he would prefer me to go back to work after that. I don't know what I want yet. On the one had I have a career that I worked really hard for and am still laying off my law school loan! On the other hand my husband has a very inflexible demanding career so two working parents is rather difficult (I did work the first year of my sons life). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457051 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 07:41:36 +0000 bushelandapeck 1457051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a SAHM for 9 months and he never pressured me to go back to work, I wanted to. I'm able to work part time and that has been great for us. I can contribute to our retirement (something very important to DH) and still stay at home with LO the majority of the time. We haven't decided what we will do when LO#2 arrives. I would like to work but probably not for the first 6 months or so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457037 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 07:33:25 +0000 krispi 1457037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He gets a say because the budget and finances affect both of us.</p> <p>I felt like I could go either way - I can see the benefits of staying home and of working. Financially, we could make it work on just his salary. But I make decent money, have a fairly flexible job, and get great benefits. If I'm going to be a working mom, this is a great job for it. He prefers for me to work so that we have more of a financial cushion, so that's what we're planning. I think if I was in a different job where I made less money or didn't like my job, I would push more to stay home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457034 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 07:28:36 +0000 Dandelion 1457034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Of course he does! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457033 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 07:28:01 +0000 looch 1457033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: haha, I could have writtten your post! WHen I was at home with my son and in the depths of it, he actually came home one day and said "You need to get back to work." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1457031 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 07:25:58 +0000 SweetiePie 1457031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH prefers I work because he thinks it's better for me. But he's ok with me giving SAHM a try as long as I'm open to going back if it's not working. Financially we'd be fine, but emotionally, mentally, etc is what worries him. His mom was a SAHM and now a SAHW and she's a little nutty and he attributes it to that. He basically doesn't want me to be his mom, lol. I guess that's a good thing ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1456963 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 05:05:38 +0000 yin 1456963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before we were married he put family as a priority and wanted me to be a SAHM if it were financially possible for us. I never imagined it being possible and pushed aside the thought. Then I became pregnant, and we sat down to discuss our options. I was at a job I was unhappy with, no career path ahead of me and making so little. We decided it would be best for me to stay home, and that was the first time I really entertained the idea. 3 years later, and I'm really happy being a SAHM. There are some rough times and moments of feeling unappreciated by society in general, but it's so rewarding. Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I had a decent job prior and a good work experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1456960 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 04:35:01 +0000 sarac 1456960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Goodness, of course. We both wanted me to stay at home for a while, so we planned for that way in advance. He likes having me at home now because it makes our life so relaxed and easy, but he very much supports my desire to get back to work. He'd be sad if I wanted to put our daughter in daycare full time, but he'd want me to be happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455789 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 17:05:53 +0000 ElbieKay 1455789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: Of course people are entitled to change their minds, but if I felt strongly about being a WOHM and my fiance was completely opposed to that concept then it would make me question the wisdom of getting married. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455288 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 15:16:03 +0000 Ra 1455288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I don't agree. I had ZERO desire to be a SAHM before I had LO. I didn't even want to be a SAHM when I was pregnant. As an added measure, DH was adamantly against SAHMs prior to our son being born. I returned to work when DS was 7 weeks old and was miserable. I was working 60+ hour weeks and never had any time for my baby. We had many, many conversations about whether or not I should SAH. He was really reluctant at first but after careful consideration and budgeting he finally agreed to let me stay home for a year. Now, he sees the benefits and is all for me SAH until LO is in school.</p> <p>Sometimes you don't know what you want until you are in the moment. Not all of life's decisions can be made through hypothetical scenarios. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455275 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 15:13:55 +0000 bhbee 1455275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we talked it out together and were on the same page that going back full-time wasn't our preference (I ended up with a seasonal/part-time deal). </p> <p>I think he's a little torn now that he has a new job on the table where, with the move to a cheaper place, I can afford to stay home. he grew up with a SAHM so he likes the idea but he also likes the cash I can bring in and the cushion that gives us. I suspect in the end we will agree for me to stay home for a few years and then try to find ways to ease back in. he wouldn't be ok with me not working forever (given earning potential) and frankly neither would I. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455241 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 15:07:23 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 1455241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely! If DH said it was "okay," I would be SAHM mom right now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455237 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 15:06:29 +0000 teamjse 1455237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, we shared the decision, but ultimately, he just wanted me to be happy. I'm happy to be a WOHM. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455225 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 15:04:29 +0000 BKCaribBaby 1455225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I would have ever seriously dated a man who absolutely insisted that I be a SAHM. I agree with others that it should be a joint decision. That said, I think DH has been more inclined to think I should work, but he has always believed that I should choose ultimately and we would make whatever situation we choose work. If ever said that he thought that I should SAH, it be a very big decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455136 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 14:45:53 +0000 fussygal 1455136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally, I think it'd be odd if either of us made the decision independently. It has always been an open discussion and while we'd both love for me to be a full time SAHM, it just isn't in the financial cards for us at the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455047 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 14:25:50 +0000 pmerr 1455047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Neither of us, because I have the benefits/insurance, so I have to work. I would love to be a SAHM, but DH is a PT SAHD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1455012 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 14:18:55 +0000 illumina 1455012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We talked about this before we got married and I always said I hoped I'd be able to SAH and he supported that. We figured our timeline out so he'd be earning enough to support us before we TTC. I don't think he'd have an issue with me deciding to WOH though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1454979 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 14:14:40 +0000 Corduroy 1454979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was pretty adamant that I go back to work. He was raised by a WOHM that put down SAHMs to justify her personal choices. I hate that his view of SAHM is so colored by MIL's opinions but I know my view is shaped by my mom's SAHM's experiences. </p> <p>We agreed that I would try going back to work full time. I was ready to hate WOH but so far WOH has been working for the three of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1454949 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 14:11:48 +0000 workingmom 1454949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think both people should have a say in any major family decision, and this certainly qualifies! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1454572 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 13:25:16 +0000 Mae 1454572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we both have veto power on the SAHM thing. Like if either of us doesn't like it, I don't do it. I don't think it would be right for him to pressure me into doing it if I didn't want to. But I also don't think I have any right to push staying home if he doesn't want me to. Having me SAH would be an incredible financial burden on him/us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1454568 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 13:25:00 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1454568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He does have a say. A big say.</p> <p>We both are obviously invested in our parenting goals and also heavily invested in our financial situations, so we can to the agreement that it was best he work and I stay home because we can afford it and because we want LO to be brought up (until kindergarten) with a SAHM.<br /> That being said, I am in school as well which keeps me very busy, so that'd played a factor too. It def wasn't all MY decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1454545 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 13:22:25 +0000 travelgirl1 1454545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah we both had equal say, I think. We both wanted me to be à SAHM and I was for a year but now I WOTH but take LO with me so I kind of get to be both and both DH and I are very happy with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1454536 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 13:21:07 +0000 AmandaB8 1454536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both have a say, but ultimately the decision is mine. </p> <p>However, I would go stir-crazy not working. It's really rough for me to not be in a career setting. Plus, we couldn't afford it :p </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-dh-have-a-say-in-being-a-sahm-or-wohm/page/2#post-1454522 Thu, 27 Feb 2014 13:18:01 +0000 cyndistar3 1454522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dh definitely has a say in that desision, thankfully we are on the same page with it being better for our family for me to stay home. </p>